First time poster here smile Might be a bit of a long story. Mt wife told me she wanted a divorce on Christmas day. She felt very bad / guilty about it, but had made the decision and would not consider counseling / working on the marriage. She had gone through an emotional detachment of sorts before gaining the courage to tell me.
We were married 10.5 years, and have been together for ~15 years. I helped put her through nursing school, and most recently CRNA school. She passed her state board exam 12/22/15 (great timing, I know). She gave the reasons - not in love with you anymore, and just not happy in the marriage. Although I was a bit shocked, I didn't have much of an emotional or angry response. I did suspect I was not being told the "whole truth", and probably did inquire with several questions.
This did kick-start a great weight loss program for me. No sleeping or eating for the first few days. I still have to take sleeping pills now, and usually get around 5-7 hours of sleep each night. I am eating three times a day. I received DR Sunday, and read the entire book - couldn't put it down. I have never been unfaithful, never harmed in any way, never raised my voice with my wife. We have accomplished amazing things together.
January 10th, I finally got my wife to admit that she was in love with another man. It did ironically take a lot of tightness / pain from my chest. Before he admittance, I was tormented with wandering thoughts and constant pain. Knowing the truth helped me a lot. I did turn to spiritual health and have had a great deal of support and guidance. My love for my wife has not diminished in any way, and I still have a strong hope that I will be with her again. When she did admit to the love affair, I told her that I support her, and that I want her to be happy and pursue what is in her heart. The depth of my love for her will not allow me to do anything but show her love and compassion. I do want her to be happy.
I had been doing most of the things in the book (both what I should and should not do). It has been a great help. I was so happy that I came to these forums, I was lucky enough to see some situations similar to mine, and many with successful endings. I would love the opportunity to gain wisdom / suggestions from others here, and would love to answer any questions as well.
I've become spiritually strong over the past four weeks. I know it's very early in the process, but I feel like I've been given an ability to love my wife even more. I initially got rid of a lot of junk around the house, emptied every room and cleaned / organized to have peaceful surroundings. I still have a bit to finish, and entire house can be overwhelming to clean / maintain for one person. She is giving me the house, so I am making efforts to make it beautiful. I have been exercising daily and am losing a lot of weight.
What's next for me is more spiritual growth and continued improvement. There is no possible outcome to my situation that is not positive. My wife still calls daily, and did ask about how I was feeling about the news of her love for another. I told her I want her to follow her heart and that she has my blessing.
Even with the blinders of the passionate love affair she has going on, she has commented on several changes. She's very impressed with what I've done with the house. She was very surprised by my haircut and weightloss. She thought I looked "so good" and looked skinny. What meant more to me though, was the things she noticed in my character. She said she thought I would react differently to the news of the divorce, and stated that I have responded in an admirable way, and that it says a lot about my character. Similar to my reaction to her love for another man admittance - she said she expected a very different reaction and again commented that I am a man of high character. Are these the responses that should give me hope? She is madly, passionately in love with another man, and has convinced herself that she is incredibly unhappy in our marriage. But, she continues to compliment me, admires me and thinks I am a man of character? I guess it gives me hope in the sense that I am, in her mind a man of character. With a clear head and a clear heart, how will she view a man's character that would pursue another man's wife? Any thoughts / hope / advice? So far, looks like a lot of patience is in order, but it's emotionally tough most days.