What am I to do, I am lost

[5kidsdad]

I just found you all, and am very thankful to have. I needed a place to look for some Christ-centered answers for my dilema. To try and get the "condensed" version, my wife and I are separated. We now live in different cities. This is twice in about 2 years. She left the first time, I did the second. Not my decision either time, but went along with it, because I didn't want the kids to see fighting, etc. I have a anger problem, and I was being mean to our kids, and to her, according to her. Yes, I do fly off the handle at times, but I am not physically abusive, and doesn't everyone say something they wish that they could take back? No swearing, etc. Just blew up for the most stupid things. I wasn't being emotionally supportive to her, so she says. Well, I took care of everything around the house, EVERYTHING, plus worked my full time job. She only had to concentrate on her studies, as she was going to school. To aleviate the pressure on her, I told her that I would take care of the other stuff. Well, after a long day at work, I was usually tired, an still had all the work at the house to do, plus take care of the kids. Not exactly how it was in the Bible, how the couple shared the responsibilities. Anyway, she wants a divorce, then she dosen't, then she does. It's been 10 weeks, and I am entering counselling to help me deal with all this stuff. I want to be a good dad, and to be a better Christian. I have reason to believe that she was in the beginning stages of an affair a few weeks before she asked for the divorce and asked me to leave. As the weeks have gone by, through a series of circumstances, I am now sure that she was. Don't know if it was physical, but absolutely emotional. I have also found that there were others that she had an attraction to as we have been married. My problem is, what to do now? I feel beat up, betrayed, and alone. I hate feeling alone. I have never liked it. My pastor and I have talked a couple of times, and I am tired of the rollercoaster ride. This has been going on for a few years. Yes, I have some issues, but I would never do anything that I thought was seriously damaging to my family. I sure would not have a fling before I was divorced, and had seen some serious spiritual and emotional councelling. Do any of you have any ideas? I just want what is best for my kids. They are my joy, my hope, my life, and my legacy. I don't want to fail them. The few days that I get them are the happiest that I have. Thanks for enduring the long intro, that is only a little of the whole story, but it's enough for now. God Bless!
5 kids dad

[Purposeful_Life]

Short answer? Continue being a dad.

Depending on how you are able to - keep in contact: visit, phone, write letters [depends on their ages too].

Keep loving, keep praying, keep in touch.

[johntwayne]

You confess you have done damage with your anger but that you haven't done as much damage as your wife thinks you have done. You must accept that she has they perception that you have, confess to her that you need help seeing the damage, and pray with her.

Let her know that you do not want a divorce. Tell her about your counseling and ask her to go with you so that you can see your faults more clearly.

The key here is humility and the acceptance of full responsibility for the state of your marriage. If you do this she will be motivated to confess her full responsibility and go with you to counseling.

 

 

[naarah bet-Melek]

Angry words are like piercing arrows of rejection. Emotional abuse is just as painful as physical and that feeling of rejection can lower a woman into a worthless and vulnerable state that will make the special attentions of another man seem like a life saver. I'm not trying to make excuses for your wife but the " Who's doing more in this house?" fight is so easy to fall into so if its a source of resentment to you then you should lovingly express this to your wife and together come up with a better game plan on on to handle the situation. If you want her back she will need to know that you will stop rejecting her by blowing up and that you want to save your marriage not for the children's sake but for your own because you cant breath without her.