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Author Topic: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?  (Read 13339 times)

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Offline Coach C

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Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 01:59:36 »
I am close to a divorce after 10 years of marriage.  There are two young kids involved that my wife and I both TOTALLY adore.  There is just no longer anything between she and I.  We respect each other and each other's importance in our children's lives, but we are at the end and divorce looks to be conclusive.

Will God ever forgive me?  Is this permanent sin?

Please only real responses from real Christians.

Thank you.

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Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 01:59:36 »

Offline janine

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #1 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 06:45:05 »
If you still have respect for each other then you still have something left between you.  What is the problem?  Just that you aren't "in love" any more?

I'm not being snotty here, I really want to know.

And as for God forgiving you, that's one matter: your church forgiving you may be another;  you forgiving yourself may be another.  This is a topic worth a lot of discussion.

HRoberson

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #2 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 09:10:29 »
If you are not divorced yet, then what makes the divorce inevitable? If you both really do just adore those kids, why would you want to divorce them?

Getting a divorce is a big deal with God (yes, I do think there are grades of sin - at least in their impact in this world), much more so than speeding to work. Your primary job is to stay married and raise those kids.

Having said that, there is no sin that's permanent. The question though is, if the two of you consider yourselves Christians, why do you keep moving down this path?

Time for a gut check fella.

HR

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #2 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 09:10:29 »

boringoldguy

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #3 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 09:16:37 »
I'm with HR

This sounds quite a bit like "I'm going to do a sin if I think I can get forgiven for it."  You need to stay married.

BTW -  you might also consider whether those kids you claim to adore will forgive you.

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #3 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 09:16:37 »

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #4 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 09:53:20 »
I'm with HR

This sounds quite a bit like "I'm going to do a sin if I think I can get forgiven for it."  You need to stay married.

BTW -  you might also consider whether those kids you claim to adore will forgive you.

If you and your wife go through with the divorce, then no, you don't adore your kids at all.


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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #4 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 09:53:20 »



Offline tidbit

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #5 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:02:24 »
If you're asking for permission, then it is denied.

The way you are comtemplating this, it sounds alot like 'premeditation' to me, in which case you would bear a heavier responsibility.

The fact that you ask, 'Will God ever forgive me?' shows me that you are primarily concerned about yourself, and not your wife or your kids.

Think about this question....Would you give up your life for your children? 

If the answer is Yes, then consider the second question...Would you give up your happiness for your children?

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #5 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:02:24 »

Offline Bon Voyage

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #6 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:05:30 »
You need marital counseling from a Christian, not divorce.  You didn't mention infidelity or anything extreme.  Sounds like a loss of passion and arguing.

Love isn't just an emotion.  Its a commitment and an action.

Offline Coach C

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #7 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:23:09 »
Nick--please don't judge me.  You know nothing about me more than I am on the verge of divorce.  Don't ever tell me I don't adore my kids.  Part of the problem in Christianity is that people put themselves on pedastols and condemn others.  They make non-believers and even believers feel talked down to and thus turn them off to faith all together.  Why do you think I posted on a CHRISTIAN board?  Because I don't need to hear people making stupid comments and acting like they are holier than thou.  Some people gave helpful input and posed questions that will make me explore my faith and commitments further.  Others, like yourself, make people regret even opening their lives.  Maybe you should think before you type.

Yes, I would die for my kids.

I'm not looking forward to divorce, if it happens.  There are questions about God and His Word that I don't know the answers too.  It's not just me that feels divorce is coming.  He have gone through Christian counseling and this isn't something that just went bad.  It's not a spat.  This has been in decline for about 6 years.  Neither of us are happy.  The only happiness we share is the time spent with our kids.

I also have an obligation to model a healthy relationship for my children.  My wife and I both are not able to currently do that.

Has anyone read the writings of Stephen Gola on marriage and divorce?  Just curious as to reactions.

Thanks for the helpful input.  None of you know me or owe me anything but I do appreciate the fellowship.

boringoldguy

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #8 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:35:25 »
1.  "Neither of us are happy."    Who cares?

2.  "I also have an obligation to model a healthy relationship for my children."    Then do it.    Divorcing isn't a way to model a healthy relationship.

3.  "Has anyone read the writings of Stephen Gola on marriage and divorce?"   Yes.   It's bass-ackwards, self-serving, excuse-making, rationalizing garbage.     

Have you read Malachi?  "I hate divorce"  Chapter 2, verse 15.    That's what you need to know about God and divorce.

I think it's time for you (and maybe your wife) to grow up.         

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #8 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:35:25 »

Offline Jimbob

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #9 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:38:06 »
Quote
2.  "I also have an obligation to model a healthy relationship for my children."    Then do it.    Divorcing isn't a way to model a healthy relationship.
As a child of divorced parents (twice on my dad's part) I wholeheartedly concur.

Offline Bon Voyage

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #10 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 10:42:53 »
Nick--please don't judge me.  You know nothing about me more than I am on the verge of divorce.  Don't ever tell me I don't adore my kids.  Part of the problem in Christianity is that people put themselves on pedastols and condemn others.  They make non-believers and even believers feel talked down to and thus turn them off to faith all together.  Why do you think I posted on a CHRISTIAN board?  Because I don't need to hear people making stupid comments and acting like they are holier than thou.  Some people gave helpful input and posed questions that will make me explore my faith and commitments further.  Others, like yourself, make people regret even opening their lives.  Maybe you should think before you type.

Yes, I would die for my kids.

I'm not looking forward to divorce, if it happens.  There are questions about God and His Word that I don't know the answers too.  It's not just me that feels divorce is coming.  He have gone through Christian counseling and this isn't something that just went bad.  It's not a spat.  This has been in decline for about 6 years.  Neither of us are happy.  The only happiness we share is the time spent with our kids.

I also have an obligation to model a healthy relationship for my children.  My wife and I both are not able to currently do that.

Has anyone read the writings of Stephen Gola on marriage and divorce?  Just curious as to reactions.

Thanks for the helpful input.  None of you know me or owe me anything but I do appreciate the fellowship.

Sometimes caring for someone is telling them what they don't want to hear.

Offline admin

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #11 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 12:17:28 »
Before you divorce, you owe it to your spouse, your children and yourself to contact the organization I'm part of. We have a rebuilding weekend for married couples considering divorce. You don't have to want to save the marriage to attend. Call 1-800-650-9995 and ask for a marriage-crisis consultant. They won't try to sell you anything, just tell you about the seminar and if it could work for your situation.

At least then you'd know you tried something. Yes, this is Christian based, but we don't preach at people or attempt to guilt anyone into anything. Those things have temporary results at best. In fact, we validate your feelings on the matter. You didn't choose to become frustrated and we know that. We've been doing this for 11 years with an 80 percent success rate (that with 60 percent of the couples having an affair to hurt the marriage and over 70 percent NOT wanting to save the marriage).

For your family, give us a call. 800-650-9995.

Offline Coach C

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #12 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 14:12:14 »
BORING OLD GUY--Forgive me, I didn't realize God spoke so clearly through you and you had all the answers.  Please don't respond to anymore of my posts as you are not the model of God I hope to become.

Which is a greater sin?  Divorce?  Or turning people away from God through arrogance, condemnation, and belittling of others?

GARY AND ADMIN--thanks for the input.

Offline tidbit

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #13 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 14:16:49 »
BORING OLD GUY--Forgive me, I didn't realize God spoke so clearly through you and you had all the answers.  Please don't respond to anymore of my posts as you are not the model of God I hope to become.

Which is a greater sin?  Divorce?  Or turning people away from God through arrogance, condemnation, and belittling of others?

COACH C--The thing you have to know about boringoldguy is this:  he doesn't mince words.  He's not being arrogant.  He's not condemning you.  He's not belittling you.  He's answering your question like he sees it.  If you don't like his advice, then you shouldn't have posted your question for everyone in the world to see and for the members of this forum to answer.

Offline Coach C

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #14 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 14:46:25 »
Gary,

Thanks for explaining.  I guess I just expected something different from a Christian site.  That's why I'm here.  I am trying to learn more and grow closer to God and was hoping to find Christians who know the Word and can provide insight without insult. 

I know I can expect many cut and dry opinions on here, but what I am going through is hard enough without the put downs or negativity.

Thanks again.

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #15 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 14:58:42 »
Nick--please don't judge me.  You know nothing about me more than I am on the verge of divorce.  Don't ever tell me I don't adore my kids.  Part of the problem in Christianity is that people put themselves on pedastols and condemn others.  They make non-believers and even believers feel talked down to and thus turn them off to faith all together.  Why do you think I posted on a CHRISTIAN board?  Because I don't need to hear people making stupid comments and acting like they are holier than thou.  Some people gave helpful input and posed questions that will make me explore my faith and commitments further.  Others, like yourself, make people regret even opening their lives.  Maybe you should think before you type.

Yes, I would die for my kids.

I'm not looking forward to divorce, if it happens.  There are questions about God and His Word that I don't know the answers too.  It's not just me that feels divorce is coming.  He have gone through Christian counseling and this isn't something that just went bad.  It's not a spat.  This has been in decline for about 6 years.  Neither of us are happy.  The only happiness we share is the time spent with our kids.

I also have an obligation to model a healthy relationship for my children.  My wife and I both are not able to currently do that.

Has anyone read the writings of Stephen Gola on marriage and divorce?  Just curious as to reactions.

Thanks for the helpful input.  None of you know me or owe me anything but I do appreciate the fellowship.

I used to be a kid.  The greatest thing my parents ever gave me were staying together.

Don't tell me you adore your kids when busting up the home is still on the table.

HRoberson

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #16 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 15:08:20 »
Gary,

Thanks for explaining.  I guess I just expected something different from a Christian site.  That's why I'm here.  I am trying to learn more and grow closer to God and was hoping to find Christians who know the Word and can provide insight without insult. 

I know I can expect many cut and dry opinions on here, but what I am going through is hard enough without the put downs or negativity.
Thanks again.

What exactly was it you were looking for from a Christian site? Permission to blatantly violate the will of God?

Everything that has been written to you applies equally to your wife.

Being unhappy for six years is not an excuse to divorce your wife (or she you). What that should tell you is that both of you aren't putting the work into your relationship that marriage requires - and that your spouse and your kids deserve.

But you're right, we don't know more about you than you've posted. What you've posted is:

I'm unhappy. I think my marriage is going to fail. No real reason, just that we're unhappy.

Is that OK with God?

The answer is No, it isn't. Christian board or no.

HR

Offline Coach C

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #17 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 15:16:41 »
HR--You're correct.  I guess I was wondering if we ended up divorced, I know it is a sin.  I was told years ago it wouldn't be forgiven.  Others have told me it would.  I was . . . am . . .  searching.  My wife may end up pushing the divorce regardless.  I don't control her.  I am trying to prepare for the worst here.

I didn't open up what has gotten us to this point and all we have been through because of the types of people like Nick and BoringOld Guy. 

I can handle honesty, like yours.  I can't handle the arrogance of others that feel they have never sinned.

I know divorce is not right.  I know it is a sin.  I was wondering that if I end up all alone, what then??

I'm searching.  That's all.  Searching.  That's what led me to this site.

???

Offline Coach C

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #18 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 15:22:59 »
Nick--Don't tell me about things you know nothing about.  You know ZERO about my kids.  Please don't respond anymore.  You are no help to me.  Find someone else to try to put down.

And we were all kids at one time.

HRoberson

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #19 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 15:27:41 »
I don't know that anyone has said anything different than what I have told you.

In a technical, legalistic, straining a gnat sense, if your wife divorces you, you're off the hook.

In a technical, legalistic, straining a gnat sense, if you divorce your wife, God will forgive you, assuming your life and heart are otherwise in line with Him.

But neither of those are the prefered outcomes, or considerations. Your first consideration is your wife and kids. Not what's going to happen to you.

However, from a broader perspective, it's time to start reviewing where you failed to do your part in the relationship. You could still pull this out and in any event, you need to figure that out before you begin another relationship.

Just because it looks hopeless doesn't mean it is, nor does it give us permission to give up. If your wife isn't happy today, and you're still married today, your job is to help make her happy.

There's an old saying that goes something like "God's made someone special for me." That's nonsense. God has made you special for someone else, and He expects us to live like it - all the time.

HR

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #20 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 17:26:24 »
Nick--Don't tell me about things you know nothing about.  You know ZERO about my kids.  Please don't respond anymore.  You are no help to me.  Find someone else to try to put down.

And we were all kids at one time.

In short, I'm not telling you what you want to hear.  And, no, I haven't even begun to put you down.  And you say I know ZERO about your kids?  Ok.  You make a good point.  If they don't care if you and your wife get a divorce then I don't know about your kids.

Offline mandalee65

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #21 on: Fri Aug 11, 2006 - 18:48:47 »
Can I make some book recommendations?

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Rekindling the Romance by Dennis & Barbara Rainey
For Women Only Shaunti Feldhahn (obviously for your wife)
For Men Only Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn


Offline seekr

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #22 on: Sat Aug 12, 2006 - 14:21:08 »
You did ask if God would forgive you and the answer is "yes". I am in my 2nd marriage (almost 22 years now) and have learned about the grace of God and how He can do amazing things, including healing hearts. But sometimes we learn and grow through hard experiences.

I went through many hard things with the husband I am with now. We came close to splitting up many times, but I knew it was God holding us together, through the storm and the lack. In Collossians it says that Jesus holds all things together. I now have a love I thought could never have come out of this marriage. I learned to lean in and listen to God when I wanted to run. The running seemed inevitable to me, but God had a different plan so I waited on Him and trusted HIM. Remember too I was married once before and it didn't work out. I would just suggest keep seeking God in this and WAIT for Him to answer. He may even answer in whirlwind. That is trust and faith.

seekr

Offline janine

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #23 on: Sat Aug 12, 2006 - 16:50:16 »
Coach C --

I'm just thinking aloud here -- typing aloud, hah -- and it all applies to me before it goes out to you.  I am not judging you -- and even if it were my right to do so, I couldn't judge an apple pie contest with the tiny little stingy amount of detail you've given us.  Bear that in mind.

Sure, God can forgive all kinds of stuff.  Murder.  Rape.  Incest.  Theft.  Lying.  Even, gasp! shock! horror! DIVORCE.  You name it, he can forgive it.  Whether you are able to turn to Him with a truly repentant attitude is between you and Him.

But -- for now -- you're alive here in the fallen world, in your flesh, and you need to think more about dealing with those toward whom you bear responsibility. 

Sometimes a marriage isn't turning out like you'd pictured it, like you had hoped it would.

Sometimes all you and your spouse have left is a desire to keep "the nest" together, to raise up your children to be strong honorable people by being strong and honorable yourselves, even while you go through a long season of unhappiness.

That is not a cheap, small, less-valuable marriage,   Coach!  A marriage that does not "make you happy", but yet still takes care of important matters like raising up a family and helping them become functional people who can learn to find contentment even when they are not "happy", is not a less important, less valuable marriage.

Come and see me after you've been thru the cycles of a 25-year marriage, with its cold times and unhappy times and good times, then we'll talk about whether you can/should fight to stay in it. 

And quit trying to hand-pick who will answer you.  This is as close to being a public forum as you can get, realistically.  If you do not want to hear opinions from all sides go find someplace to ask your questions where they will give you cotton-fluff answers.

You will get only truth as each of us sees it, here.   That is what makes this a valuable group to belong to.

Do follow Lee/Admin's suggestion, call that number.  You and the wife doing one or more of those weekends couldn't hurt and might help a lot.

Offline mike

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #24 on: Sat Aug 12, 2006 - 17:38:55 »
Good advice, Janine.

Coach, listen to her.

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #25 on: Sun Aug 13, 2006 - 18:46:39 »
Coach C

Janine gives good advice.  So does Admin!  I highly recommend calling Family Dynamics.  I've known a number of people who have used them (including my daughter and her husband) and it has helped to start the rebuilding process and bring forgiveness INSIDE the marriage for many couples where things looked really bad before attending.  I really hope you and your wife will try harder and not just give up on the marriage.

Now, my opinion on your situation is as follows (then I will answer your original question)!

Are you going to seek the divorce or is your wife -- and why (the real reason)?  What you have stated so far is not a good reason for even considering a divorce, IMO, especially since children are involved.  The way you come across is that it is your wife who is going to divorce you and you seem very resigned and ambivilant to this divorce.  That is a defeatist attitude, not to mention a wallowing in self pity attitude, and as long as you allow yourself to have those attitudes, then the chances of a divorce are, IMO, about 99%.  It is almost like you want it to happen but could care less about giving the marriage the full attention it really needs to reverse the direction and grow strong again.  I'm curious, are you by any chance a high school or college coach since you chose the name COACH C?  I have known several coaches who went through tough times (and divorce) in their marriage because of the time committment to the job.  If that is a big part of the problem, and you know it is a problem, then maybe the job needs to go by the wayside, at least for a while, and you and your wife work on the marriage.  If your job is more important than the marriage, then you have your priorities screwed up!

I have been married for 32 years.  It has not been the smoothest marriage at times but thank God we have worked through the past problems and continue to work through the problems as they come up.  I have worked shift work in nuclear security for 23+ years and believe me, shift work in the nuclear industry has caused more divorces than I count.  The divorce rate in nuclear shift workers is mind boggling!  Right now, I work evening shift and my wife works day shift.  We see each other for just a few minutes in the morning if I cut my sleep time to about 4.5 hours a night.  It takes real work and an agressive attitude towards making it work to keep a marriage going, along with an attitude that divorce just is not the answer to the problem.  What I am trying to point out is that, based on the information you have supplied so far, you and your wife are NOT giving the marriage the effort that both of you need to give to it before considering divorce court.  And yes, you also owe it to your kids to make the total commitment to making it work!

Now, one last comment, the answer to your main question.

Does God forgive divorce?  IMO,  yes he does --- on both sides regardless of the cause--even though he hates divorce!.  If there was no forgiveness for divorce, then we are all doomed because there is no forgiveness for any sins.  Sin is sin.  Big or little, it is sin.  So if divorce is unforgivable and you are doomed to Hell because of the divorce, then there is no forgiveness for any sin, IMO.  However, keep in mind that when we stand before him (and everyone who ever lived will), even though we have been forgiven for the sin we committed (divorce--whatever---big or little sin), I believe we will also be shown the consequences of our sin on others and, while forgiven for the sin, I believe we will not like what we are shown that the sin we committed caused in others--especially our children.  I think that will be a really heart wrenching time while coming to the realization of how much damage our sin did to our children and others while we never realized it because we were so wrapped up in ourselves. 

Offline Gimpygoo

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #26 on: Mon Aug 21, 2006 - 12:24:40 »
I am a teacher, and I can't tell you how much divorce screws up kids.  I doubt adults even consider what they go through:

-never having what they want at the house they're staying in that week.  A favorite toy, shirt, game is at their mom's...but they're at their dad's that week.  Too bad.

-Never ever having another holiday with both parents present at the same time.  And if a child of divorce marries another child of divorce, they have to spread themselves over 4 different places to celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. 

-Never worshipping with both parents on the same pew with them again.  Some have to alternate churches every other week, so they never really feel a part of a religious community or develop close Christian buddies.

-They don't get to be with certain friends on certain days...again, they're at the wrong house and their best friend lives next door to the OTHER house.  Hopefully, they have a video game to keep them occupied on their off-weeks.

-I won't even get into those kids who have a parent move away after a divorce.  They're so fortunate to spend every summer out of state far from their friends, favorite hang-outs and activities.

Who cares if you're happy?    You made those kids with their mother (who you promised to stay with until death) and you owe it to them to at the least stick around until they're grown.  If not, your kids can join the long line of other kids at the counselor's office.   Then they can be unhappy instead of you. 

Offline tidbit

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #27 on: Mon Aug 21, 2006 - 12:41:09 »
Good points, Gimpygoo.

Offline Gimpygoo

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #28 on: Mon Aug 21, 2006 - 12:42:14 »
Here's another line of thought:

I'm not going to give you the usual Christian advice.  I've been married for almost 2 decades.  We get along pretty well, but we have to fight boredom.  If you haven't been fighting boredom, then it's no wonder you've lost the love, or at least friendship between the two of you.  Things to perk up your relationship:

-going out with another fun couple (who love each other).  Laugh, have a couple drinks, enjoy being a couple out in public.  Another couple can help "lubricate" the evening, allowing you to loosen up and just have fun with your wife.  Don't choose some boring super-Christians....choose someone who will really rev up your evening with your wife.  If you don't have any friends, this might be a big part of your problem.

-Have sex somewhere different.  Rev it up.  Talk dirty.  Do something crazy.  After 10 years, the sweet, gentle normal sex gets a little old.  I won't go into any more detail, but if you're bored, so is she.  But sometimes the guy has to make the first move in that direction...we woman have been trained that a nice Christian woman would NEVER initiate this kind of stuff (which is why I think so many Christian men get bored, get into pornography, etc.  Christian married sex is just boring, but it's what we sisters think is an 'acceptable act of marriage"   ::noworries::   ) If you lead, I'll bet she follows.

-Do you talk to her as you would a friend?  Email her during the day?  Share something bizarre that you witnessed at work or at McDonald's?  My husband and I are best friends, even when we're not madly in love.  Why?  We talk all the time about crazy stuff.

-Do you hole up after dinner playing your XBox, or do you stick around to help with kitchen duty?  When was the last time you cuddled on the couch to watch a movie?  Do you rush in the door after work and give her a big hug and kiss?  

Counseling is great, but hours of dry converstion won't do you any good by itself.  

Gimpy

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #29 on: Mon Aug 21, 2006 - 13:47:36 »
Looks like the Coach ran for cover when he didn't find what he wanted (permission) here.

Offline tidbit

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #30 on: Mon Aug 21, 2006 - 14:05:02 »
Jesus said, "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."  [Matt. 18:6]

Recent research tells us that "if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families."

Is a divorcing parent hanging a millstone around their child's neck?

Offline Dennis

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #31 on: Thu Aug 24, 2006 - 10:22:20 »
-Do you talk to her as you would a friend?  Email her during the day?  Share something bizarre that you witnessed at work or at McDonald's?  My husband and I are best friends, even when we're not madly in love.  Why?  We talk all the time about crazy stuff.

Gimpy,

Great thoughts, particularly the quoted portion.  I have had to deal with a number of these situations lately and they tend to follow similar patterns.  One of those patterns is a lack of intimacy.  Intimacy not just in the sexual sense, but as you describe it, the lack of true friendship and communication.  After 30 years, it is hard for me to conceive of having a relationship with another woman because of the intimacy I have developed with my wife.  I cannot conceive of having the discussions I have had with her with anyone else.  We even start to think alike.  It is indeed scary the number of times we think about the same things at the same time. When that sort of intimacy is not developed, I suspect it is much easier to see past the current relationship to another one.

Again, great thoughts Gimpy.  If I disagree with you anywhere, it is your suggestion couples wait for the kids to leave home before divorcing.  I would always encourage waiting, and agree it is better after the kids are gone, but it is never good or easy for kids of any age.  It is always devestating to the kids regardless of age.  With the possible exception of abuse [remember the same passage that says God hates divorce says hates those who clothe themselves with violence] divorce never solves problems, it only creates new ones.

And to BOG and Nick, right on.  Sometimes bluntness can be counterproductive, but I think many times there is not enough pointedness in our dealing with couples contemplating divorce.  I think BOG is right.  Coach came here looking for permission rather than help.  As I said above, I have dealt with several of these situations lately and his comments follow a typical pattern of the spouse who has made up his or her mind.  If that person had 50 reasons for divorce and I was able to thoroughly refute every one, he or she would only come up with 50 more.  And 50 more after that.  Maybe that's when bluntness is most appropriate.

Offline James Sterling

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #32 on: Mon Sep 25, 2006 - 18:00:28 »
A bruised reed he will not break,
       and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.     (Isaiah 42:3a)


Steady folks, if it's not already too late.

Offline janine

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #33 on: Mon Sep 25, 2006 - 20:54:31 »
I got a bruised wick and a smouldering reed of a marriage, some days.

But, by God, I got a marriage.  I have been given it to work on.

Offline James Sterling

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Re: Will God ever forgive me for divorce?
« Reply #34 on: Mon Sep 25, 2006 - 21:13:01 »
Precisely.

 

     
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