Author Topic: Do most married Christian men not like to pray with their wives? Why not?  (Read 1448 times)

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Offline Cally

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I've been hearing lately that this is a common gripe of Christian wives. Apparently most married men don't pray with their wives intensely wish they did--and "initiated" it.

Um . . . huh . . . wha?

My first reaction is total disbelief. A man, serious about God, and ought to be eager to have as many brothers/sisters in Christ at his side in life as possible anyway, isn't going to pray with his wife with whom he lives daily and wants him to do so? This seems incomprehensible.

I talked with another man about this though and have my own thoughts as to why (rooted in the condition of church culture which is not empowering to men and can make them feel intimidated by their wives spiritually). I'm really interested in some thoughts!

 ::help::

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Online RB

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I've been hearing lately that this is a common gripe of Christian wives. Apparently most married men don't pray with their wives intensely wish they did--and "initiated" it.

Brother my wife comes first in every thing, above all in spiritual things. Since we first begun serving God, I have had a personal devotional time of reading and praying with my wife daily.  We have worked our way through the scriptures several times, and as we do, I clearly see my duty from God is to lead and teach her~and I do just as Abraham did Sarah.

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1 Corinthians 9:5~" Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?

Yes Christian men should, yea, must lead their wives into the truths of God's word.  She is not only a wife, but a sister in Jesus Christ.  A man that does not put his wife first in helping her to be a godly person that God expect from all of us, I have little faith in that man's faith, and love for his wife. When a man leads his wife into knowing the word of God more perfectly, she in turn will be his greatest help in making him more perfect as well.  My wife does know the scriptures very well, and has corrected me in certain area's with a meek and submissive spirit, that has made me a better person, without her wisdom, I would not have been. 

Why would not a man not pray with his wife, and teach her the scriptures?  He's in love more with things that he had rather spend his time than loving and protecting his wife as he should be doing.  No man can possibly care for others, if he does not care and put his wife FIRST in such an important area of our life.

It is our God given duty to lead our wife in serving our God, and it starts AT HOME in prayer and reading the scriptures.

 
« Last Edit: Tue Jul 14, 2015 - 03:53:50 by RB »

Jd34

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My wife and I pray together. We are coequal and we place God at the top of our union.

As individuals, we still have a personal relationship with God. So we both still have our "one on one" time with Him.

Offline Cally

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Thanks guys. I'm happy to hear insights. I tend to feel like "coheirs of salvation" means a husband and wife should share their spiritual journey.

I'd also like to hear from men who don't, without worrying about people jumping down their throat over it.

Personally I think I understand a lot of what has to do with it--which is to say that I sympathize.

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Cheez

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You pray with your wife before you eat...

Father God and son Jesus would like 1 on 1 prayer with you and chit-chat... This is where you express your heart and feelings... Intimacy.



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Offline Cally

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I have little faith in that man's faith, and love for his wife.

RB,

While I agree with the importance of a man leading his wife spiritually as far as he is able (the gist of your response), I think a lot of husbands deserve understanding in this regard.

Christian culture is intensely damaging to a man and - as many people agree - tend to portray men as innately spiritually inferior, "earn your value, redeem yourself" sort of attitude and as such I have observed that such injuries have made them feel insecure in their positions as spiritual leaders. I'm not the only one diagnosing it such, by the way--men have expressed such feelings of inadequacy.

I'm just saying, to make the problem better, men need to be empowered and encouraged, not belittled further.

It also requires comfort with one's vulnerabilities (again, more reasons not to heap on the shame). Consider: before God, a man is God's "child" and his "bride." He has to be comfortable showing that side of himself to his wife, where a lot of men are not so comfortable with their weaknesses around their wives (regardless of whose fault that is, it's a tragedy, as wives can be helpful in any such regard).
« Last Edit: Tue Jul 14, 2015 - 21:24:43 by Cally »

Online RB

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I'm just saying, to make the problem better, men need to be empowered and encouraged, not belittled further.

Cally, you and I will disagree on this subject~but, that does not mean that I still cannot respect and love you for your overall love of the scriptures, which I do.

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I have observed that such injuries have made them feel insecure in their positions as spiritual leaders. I'm not the only one diagnosing it such, by the way--men have expressed such feelings of inadequacy.

Well, I have daughters that could be your mother, so I think that I have some experience in observing married men, specially professing Chrisitans, and some very good men, who have been slack in taking the leadership in leading their wives and children into the true worship of God by praying and teaching them the world of God daily. They do not forget to visit them at bed time, yet where not the leaders that they should have been. 

Example:  I rented a house to a young Christain couple, who were overall very dedicated, whom I had over to my house one night for supper and devotion.  I asked him while at devotion, "Jonathan, are you praying and reading the word of God with your new wife daily?"  No Mr. Baker~I said do you forget enjoy her body at bedtime?  No Mr. Baker~I asked him which is more important?  He quickly agree with me which one should be his top priority. He's turning out to be a great husband and father. 

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Christian culture is intensely damaging to a man

Well brother, that's not completely so with all respect to you.  I agree that the world is, and many professing religious people, but NOT true believers.  My advice to you would be to remove yourself as far from people who profess, yet twist and pervert the word of God to fit their wicked position. 

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tend to portray men as innately spiritually inferior, "earn your value, redeem yourself" sort of attitude

Well here I agree that the world does~via TV, and society overall does....but what does this have to do with men being MEN, and leading their family into the true worship of God, and commanding their household to follow God's wisdom over the world's. 

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I'm just saying, to make the problem better, men need to be empowered and encouraged, not belittled further.

Well brother, we disagree here....BEFORE one can be better, sometimes we must first tear down, before we can build back up and be better.  How would you suggest to empowered and encouraged men who fail in this area?  Maybe you need to read Paul's writings to the churches, when writing to them concerning their lack of following God's word in certain area's.  I could give you a few, but I think you are wise enough to know many of them.

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Consider: before God, a man is God's "child" and his "bride." He has to be comfortable showing that side of himself to his wife, where a lot of men are not so comfortable with their weaknesses around their wives (regardless of whose fault that is, it's a tragedy,

Have no ideal what you are trying to say here.  I have NEVER had such thoughts around my wife.  What weakness I have, my wife has been a great defender for me, and has labored to make me better in those area's as I have toward her.  Brother, does not LOVE hides a MULTITUDES OF SIN?  Indeed charity does.  The old saying is very true~"love is blind"...how true that is. 

Teaching them about the love of God, would eliminate much of what you are concerned over.  Again, it goes back to men being the leader in the home as God commands them~and it starts with prayer and exalting the scriptures as a rule in which everyone in the house lives by.  Where are the Abraham's of our day? 

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I'm just saying, to make the problem better, men need to be empowered and encouraged, not belittled further.

What better way to be empowered and encouraged than by taking heed to God's word:

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1 Corinthians 16:13~ "Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong."

Men need to be MEN, and be a leader, regardless of any fear of failure, and what others think, even my own wife and children.  I am not here to support weak minded men who have a fear of being a man. God has commanded us to stand fast in the faith, and to be MEN, strong, not weak.



« Last Edit: Wed Jul 15, 2015 - 04:29:59 by RB »

Offline Falan

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My wife is not a believer so she just keeps quiet when I pray. For a long time I didn't even pray but now I make sure I do before sleeping.

Online RB

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My wife is not a believer so she just keeps quiet when I pray. For a long time I didn't even pray but now I make sure I do before sleeping.
Good for you~it will serve you well.

Offline Falan

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A lot of the time it just feels like I am screaming into a void to be honest. I try and focus on what I am saying but it feels like I am asking for the same things over and over. I guess I don't want to get to heaven some day and by told 'well you should have asked!' because I am asking, every day, maybe some day something will change who knows.

Offline prdiyguy

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I seldom reply but I do read like so many others I see in the numbers displayed. I would venture that most men are reading because they
are troubled or perplexed by their own life and or marriage. Other wise there is little explanation for why a man would be here at this topic
accept for curiosity. So with that said I find it troubling that the one per cent who are here that  like to give advice by describing how great and trouble free their life and marriage is. Like the muscle man at the gym telling everyone who comes to the gym how weak everyone is who is not at the gym. And how his regimen serves him perfect health and large biceps. You have no idea what some men or women endure in their marriage and yet tell no one because they accept their situation with grace and have no intention on looking for a way
out. How about giving them a little encouragement instead of one of your lectures.   

Offline Cally

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I seldom reply but I do read like so many others I see in the numbers displayed. I would venture that most men are reading because they
are troubled or perplexed by their own life and or marriage. Other wise there is little explanation for why a man would be here at this topic
accept for curiosity. So with that said I find it troubling that the one per cent who are here that  like to give advice by describing how great and trouble free their life and marriage is. Like the muscle man at the gym telling everyone who comes to the gym how weak everyone is who is not at the gym. And how his regimen serves him perfect health and large biceps. You have no idea what some men or women endure in their marriage and yet tell no one because they accept their situation with grace and have no intention on looking for a way
out. How about giving them a little encouragement instead of one of your lectures. 

prdiyguy:

I'm actually not married, but I'm TOTALLY ON YOUR SIDE with what you're saying. And this is how Christian men's fellowship so often turns into such a miserable spectacle. So often the encouraging, mutually protective, gracious spirit is just not there.

When it comes to men, Too often it's condemnation left and right.

I believe in cracking down hard when someone exhibits a stubborn belief in a lie. But when it comes to people opening their hearts in vulnerability, we should be restoring gently.


Galatians 6:1
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.


Of course Paul was about cracking down fiercely on untrue doctrine. But like you're saying, I was hoping for a "safe" discussion about men talking about a struggle which I don't understand but might be an avenue for a restorative atmosphere. My understanding is that a lot of men's hurts and vulnerabilities make them afraid to pray with their wives. I would that a man were shown compassion in the matter in the hopes of healing.
« Last Edit: Thu Oct 08, 2015 - 19:51:42 by Cally »

Offline JohnMisty

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This is odd to me. In my personal experience, much more couples will choose to pray together compared to those that do so separately. At a new  Christian retirement condo near Scarborough <link removed as per forum rules> was met with fierce opposition.

I think that ultimately every couple/person is different and generalizing will always produce conclusions that exclude certain individuals. Many couples pray together, many do so separately, and there are probably many that do both. I don't think there's a right or wrong way, whatever works best for those involved.   
« Last Edit: Mon Oct 19, 2015 - 11:06:11 by Alan »