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Offline draugr

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A question to all husbands - please help!
« on: Thu Mar 10, 2016 - 14:31:02 »
Dear husbands,

I am struggling with a decision to make and I thought maybe if you could share your experience that might be helpful. Here's the story:

I am 33 years old and I am thinking of starting dating and then maybe marrying a girl I know. We like each other and there is a good intellectual and spiritual connection between us. However, I have a "physical" dilemma. As I decided to wait with having sex till marriage (and so far managed to), I am very excited by the fact that when I marry, I could finally start my sexual life and I am really looking forward to the pleasures it offers. Though I sticked to Christian life since my childhood, having grown up in a world that made sexual activity a god, I kind of soaked up with all this sexual hype. And thus I have really big expectations, perhaps too big... So here's my dilemma: the girl I mentioned is 34 years old. While I find her physically attractive now, I wonder if this will still be true in 5 years, because of aging of her body. Men are known to stay sexually fit at least till their 50-60's and so I am afraid that after a few years I would not find her physically attractive and it will be difficult for me to have sex with her. I am just worrying, that I end up as a frustrated husband which wouldn’t be good for her and for me.

So my questions to all you husbands are: how important for you, men, is sex in marriage? Is it of key importance? Has it the ‘power’ to outweigh the other aspects of marriage? What is your experience? Maybe I am just exaggerating the importance of it and/or having too big expectations?

I know all this may seem funny for you, but for me it's important, before I make a decision to start serious dating. Otherwise maybe I'll just look for a younger wife...

I would appreciate honest replies.
Thank you.

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A question to all husbands - please help!
« on: Thu Mar 10, 2016 - 14:31:02 »

Offline Catholica

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #1 on: Thu Mar 10, 2016 - 16:26:05 »
Dear husbands,

I am struggling with a decision to make and I thought maybe if you could share your experience that might be helpful. Here's the story:

I am 33 years old and I am thinking of starting dating and then maybe marrying a girl I know. We like each other and there is a good intellectual and spiritual connection between us. However, I have a "physical" dilemma. As I decided to wait with having sex till marriage (and so far managed to), I am very excited by the fact that when I marry, I could finally start my sexual life and I am really looking forward to the pleasures it offers. Though I sticked to Christian life since my childhood, having grown up in a world that made sexual activity a god, I kind of soaked up with all this sexual hype. And thus I have really big expectations, perhaps too big... So here's my dilemma: the girl I mentioned is 34 years old. While I find her physically attractive now, I wonder if this will still be true in 5 years, because of aging of her body. Men are known to stay sexually fit at least till their 50-60's and so I am afraid that after a few years I would not find her physically attractive and it will be difficult for me to have sex with her. I am just worrying, that I end up as a frustrated husband which wouldn’t be good for her and for me.

So my questions to all you husbands are: how important for you, men, is sex in marriage? Is it of key importance? Has it the ‘power’ to outweigh the other aspects of marriage? What is your experience? Maybe I am just exaggerating the importance of it and/or having too big expectations?

I know all this may seem funny for you, but for me it's important, before I make a decision to start serious dating. Otherwise maybe I'll just look for a younger wife...

I would appreciate honest replies.
Thank you.

I don't think this is a bad question at all.  I think that its a very, very good question.

When you love someone, and you are in love with them, then you find them attractive.  No matter how their physical appearance changes over time.

When you marry someone, and you are faithful to them, forsaking all others, and live a loving and godly life for them, the way that you used to think which for many puts an emphasis on physical attraction, becomes a non-issue.  For my wife, I know deep in my heart that I will always see her as beautiful, and I always have.  This year she turns forty.  She has given me four kids.  I still find her as beautiful today as I did the day we met, and actually even more so.

Don't let fears about the future affect the now.  Marriage is a great gift; it will change your life.  How you feel now will be totally different five years, ten years, fifteen years from now.  You should go for it, and be not afraid.

Offline geronimo

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #2 on: Thu Mar 10, 2016 - 19:13:35 »
Great post Catholica,
 I married my soul mate a few months before turning 30, and her turning 27. We didn't get old together because she died at 50. But, I never saw a prettier bride, nor did she age even one day in my eyes. She'll be forever young. Enjoy all the time you can with her, physical or no.
 On the sex issue, I'd agree with what I've read that a man is at his physical and sexual peak at about 19 years old and a woman is at her sexual peak at about 35 or so. Correct me someone if that is not accurate. It's only an average and I'm sure will vary a bit from person to person. But, it still remains that you will hit your peak a while before she does. Even at that, it's ok, and something you will work out together. The only advice I'd give is to respect her at all times. Remember that your union is as long as you live. Hopefully a week or even a month or longer, is not that big of a deal if you're making your decisions based on her being your first or main consideration.
 Seems to me.

Offline draugr

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #3 on: Thu Mar 17, 2016 - 10:19:55 »
Thank you very much for all the replies. I really appreciate it!

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #3 on: Thu Mar 17, 2016 - 10:19:55 »
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Offline RB

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #4 on: Thu Mar 17, 2016 - 11:18:47 »
So here's my dilemma: the girl I mentioned is 34 years old. While I find her physically attractive now, I wonder if this will still be true in 5 years, because of aging of her body.
Drop your worrying! I'll soon be sixty eight, and  I can testify that women only begin to hit their sexual high at about mid thirties, and will continue for at least twenty five years PLUS. Young women know very little on how to enjoy sex and to please men, and in return reap the benefits, trust me. They do not learn how to enjoy sex until mid thirties regardless what most think otherwise. Give me an older woman any day of the week.
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Men are known to stay sexually fit at least till their 50-60's
Oh really? You have you been talking to? I trust it will last until ..................................The end. It's a wonderful gift given by God to us.
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so I am afraid that after a few years I would not find her physically attractive and it will be difficult for me to have sex with her.
That's very selfish of you. You should be more concern of looking good for HER, most women take care of themselves more than men do of themselves.  My wife is sixty four, and still within a few pounds of her weight forty years ago! She get up every morning and presents herself the very best she can, regardless what she may be doing that day. She's always ready, when I am! Your are worrying over nothing. Be more concern about your our self, and the way you may look in thirty years.
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I decided to wait with having sex till marriage (and so far managed to), I am very excited by the fact that when I marry, I could finally start my sexual life and I am really looking forward to the pleasures it offers.
If this is so, then good for you, and I will add, the best is yet to come.

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #4 on: Thu Mar 17, 2016 - 11:18:47 »



Offline Texas Conservative

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #5 on: Thu Mar 17, 2016 - 13:00:31 »
I don't know RB there's an awful lot of ugly women on dating sites, even the Christian ones who have let themselves go.

Offline RB

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #6 on: Thu Mar 17, 2016 - 17:11:42 »
I don't know RB there's an awful lot of ugly women on dating sites, even the Christian ones who have let themselves go.
I'm sure~ My wife was taught well by her mother. 

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #7 on: Thu Mar 31, 2016 - 14:03:06 »
Well as some of you know, I also run http://www.RealChristianSingles.com. It's a free Christian dating site so it's a possibility for those looking to meet other Christian singles.

Now to the question at hand. Women age differently and when a woman takes care of herself she can be attractive (even to much younger men) at least into her late 50s. Some women go even further. So if she has good habits as far as eating and exercise, then that shouldn't be a worry and my thinking is that you should take care of yourself in the same way for her.

Offline Alma1995

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #8 on: Thu Mar 31, 2016 - 19:07:04 »
Well as some of you know, I also run http://www.RealChristianSingles.com. It's a free Christian dating site so it's a possibility for those looking to meet other Christian singles.

Now to the question at hand. Women age differently and when a woman takes care of herself she can be attractive (even to much younger men) at least into her late 50s. Some women go even further. So if she has good habits as far as eating and exercise, then that shouldn't be a worry and my thinking is that you should take care of yourself in the same way for her.

Too bad non-usa citizens can't register.

Offline planetshaker

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #9 on: Wed Apr 13, 2016 - 23:33:23 »
I'm 45 married second time around yes looks is important but marriage isn't about you. If you want to suceed in marriage you got to sacrifice your life. This means you may end up not happy, sex maybe rare like very little, you may end up with loads of debt, if ya'll have kids be prepared for 24/7 life of parenthood, conflict, house keeping, etc, etc. She may get older could put on weight have a bad hair day. Other than that can you lay down your life dispite the even worst outcomes and willing to remain faithful to your vows.

Offline geronimo

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Re: A question to all husbands - please help!
« Reply #10 on: Fri Apr 15, 2016 - 06:47:31 »
 I'd like to make a comment on a woman "letting herself go". I believe that it doesn't matter so much if she lets herself go. Because no matter where she goes, there some guy will be following her.
 TIC.