I've been married 13 years. My biggest struggle has been allure. I need this.
Then WHY wait until now? That should have been known in this first few months of your marriage.
My wife does not help create it.
So? That's your opinion, and it very well could be a self-centered desire, without helping and encouraging
her. ALL men, for the most part, get out of their wives by what WE put into THEM. How much energy have you truly invested into molding her to be what you desire in a woman~MOST ALL women are what their husband invest in them, they generally respond to ATTENTION, love and doting on them, that's just the way God created things, NOT the other way around.
She does not dress in a way that is attractive to me.
Take her shopping and you buy her what you like, encourage her to like what you like~MOST women will respond, if she does not, then work harder at it.
Rarely has make up on. Is not girly, or frilly or overtly feminine.
So what? Some women do not need to use make up, I prefer it on my wife, BUT, it's not necessary~I know Sarah did not put on make up for Abraham, yet as long as they adored themselves INWARDLY that should be more important to you and if it is not, then you have the problem, not miss Sarah.
And just being frank, keeps gaining weight
Well now, that can be easily corrected, and she just may need your help. My wife and I help each other, and neither of (well me mainly) is what we were fifty years ago, even if we maintain our weight the tone of our body changes over the years, yet that should not and will not affect our love for each other, or our desire toward each other. That's just life. Wandering eyes will make your wife's body look less attractive very quickly.
I have tried to talk in the past and it just creates hurt. I have not talked about it for several years and have given up.
Well now, I'm getting the picture a little better now. You gave up way TOO SOON, since as you said you only been married thirteen years. Many only begin to create a marriage that will last with longevity, long good marriages take work and the first ten years or so are the most critical in forming a fifty-year marriage, which my has lasted longer, so I know a little what it takes to make such a marriage last will a little fire! Get those first fifteen years worked out by LEARNING HOW TO LOVE OTHERS MORE THAN YOURSELF, will secure a lasting marriage and keep the fire burning as long as you have the energy to fuel that fire!
Today at work, there is a co-worker, who dresses, looks and carries herself exactly like I wish my wife would. I looked at her all day.
If you are a professed child of God STOP IT NOW. Even if you are not, then you are going down the road that many fools have wandered down only to pay a dear price. Oh, FRESH FLESH always is tempting always, especially to fools. Read Proverbs a few times and see. Your wife will NEVER look as good as long as you allow yourself to even glance at other women, never. I assure you one thing~those women who are not your wife will NEVER serve and please you as your wife can if you ONLY invest in her. Marriage is for life, divorce is a VERY SMALL WINDOW with only ONE EXCEPTION and you have not mentioned that here.
Also, my wife CAN create the allure I need. Has is the past. She can do it. Just won't.
You have not said one word that has convinced me that you want her to, It seems that you want someone to open the door for you to fulfill your sexual fantasy without you investing into it very much with your own wife. Most women can wear a man out in bed IF they only
INVEST in them what they crave from men...ATTENTION and KNOWING that their man wants them and them alone! I am speaking from much experience. I did NOT know these things in my first fifteen years of marriage~it took TIME and work.
Thirdly, get some good marriage counselling.
Sister, I just gave it to him FREE of charge with over fifty years of doing these things. You cannot beat that.