Author Topic: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew  (Read 34667 times)

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Offline Moonbeam

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Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 - 12:40:34 »
I just read the article about ten things husbands wish their wives knew (http://www.gracecentered.com/what_men_wish_women_knew_about_men.htm). I reworked it to show ten things wives wish their husbands knew.

1.   Women would rather feel loved than to be respected. Men often do things like buy flowers or candy or even take out the garbage, all of which are nice but not what women really need. Women need to know that their husband loves them enough to lay down his life for them. If they see him spend money on a motorcycle when they need their teeth cleaned or new glasses, a few flowers every now and then and taking out the garbage don’t make them feel loved. They need a man to sacrifice his own wants for their needs.
 
2.   A woman’s anger is often a response to feeling unloved by her husband. When a woman becomes angry with her husband, she may not come out and say, “You don’t love me!
« Last Edit: Thu Oct 01, 2009 - 23:59:57 by admin »

UtahDad

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #1 on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 - 14:58:42 »
Not bad, how about a link to the original article so I can save them both?  Thanks.

Offline Moonbeam

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #2 on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 - 17:30:51 »
That's a good idea. Thank you! I added the link as you suggested.

UtahDad

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #3 on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 - 18:07:00 »
That's a good idea. Thank you! I added the link as you suggested.

 ::preachit::

Thanks

Offline walker starr

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #4 on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 - 19:18:48 »
     I read and understand.  However If a man is buying flowers for his wife when she needs dental work and he does not know of her need because she did not tell him whose fault is it if he keeps on buying flowers.  When one of my wives told me she needed something I bought it and I still took her the flowers.  GOD Bless.
                                                                                            Walker         ::smile::
« Last Edit: Tue Sep 29, 2009 - 15:48:30 by walker starr »

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #4 on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 - 19:18:48 »

Offline Moonbeam

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #5 on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 - 19:20:57 »
Oh, I agree, a wife definitely needs to let her husband know what she needs!

Offline yesult

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #6 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 10:26:24 »
Wow moonbeam, great post - thank you very much. I'd agree overall  (except the trying something new sexually bit).

Very insightful.

I've got the book mentioned in the original post (and the companion book) and that's a really excellent addition.

Men seem to ask so often why women turn out the lights and feel uncomfortable with their husbands seeing them naked, but don't make the connection on how insecure women can be in this area and how much they can need affirmation (and not being compared to anyone else.)  
It's like - a wife feeling loved and beautiful = more sex for you.  I just don't get why so many men have to ask.


PS. And all a man has to do is deliberatly (or even kind of deliberatly) look at porn once or some woman with it hanging out on tv and he's just sent the message that no, his wife really isn't good enough, that's why he has to look. How many men just don't do that?

All it takes for a woman is to look at the neighbour across the road, his job, his career, his nicer house, his better car, his wives clothes whatever and dwell on it, and a husband isn't likely to ever forget it because she's just sent the message that no matter how hard he tries, he isn't good enough, which is why she's looking. (I assume that's a good comparison anyway.)

When you look at porn you basically tell your wife that she's a failure. That you've had all she has to give and it isn't enough. No wonder so many women are insecure about their bodies and their desirability in bed.

« Last Edit: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 10:36:20 by yesult »

Offline Moonbeam

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #7 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 10:39:24 »
Great comments, Yesult! Thank you! I particularly appreciated your comments about porn.

One thing I didn't understand. You said you agreed with everything except this: For example, a husband may balk when his wife asks him to look at her naked body and tell him what he likes or to give positive feedback when she tries something new sexually, but it’s likely that she’s asking because she very much wants to be pleasing to him and is afraid she is not and needs him to help her know that she is.

Can you tell me what you disagree about in this?

Thanks!

Offline yesult

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #8 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 11:53:46 »
Surely. By 'something new', I thought you might be referring to oral or anal sex or something along those lines. That's what most people seem to be referring to when they talk about trying out new things sexually - but I didn't want to put words in your mouth either.
Should have clarified it, sorry. (Just didn't want to imply that you were saying things that you wern't.)


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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #8 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 11:53:46 »

Offline Moonbeam

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #9 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 11:54:55 »
Oh, okay. Thank you for explaining.

Offline BAH-BLAH

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #10 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 15:49:27 »
Its all great.

But

Contrary to conventional wisdom....and maybe fantasy created by books and movies...men will not know what to do when most of the time unless they are told...not hinted, not manipulated....told. Why? Well we dont communicate that way for the most part (and there is nothing WRONG with how we communicate, just different) so if there is something you want or need....tell us....clearly....and watch the degree of pleasure and pride a man will have in serving you in an area he KNOWS you want service.

The need for feeling loved is just not specific enough for men to get. Thats why you may keep getting flowers when you crave some other expression, and its even why men take the butt of jokes about their silly attempts to serve. Those jokes arent fair, and the men WANT to do these things as bad as you want them done. JUST TELL HIM.

if you dont tell him, dont complain later. If you daily have very different needs and expectations, and his efforts stay constant and they dont meet the changing needs.....he is doing nothing wrong, he is trying. And he should be appreciated for it.

This list is awesome, but it leaves off the fact that the goal post never sits still long enough to score. (not meaning "score"....in a humina humina way)

Offline Moonbeam

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #11 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 16:03:10 »
Yes, Bah-Blah, you would think that telling a man what you want would cause him to do it.  But it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the thing you tell a man is the very thing he refuses to do. He wants you to be happy with what  HE does and so he refuses to give you what you want because--well, honestly, I can't figure it out, so I don't know WHY. But not all men will do what you want just because you tell them you want it. Trust me on this.

son of God

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #12 on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 - 16:07:41 »
Sorry, but I don't know what you mean by "humina humina".  Clueless on it.


Offline yesult

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #13 on: Tue Sep 29, 2009 - 11:55:49 »
Your observations are really deep moonbeam. I've been interested in this subject for a while and that emotional rollerdex point really clicked a lightbulb on for me.

Good stuff (keep at it - if you can pull things like this out of the hat so concisely, I'd love to hear what other observations you have to share on this topic.)

Offline Moonbeam

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #14 on: Tue Sep 29, 2009 - 12:07:04 »
I appreciate your kind words, Yesult. But, really, I just took the article and changed what the person said to the view of a woman. I don't want to take credit for something I didn't do.

Offline phoebe

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #15 on: Tue Sep 29, 2009 - 15:09:22 »
 ::pondering::   What "SOME" Wives/Husbands Wish...


Offline yesult

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #16 on: Wed Sep 30, 2009 - 13:19:53 »
I appreciate your kind words, Yesult. But, really, I just took the article and changed what the person said to the view of a woman. I don't want to take credit for something I didn't do.

Well whatever you did, it was very insightful and appreciated. Thank you.

(I've read a stash of these kinds of books, and it was nice to hear some more original stuff to add to the whole topic.)

Offline Bon Voyage

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #17 on: Sat Jan 09, 2010 - 21:29:39 »
::pondering::   What "SOME" Wives/Husbands Wish...



SOME is a key word.

Offline Ben

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #18 on: Tue Jan 12, 2010 - 15:10:15 »
I don't think anyone can write a "10 Things...." article and have it be 100% right for every woman all the time.  My wife was sexually abused as a young girl by an uncle and she has never recovered fully from that.  A former pastor's wife of mine was raped as a teen and has never fully recovered from that.  Every woman is different because God doesn't clone anyone.  Yes some things may be the same some of the time but not all the time.  This is even true with men.  Not all of us think about sex 24-7-365 & 1/4 like some would have us believe.

Ben

Offline landschooner

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #19 on: Tue Jan 19, 2010 - 18:05:20 »
Good Post!

just a friendly disagreement : ) Can't say I agree that women want sex as much as men....this just seems to fly in the face of human experience....and my experience.

If you say you say you like to eat Alaskan King Crab (my favorite), but you have a list 5 pages long with prerequisites that must be met BEFORE you will eat Alaskan King Crab; the style of restaurant,  the time of day, the music, the neighborhood, the company, the day of the week and you will go without eating Alaskan King Crab for weeks or months UNTIL all these pre-reqs are met......

...well, I LOVE Alaskan King Crab. I will eat it anywhere. At a cheap buffet, or at the Chart House or at the Hyatt Regency or at CoCos. I'll cook it myself for dinner...... I'll eat it in a box, or with a fox, or in a house or with a mouse. I'll eat it here or there, I'll eat it anywhere.

Why? Because I want to eat Alaskan King Crab more than you do.


Offline Mere Nick

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #20 on: Wed Jan 20, 2010 - 11:30:07 »
Yes, Bah-Blah, you would think that telling a man what you want would cause him to do it.  But it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the thing you tell a man is the very thing he refuses to do. He wants you to be happy with what  HE does and so he refuses to give you what you want because--well, honestly, I can't figure it out, so I don't know WHY. But not all men will do what you want just because you tell them you want it. Trust me on this.

No, it might not always work but it sure beats the alternative approach.

Offline BAH-BLAH

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #21 on: Wed Jan 20, 2010 - 13:09:28 »
Why is "not all men/women are like that" seen as something profound and as contributing to the topic? I know that sounds snarky...sorry....but folks start talking about something that, just lets say affects 85% of us, and sure as nuthin someone says "ya cant cookie cutter things not everyone is like that"......well OK........now what? We all shut up about the topic that IS affecting US because YOU are the exception?


This is a forum, a group of random folks. Societal norms usually apply. One societal norm is that most men have the higher sex drive, or most sexual issues in marriages are where a man is unhappy with frequency. Not ALL..........MOST. No one said ALL. No one even SAID most.

No one said the list applies to ALL women, or that everything ON the list applies to ANY ONE woman. Its a concept....a general topic in a diverse group of people. Invariably though, the majority must stop, and bow to the exception guiltily, and wander back away from the water coller to our offices muttering sheesh sor-ry.

Offline landschooner

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #22 on: Wed Jan 20, 2010 - 18:19:50 »
Generalization is the basis of wisdom. Without it, there can be no wisdom. How did Solomon KNOW that the true mother would choose LIFE for her child? He DIDN'T know for sure. But he knew that in GENERAL a true mother will choose life for her child.

Of course we are not robots, but our gender differences lend themselves to certain propensities. Some of our differences make certain areas more or less difficult for us.

Sexual refusal "tends" to be more common in women. They don't "tend" to be as urged on by their biology to mate as men are.

Men can tend to be less compassionate and dismissive of others feelings. That's why they are instructed to love and be understanding and not to be harsh with our wives. To refrain from provoking our children. etc.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Colossians 3:19-21 (English Standard Version)


Offline Hot Ice

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #23 on: Wed Jan 20, 2010 - 18:51:20 »
Generalization is the basis of wisdom. Without it, there can be no wisdom. How did Solomon KNOW that the true mother would choose LIFE for her child? He DIDN'T know for sure. But he knew that in GENERAL a true mother will choose life for her child.

Of course we are not robots, but our gender differences lend themselves to certain propensities. Some of our differences make certain areas more or less difficult for us.

Sexual refusal "tends" to be more common in women. They don't "tend" to be as urged on by their biology to mate as men are.

Men can tend to be less compassionate and dismissive of others feelings. That's why they are instructed to love and be understanding and not to be harsh with our wives. To refrain from provoking our children. etc.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Colossians 3:19-21 (English Standard Version)


Generalization is the basis?  Not the fear of the Lord?

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #24 on: Wed Jan 20, 2010 - 18:52:14 »
Look what all people do with generalizations when the Holy Spirit is not in control..........dangerous.

Offline landschooner

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #25 on: Wed Jan 20, 2010 - 19:23:35 »



[/quote]Generalization is the basis?  Not the fear of the Lord?
[/quote]

Very good point. I'll say its a major basis.

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #26 on: Thu Jan 21, 2010 - 16:56:36 »



Generalization is the basis?  Not the fear of the Lord?
[/quote]

Very good point. I'll say its a major basis.
[/quote]I think I can see what you mean, now.

Offline BAH-BLAH

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #27 on: Thu Jan 21, 2010 - 19:01:47 »
Look what all people do with generalizations when the Holy Spirit is not in control..........dangerous.

I have to say, I agree, generalization IS a very important thought mechanism. Maybe wisdom is the wrong word....but it is an essential tool for daily decisions, for thumbs up or down kinda things that must be quickly decided. I always put wisdom as basis for more longer term over arching decsions, like who to marry or similar...but daily when presented rapid fire with yea or nay things....oh yea, we MUST use generalizations...which by definition are based in statistics, even if we do not know them.

Then someone says and have it be 100% right for every woman all the time"

OF COURSE is isnt.

Thats like saying "the ten commandments dont need to be said to everyone all the time"....sheesh what is it with the ALL comments?

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #28 on: Fri Jan 22, 2010 - 20:38:18 »
Look what all people do with generalizations when the Holy Spirit is not in control..........dangerous.

I have to say, I agree, generalization IS a very important thought mechanism. Maybe wisdom is the wrong word....but it is an essential tool for daily decisions, for thumbs up or down kinda things that must be quickly decided. I always put wisdom as basis for more longer term over arching decsions, like who to marry or similar...but daily when presented rapid fire with yea or nay things....oh yea, we MUST use generalizations...which by definition are based in statistics, even if we do not know them.

Then someone says and have it be 100% right for every woman all the time"

OF COURSE is isnt.

Thats like saying "the ten commandments dont need to be said to everyone all the time"....sheesh what is it with the ALL comments?
What I'm sure you would also agree with, though, is something that I see many REFUSING to confront:  generalizations should be left out of the final truth category.  That is to say that after making a decision based upon a generalization, one shouldn't just shut down operations, declaring "I have the truth; no more need to pay attention, unless forced by evidence.  When encountering such evidence, I'll declare it an 'exception', therefore reinforcing my right to lay this generalization upon the head of an entire sample group!"

That's what gets done in men/women, husband/wife conversation so much --it BURNS me.

Offline landschooner

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #29 on: Mon Jan 25, 2010 - 21:54:38 »
Look what all people do with generalizations when the Holy Spirit is not in control..........dangerous.

I have to say, I agree, generalization IS a very important thought mechanism. Maybe wisdom is the wrong word....but it is an essential tool for daily decisions, for thumbs up or down kinda things that must be quickly decided. I always put wisdom as basis for more longer term over arching decsions, like who to marry or similar...but daily when presented rapid fire with yea or nay things....oh yea, we MUST use generalizations...which by definition are based in statistics, even if we do not know them.

Then someone says and have it be 100% right for every woman all the time"

OF COURSE is isnt.

Thats like saying "the ten commandments dont need to be said to everyone all the time"....sheesh what is it with the ALL comments?
What I'm sure you would also agree with, though, is something that I see many REFUSING to confront:  generalizations should be left out of the final truth category.  That is to say that after making a decision based upon a generalization, one shouldn't just shut down operations, declaring "I have the truth; no more need to pay attention, unless forced by evidence.  When encountering such evidence, I'll declare it an 'exception', therefore reinforcing my right to lay this generalization upon the head of an entire sample group!"

That's what gets done in men/women, husband/wife conversation so much --it BURNS me.

Certainly. given specific information about a particular individual one must go with the specific information.

A benign example: if I was hosting a mens group get together at my house, and I needed to select what should be on the TV in the TV room, a safe bet would be whatever game happened to be playing. Now, I don't watch sports, but most guys do. I will have the game playing on the TV so that someone who is uncomfortable can sit in there and at least he can chat with some other guys about the game and perhaps build friendships that way.

If I knew specifically that none of the guys watched sports (not likely) then I'd put on the History Channel (my preference)

less benign example - Most women want to feel "connected" with their husbands relationally before wanting sex.  This is true for my wife and for MANY if not MOST women - this is what I've been taught and what I've read women express in their own writings. Its good advice to give to men. If your wife isn't wanting to have sex with you AND complains about feeling "disconnected" or feeling "used", you'd probably better look at meeting her connectedness needs. Now, is this true for ALL women. No. But for the guy who hadn't thought of it before, thsi si a good starting place. (Since, "most" men DON'T need to feel "connected" to their wives to want sex, they may not think of this or they may not HEAR it even though their wives tell them this.......because "most" men will probably NOT feel connected to their wives UNTIL they have regular sex with her.)

That's how I think generalities help. They can be a guide and barring more specific information, that may be all that you have. The common response to this is "Then they need to learn to communicate better!" - True, but they DON'T communicate well,(and sometimes one gender's CLEAR communication is the other gender's foreign language.) so while they are working on communicating better,  learning how men/women behave "in general" can be helpful.

Another thing that spouse's do is that they won't believe what their spouse is saying. I don't mean consciously disbelieve, but they will automatically "dismiss" things. Like some women will inherently dismiss their husband's expressed frustration at the lack of sex in their marriage.(My wife has done this for years) They will dismiss the need because they don't feel it nearly as strongly (some do of course) It is helpful or at least eye-opening to hear a third party that they respect tell them that for men (in general), sex only once a month will make for a miserable marriage experience (FOR HIM.)

Anyway, that's my general feeling on generalities because, overall, in general, I find them helpful for the most part most of the time : )

LS

Offline Tandemlady

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #30 on: Thu Jan 28, 2010 - 18:29:39 »
Look what all people do with generalizations when the Holy Spirit is not in control..........dangerous.

I have to say, I agree, generalization IS a very important thought mechanism. Maybe wisdom is the wrong word....but it is an essential tool for daily decisions, for thumbs up or down kinda things that must be quickly decided. I always put wisdom as basis for more longer term over arching decsions, like who to marry or similar...but daily when presented rapid fire with yea or nay things....oh yea, we MUST use generalizations...which by definition are based in statistics, even if we do not know them.

Then someone says and have it be 100% right for every woman all the time"

OF COURSE is isnt.

Thats like saying "the ten commandments dont need to be said to everyone all the time"....sheesh what is it with the ALL comments?
What I'm sure you would also agree with, though, is something that I see many REFUSING to confront:  generalizations should be left out of the final truth category.  That is to say that after making a decision based upon a generalization, one shouldn't just shut down operations, declaring "I have the truth; no more need to pay attention, unless forced by evidence.  When encountering such evidence, I'll declare it an 'exception', therefore reinforcing my right to lay this generalization upon the head of an entire sample group!"

That's what gets done in men/women, husband/wife conversation so much --it BURNS me.

Certainly. given specific information about a particular individual one must go with the specific information.

A benign example: if I was hosting a mens group get together at my house, and I needed to select what should be on the TV in the TV room, a safe bet would be whatever game happened to be playing. Now, I don't watch sports, but most guys do. I will have the game playing on the TV so that someone who is uncomfortable can sit in there and at least he can chat with some other guys about the game and perhaps build friendships that way.

If I knew specifically that none of the guys watched sports (not likely) then I'd put on the History Channel (my preference)

less benign example - Most women want to feel "connected" with their husbands relationally before wanting sex.  This is true for my wife and for MANY if not MOST women - this is what I've been taught and what I've read women express in their own writings. Its good advice to give to men. If your wife isn't wanting to have sex with you AND complains about feeling "disconnected" or feeling "used", you'd probably better look at meeting her connectedness needs. Now, is this true for ALL women. No. But for the guy who hadn't thought of it before, thsi si a good starting place. (Since, "most" men DON'T need to feel "connected" to their wives to want sex, they may not think of this or they may not HEAR it even though their wives tell them this.......because "most" men will probably NOT feel connected to their wives UNTIL they have regular sex with her.)

That's how I think generalities help. They can be a guide and barring more specific information, that may be all that you have. The common response to this is "Then they need to learn to communicate better!" - True, but they DON'T communicate well,(and sometimes one gender's CLEAR communication is the other gender's foreign language.) so while they are working on communicating better,  learning how men/women behave "in general" can be helpful.

Another thing that spouse's do is that they won't believe what their spouse is saying. I don't mean consciously disbelieve, but they will automatically "dismiss" things. Like some women will inherently dismiss their husband's expressed frustration at the lack of sex in their marriage.(My wife has done this for years) They will dismiss the need because they don't feel it nearly as strongly (some do of course) It is helpful or at least eye-opening to hear a third party that they respect tell them that for men (in general), sex only once a month will make for a miserable marriage experience (FOR HIM.)

Anyway, that's my general feeling on generalities because, overall, in general, I find them helpful for the most part most of the time : )

LS

LS, you said "sex only once a month will make for a miserable marriage experience (FOR HIM.)"---well, when the wife has a higher sex drive/higher "need" for physical intimacy---sex only once a month will make for a miserable marriage experience FOR HER!

I DO think you were "spot-on" when you said,  "'Most' men will probably NOT feel connected to their wives UNTIL they have regular sex with her.

What if he has no desire to feel "connected" to her?  What if he says he "feels connected" to her by just being the in the same house with her---doing activities with her--or, just being in the same general vacinity as she is? 

See, women can experience the same feelings of rejection/loneliness/inadequacy/frustration that men do!

Regarding "generalizations"---they are okay as long as everyone KNOWSand REMEMBERS that there ARE exceptions----and does not dismiss those who need to tell their stories of "exceptions".  Sometimes just talking about it make it seem better---and that you know you're not alone.

Blessings!
Tandemlady

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #31 on: Thu Jan 28, 2010 - 18:42:36 »
What happens almost every time that somebody relates to a specific person through a generalization is that they miss the person.  There are generalizations being given out on the instructional level in marriage counseling sessions all over the place that are not helping at all.  you MUST deal with the specific person in front of you.

Offline landschooner

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #32 on: Thu Jan 28, 2010 - 21:53:47 »
LS, you said "sex only once a month will make for a miserable marriage experience (FOR HIM.)"---well, when the wife has a higher sex drive/higher "need" for physical intimacy---sex only once a month will make for a miserable marriage experience FOR HER!

I DO think you were "spot-on" when you said,  "'Most' men will probably NOT feel connected to their wives UNTIL they have regular sex with her.

What if he has no desire to feel "connected" to her?  What if he says he "feels connected" to her by just being the in the same house with her---doing activities with her--or, just being in the same general vacinity as she is?  

See, women can experience the same feelings of rejection/loneliness/inadequacy/frustration that men do!

Regarding "generalizations"---they are okay as long as everyone KNOWSand REMEMBERS that there ARE exceptions----and does not dismiss those who need to tell their stories of "exceptions".  Sometimes just talking about it make it seem better---and that you know you're not alone.

Blessings!
Tandemlady


I agree with your entire post : )

I've read posts from wives lamenting their husband's lack of libido. Women who are in excruciating pain from the sexual rejection. It's just that these situations aren't as common.

LS

Offline poohgirl

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #33 on: Thu Jan 28, 2010 - 22:03:47 »
I don't think anyone can write a "10 Things...." article and have it be 100% right for every woman all the time.  My wife was sexually abused as a young girl by an uncle and she has never recovered fully from that.  A former pastor's wife of mine was raped as a teen and has never fully recovered from that.  Every woman is different because God doesn't clone anyone.  Yes some things may be the same some of the time but not all the time.  This is even true with men.  Not all of us think about sex 24-7-365 & 1/4 like some would have us believe.

Ben

I think your right on.  I have found that to be pretty true that not all men think about sex 24/7 and not all women lack a strong desire for sex either.  Some women are told to chill out when it comes to sex.  Not all women like crafts and not all men like watching sports or hunting.  I love football  and some male friends we know could care less about it.   A few Sundays ago after church we were seated at Fridays at a table right near the TV screens and I couldn't help but get distracted by the football game playing.  Actually I was pretty excited to have those big flat  screens right next to us, because it felt like we were right there.  However, I'm not sure the few women friends and a male friend were appreciating it as much as me.    

I met this woman who was hunter and she just talked my ears off about hunting.  I told her it was amazing to hear her stories of hunting with her husband, but that was something I don't see myself ever doing.  I'm more of a run bambi, run  bambi type.  :)

Anyway, sorry about your wife's past hurts Ben been there myself, but moved past it.

God Bless.

Offline poohgirl

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Re: Ten Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
« Reply #34 on: Thu Jan 28, 2010 - 22:26:41 »
I keep hearing tell your husband what you like, tell him what you need, what feels good and what you would like to have for Valentine's,  birthdays and so on.  Tell him, tell him or you won't get and it's not his fault.  One part of me get's it and the other part of me does not.   I mean, shouldn't a man the longer he is with you know these things about you.   I know what my husband will eat and what he will not.  I know the clothes he likes and I buy most of them.   I know he loves peanut everthing and I know his favorite restaurant.  I know he is sentimental and saves all the notes and cards I give him.  I know when he happens to be in the mood for sex what could send him to the moon in a minute flat.  I know, because I know him.   

Shouldn't husbands know their wives too? 

What I mean is if a wife has to say I would like that watch or a watch like that or that perfume set in order for husband to get it for her then she pretty much has picked out her own gift, right?  Same with sex and everything else.  Isn't part of being married geting to know one another?

So why the advise for wives to tell their husbands?   Kevin Lehman just said this the other day on the radio too.

 

     
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