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Offline Carwhisperer

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Do you have male friends?
« on: February 19, 2012, 05:47:32 PM »
When I was in college and the years following before I got married I had a good friend with whom I hung out. Now that I am divorced I find it very difficult to make male friends. I find it fairly easy to find female friends/find dates. I try reaching out to guys to be friendly but I am always the one sending the text or making invitations to do things. What is your experience?

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Do you have male friends?
« on: February 19, 2012, 05:47:32 PM »

Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2012, 06:03:05 PM »
Yeah I have male friends, and female. I don't think I have too much trouble when I set out to do it, and lots of people are nice to me when I actually come out of hiding--actually it's because I'm so swamped with stuff to do all the time.

I have female friends too, but I tend not to head in the direction of women so much so probably not as many.

I think the difference is that with men, they show interest in some way after you win their respect somehow--or nevermind "winning" it, just something you say or do tends to leave an impression.
I am in need of being reminded of things that God has already taught me.

Trust me--I'm not like most people. 90% of the time, I'm straight-faced and it really isn't personal.

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2012, 06:03:05 PM »

Offline fcadcock

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2012, 10:56:44 PM »
I have a few male friends, but only one that I'm actually close with and see often.  It may be that we are the only two single guys among our group of friends from high school.  All of the others drifted away once they got married (They're all still friends, they just don't invite the single guys out with them.
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Offline JohnDB

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2012, 11:27:59 AM »
Men bond with each other by working and or playing together with a common goal.

Such as barn building, car repair, landscaping, sports or even cooking. Common enough tasks that most know something about and can play a key, integral role in together towards winning a struggle.

We men are uniquely wired for building and fighting/defending. Army buddies and school buddies are a prime examples of this.  So don't try to help others as much as ask for help in accomplishing a task of some kind and see what happens. (Egos play a role too)
I wanna die like grandpa, peacefully and in my sleep; not like the passengers in his car...they were all screaming and panicking.

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2012, 11:27:59 AM »
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Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2012, 11:41:56 AM »
Cool but do YOU have male friends?

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2012, 11:41:56 AM »



Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2012, 01:37:32 PM »
Men bond with each other by working and or playing together with a common goal.

Such as barn building, car repair, landscaping, sports or even cooking. Common enough tasks that most know something about and can play a key, integral role in together towards winning a struggle.

We men are uniquely wired for building and fighting/defending. Army buddies and school buddies are a prime examples of this.  So don't try to help others as much as ask for help in accomplishing a task of some kind and see what happens. (Egos play a role too)

Yes, EXACTLY.
I am in need of being reminded of things that God has already taught me.

Trust me--I'm not like most people. 90% of the time, I'm straight-faced and it really isn't personal.

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2012, 07:02:46 PM »
Yes. I do. I am a construction worker and a member of a trade union. (IBEW) I have friends that come over & friends that I go to their place's.

I am a rather strange creature in that I will hang out with the singles as well as the marrieds. Hanging out with the guys is easier to cross the married line of friendships.
I wanna die like grandpa, peacefully and in my sleep; not like the passengers in his car...they were all screaming and panicking.

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2012, 07:07:59 PM »
I don't know why I have so much trouble. I had a single guy neighbor that lived across the street from me in the mountain town where I used to live. He even liked cars like me. I would ask him to do stuff and he would. But he would never ask me to hang out. The only time he would initiate contact is when he needed something. I volunteered at a church's auto repair ministry. It was great comaraderie but none of the guys would ever call me. Girls like me but guys don't it seems. Well, it could be worse. It could be the other way around.  ::smile::

Offline JohnDB70X7

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2012, 09:55:56 PM »
I am a bit of an odd duck. I consider people only as acquaintances unless they are fiduciaries and then I am a fiduciary to them.

I have only had five friends in my 51 years. Four of them failed me and lost my friendship. One died.

My best friend is my beloved wife. And she is the only one I would die for in a heart beat.

Oh btw... one of those four friends was a female which I learned the hard way is not practical. Men and women "can" be friends but only extremely rare circumstances. Mine failed me like typically happens between male and female friends (and it was not about sex).

I have many acquaintances and my job is heavily public relations etc. But I prefer being alone when I am not with my wife... or here posting.

Many people, I have found, are afraid to be alone. They have devices (cell phones ipods etc) as if they can't stand the thought of being alone or in a time of solitude and quietness. So sad.
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Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #9 on: March 07, 2012, 10:03:18 PM »
I am a bit of an odd duck. I consider people only as acquaintances unless they are fiduciaries and then I am a fiduciary to them.

I have only had five friends in my 51 years. Four of them failed me and lost my friendship. One died.

My best friend is my beloved wife. And she is the only one I would die for in a heart beat.

Oh btw... one of those four friends was a female which I learned the hard way is not practical. Men and women "can" be friends but only extremely rare circumstances. Mine failed me like typically happens between male and female friends (and it was not about sex).

I have many acquaintances and my job is heavily public relations etc. But I prefer being alone when I am not with my wife... or here posting.

Many people, I have found, are afraid to be alone. They have devices (cell phones ipods etc) as if they can't stand the thought of being alone or in a time of solitude and quietness. So sad.

Interesting. Very interesting. I think I can relate to you a lot--and I agree about how sad it is that people can hardly stand to be alone--I worry about people's co-dependence on another. For those of us that can handle being alone just fine, they can make things difficult for us that would be easy.

Yeah, I tossed my cell phone and have refused to get a new one for years. I can't stand people following me everywhere (they expect you to have it on you if you own a cell phone, let's face it).

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.
I am in need of being reminded of things that God has already taught me.

Trust me--I'm not like most people. 90% of the time, I'm straight-faced and it really isn't personal.

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2012, 09:37:46 AM »

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.

I used to not mind being alone when I was married. Knowing that there was someone who loved me and I was going to be with later that day or tomorrow made it easy for me to focus on what I was doing (usually building weird custom cars or exercising).

I actually think there is some doubt about the one-on-one. Does the Bible say it will be just you and God or will there be others in the room?

Offline Cally

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2012, 10:27:46 AM »

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.

I used to not mind being alone when I was married. Knowing that there was someone who loved me and I was going to be with later that day or tomorrow made it easy for me to focus on what I was doing (usually building weird custom cars or exercising).

I actually think there is some doubt about the one-on-one. Does the Bible say it will be just you and God or will there be others in the room?

Well, whether we are or not, my point was that people's interdependency (what others think of you) isn't going to amount to zilch when God examines each individual person.

When I'm alone, I'm with God. It's my favorite place to be, although daily I'm challenged by him personally to make sure what I do is pleasing to him. I would say I have "friends" probably about as much as the next guy, but people who are THAT close? Probably no one. The beauty of it all is that no one can take that away (thankfully, the Lord is patient and comes when I ask even after I fail him terribly).
I am in need of being reminded of things that God has already taught me.

Trust me--I'm not like most people. 90% of the time, I'm straight-faced and it really isn't personal.

cs80918

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #12 on: March 08, 2012, 02:18:00 PM »

Indeed, when people are alone, they have to face themselves, and face God. Maybe that's the problem for some folks--they don't have peace in that one-to-one interaction. Bad news when you realize that on the day of judgment we're going to have a one-on-one with God, no doubt about it.

I used to not mind being alone when I was married. Knowing that there was someone who loved me and I was going to be with later that day or tomorrow made it easy for me to focus on what I was doing (usually building weird custom cars or exercising).

I actually think there is some doubt about the one-on-one. Does the Bible say it will be just you and God or will there be others in the room?

I think men have a harder time admitting that they are lonely for a same sex non-homosexual friend.  Great same sex friends should be treasured.   Many married men die soon after their wife does because many men only are close to their wife.  I thought of starting a website for Christians to find same sex non-homosexual friends.  Lonely people are at greater risk for suicide and many other things.  Have you tried joining any other groups?  Hunting, fishing?  A church's men group?  Many you could start a men's group and run it the way you think God wants you to. 

Offline Carwhisperer

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2012, 11:40:39 AM »
I think men have a harder time admitting that they are lonely for a same sex non-homosexual friend.  Great same sex friends should be treasured.   Many married men die soon after their wife does because many men only are close to their wife.  I thought of starting a website for Christians to find same sex non-homosexual friends.  Lonely people are at greater risk for suicide and many other things.  Have you tried joining any other groups?  Hunting, fishing?  A church's men group?  Many you could start a men's group and run it the way you think God wants you to. 
Glad to hear from someone who understands what I am saying. I agree with what you say. I do go to two men's groups right now which helps. I've actually met a guy who initiates texting me once in a while! Pretty cool. What makes it really hard is finding non married guys in my age range. Married guys have their own thing going on, as well they should.

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Re: Do you have male friends?
« Reply #14 on: April 02, 2012, 09:29:16 AM »
There is nothing wrong with being friends with someone when even if the man is married.  You just have to accept their time constraints and make the best of it.  There are plenty of single men of all ages, many divorces out there.  Just find out what someone is into and do it with them.  If they need their house painted volunteer to help with a room.  etc.