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Author Topic: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????  (Read 4154 times)

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Offline ptsd911

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 ::frustrated:: Ok I have heard this before and was reading another topic and saw this.  Love is a decision not a feeling or emotion.  From my experience in life I did not choose who to fall in love with and love from my heart mind and spirit.  That is all I am going to say I will let everyone else fill in the rest.  ::headscratch::  ???

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Offline Mere Nick

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2010, 10:10:50 AM »
The problem is that the word translated as "love" in the bible can come from about four different greek words.  When someone is saying love is a decision, they are referring to the love that is commanded in the bible, agape, that is, doing right by someone even when you don't want to.  You appear to be using strictly in the "eros" sense of the word, where it is based upon emotion.
taller, better looking and smarter . . .

They turned me loose from the nervous hospital.  Said I was well.  Mmm hmm.

Suffering for your beliefs is called faithfulness, making others suffer for your beliefs is called being a jerk.

His cross, like the ark in the wilderness, is the center around which his people are to encamp; so that they cannot separate into factions, or withdraw from each other, without retiring at the same time from the presence of the cross.

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2010, 10:10:50 AM »

Offline ptsd911

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2010, 11:20:15 AM »
Ah ok.  Thanks for clearing that up. 

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2010, 11:20:15 AM »

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2010, 03:43:21 PM »
You've left the premise at the very instant you talk about "falling" in love, rather than leaving it at loving.

For example, God never commanded us to fall in love with our enemies (lol!); He commanded us to love (choice) them.

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2010, 03:43:21 PM »

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2010, 03:46:04 PM »
Right.  Do right by folks even when the "feeling" isn't there.
taller, better looking and smarter . . .

They turned me loose from the nervous hospital.  Said I was well.  Mmm hmm.

Suffering for your beliefs is called faithfulness, making others suffer for your beliefs is called being a jerk.

His cross, like the ark in the wilderness, is the center around which his people are to encamp; so that they cannot separate into factions, or withdraw from each other, without retiring at the same time from the presence of the cross.

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2010, 03:46:04 PM »



Offline Mac

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2010, 08:39:45 AM »
I have told this to my children many times.. Love is not a feeling. Love is action... The bibles definition of love is all we need to know...

1 Cor 13:3-8

3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

Mac
WWJD
What Would Jesus Do?

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2010, 08:39:45 AM »

Offline BAH-BLAH

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2010, 08:57:39 AM »
The action part will sustain the feeling part.

The action part is a choice.

Its really quite simple.

The conflict doesnt arise at the falling IN love, it arises at the absurd pop culture notion of falling OUT of love

Offline chaz345

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2010, 10:21:59 AM »
I have told this to my children many times.. Love is not a feeling. Love is action... The bibles definition of love is all we need to know...




It's both an action and a feeling. Sort of. The feeling that we describe as love is, IMO, our emotional response to being loved (in an action sense) by another person.

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2010, 11:36:17 AM »
The love we are called to in the scripture is not a feeling.  Feelings just are.  They are not something that can be commanded. 
taller, better looking and smarter . . .

They turned me loose from the nervous hospital.  Said I was well.  Mmm hmm.

Suffering for your beliefs is called faithfulness, making others suffer for your beliefs is called being a jerk.

His cross, like the ark in the wilderness, is the center around which his people are to encamp; so that they cannot separate into factions, or withdraw from each other, without retiring at the same time from the presence of the cross.

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2010, 11:36:17 AM »

Offline HRoberson

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2010, 01:16:45 PM »
Three forms of "love" in Greek that are normally encountered:
Forms of "eros" from where we get "erotic". This is physical attraction and there is no requirement in Scripture for this.
Forms of "phileo" from which we get the word "Philadelphia." This is affinity or family association love. This also not required as the kind of love expected by Christian love.
Forms of "agape" which is a considered decision to consider the interests of another and seek to improve their situation.

This last is the form of Christian love enjoined on God followers.
"Falling in love" is a form of eros or perhaps phileo. Deciding to put their well being as a priority in my life is agape.
All three are related and overlap to some degree, especially as we experience them.
However, one need not have eros-love to agape-love another.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2010, 12:52:22 AM by HRoberson »
Me, MC, MS, LMFT
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I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
We're not interested in Christ-like behavior here; we want to know what the rules are.
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Sometimes you just have to let it go.

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #10 on: January 21, 2010, 01:54:51 PM »
exactly
taller, better looking and smarter . . .

They turned me loose from the nervous hospital.  Said I was well.  Mmm hmm.

Suffering for your beliefs is called faithfulness, making others suffer for your beliefs is called being a jerk.

His cross, like the ark in the wilderness, is the center around which his people are to encamp; so that they cannot separate into factions, or withdraw from each other, without retiring at the same time from the presence of the cross.

Offline Mac

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #11 on: January 21, 2010, 02:08:15 PM »
Three forms of "love" in Greek that are normally encountered:
Forms of "eros" from where we get "erotic". This is physical attraction and there is no requirement in Scripture for this.
Forms of "phileo" from which we get the word "Philadelphia." This is affinity or family association love. This also not required as the kind of love expected by Christian love.
Forms of "agape" which is a considered decision to consider the interests of another and seek to improve their situation.

This last is the form of Christian love enjoined on God followers.
"Falling in love" is a form of eros or perhaps phileo.Deciding to put their well being as a priority in my life is agape.
All three are related and overlap to some degree, especially as experience them.
However, one need not have eros-love to agape-love another.

What he said.... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mac
WWJD
What Would Jesus Do?

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2010, 02:15:14 PM »
I can still remember Dr. Rigdon out at WCU teaching that to us.  It was interesting having a preacher who was also a psychologist. 
taller, better looking and smarter . . .

They turned me loose from the nervous hospital.  Said I was well.  Mmm hmm.

Suffering for your beliefs is called faithfulness, making others suffer for your beliefs is called being a jerk.

His cross, like the ark in the wilderness, is the center around which his people are to encamp; so that they cannot separate into factions, or withdraw from each other, without retiring at the same time from the presence of the cross.

Offline His_will_i_am

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2010, 11:56:58 AM »
This a topic which has come up often in my marriage. I've been married for about 2 years now and for the first year, my wife constantly asked me if I was 'in love' with her. My response was always, "I love you because I love my Lord."

Before I knew the Lord I was very popular with women and chased after that feelling which accompanies being in love with someone. After meeting my Lord, that was one of the things in me which He addressed and explained to me.

The love which I have towards my wifemay not be as passionate as she would like, partly because she is influenced by the Hollywood Romance mentality. But it is so much more pure and powerful. I would never do her the way that I once used women because I love my Lord. He's my everything and it's only because of Him that I even have her. I may not like my wife at times, but unlike before, I will always be with her because He hasn't ever given up on me.
Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, with the statutes and judgments. Behold, I will send you the prophet whose God is YHWH before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall restore the understanding of the ancestors to their descendants, and the thoughts of the descendants to their ancestors, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

If you want to be with me, then walk with me. See what I see then talk with me.

Offline HRoberson

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Re: The premise that love is a decision not an emotion or feeling????
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2010, 06:53:49 PM »
OK for a start.

Hopefully, eventually, you will love your wife because that's who you are, not because you believe in Jesus.

....and you will learn to do so the way she wants to be loved.
Me, MC, MS, LMFT
The Enlightened One
Wizard of Smart
aC, LP, MC, BfS, Coop, SS, nKJV, EoG

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
We're not interested in Christ-like behavior here; we want to know what the rules are.
...to love mercy, act justly, and walk humbly with God
Sometimes you just have to let it go.