My friend did leave the church and now works at a local meat packing plant. His wife left him shortly after this all came out. They are in the process of a divorce. She moved out of the area, taking their children with her. As for me I do not believe in divorce. My wife suffers from rheumatoid arthritis and depends on me to take care of her, our children, and our home as she is very limited in her ability to help out with those things.
She is clearly not too disabled to have sex with other men! If she knows that you will never end the marriage then she will carry on cheating and possibly murdering more babies. You are not setting any boundaries for her behaviour.
The other mans wife did the sensible thing. What your wife has done is appalling. Wrecking others marriage is appalling.
What worries me even more is what a terrible example of marriage your children are getting. Their mother never talks to their dad(which is so messed up) and she cheats and kills her own children. It would actually be far less dysfunctional if you stood up to her and made a new life for yourself and your children. Do you want them to think that this is how you behave in a marriage? That putting up with abuse and adultery is right? If she cant look after them anyway then you make sure that they live with you.