ForgivenDaughter - Thank you so much for your post. I have generally tried to stay within this one thread since I don't feel I'm in any position to be giving advice right now, however I did look up your story, and you share many things in common with my wife. You both have a similar history and past, and you both struggled with suicide attempts. Early on in this thread, I detailed how about three weeks after I discovered my wife's affair, she downed a bunch of pills, spent a week in a hospital, and still kept her heart hardened. I like your idea of a marriage conference, however I know at this point my wife would say no, primarily because she said very clearly this week that she isn't even comfortable talking to me on the phone. I will, however, keep it in the front of my mind right now, especially since some very interesting stuff came up this week.
My wife finally found a place with a roomate about a week and a half ago, and came by this past Wednesday to pick up more of her stuff. That afternoon I received a text from her asking me if I cared if she lived or died. I happened to have taken the day off work to help at my church, so I was blessed enough to be able to go straight to my pastor and have him pray with me. Long story short, after about two hours of back and forth texting of which she a) expressed her first bit of regret over this b) told me she loved me for the first time since she left and c) actually insinuated that we may have a chance if I were to leave my current (her former) church, I realized something. My wife is not happy, unlike the impression she seems to give off. Essentially, she told me she doesn't care about living. She finally has everything she wanted; her freedom, her own income, her own place, and I'm guessing she's still dating this guy, and it's empty...completely empty, and I think she's starting in some small way to realize that.
I tried my best to point her to God, and offered to pray with her although she wouldn't take my call. I reassured her that she does matter to God, that He has a purpose for her life, and that she has a lot to live for, however it's up to her to come to Him and repent.
At this point, I'm a bit stumped. I'm completely aware that she could very well be lying and just trying to get attention, or just messing with me for whatever reason. Or, she genuinely could be struggling with the weight of guilt of what she's done. All I can do is continue to pray that she will be receptive to the voice of the Holy Spirit in her heart and turn back to Him. Like I've said before, only if shce can do that does our marriage have any hope.
Please continue to pray for my wife and myself. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.