I've been seeking additional counsel online and stumbled on another website where I received really poor non-christian advice that led me down a path of anger, resentment, and distrust. So I'm coming over here now to reinforce advice that is faith-based. It turns out that all of that advice was bad, and very inaccurate.
Long story short, my wife feels like she lost love for me a couple years ago after we had kids. Maybe it is midlife crisis, post-partum, or us just not working hard enough on the marriage after coming down off the high of the "in love" feeling.
Since May we have been battling this in a variety of ways - fights, counseling, cordial discussions, then back to fighting again. Divorce has been threatened a few times, to the point where we actually discussed the terms of an uncontested divorce.
For the past 6 weeks it has been a loveless, sexless marriage. I feel deserted and hopeless. Some days I have knots in my stomach and can't sleep and it causes me to lose weight. I feel like I don't have the stamina to stick this out.
I pray on it. And at times I am able to regain strength for a period of time, but it subsides again. I'm a very logical, driven person, that does a lot of reading and works really hard to fix things. My wife on the other hand is a retreater. She finds it hard to follow through on reading the counselor assigned books, she shuts down easily, is entirely guided by emotions, and gets into a rut very easily and cannot get out.
I tried being very passive for the last 2-3 weeks, to stop pursuing her so she could relax and feel like she wanted me again. It didn't work. Now I am taking a very active stance and I'm forcing certain exercises on her. For example, we were assigned the 5 languages of love book, and I am making us do all those recommendations of making love deposits.
I also feel like my wife's faith and trust in God is weaker than mine. She is embarrassed to pray with me. She won't see a church counselor, only the therapists at the doctor's office. She doesn't have any friends or family that know how to give good Christian advice. We go to church on Sunday and she says she believes, but she just won't surrender to God. I admit, I am not very good at surrendering either, probably none of us are, but I know I'm much further along in trying to become more christ-like.
I'm not sure what will happen next, but both of us are at the end of our rope, and we are terrified of divorce. We need help!