Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew

[Moonbeam]

I just read the article about ten things husbands wish their wives knew (http://www.gracecentered.com/what_men_wish_women_knew_about_men.htm). I reworked it to show ten things wives wish their husbands knew.

1.   Women would rather feel loved than to be respected. Men often do things like buy flowers or candy or even take out the garbage, all of which are nice but not what women really need. Women need to know that their husband loves them enough to lay down his life for them. If they see him spend money on a motorcycle when they need their teeth cleaned or new glasses, a few flowers every now and then and taking out the garbage don’t make them feel loved. They need a man to sacrifice his own wants for their needs.
 
2.   A woman’s anger is often a response to feeling unloved by her husband. When a woman becomes angry with her husband, she may not come out and say, “You don’t love me!” But, there is a good likelihood that she is feeling stung by something her husband has done which she considers to be an unloving and thoughtless act.

3.   Women are insecure. Women are afraid that they aren’t beautiful enough—that their face is not pretty enough or they are too fat or too thin or too underdeveloped or too overdeveloped. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To women, affirmation from their husbands is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation from their husbands, they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their husbands (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives. This means they will give their husbands the respect that their husbands crave.

4.   Women feel the burden of being the one to keep the household running smoothly for their family. Anytime something is out of place or can’t be found, a wife feels that it’s her fault. If the children are dirty or whiny, the wife feels responsible. Even if she works outside the home just like her husband does, she still feels this responsibility. While husbands cannot release their wives from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement, and support.

5.   Women want more sex AND affection. No, men do not want sex more than women do. That is what men say. But how could they possibly know? Men think that if they say, “Hey, baby, let’s get it on,” a woman should be ready. Women are not wired like men. But if women are given the affection they need, they will be just as desirous of sex as men are. Part of the reason women want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their husbands. Women simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a woman’s sense of feeling loved and desired. And, remember, a man prefers respect over being loved. So it is more critical for the woman to feel loved than it is the man.

6.   Sex means more than sex. When women feel their husbands desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of their lives. The flip side of this coin also carries a profoundly negative effect. When a wife feels rejected sexually, she not only feels her husband is rejecting her physically, but that he is somehow rejecting her life as a wife, homemaker, and woman. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!

7.   Women struggle with emotional temptation. This means the vast majority of women respond to kindness and affection when it comes to men. And, this doesn’t just mean the women with wandering eyes. Even the most godly wife cannot avoid noticing a man who treats her gently and tenderly. Even if it is just a kind word, these good feelings produced in her are stored away in the female heart as a sort of “emotional rolodex” that will reappear without any warning. Women can choose whether to dwell on these thoughts and memories or dismiss them, but they can’t control when these feelings appear.

8.   Women enjoy sex, but doubt their skills to be a good sexual partner. True, many women appear to be strong and confident in this area, but it doesn’t mean that they really are that way! Women want to be an enormous turn-on to their husband, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Men can do a great deal to increase their wives’ confidence in their sexual skills through encouragement and redefining what sex looks like. For example, a husband may balk when his wife asks him to look at her naked body and tell her what he likes or to give positive feedback when she tries something new sexually, but it’s likely that she’s asking because she very much wants to be pleasing to him and is afraid she is not and needs him to help her know that she is. If she tries something new and says, “What did you think about that?” and he responds, “Oh, it was okay,” she is not likely to try anything new again.

9.   Women care about their husband’s behavior. This isn’t saying that all women want their husbands always to know the right thing to say or exactly how to act. What women really want is to know that their husbands are making an effort to take care of their crude tendencies (and not let themselves go) because it matters to them (the wives!) and to act like a decent human being in front of the wives’ family, friends, and acquaintances. Wives appreciate the efforts their husbands make to maintain their decent behavior. They feel disrespected and unloved if their husbands sit and clip their toenails in front of company or pee off the front porch in broad daylight.

10.   Women want their husbands to know how much they need his love. Women aren’t confident in their ability to express this, because it leaves them feeling vulnerable. But more than anything in the world they need to know that their husbands truly love them. Women want their husbands to show them how much they love them. Without this, no wife can be a happy wife.

[UtahDad]

Not bad, how about a link to the original article so I can save them both?  Thanks.

[Moonbeam]

That's a good idea. Thank you! I added the link as you suggested.

[UtahDad]

That's a good idea. Thank you! I added the link as you suggested.

 

Thanks

[walker starr]

     I read and understand.  However If a man is buying flowers for his wife when she needs dental work and he does not know of her need because she did not tell him whose fault is it if he keeps on buying flowers.  When one of my wives told me she needed something I bought it and I still took her the flowers.  GOD Bless.
                                                                                            Walker        

[Moonbeam]

Oh, I agree, a wife definitely needs to let her husband know what she needs!

[yesult]

Wow moonbeam, great post - thank you very much. I'd agree overall  (except the trying something new sexually bit).

Very insightful.

I've got the book mentioned in the original post (and the companion book) and that's a really excellent addition.

Men seem to ask so often why women turn out the lights and feel uncomfortable with their husbands seeing them naked, but don't make the connection on how insecure women can be in this area and how much they can need affirmation (and not being compared to anyone else.)  
It's like - a wife feeling loved and beautiful = more sex for you.  I just don't get why so many men have to ask.


PS. And all a man has to do is deliberatly (or even kind of deliberatly) look at porn once or some woman with it hanging out on tv and he's just sent the message that no, his wife really isn't good enough, that's why he has to look. How many men just don't do that?

All it takes for a woman is to look at the neighbour across the road, his job, his career, his nicer house, his better car, his wives clothes whatever and dwell on it, and a husband isn't likely to ever forget it because she's just sent the message that no matter how hard he tries, he isn't good enough, which is why she's looking. (I assume that's a good comparison anyway.)

When you look at porn you basically tell your wife that she's a failure. That you've had all she has to give and it isn't enough. No wonder so many women are insecure about their bodies and their desirability in bed.

[Moonbeam]

Great comments, Yesult! Thank you! I particularly appreciated your comments about porn.

One thing I didn't understand. You said you agreed with everything except this: For example, a husband may balk when his wife asks him to look at her naked body and tell him what he likes or to give positive feedback when she tries something new sexually, but it’s likely that she’s asking because she very much wants to be pleasing to him and is afraid she is not and needs him to help her know that she is.

Can you tell me what you disagree about in this?

Thanks!

[yesult]

Surely. By 'something new', I thought you might be referring to oral or anal sex or something along those lines. That's what most people seem to be referring to when they talk about trying out new things sexually - but I didn't want to put words in your mouth either.
Should have clarified it, sorry. (Just didn't want to imply that you were saying things that you wern't.)

[Moonbeam]

Oh, okay. Thank you for explaining.

[BAH-BLAH]

Its all great.

But

Contrary to conventional wisdom....and maybe fantasy created by books and movies...men will not know what to do when most of the time unless they are told...not hinted, not manipulated....told. Why? Well we dont communicate that way for the most part (and there is nothing WRONG with how we communicate, just different) so if there is something you want or need....tell us....clearly....and watch the degree of pleasure and pride a man will have in serving you in an area he KNOWS you want service.

The need for feeling loved is just not specific enough for men to get. Thats why you may keep getting flowers when you crave some other expression, and its even why men take the butt of jokes about their silly attempts to serve. Those jokes arent fair, and the men WANT to do these things as bad as you want them done. JUST TELL HIM.

if you dont tell him, dont complain later. If you daily have very different needs and expectations, and his efforts stay constant and they dont meet the changing needs.....he is doing nothing wrong, he is trying. And he should be appreciated for it.

This list is awesome, but it leaves off the fact that the goal post never sits still long enough to score. (not meaning "score"....in a humina humina way)

[Moonbeam]

Yes, Bah-Blah, you would think that telling a man what you want would cause him to do it.  But it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the thing you tell a man is the very thing he refuses to do. He wants you to be happy with what  HE does and so he refuses to give you what you want because--well, honestly, I can't figure it out, so I don't know WHY. But not all men will do what you want just because you tell them you want it. Trust me on this.

[son of God]

Sorry, but I don't know what you mean by "humina humina".  Clueless on it.

[yesult]

Your observations are really deep moonbeam. I've been interested in this subject for a while and that emotional rollerdex point really clicked a lightbulb on for me.

Good stuff (keep at it - if you can pull things like this out of the hat so concisely, I'd love to hear what other observations you have to share on this topic.)

[Moonbeam]

I appreciate your kind words, Yesult. But, really, I just took the article and changed what the person said to the view of a woman. I don't want to take credit for something I didn't do.