I'm new here, and would greatly appreciate prayers and advice. My husband and I became believers while dating and were engaged right after my baptism. My husband grew up in very difficult circumstances: abusive step-father, treated like an outcast by his dad who remarried and showed favoritism to his stepchildren. He came into our relationship with a lot of baggage, but so did I.
He was a smoker when we first started dating, and I told him at the time that I couldn't bear to marry a smoker because of the heartache that would come from losing a husband to lung disease, etc. He said it was a good idea to quit anyway, and led me to believe that he did. I found out on our honeymoon that he had been lying to me and hiding his habit. It really put a damper on things. Over the 9 1/2 years since then, he has pretended to quit several other times, after which I would find evidence that he was lying to me. It has made it very difficult to trust him. I know that smoking itself is not a sin, but lying to someone repeatedly is a sin, one that as of yesterday he has consistently committed.
This is not even the biggest problem though. Since our courtship, I have caught him in the habit of viewing porn on four separate occasions. These are only the times he's been caught, so I really have no idea how often he's been doing this. He knows it's wrong and has admitted it. He will pretend he needs to use the restroom and shut himself in there with his phone for half an hour. We were just beginning to reconcile from this breach of trust when I found more cigarettes hidden in our closet.
How can I ever trust this man again? I'm not perfect and I have made my own mistakes, but I repented and never looked back. He makes a fake apology and acts ashamed and sheepish, then the next time my back is turned he hops right back into deception. I can't bear to be intimate with him anymore because it reminds me of the images I found on his phone, and because it's extremely hard to be that close to someone who is not trustworthy.
What can I do? I feel like our marriage is dying. We have two children and I try to hold it together for them. If it weren't for my belief in Christ, I would have already left my husband. I really want things to work, but if he won't be honest with me then I don't know how we can have a healthy relationship. I've forgiven him for these things over the years and he has acted appreciative, but without repentance how can we reconcile?
Thanks in advance.