..the quality of being powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating. synonyms: attraction, lure, draw, pull, appeal, allurement, enticement, temptation, charm, seduction, fascination.
I've been married 13 years. My biggest struggle has been allure. I need this. My wife does not help create it. She does not dress in a way that is attractive to me. Rarely has make up on. Is not girly, or frilly or overtly feminine. And just being frank, keeps gaining weight. We are not intimate very often because of it. I have tried to talk in the past and it just creates hurt. I have not talked about it for several years and have given up. Today at work, there is a co-worker, who dresses, looks and carries herself exactly like I wish my wife would. I looked at her all day.
Also, my wife CAN create the allure I need. Has is the past. She can do it. Just won't.
Is your wife in her late forties going on 50? If so, she is going through menopause, meaning her body is no longer making estrogen. You'll find that the hormonal need to make herself attractive to you is just gone, and you are going to have to adjust to this -- for better or for worse. At the same time, she should hear your needs and be sympathetic. Marriage is a two way stretch.
Before menopause, she had a drive to keep the family together for the sake of the kids. She would happily put her own needs second to yours and the kids. All of that is just GONE. Her new drive is to put her own desires first. If she is to meet your needs, it will be through negotiation. And she needs other reasons to stay with you, or she will be tempted to leave. Basically, you now have an independent wife. You need to understand this, and get it that this is a biological natural change, and every couple goes through this.
Negotiate. I'm sure if you give her the extra freedom she is suddenly going to expect, you can negotiate the makeup and nicer clothing when you are around. Most couples are able to work these things out.