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Author Topic: sepreration in my marriage  (Read 887 times)

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Offline mgolden

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sepreration in my marriage
« on: Fri Jun 24, 2011 - 23:05:34 »
I have been married to a christian woman for 6 yrs now.  I grew up as a luthern and did not realy take my faith seriously.  My wife is wonderful christian and i love her unconditonly.  We have 2 wonderful boys 5 and 3.  We have had some rough going in our marriage been to couseling together, as well as independently.  I know i have not been easy to get along with, and began to lie to her when things got tough financialy thinking i was protecting her from the stress, and i guess trying not to let her see me as failure.  As you ccan imagine this was not a good idea and i ended up in a ruthless cycle of tangled webs.  needles to say her christian counselor told her i have been manipulating her and she needs to take the kids and leave.  This was the most painful thing i have ever had to deal with.  I am so angery with myself for allowing this to go on,  it was not my intention.  I have been working on myself so hard trying to become the man i want and need to be, Honest, stable, and committing myself to god.  She now refuses to talk to me about anything outside our children.  She says it because all i want to do is manipulate her into working on our marriage.  Well thats not what im trying to do, yes i want her to work on our marriage,  however i am not trying to manippulate her.  Not to mention in the time she has been gone she has had relations with another married man, that really killed me. I find myself blaming this counselor for guiding her to leave instead of callling me out on what she said i was doing.   All i want is my family back, any advice would be appreciated.

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sepreration in my marriage
« on: Fri Jun 24, 2011 - 23:05:34 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: sepreration in my marriage
« Reply #1 on: Sat Jun 25, 2011 - 02:55:31 »
You are right in that a Christian counsellor should NEVER tell a women to leave her husband unless there is serious abuse to her or the children, or unless he is cheating. The Bible says 'wives do not seperate from your husbands' and that is clear.
Its sad that your wife couldnt think for herself instead of allowing this woman to tell her what to do and look where it had led, to her having an affair.Honestly I despair of some so called Christian counsellors. As you say she needed to bring it up with you and get you to both talk about it, and work it out. Is she still seeing this other man, and why on earth did she sleep with him if she is a strong Christian?The fact that he is also married makes it even worse.She may be responsible for the breaking up of another marriage.That counsellor is now partly responsible for the affair that resulted.

Its good that you can see what you did as being wrong. Lying to each other is a terrible idea, as you now know and leads to lack of trust and all sorts of other problems.However as you say, you have seen the error of your ways and she needs to be open to trying again.She has no reason to divorce you or to stay away in my opinion, but you cant force her to come back or to work on the marriage.(That is if you have her back again after she cheated and betrayed you with this other man)

Have you been to see your pastor about all of this?or maybe one of the elders?Have any of them been to see her about the way she is living? I would suggest talking to them, working on your relationship with God , being a good dad and leaving her to God. You are only responsible for yourself and she is responsible for that she has done.
« Last Edit: Sat Jun 25, 2011 - 10:29:39 by chosenone »

Offline TJW

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Re: sepreration in my marriage
« Reply #2 on: Sat Jun 25, 2011 - 10:11:15 »
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She says it because all i want to do is manipulate her into working on our marriage.  
Not to mention in the time she has been gone she has had relations with another married man, that really killed me.

My brother, all adulterers are LIARS.  This is only a way for her to blame you for her sin.  She knows full well that you may have hidden things from her in the past but that you have repented of this and have set yourself upon a new way.  This is only an excuse which she uses to make herself feel better about having sinned against you and against God.

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I find myself blaming this counselor for guiding her to leave instead of callling me out on what she said i was doing.  

Well, one of two things apply to this "counselor".  If this counselor knows about her affair, he/she is STUPID.  If he/she doesn't suspect that your wife has had an affair, and is not trying to "push her buttons" to gain the truth, he/she is STUPID.

The only thing "christian counselor" proves in this case is that there's going to be stupid, unqualified counselors in heaven, but it won't be because they helped anybody while they were here.


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All i want is my family back, any advice would be appreciated.

My brother, don't waste your time with stupidity....  I won't even suggest you waste your money on another "counselor".  A "counselor" is totally ineffective where someone does not WANT to change.  Blaming others for our sin is the prime indicator of a hardened heart, it is the "hot iron" which "sears our conscience".


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Re: sepreration in my marriage
« Reply #2 on: Sat Jun 25, 2011 - 10:11:15 »

 

     
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