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Offline Carwhisperer

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Do you have male friends?
« on: Sun Feb 19, 2012 - 18:47:32 »
When I was in college and the years following before I got married I had a good friend with whom I hung out. Now that I am divorced I find it very difficult to make male friends. I find it fairly easy to find female friends/find dates. I try reaching out to guys to be friendly but I am always the one sending the text or making invitations to do things. What is your experience?

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Do you have male friends?
« on: Sun Feb 19, 2012 - 18:47:32 »

Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #1 on: Sun Feb 19, 2012 - 19:03:05 »
Yeah I have male friends, and female. I don't think I have too much trouble when I set out to do it, and lots of people are nice to me when I actually come out of hiding--actually it's because I'm so swamped with stuff to do all the time.

I have female friends too, but I tend not to head in the direction of women so much so probably not as many.

I think the difference is that with men, they show interest in some way after you win their respect somehow--or nevermind "winning" it, just something you say or do tends to leave an impression.

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #1 on: Sun Feb 19, 2012 - 19:03:05 »

Offline fcadcock

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #2 on: Sun Feb 19, 2012 - 23:56:44 »
I have a few male friends, but only one that I'm actually close with and see often.  It may be that we are the only two single guys among our group of friends from high school.  All of the others drifted away once they got married (They're all still friends, they just don't invite the single guys out with them.

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #3 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 12:27:59 »
Men bond with each other by working and or playing together with a common goal.

Such as barn building, car repair, landscaping, sports or even cooking. Common enough tasks that most know something about and can play a key, integral role in together towards winning a struggle.

We men are uniquely wired for building and fighting/defending. Army buddies and school buddies are a prime examples of this.  So don't try to help others as much as ask for help in accomplishing a task of some kind and see what happens. (Egos play a role too)

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #3 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 12:27:59 »
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Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #4 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 12:41:56 »
Cool but do YOU have male friends?

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #4 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 12:41:56 »



Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #5 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 14:37:32 »
Men bond with each other by working and or playing together with a common goal.

Such as barn building, car repair, landscaping, sports or even cooking. Common enough tasks that most know something about and can play a key, integral role in together towards winning a struggle.

We men are uniquely wired for building and fighting/defending. Army buddies and school buddies are a prime examples of this.  So don't try to help others as much as ask for help in accomplishing a task of some kind and see what happens. (Egos play a role too)

Yes, EXACTLY.

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #6 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 20:02:46 »
Yes. I do. I am a construction worker and a member of a trade union. (IBEW) I have friends that come over & friends that I go to their place's.

I am a rather strange creature in that I will hang out with the singles as well as the marrieds. Hanging out with the guys is easier to cross the married line of friendships.

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #7 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 20:07:59 »
I don't know why I have so much trouble. I had a single guy neighbor that lived across the street from me in the mountain town where I used to live. He even liked cars like me. I would ask him to do stuff and he would. But he would never ask me to hang out. The only time he would initiate contact is when he needed something. I volunteered at a church's auto repair ministry. It was great comaraderie but none of the guys would ever call me. Girls like me but guys don't it seems. Well, it could be worse. It could be the other way around.  ::smile::

Offline JohnDB70X7

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #8 on: Wed Mar 07, 2012 - 22:55:56 »
I am a bit of an odd duck. I consider people only as acquaintances unless they are fiduciaries and then I am a fiduciary to them.

I have only had five friends in my 51 years. Four of them failed me and lost my friendship. One died.

My best friend is my beloved wife. And she is the only one I would die for in a heart beat.

Oh btw... one of those four friends was a female which I learned the hard way is not practical. Men and women "can" be friends but only extremely rare circumstances. Mine failed me like typically happens between male and female friends (and it was not about sex).

I have many acquaintances and my job is heavily public relations etc. But I prefer being alone when I am not with my wife... or here posting.

Many people, I have found, are afraid to be alone. They have devices (cell phones ipods etc) as if they can't stand the thought of being alone or in a time of solitude and quietness. So sad.

Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #9 on: Wed Mar 07, 2012 - 23:03:18 »
I am a bit of an odd duck. I consider people only as acquaintances unless they are fiduciaries and then I am a fiduciary to them.

I have only had five friends in my 51 years. Four of them failed me and lost my friendship. One died.

My best friend is my beloved wife. And she is the only one I would die for in a heart beat.

Oh btw... one of those four friends was a female which I learned the hard way is not practical. Men and women "can" be friends but only extremely rare circumstances. Mine failed me like typically happens between male and female friends (and it was not about sex).

I have many acquaintances and my job is heavily public relations etc. But I prefer being alone when I am not with my wife... or here posting.

Many people, I have found, are afraid to be alone. They have devices (cell phones ipods etc) as if they can't stand the thought of being alone or in a time of solitude and quietness. So sad.

Interesting. Very interesting. I think I can relate to you a lot--and I agree about how sad it is that people can hardly stand to be alone--I worry about people's co-dependence on another. For those of us that can handle being alone just fine, they can make things difficult for us that would be easy.

Yeah, I tossed my cell phone and have refused to get a new one for years. I can't stand people following me everywhere (they expect you to have it on you if you own a cell phone, let's face it).

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #10 on: Thu Mar 08, 2012 - 10:37:46 »

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.

I used to not mind being alone when I was married. Knowing that there was someone who loved me and I was going to be with later that day or tomorrow made it easy for me to focus on what I was doing (usually building weird custom cars or exercising).

I actually think there is some doubt about the one-on-one. Does the Bible say it will be just you and God or will there be others in the room?

Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #11 on: Thu Mar 08, 2012 - 11:27:46 »

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.

I used to not mind being alone when I was married. Knowing that there was someone who loved me and I was going to be with later that day or tomorrow made it easy for me to focus on what I was doing (usually building weird custom cars or exercising).

I actually think there is some doubt about the one-on-one. Does the Bible say it will be just you and God or will there be others in the room?

Well, whether we are or not, my point was that people's interdependency (what others think of you) isn't going to amount to zilch when God examines each individual person.

When I'm alone, I'm with God. It's my favorite place to be, although daily I'm challenged by him personally to make sure what I do is pleasing to him. I would say I have "friends" probably about as much as the next guy, but people who are THAT close? Probably no one. The beauty of it all is that no one can take that away (thankfully, the Lord is patient and comes when I ask even after I fail him terribly).

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #12 on: Thu Mar 08, 2012 - 15:18:00 »

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.

I used to not mind being alone when I was married. Knowing that there was someone who loved me and I was going to be with later that day or tomorrow made it easy for me to focus on what I was doing (usually building weird custom cars or exercising).

I actually think there is some doubt about the one-on-one. Does the Bible say it will be just you and God or will there be others in the room?

I think men have a harder time admitting that they are lonely for a same sex non-homosexual friend.  Great same sex friends should be treasured.   Many married men die soon after their wife does because many men only are close to their wife.  I thought of starting a website for Christians to find same sex non-homosexual friends.  Lonely people are at greater risk for suicide and many other things.  Have you tried joining any other groups?  Hunting, fishing?  A church's men group?  Many you could start a men's group and run it the way you think God wants you to. 

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #13 on: Wed Mar 14, 2012 - 12:40:39 »
I think men have a harder time admitting that they are lonely for a same sex non-homosexual friend.  Great same sex friends should be treasured.   Many married men die soon after their wife does because many men only are close to their wife.  I thought of starting a website for Christians to find same sex non-homosexual friends.  Lonely people are at greater risk for suicide and many other things.  Have you tried joining any other groups?  Hunting, fishing?  A church's men group?  Many you could start a men's group and run it the way you think God wants you to. 
Glad to hear from someone who understands what I am saying. I agree with what you say. I do go to two men's groups right now which helps. I've actually met a guy who initiates texting me once in a while! Pretty cool. What makes it really hard is finding non married guys in my age range. Married guys have their own thing going on, as well they should.

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #14 on: Mon Apr 02, 2012 - 10:29:16 »
There is nothing wrong with being friends with someone when even if the man is married.  You just have to accept their time constraints and make the best of it.  There are plenty of single men of all ages, many divorces out there.  Just find out what someone is into and do it with them.  If they need their house painted volunteer to help with a room.  etc. 

Offline LucasCowles28

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #15 on: Mon Apr 02, 2012 - 21:44:29 »
Hey there!

I agree I think it is really hard for men to open up to other men. The world tells us that men have to be a man and not discuss our feelings. We are so big, bad and tough (grunts and pumps pecks). Truth is men NEEDmen

John 15:12-15 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

I go to a men's fraternity at church were I learn that we as men have a lot of misconceptions about how to be men. Or were never taught how to be man. Being a friend takes courage it takes love it takes getting over yourself. But if i tell him man he means a lot to me or i enjoy his company then i'm no man i'm just weak and emotional. think about something any man can be a loner any man can be tough these things are easy.

Pro 27:17  Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

It's clear God says we need counsel and friends this carwhisperer is not talking about being dependent on a man he saying he want's a friend a true friend he can talk about life to. I have a wife the bible says a man who finds a wife finds a good thing, between her and God i don't need friends but I'll always welcome them.I learned if i think you can be a friend i'll just say i enjoyed this talk and i'll time and be sincere we should do it again if he looks at me wierd or does not want to that's fine.not every wants friends(though we do need them)people may not be able to die to self enough that they can love you.




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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #16 on: Mon Apr 02, 2012 - 22:01:27 »
Hi Lucas and welcome to these forums. There is much to be gained spiritually in developing friendships, and we read in Proverbs 18:24, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly." You're certainly on solid ground and may your witness be a light unto many. We never know the extent a kind word will travel, but I know that many times we are judged by others by what we do more than what we say. Your ministry in this area is like sowing seed expecting a harvest. One plants, another waters, and it is God that gives the increase.

Again, it's good to have you with us, and may God bless your time here in Jesus' name.  ::smile::
 

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #17 on: Tue Apr 03, 2012 - 00:23:39 »
Hey there!

I agree I think it is really hard for men to open up to other men. The world tells us that men have to be a man and not discuss our feelings. We are so big, bad and tough (grunts and pumps pecks). Truth is men NEEDmen


OK so do YOU have male friends?

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #18 on: Tue Apr 03, 2012 - 00:24:46 »
Hi Lucas and welcome to these forums. You're certainly on solid ground and may your witness be a light unto many. We never know the extent a kind word will travel, but I know that many times we are judged by others by what we do more than what we say. Again, it's good to have you with us, and may God bless your time here in Jesus' name.  ::smile::
 

Do YOU have male friends?

Offline LucasCowles28

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #19 on: Tue Apr 03, 2012 - 09:05:30 »
I have an account ability group I see we don't judge but we do tell each other things that bother us and we look at biblical ways to help each other we all have shared some intimate things I consider these men my friends they would be there if i needed the to talk about whatever and help me and i them. A friend will also look you in the face a say i love you but you got stop that or you need to do what the bible says in that area, A true friend will help you grow in your walk with Christ.

larry2

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #20 on: Tue Apr 03, 2012 - 12:36:14 »
Hi Lucas and welcome to these forums. You're certainly on solid ground and may your witness be a light unto many. We never know the extent a kind word will travel, but I know that many times we are judged by others by what we do more than what we say. Again, it's good to have you with us, and may God bless your time here in Jesus' name.  ::smile::
 

Do YOU have male friends?


Yes I do; those who have proved that I can count on, but better than that there is my friend that sticketh closer than a brother Who never fails me, and that is Jesus.

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #21 on: Thu Apr 19, 2012 - 05:55:07 »
I don't really have male friends.  At my past job, I worked with 2 guys who became friends, but when the job ended, the relationships mostly did, too.  We went to a few ballgames and did a fantasy sports league afterwards, but then it just sort of went away.

At my current job, there's really nothing but women, and I miss the guys!

Jarrod

Offline Jon-Marc

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #22 on: Fri Apr 27, 2012 - 14:04:58 »
I know people that I like but no one I would call a "friend". To me, a friend is someone with whom you spend a lot of time and have a lot in common; I know of no one like that. I've had what I thought were friends in the past until they see something in me (I'm not perfect like some people think they are) and then reject me.

Example: One man I thought was a friend for three years forwarded a lot of e-mails to me that were sent to him. Most of them I enjoyed, but one he sent me had the "SOB" phrase in it. I replied and asked him not to send me anything with profanity in it. He was OK with that until one day I got another such e-mail from him and politely reminded him of my previous request. He wrote back and said, "You are sticking your head in the sand) and "You are putting yourself in the place of God." He also said that we couldn't be friends any longer. I realized then that we never were true friends since friends don't reject one another for such a petty reason.

So, my only true Friend is Jesus, My Lord and Saviour. He doesn't reject me simple because we don't always agree.

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #23 on: Fri Apr 27, 2012 - 14:35:16 »
Well I guess it makes me feel better some how that I'm not alone in being alone. Maybe that's the natural state of males. Some sitcoms and movies portray males as having friends. Although it is not unheard of in real life it appears to be uncommon.

Maybe that's why God gave Adam a woman first instead of another man friend. I've never been as close to anyone as I was with my wife. Yet more evidence that I'm an idiot because I threw that away.

Offline sesantek

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #24 on: Mon May 21, 2012 - 11:49:40 »
I have male friends and female ones. My female friends are also friends to my wife. Really I don't force people to be my friends. If anyone is walking according to my purpose, that person is qualified to be my friend.