My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years. She has moved out of or apartment a little over 2 weeks ago. I did not have any communication with her until a couple days ago when she emailed me about taking her name of off the lease. I do not want to get a divorce. I have been praying and trying to let God take control of the situation.
Here is a little bit of what has happened. I cant remember the exact time, but it was about 6mths before we got married, I cheated on her. We started dating in November of 2004 and We had a long distance relationship for 2005-2007. I did not tell her that I cheated because I was a coward and was afraid that she would leave me. I prayed to God for forgiveness and I felt in my heart that he did but I still did not tell her. The only thing I told her was that I kissed another girl and she was upset about it for a while.
I cheated in January of 07 and we got engaged in late may and married in July of 07. She found out about my cheating this past December on new years eve. She locked herself in the bathroom and cried for about an hour, then she came out and we hugged for about 30 mins and we sat on the couch and she asked me about everything. I told her everything and that it was just that one night. She said she forgave me and that she still trusted me and that I should not have carried that burden for so long in our marriage. And i broke down and cried and asked for her forgiveness and she said she forgave me.
About a couple weeks afterward ( I'm guessing) she opened up to her friend Bob at work and told him about my cheating and then he opened up to her about him wanting to leave his wife. That was the start of their emotional affair. The beginning of February she told me that she had feeling for Bob and that she stopped them. So I thought oh okay she stopped them, I have nothing to worry about. Plus I met the guy before and I thought that he wasn't a threat to me at all. March came around and she started acting differently, i logged in to her email account and found all sorts of emails that they were sending each other and it broke my heart. The sweet girl that I married had turned into this different person. I told her about the emails and she informed that she would stop talking to him and asked if she needed to quit her job. I told her no we could afford for her to quit her job and to just try and not talk to him.
Since this is getting lengthy ill skip ahead to the meat. She ended up leaving me for a couple days this past April and slept with him multiple times. When she told me I left our apartment and did not call her. 3 days later she came looking for me and wanted to work on our marriage, and I wanted to too. I thought that she ran off with the guy. and she had good reason too. This guy is 6'5" 230lbs 0% body fat, he is an ex army ranger, and he is a millionaire. He offered to buy her a car, pay for her school, and he even got an apartment for the both of them since he was leaving his wife. She left all of that and came back to me, a poor college student who makes less than 20,000 a year and is not over 6' and doesn't have the greatest body. That proves to me that she loved me and that she had morals. We were together for a week and he had picked out a couple of christian marriage counselors to go see, but then she left one day when I was at work. I came home to find a note on the table saying that she doesn't think that our marriage can be happy anymore and that she is dealing with too much guilt, pain, and unhappiness and that fixing our marriage is impossible.
I have been going to counseling for the past two weeks and am trying to strengthen my relationship with God and am working on myself. I have prayed to God and he has made me see all of the mistakes I have made in my marriage. I was neglectful and focused too much on school and making sure that we were financially secure, and neglected her needs of affection and intimate conversation. I was not the best husband that I could have been. I see now what I have done and I'm afraid that it is too late. I feel that God has made me see what Ive done and I want to be the husband that he has called me to be. I do not feel that our marriage is hopeless and I know that God can restore our marriage and give us an even deeper love that we have ever had. I just wish that I could make her see that. She doesn't want to meet with me and talk to me. I have tried to ask her and she said that she doesn't see any good coming from a face to face conversation. Yesterday while I was in church she sent an email to my phone saying to pray for her because she doesn't have the power to see me. I told her that I would and that I pray for both of us everyday that God will give us the strength to do his will. I know God doesn't want my marriage to end in divorce and I feel that If he has done all of this work in my life in the past two weeks then he has done work in her life too. But she is being so hurtful in the way that she emails me and responds to my requests to meet and talk about our marriage. So as of now I am just sitting here and hoping that one day she will reach out to God and he will touch her and help her to see that walking away from our marriage is not the answer and that we should at least try and go to counseling and put God first in our marriage. I want to do things the right way, the way God intended.
Sorry for the novel.