He needs counseling and the marriage counseling will take time. The suggestion I have for both is you need an experienced christian counselor or you won't get anywhere. Shopping for a counselor is more important than a car. It will have a far bigger impact on money and time spent.
He is probably either depressed or anxious. They go together a lot and I have a history of both. The only reason i've gotten out of bed or not threatened suicide is because I know what I need to do and know it's not healthy behavior. It's totally overwhelming if you don't have control of it. Marriage is unfortunately a poor place to fix it.
I agree 100% with chosenone.
As a man who has totally changed his perspective, it often takes a make or break moment. For me it was separation and counseling. If it's possible to do without separation, do it. I know you have already done a separation.
I wish I had more wisdom on this. Really, only God and your husband can fix this. If you are not on your knees praying hard, then I doubt there will be a significant change. Stuff like this brings us to our knees and in total reliance on God where we should have been before this all happened. God's ways and thoughts are not our own. There may be a great blessing in your future that comes from this.
You can however show tough love like you would to a child acting like this (your husband is acting like a child).
The resentment can and will fade if stuff gets fixed. I know you are close to done, but a year or two from now you may not even remember the resentment.
Lastly, I have to suggest you read "sacred marriage". To me it totally changed my perspective on my life and marriage. Your husband is a broken child of God. You need to protect and lift him up out of this if you can. If he wakes up, he will truly appreciate your long suffering love.
Blessings. Pray hard. Read James and 1 Peter if you haven't recently. They are short.
Two verses to leave you with.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (read the whole chapter)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
2 Peter 3:8-9
8 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
unfortunately, it may take another year for your husband to wake up, and you might have to suffer through that. However, hold tight to biblical principals, and God will bless you. Your husband needs to wake up to repentance and you are his direct witness. You might have to be a rock while the world washes over him and overwhelms him. You sounds like a strong (although currently overwhelmed) and capable woman. You can do its.
Edit: nevermind, your inbox if full. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/28011-apathetic-husband-too-long.html
I consider dedicated2her a friend and was previously the man your husband was. Powerbane is also a good christian man.
I like those forums because its where I started, but I have since learned that much of the secular advise is wrong or contains hints of truth surrounded by selfishness. However, the forums get a lot of traffic. You could probably find 20 stories very similar to your own if you dug enough.