Author Topic: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse  (Read 1294 times)

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Offline Nataly87

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The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« on: Tue Dec 20, 2016 - 14:32:39 »
I am a 30 year old virgin, and I am not having sexual intercourse until I am married. I was raised a Catholic, had my baptism, holy communion, I never did the rest of it after that, because I stopped going to church, after my mom's mother passed away. After her passing, I grew up into a teenager and adult, and our family never went to church after that.

Nowadays at 30, I don't go to church, and I am religious I do pray to God everyday and do believe in his existence, but I also believe that there is a Devil. And I do believe and like a lot of the dark sides of things, including music and it being in the heavy direction revolving around cults, Satanism, Christian music, etc. I like a variety of music because it sounds heavy and fast and I like that style of music, and don't care for the content that much. But I know a lot of religious folk like people here or from the church, probably wouldn't be okay of my liking the things that I do.

Anyway back to the main point here, I am 30 years old and I am saving and waiting until marriage. But lately me being single for 7 months now, I have met guys online, talked on the phone or through video chats online, about me being a virgin and wanting to wait until marriage and this is what I have heard from these guys and from even close family and friends.

This is what I posted on Facebook - and the comments I received from family and friends -

ME: "Why can't guys, wait it out until marriage to have sexual intercourse, why is waiting so hard to do? I know I have mentioned me being a virgin and wanting to wait and save myself until marriage, but every time I tell this to a guy, it is a real buzz kill and they cut ties and can't wait it out. So it makes me think, will I ever find a guy who is willing to wait it out or is saving yourself for marriage a thing of the past not the present...."

FAMILY AND FRIENDS:

"It's not a thing of the past. It's still present, in maybe a hand full of people. In my opinion it's respect. Hang in there, all in good time. Don't give up. "

"My friend got married a few years ago, he waited til he was married so they exist... just a little harder to find."

"It's a thing of the past in today's society it's good u value urself but in today's day and age sex is a normal natural way of expressing ur love for someone there's no right from wrong there could be people out there but they are the very religious type obviously if u wait for Prince Charming your youth is slowly passing u by saving urself is good but not to the point where ur not enjoying a healthy sex life and if one its self isn't perfect so to speak u should never be so picky eather just saying."

"Most people will have sex before marriage because they want to make sure they have a good sex with their spouse. I have seen marriages end because the sex wasn't good."

"True"

"It's because if you do wait and you don't have sexual chemistry now you either have to get divorced or be miserable for the rest of your life that's why."

ONLINE TALKS

GUY: "I wasn't completely dismissing the idea of us talking yet, I was bringing up a potential concern. However there is much I don't know about you yet (especially in that area) so I haven't fully theorized yet. That said, if you have qualms about it (I just assumed you read my match questions) then that's different. I more expect the next stuff I say to have dismissive qualities. XP

I do have a high sex drive, but I have significantly more self control and patience than probably any guy I know. It's not about being "unable to wait" though, it's about the connection of life, time, and sensuality to begin with. As someone who's incredibly familiar with intimacy in a broad spectrum, from Bondage all the way to non-sexual methods, your perspective and choice simply baffles me. Life is simply too short and too random to set something like sex to chance. It's not that I'm saying sleep with everything that moves... because I think that's gross as hell, it's more like you're basically choosing your favorite flavor of ice cream by just looking at it. There's a significant amount of ergonomics and adjustments that go between partners (this guy may feel great, this girl may feel terrible, blah blah), so not knowing what that is until you've committed to that person entirely could be a serious disaster - and you wouldn't know it until much later in life, because you've never had intercourse. Statistics show that couples who wait for marriage for sex are more than 50% more likely to have stress and cheating problems. My anecdotal evidence on that is higher.

After all, you wouldn't say to a potential partner: "Don't tell me your religious/political/spiritual/drug/children/blah beliefs until we are married, if you really want to be with me, it won't matter."

That said, again, I don't know you well enough to make that discernment. You could have a vastly complex intimacy system that I just don't know about yet, and compromises could be made. I just wanted to let you know my point of view."

ME: "Even if I do have a liking to bondage and have never had sexual intercourse, no matter what you have said here, and what others have said before you, I AM NOT giving in and having sex for marriage end of story.

It shouldn't matter what the person is all about, you accept the person for who they are plain and simple.

I am NOT going to discuss my sex life and what I have done with you, that is too personal.

Trust me I have dated high sex drive guys before and they like you said they could control themselves blah blah blah but it never works and they just want sex even if they say they can wait it just never works.

When it comes down to it, maybe we won't work as far as dating after all I guess. I hate sex man it causes too many problems and ruins my chances for dating anyone ever."

GUY: "Woooooowww you have serious problems. Your circular logic is based on evidence you don't even have - it's pure assumptions and speculation. You've never had sex! You're using it as a weapon to endorse your bad behavior.

It's not like we're talking about getting shot in the foot - something with serious obvious reasons for it being negative - we're talking about a normal aspect of relationships you're pretending is significant and then lying to people about it because you can't admit you're almost 30 and have made a serious mistake. It's pathetic. YOU are pathetic.

You're never going to find what you're looking for. You will be alone forever or you'll make serious compromises and be unhappy. Grow up Thumbelina.

PLEASE be offended when I BLOCK you."

Hearing these things from loved one's and online folk keeps happening to me and I just don't know what to do anymore. I use to love myself and being a virgin was amazing thing to believe in and I still am a virgin but yet nowadays no one cares and just wants me to change and hurts my feelings about ever getting married.

I just don't know what to do anymore. :(

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The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« on: Tue Dec 20, 2016 - 14:32:39 »

Offline Jason_NC

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #1 on: Tue Dec 20, 2016 - 16:13:46 »
You might have an easier time of it if you do start going to a good bible teaching church.  Most non-Christian men, (for that matter, a good chunk of so-called "Christian" men) aren't willing to wait until marriage.  I applaud your conviction, and please don't let the devil win.  Stand strong.  But your pursuit will be a lot easier in a good bible teaching church.

Offline chosenone

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #2 on: Tue Dec 20, 2016 - 16:52:50 »
You desperately need to stop listening to or bothering about these people who have told you a load of lies. Why are you taking any notice of them? Its God who matters.
 You also really need to find a good Bible believing church(personally I wouldn't go to a RC church), and be part of that family. There you will get teaching, support and others who think as you do.
It also sounds as if you are in contact with a lot of unbelieving men. You will need to find a godly man who has strong moral values and integrity. There are still some around but  you will need to be fussy about where you look. You will not find one on a secular dating site.

I was told when I was dating my husband that we should live together first so that we could see if we were 'compatible'. What a load of nonsense. Non believers and even some believers just dont get it.  God is clear on sex being for marriage only.

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #2 on: Tue Dec 20, 2016 - 16:52:50 »

Offline Michael2012

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #3 on: Tue Dec 20, 2016 - 20:58:16 »
I am a 30 year old virgin, and I am not having sexual intercourse until I am married. I was raised a Catholic, had my baptism, holy communion, I never did the rest of it after that, because I stopped going to church, after my mom's mother passed away. After her passing, I grew up into a teenager and adult, and our family never went to church after that.

Nowadays at 30, I don't go to church, and I am religious I do pray to God everyday and do believe in his existence, but I also believe that there is a Devil. And I do believe and like a lot of the dark sides of things, including music and it being in the heavy direction revolving around cults, Satanism, Christian music, etc. I like a variety of music because it sounds heavy and fast and I like that style of music, and don't care for the content that much. But I know a lot of religious folk like people here or from the church, probably wouldn't be okay of my liking the things that I do.

Anyway back to the main point here, I am 30 years old and I am saving and waiting until marriage. But lately me being single for 7 months now, I have met guys online, talked on the phone or through video chats online, about me being a virgin and wanting to wait until marriage and this is what I have heard from these guys and from even close family and friends.

This is what I posted on Facebook - and the comments I received from family and friends -

ME: "Why can't guys, wait it out until marriage to have sexual intercourse, why is waiting so hard to do? I know I have mentioned me being a virgin and wanting to wait and save myself until marriage, but every time I tell this to a guy, it is a real buzz kill and they cut ties and can't wait it out. So it makes me think, will I ever find a guy who is willing to wait it out or is saving yourself for marriage a thing of the past not the present...."

FAMILY AND FRIENDS:

"It's not a thing of the past. It's still present, in maybe a hand full of people. In my opinion it's respect. Hang in there, all in good time. Don't give up. "

"My friend got married a few years ago, he waited til he was married so they exist... just a little harder to find."

"It's a thing of the past in today's society it's good u value urself but in today's day and age sex is a normal natural way of expressing ur love for someone there's no right from wrong there could be people out there but they are the very religious type obviously if u wait for Prince Charming your youth is slowly passing u by saving urself is good but not to the point where ur not enjoying a healthy sex life and if one its self isn't perfect so to speak u should never be so picky eather just saying."

"Most people will have sex before marriage because they want to make sure they have a good sex with their spouse. I have seen marriages end because the sex wasn't good."

"True"

"It's because if you do wait and you don't have sexual chemistry now you either have to get divorced or be miserable for the rest of your life that's why."

ONLINE TALKS

GUY: "I wasn't completely dismissing the idea of us talking yet, I was bringing up a potential concern. However there is much I don't know about you yet (especially in that area) so I haven't fully theorized yet. That said, if you have qualms about it (I just assumed you read my match questions) then that's different. I more expect the next stuff I say to have dismissive qualities. XP

I do have a high sex drive, but I have significantly more self control and patience than probably any guy I know. It's not about being "unable to wait" though, it's about the connection of life, time, and sensuality to begin with. As someone who's incredibly familiar with intimacy in a broad spectrum, from Bondage all the way to non-sexual methods, your perspective and choice simply baffles me. Life is simply too short and too random to set something like sex to chance. It's not that I'm saying sleep with everything that moves... because I think that's gross as hell, it's more like you're basically choosing your favorite flavor of ice cream by just looking at it. There's a significant amount of ergonomics and adjustments that go between partners (this guy may feel great, this girl may feel terrible, blah blah), so not knowing what that is until you've committed to that person entirely could be a serious disaster - and you wouldn't know it until much later in life, because you've never had intercourse. Statistics show that couples who wait for marriage for sex are more than 50% more likely to have stress and cheating problems. My anecdotal evidence on that is higher.

After all, you wouldn't say to a potential partner: "Don't tell me your religious/political/spiritual/drug/children/blah beliefs until we are married, if you really want to be with me, it won't matter."

That said, again, I don't know you well enough to make that discernment. You could have a vastly complex intimacy system that I just don't know about yet, and compromises could be made. I just wanted to let you know my point of view."

ME: "Even if I do have a liking to bondage and have never had sexual intercourse, no matter what you have said here, and what others have said before you, I AM NOT giving in and having sex for marriage end of story.

It shouldn't matter what the person is all about, you accept the person for who they are plain and simple.

I am NOT going to discuss my sex life and what I have done with you, that is too personal.

Trust me I have dated high sex drive guys before and they like you said they could control themselves blah blah blah but it never works and they just want sex even if they say they can wait it just never works.

When it comes down to it, maybe we won't work as far as dating after all I guess. I hate sex man it causes too many problems and ruins my chances for dating anyone ever."

GUY: "Woooooowww you have serious problems. Your circular logic is based on evidence you don't even have - it's pure assumptions and speculation. You've never had sex! You're using it as a weapon to endorse your bad behavior.

It's not like we're talking about getting shot in the foot - something with serious obvious reasons for it being negative - we're talking about a normal aspect of relationships you're pretending is significant and then lying to people about it because you can't admit you're almost 30 and have made a serious mistake. It's pathetic. YOU are pathetic.

You're never going to find what you're looking for. You will be alone forever or you'll make serious compromises and be unhappy. Grow up Thumbelina.

PLEASE be offended when I BLOCK you."

Hearing these things from loved one's and online folk keeps happening to me and I just don't know what to do anymore. I use to love myself and being a virgin was amazing thing to believe in and I still am a virgin but yet nowadays no one cares and just wants me to change and hurts my feelings about ever getting married.

I just don't know what to do anymore. :(

You are 30, still a virgin, and stays to be, and waiting until marriage. That's good. For you hold on to what is right. Pre-marital sexual intercourse will never be right for whatever reason people may tell you to justify doing it.

It is clear to me that you want to be married. And now that you are 30 and still unmarried, you somehow feel worried if you will ever find somebody whom you love and who loves you and get married. You ought to stop worrying. For worrying would not a bit do you any good nor would result to you being married to a guy who would wait to have sexual intercourse with you until marriage. The wise thing to do is to strengthen your relation with God and Christ, and pray about this matter.

I don't know what it is for you that you wanted to be married. Perhaps, you can put a thought about that with consideration of the following scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7 (NKJV)

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
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25 Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress—that it is good for a man to remain as he is: 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
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32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
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Now, let me end by sharing to you the following words:

Hebrews 13:4-6 (NKJV)
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 6 So we may boldly say:

“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #3 on: Tue Dec 20, 2016 - 20:58:16 »

Brisingr

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #4 on: Sun Dec 25, 2016 - 22:57:55 »
Yay armchair psychotherapists.... I love how you have issues because you're not interested in just putting everything out there just cause some random dude on the net can't keep it in his pants. lol

Whatever, don't compromise on that -- it's important to you, therefore the right guy will be okay with it. You now know that the guys you've dated weren't right for you. It's going to be hard, but keep to your values! Don't let other people determine what's right for you; that's /your/ purview, not theirs. I honestly think you need to be around more like-minded people, who are more likely to be in a church somewhere. And don't rush into it, be very careful. But stick. To. Your. Values.

Even if it means you get married much later than you thought you would, I think it'll be worth it with the right person.

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #4 on: Sun Dec 25, 2016 - 22:57:55 »



Online Rella

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #5 on: Mon Dec 26, 2016 - 11:56:15 »
And should you never get married you will not feel guilt that that special man/wife moment was ruined by giving into temptation as not everyone is supposed to have sex.

If you never marry you are never supposed to

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #5 on: Mon Dec 26, 2016 - 11:56:15 »

Offline GODandMAN

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #6 on: Wed Jan 04, 2017 - 01:21:01 »
I had a cousin who wanted to wait until she was married to a man I went to school with. He had sex with other women until they got married which was 40 years ago and they're still married. He chased other women for years after they got married but she remains married to him somehow. God has a way of working things out for some people that dazzles the Mind.

Offline Artyop

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #7 on: Mon Mar 06, 2017 - 13:05:35 »
If a guy love you he'll wait till marriage.

Bible clearly says do not be unequal yolk with the unbelievers.

Make him wait if you are worth it he'll wait don't fall  for it.


Offline trevans1977

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #8 on: Thu Apr 06, 2017 - 00:20:46 »
How about some universal advice? My advice is to look for a spouse who is putting Jesus Christ first in their life and is seeking God with all of their heart.

If you do happen to marry someone who isn't putting God first, then the pain has just begun...

Obviously a person putting God first will understand not having sex before marriage. I would take any lack of understanding in that area as a huge red flag "thanks for the warning" moment.

Advice I would have for my own son is that he will see a woman's physical beauty first, but the first thing to search for is her commitment to Jesus Christ.

Or we can learn this the hard way... ::eatingpopcorn:

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Re: The Pressure Of Sexual Intercourse
« Reply #8 on: Thu Apr 06, 2017 - 00:20:46 »