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Offline kosie

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Masturbation Problems
« on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 02:53:14 »
A bit of background. I have been a porn addict for several years, but when my wife came into my life I was already in a process of kicking the habit, but was still struggling. Since meeting her I have not watched any porn and haven't had the urge to watch it anymore (been clean from my porn addiction for more than 3 years now), but every now and then dirty thoughts enter my mind and made me so horny that I had to masturbate in the mornings before going to work. This did not happen every day, but did happen a couple of times over a period of a month or so. My wife discovered this during the first year of marriage and I almost thought I lost her... I had such a scare that I promised myself I will never masturbate ever again.

I love her very much and will never do anything to jeopardize our marriage, but even though I had won more battles than loosing, on a couple of isolated cases I could not prevent myself from releasing the sexual tension by masturbating and this normally happened when I got horny at impossible times when my wife was not around. When this happens I feel it is better just to release myself from the tension than having my mind running wild with dirty thoughts and making me even more hornier.... I know this does not solve the problem, but every time after masturbating I feel so dirty and defiled and empty, because it is simply not the same as making love to my wife... yet I ask myself the question... why can't I kick the habit completely.... why does this have to surface every now and then?

I've read Every Man's Battle by Stephen Afterburn and Fred Stoeker, actually have not finished the book yet, but read the greatest part of it. The counselling in this book is very good and very Biblical.

Lately I've been using medication to improve my fertility because we are trying to get pregnant, but these pills have made me extremely horny, so much that I had to relieve myself again the other day. I feel so disappointed in myself, the mere fact that I could not stay true to my wife, but also not being able to avoid the temptation without masturbating. It has been going so good for me (and for us) for such a long time and now I feel everything is lost. My wife asked me if I have helped myself due to the increase in hornyness because of the pills and I simply could not lie to her. Now she does not want to do anything with me, I totally broke her trust, especially with what we went through during our first year of marriage.... and I do not blame her.

I feel however I cannot blame the pills, I need to find a way to stay strong even in the most tempting situations... how can she trust me in the future, how can I trust myself in the future... I've learned to bounce my eyes, learned to block dirty thoughts from my mind, but it does not work 100% of the time, my sinful human nature every now and then gets the better of me. I do not only want win the battle 99% of the time, I need 100% success. Is this impossible?

How will I rid myself from this bad habit forever and never disappoint her again... if it is not too late already... I cannot loose her... I do not want to risk my marriage ever again.

I've never done something like this before, this is the very first time I openly spoke about my past addiction (apart from telling my wife when we got engaged and telling my mother while trying to recover several years ago), but I need good Biblical advice and counselling.

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Masturbation Problems
« on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 02:53:14 »

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #1 on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 03:38:30 »
Hi "kosie"!

Have you found anything helpful on reading the earlier threads on this sub-forum?  There is little more that could be added to advice already given, in dealing with this problem of the battle between the flesh and the Spirit.  It's this old story of "wanting to please self" (old Adams sin-nature we all inherited!) and forgetting so often that as Christians, we are living in partnership with Christ "He in us and we in Him" as we "walk in the Spirit", especially when temptation raises it's head!  So it all comes down to close communication between Him and us - being aware of the Lord's "still small voice" to guide/correct us.  Yes, we may fail - hopefully ever more infrequently - but He knows us (we do not surprise Him!) - so just "run" quickly to Him in confession and repentance - asking Him for help.  Let's face it - do we really want to grieve the Lord? (a rhetorical question for us Christians, we want more of Him and less of us!  His influence in us must become stronger and we weaker - but "leaning" on Him!

You may find it helpful to think (meditate is a bit too fancy a word!)  about what the Lord has actually done for us, that we are aware of - (deeper things happened in the "Work of The Cross" of which we may only guess) - through His living Word (through whom all things were made - vide start of John's Gospel) becoming flesh for our sakes (vide Hebrews!) - to become our great Substitute, in receiving all the punishment a "just" God required in order to satisfy the requirements of His Law (Leviticus - "There is no expiation without the shedding of blood").  "There is a cost to everything" - happily for our sakes "One only was good enough" to pay that price!  Christ represents all humanity before the Father!


If you do not "hear" the guidance of the Lord's Spirit within you ("Stop that!", "Don't go there!" etc) - then there is most probably a serious failing that you need to "have out" with Him in earnest prayer.  He will "point" to things in our lives He wants to deal with - and we need to co-operate with what He wants for us.  His ways are for the best.  If we "regard" evil in our hearts - the Lord will not hear us! All Christians (and even to some extent pagans through their consciences - God's law written upon their hearts) have access by faith to the gift of the Holy Spirit - because Christ, now glorified, is seated at the Father's right hand - His promise of the gift of the Holy Spirit has been poured out upon us!
« Last Edit: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 03:58:59 by Dave_UK »

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #1 on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 03:38:30 »

Online RB

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #2 on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 04:43:46 »
A bit of background. I have been a porn addict for several years, but when my wife came into my life I was already in a process of kicking the habit, but was still struggling. Since meeting her I have not watched any porn and haven't had the urge to watch it anymore (been clean from my porn addiction for more than 3 years now), but every now and then dirty thoughts enter my mind and made me so horny that I had to masturbate in the mornings before going to work. This did not happen every day, but did happen a couple of times over a period of a month or so. My wife discovered this during the first year of marriage and I almost thought I lost her... I had such a scare that I promised myself I will never masturbate ever again.[/size
Your problem is not different than the drug addict, and every sin under heaven that men are ruled by and it is called not ruling one's spirit, it is as simple as that. Your lover is your own lust and that lover you will serve, before your wife, children, friends etc.
Quote from: The WISE MAN
Poverbs 25:28~"He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls."
Our success depends on ruling our spirit. Great men and women rule their spirits. They resist temptations to react or overreact. They restrain their lust and emotions and manage them for God and others. They stay in control of their lust, feelings and passions to manage their responses to events. Weak and selfish men do not, and it is pitiful to watch them, and it is very hurtful if they are close to you. 

How safe are we from being overcome and destroy? If we do not rule our spirit, we are vulnerable to say or do things that could cost us dearly. We may already be damaged by such actions and do not realize it. It is our wisdom to learn how to control and manage our LUST, and feelings to only do what is right. It is a daily fight~if you win today, you MUST win tomorrow as well, and the next day, etc.

Our spirit is our inner self, which controls our actions. When we do not rule our spirit, we are exposed and vulnerable to all sorts of folly and trouble. Like a defenseless city without walls in former times of marauding armies, so is the man who does not rule his own spirit and diligently keep it in the way of virtue, truth, and wisdom, and safety.

Our spirit includes our affections, appetites, and passions. A wise and noble man rules his spirit by his conscience and mind. He locks it down with chains of self-denial to keep ALL LUST, ambition, anger, pride, or revenge from breaking forth. He guides it by a mental commitment to hold fast honor, humility, righteousness, and virtue. He rules his thoughts, his desires, his inclinations, his resentments, and keeps them all in disciplined order. A weak man will not and it is a pitiful sight to watch play out.

A fool lets his spirit control his actions. He does not resist impulses from his spirit; he lets his spirit direct him; he forfeits the fight for character and godliness. He cannot do what he should; he cannot stop doing what he should not. Such men are often angry, generally foolish, often depressed, or always procrastinating, among other faults and sins. They never grow up, for they are controlled by childish passions of a depraved heart...is this YOU? There's hope, it is call repentance and you can start NOW~most likely damaged has been done, now all you have left is damaged control, which is better than keep serving you god of lust.

In Solomon’s time, a city depended on strong fortifications and gates, with great walls surrounding it, to repel incursions by ravaging bands of guerillas or foreign armies. If the bulwarks, gates, or towers were broken down and the walls taken away, a city was totally exposed to the incursions of any enemy that wished to plunder, pillage, or conquer it. If a city did not invest sufficiently in these means of protection, it could easily be captured. Have you been captured by your own sinful lust? You are a weak man and a pitiful human being called a husband.  This is not fair for your wife to have such a person who loves their lust more than them....and one wonders why many marriages fail! How would you like your wife seeking to be relieved of her lust OTHER THAN seeking it from you? And people wonder why marriages fail!

A man without rule of his spirit is exposed and vulnerable like a defenseless city. His spirit is ready to sin with very little provocation, and he cannot marshal its power for any real good. He is helplessly, hopelessly, perpetually at the mercy of his enemies~ foolishness, lust, and sin~which show no quarter, but regularly ravage his life. But the man who rules his spirit is greater than a man taking a city single-handedly (Proverb 16:32).

Your life will be plundered and wasted, unless you take control and raise a defense. You will never amount to much. You will be a castaway, for an unruly spirit does not produce good things for God or man. You will plunge into sins of commission and omission. To the bulwarks! Raise the towers! Close the gates! Build the walls! Rule your spirit!

The greatest battle we will ever fight is the one against our own spirit. Our worst enemy is the depraved and selfish man inside us. It causes the most damage and keeps us from success in life. The most shameful loss is to live and die the victim of our own unruly spirit. And the most noble and rewarding victory is the one over one's own spirit.

We all should identify our spirit weaknesses ~every man has them. What sins tempt you most? What causes you to fall quickest into folly? Confess our faults to the Lord. Confess to our family or friends. Ask them to tell us when they see a breach in a wall. Take charge of our spirit, and crush whatever folly it seeks, and do whatever wisdom it avoids. Now!

« Last Edit: Sun May 19, 2019 - 05:41:46 by RB »

Offline kosie

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #3 on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 04:48:33 »
Dave_UK thanks for the reply. Believe me I have read so much about this subject, read other men's stories and yes I have come a long way with my battle... feel much stronger as I did in the past, but it feels as if I get reluctant in my battle and often drop my guard... I try to find early warning signs to that I can address the temptations before they get to a level where I cannot control myself and end up masturbating to get rid of this "itch"

This is why I am up in arms... I have so much knowledge about this subject... I know what is the right thing to do... but there is always that one moment where you are weak and you give in to temptation... just for the sake of release... why can't I just move on and let the temptation subside?

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #3 on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 04:48:33 »

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #4 on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 15:31:03 »
 Hi again "kosie"!

There is an excellent old classic book (re-published umpteen times) called "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee (a Chinese evangelist who died for his faith in a Communist prison).  Which may well improve your understanding of what Christ has done for us and how we should live - in submission to the leading of the Holy Spirit!  He dwells on the truths that Paul wrote in his epistles - mainly in "Romans" but draws upon other parts of the Bible.  It is written in an easy style (strictly speaking it is Watchman Nee's talks, presented in book form) - but the subject matter is very "meaty" so don't read it in "one fast gulp" or you will loose the value of it.  Just read a section and then think about it, before continuing!  He deals with the vital issue of us being "in Christ", set there by the Father - which has enormous implications, in that when Christ died upon the Cross - we were crucified with Him, in God's eyes to put to death our wretched sin-nature.  Doesn't Paul write "I have been crucified with Christ - it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me." But - as Watchman Nee says - and we know - there is still evidence of that self-pleasing nature in our lives - yet Paul writes "Christ in you the hope of glory to come."! Read all about it for yourself in the book! ::reading::

I have read and re-read the book many times (so much so, it's falling apart from use) - to re-orient my "life compass" - IMO it will radically change the way you live - for the better!

On avoiding temptation to do what you know grieves the Lord - be passionately interested in bettering your efforts at some strenuous innocent chosen activity - e.g. swim your favourite stroke much better and think/read about how you could improve such efforts! That will distract you from dwelling on wrong thoughts,  you may also find it helpful to "fast" from looking at media likely to arouse wrong thoughts!  Keep your mind busy (till you nod off through sheer exhaustion  ::smile::) -  empty idle minds soon get filled with wrong thoughts.  It is not for nothing, that Catholics recite their "Rosary" prayers - "planned wholesome distraction" is the name of the game!  Fill your memory with useful/helpful Bible passages for instance, to be spoken out "sotto voce" at dangerous idle times. Fight!, Fight!, Fight! ::swordfight::
« Last Edit: Fri Mar 22, 2019 - 03:44:30 by Dave_UK »

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #4 on: Wed Mar 20, 2019 - 15:31:03 »



Offline geronimo

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #5 on: Sat Mar 23, 2019 - 10:35:24 »
 There is a lot of stuff to read on the subject.
 Here is one:

 https://www.christianbiblereference.org/faq_masturbation.htm


 A diffeent idea that I have wondered about:

  https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=HUyWXI7BK4Lm_QbP8oXYBA&q=Could+Paul%27s+thorn+in+the+flesh+have+been+masturbation%3F&btnK=Google+Search&oq=Could+Paul%27s+thorn+in+the+flesh+have+been+masturbation%3F&gs_l=psy-ab.3...4654.24012..24452...3.0..0.104.3981.57j1......0....1..gws-wiz.....0..0j0i131j0i10j0i22i30j33i22i29i30j33i160j33i299.E6O4Wzyk9fk


One thing I totally agree with:
 
 Masturbation is totally about self, and all the laws are based on two things being first. God and Others.

 Maybe something in one of these thoughts will help you a little.

 Blessings.

Offline Ohan

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #6 on: Tue May 14, 2019 - 14:39:23 »
Kosie ~ Haven't read every word in your post ~ this is a personal thing ~ talk it over with the Lord ~ maybe you have no problem at all ```

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #7 on: Sun May 19, 2019 - 03:57:21 »
Have just come a-looking to see what's new - and re-read this thread!  I dont like "RB"'s reference to the human spirit - to my thinking it's just the thinking mind with all the "education" and experience it has acquired!  I  refer to something higher and more wonderful, the "Indwelling Holy Spirit" - which can lead and guide us through life - if we submit to His leading.  Paul in his epistles says of this "Do you not know that your body is the temple of the indwelling Spirit and the Spirit is God's gift to you.  You do not belong to yourselves - you were bought at a  price. Then honour God in your body."  Note in those verses that it says we do not belong to ourselves - Christ has "ownership rights" over us and that "ownership" involves obedience/submission to the leading of that Indwelling Holy Spirit.   This is totally contrary to the way most view their lives ("My life is my own to do whatever I please with it.")   If you wish to please the Lord, then there is only one way to do that - submit to His leading by the Indwelling Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, the Advocate - who as part of the Trinity (TRI-unity!!!) wants to "consecrate" us!  Jesus did the first "bit", by "justifying" us in the Father's eyes - but the second bit that completes His plan for us is "consecration" - obedience to His ways.


It is of the utmost importance that you have an ongoing relationship with the Lord.  You MUST be aware of His leading, He has to be given supremacy in our lives - what some call the "quiet/still inner voice" that guides you into doing what is right in the Lord's eyes.  As I think I said earlier - if you do not "hear" any such leading and your conscience doesn't "prick you" (IMO our conscience" is the first "link" in our relationship with the Lord, even pagans may do right as a result of God's laws written upon their hearts) - you need to "seek His face to repair lost fellowship with Him" ("If we regard evil in our hearts, the Lord will not hear us.")

 Well that's enough of me "pontificating" (I am just as weak as you brother!) . I would just like to finish this post with a warning about the major way we "fail".  It occurs when we feel that we are being "hard done by" and "deserve a little "Me time/activity" - that sums it up doesn't it, when we use the words "I", "Me" and "mine" - we think we are due a bit of self-gratification - for a while "it's all about us" (like a dog taken off the leash, free to go romping off, doing as it pleases) - but then comes shame and wretchedness.  We have lost communion/fellowship with the Lord - and come "crawling back" to Him seeking His forgiveness and (yet!) another fresh start.  We are in a life-long battle between the desires of the flesh and the desires for us of the Holy Spirit!.  All we can do is to "walk humbly with our God" - who knows us through and through - we do not surprise Him, but He has high hopes for us! ::clappingoverhead::
« Last Edit: Thu Jun 06, 2019 - 01:50:52 by Dave_UK »

Offline Rexenm

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #8 on: Sun May 19, 2019 - 05:13:50 »
I have had trouble with bad habits - and I find it is always about the game, and depression. But, even though this is lewd - Christ has told me, to wait - and then knock it off, which eventually makes you - sick.... ::groupprayer::

Online RB

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #9 on: Sun May 19, 2019 - 05:54:45 »
Have just come a-looking to see what's new - and re-read this thread! I dont like "RB"'s reference to the human spirit - to my thinking it's just the thinking mind with all the "education" and experience it has acquired!  I  refer to something higher and more wonderful, the "Indwelling Holy Spirit" - which can lead and guide us through life - if we submit to His leading.
I'm NOT a UNCONDITIONAL fatalistic Chrisitan when it comes to our duty as a child of God. Proverbs 25:28 was given by God to Solomon for a reason, if you do not like my main point in overcoming sin, then you must also reject the wise man's exhortation as well. Too bad, but you should NOT be spreading fatalistic teaching among men seeking help to overcome sin in their life....MEN HAVE A GOD GIVEN DUTY to work OUT their own salvation with fear and trembling~and that starts with RULING ONE'S SPIRIT. God is NOT going to do that for us.
Quote from: Dave_UK on: Today at 03:57:21
if we submit to His leading
Dave_UK~about if we SUBMIT to his TEACHINGS, isn't that allowing him to lead us? I think it is. 
« Last Edit: Sun May 19, 2019 - 06:33:39 by RB »

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #10 on: Mon May 20, 2019 - 02:36:43 »
@kosie!

Hi again!  It seems that you are in a very difficult situation concerning your wife, over this long-running business of "m".  I do not know of any helpful suggestions that will help heal the breach your "discovered" actions have caused -  except asking the Lord to heal the rift.  From my own experience after a (happily very infrequent) "bust-up" with my wife - I have sought the Lord's help, asking Him to heal the rift between my wife and self - and bless Him, He has done just that - and found to my surprise that He had touched my wife in a similar fashion - so that we were both ready to "make-up" and continue our loving relationship!  I hope you reach the same result with your wife.

In a way,  from a worldly point of view, your past honest revelations of "m" to others, were most unfortunate - Your "cover" has been "blown"!  Most of us have secret failings - which The Lord knows - and if we permit Him, He will help us to deal with them.  There must be other more wicked failings that grieve the Lord - yet sin is sin, whether it be big or small.  We often make things difficult for ourselves - if we have been addicted to anything wrong in the past - it is more difficult to break free from it.  The forces of darkness have a "doorway" into our lives - we need to take steps to slam that "doorway" shut!


Provided you start off with a decent Godly though, the following "maxim" may help you take the right course in life.  (Am not sure of the source, but it might have come from Charles Stanley a Southern Baptist minister )


SOW A THOUGHT >>> REAP A DEED >>> SOW A DEED  >>> REAP A HABIT >>> SOW A HABIT >>> REAP A LIFE!


If you don't start with a decent thought - you can imagine the resulting downward spiral.  Don't be "switched off" from trying if you fail on some occasion - quickly "run" to the Lord confessing your failure and "seek His face" to help you to do better in future!  ("If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness"  - "God is light, if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from every sin.")

Quote from: kosie
...Lately I've been using medication to improve my fertility because we are trying to get pregnant, but these pills have made me extremely horny, so much that I had to relieve myself again the other day. I feel so disappointed in myself, the mere fact that I could not stay true to my wife, but also not being able to avoid the temptation without masturbating. It has been going so good for me (and for us) for such a long time and now I feel everything is lost. My wife asked me if I have helped myself due to the increase in hornyness because of the pills and I simply could not lie to her. Now she does not want to do anything with me, I totally broke her trust, especially with what we went through during our first year of marriage.... and I do not blame her...

IMO you should stop taking those pills for a start! My wife and I were initially unsuccessful in that same venture at one time - until I "accidentally"(!?) thought of  a solution that worked - and that might possibly work for you and your wife - once the "rift" has healed.  As a result of the now general pollution around us - things don't work so well for some of us.  In a nutshell" the solution was to take into account the basic fact that "water cannot run uphill" -  gravity works against that!  So use gravity to assist you - work with it and not against it!  Am not suggesting that during love-making a couple adopt a "Kama Sutra" style posture (in my "innocence" I know next to nothing about that!) -  but an appropriate positioning of you and your wife, with the aid of bunched up pillows for her (ignore any grumbles from her about being tipped almost upside down! Just tell her "The end justifies the means!"), could help your sperm wriggle their way - almost downhill - to the required destination! It's worth a try!!!



« Last Edit: Tue May 21, 2019 - 02:28:47 by Dave_UK »

Offline Rexenm

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #11 on: Mon May 20, 2019 - 03:12:28 »
I think it is gay.

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #12 on: Mon May 20, 2019 - 12:41:35 »
@RB

Hi!  My NEB for prov 25:28 refers to a man that cannot control his temper being like a city that burst out from it's confining walls.  Not very relevant IMO 'cos  the act of "m" is not normally (I guess!?) done in a temper!  My father had a violent temper, so family life (until the final parental split) was always like living by an active volcano - not sure when it might next erupt.  He also had the bad habit of venting his anger on inanimate objects.  A much more relevant proverb is "Lust indulged sickens a man, and stupid people are loathe to change their ways." (Prov 13:19)

Will add a bit more later, on the business of man's spirit vis-a-vis the Indwelling Spirit - the Lord's gift to us at our "second birth"  (re Jesus comment to Nicodemus).
 I understand from a Watchman Nee book, that the title "The Indwelling Spirit" is colloquially translated in Chinese as "The Resident Boss" - IMO, a rather charming and meaningful description! Some bosses are respected, others sometimes ignored and disobeyed - with resulting unfortunate consequences! ::frown::
« Last Edit: Fri Jun 07, 2019 - 03:16:45 by Dave_UK »

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #13 on: Sat Jun 01, 2019 - 02:47:13 »
I'm NOT a UNCONDITIONAL fatalistic Chrisitan when it comes to our duty as a child of God. Proverbs 25:28 was given by God to Solomon for a reason, if you



do not
like my main point in overcoming sin, then you must also reject the wise man's exhortation as well. Too bad, but you should NOT be spreading fatalistic teaching among men seeking help to overcome sin in their life....MEN HAVE A GOD GIVEN DUTY to work OUT their own salvation with fear and trembling~and that starts with RULING ONE'S SPIRIT. God is NOT going to do that for us. Dave_UK~about if we SUBMIT to his TEACHINGS, isn't that allowing him to lead us? I think it is.

I do not understand how what I have written is "fatalistic"!  What you say about working out ones own salvation etc  - is right, as Paul has taught us in his epistles!  But since we are also told "all have sinned"- the Lord knew in His omniscience, before creating Adam, that we would assuredly "fall short" and would require a "Substitute" to be found, to reconcile us to Himself.  That pure, holy and righteous Substitute promised on His return to the Father to send us the Holy Spirit, to be our Advocate and guide, as described in Joel's prophesy. I get the feeling that you rather "down-grade" the influence of the Holy Spirit in our lives - after all, "the curse of man" is doing things his way, and not the Lord's way.  I do not think that any Christian has been misled by the leading of the "Indwelling Spirit", if there were to be any departure from the principles presented in Scripture, that would be an instant "give-away", that one was surely being misled by the forces of darkness - Satan masquerading as an angel of light!

I find it rather disturbing that Paul in his epistles mentions (I think - without checking!) "Those whom He knew, He also predestined", also references to being "sealed" by the gift of the Holy Spirit for the day of redemption - this is a thought-provoking matter worth delving into!  The very word "pre-destined" does suggest an uncomfortable  degree of "fatalism"- i.e. "it's all been sorted out" before we have even been born!

Last night I checked in the NKJV concordance over the location of the relevant Scriptures. It is now a struggle for me to remember passages of text that I need to guide me in life - remembering their actual location as well, would be rather difficult for me - the memory sadly does not improve with advancing age!  In any case, it is the passages themselves which are the most important - ones that the Lord has "spot-lighted" to me in my readings of The Word!

On "predestined" Rom 8:29, Eph 1:5 and Eph 1:11 seem to be the key passages - while for "sealed" they are 2 Cor 1:22 and Eph 4:30

The Romans passage writes of a "standard" so high, that I doubt that we might ever attain in our own strength - but with God, all things are possible!

IMO Solomon's proverbs describe the normal/expected outcomes of human actions, but there are apparent exceptions that we see around us in everyday life.  What a fine start Solomon made, and what a "pointer" to right living in his proverbs  - but what a sad end he made of his life  (self-pleasing - vide Eccles 2:10), and drawn into idolatry by his many foreign wives.   So the man said to be the wisest ever - was in the end, just a fool like us! The Word gives us the story of David, without passing over his mistakes (e.g. the "miserly-like" delight in wanting to count what troops he could call upon, forgetting that "The battle belongs to the Lord") and failings - the tragic story of Uriah/Bathsheba)  What sorrow he received as the result of them! We are so grateful for David's psalms, to which we so often refer, in our time of need as they speak to most of our human conditions. David in one of his psalms addressed the point I mentioned above, about how the proverbs don't always seem to line-up with everyday experience Psalm 73:13-17.  "So it was all in vain that I kept my heart pure  ... until ..."! It is the common story of humanity - so often we err! Yet, God in His loving concern for us, provided the solution - justification through Jesus Work of the Cross, and sanctification through the Holy Spirit Jesus promised to send upon us - living in obedience to His leading/correction.  It's all about the Lord - not us!

Referring to your statement : -

"MEN HAVE A GOD GIVEN DUTY to work OUT their own salvation with fear and trembling~and that starts with RULING ONE'S SPIRIT. God is NOT going to do that for us"

I think we need to be clear about what is meant by "ONES SPIRIT" - this may not be what is commonly supposed!

Even "the base" must get some twinges of conscience at their wrong actions - unless hopelessly lost, with consciences "seared" by continual wrong-doing!  Doesn't Scripture say that "When men do right they are obeying God's law written upon their hearts!"? IMO our conscience is just the first "sentinel?!" concerning what we should, or should not do (our consciences may "burn" us!), in some particular circumstance.  But our "conscience" is from our unregenerate selves (even non-Christians have it!) - "The Indwelling Spirit" (resident Boss  ::smile::) is a gift from the Lord (at our "second birth"?! - re Jesus comments to Nicodemus in John 3:3-7) and will guide us into all truth, reminding us of everything that Jesus said/did - to "shape" our decisions. If a man does not have the spirit of Christ - he is no Christian!

Think it is a very, very special, event in our lives, when this "second birth" occurs.  I call it being "touched by the Lord" - every thing is so different from that time on! Everyone's recounting of that incident is so varied - but the result is the same! I could have danced through the streets at the over-powering joy that came upon me - all seemingly started as a result of a prayer at an altar rail in a service with the "laying on of hands", that I might know the Lord more nearly.  (The next day I climbed to the top of a hill to be alone and offer myself, as best I could, to the Lord.  However I have come to realize with the passing years,  that such an offering or presenting of oneself, is not a "one-off" thing, but needs to be an almost daily act! (*) There is also the matter, that as we commonly say "Many are called - but few are chosen."  I won't go into that here!). Although, I think there had been a gradual lead-up to that "touch" beforehand, at the conclusion of a similar service  - when for a long while, I just wept and wept silently with tears rolling down the cheeks, although strangely. not actually knowing the reason, or feeling any emotion whatever on my part. Maybe it was a "washing away" of the dregs of my life!?

Am sure that there is a great deal that is still wrong in my everyday life - and that others are "light-years" ahead/better than I - so my "walk with the Lord" is very much a "work in progress".  Having a low'ish opinion of myself - I sometimes ask the Lord to help me "take the lowest place" and not be "puffed up" with any supposed pride.  There is really nothing whatever for me to be proud about (as Paul tells us "All our supposed righteousness is as filthy rags!")  Am just overwhelmingly grateful for the Lord's mercy and grace - how "long-suffering" He is!

 
  * This business of yielding/presenting ourselves to the Lord ("as a living sacrifice"!) - is a "touchy matter" for some of us, with concerns over family welfare and savings set aside for family future needs etc,.   Think a lot has been said about this which just "boils down" to the fact that - The Holy Spirit is not "pushy" in any way - He is courteous and gentle, and will only fill and use that which is voluntarily offered to Him.  So if little "control" is handed to Him, we cannot be surprised if there is little evidence of His presence in our lives.  That brings us back to Paul's assertion "Christ in you the hope of glory to come"  What have we done with Christ "in us"!? I am ashamed when I think how little evidence exists of Christ being present in my own life!

« Last Edit: Fri Jun 07, 2019 - 04:04:39 by Dave_UK »

Offline VisionQwest

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #14 on: Sat Jun 08, 2019 - 11:35:35 »
hi kosie.  You know I with I knew this place was here before. I also have struggled with the same exact issues in life as you have. My problem of playing with myself began in my teenage years.

Though we had no cable or adult channels there were however some girlie magazines in our house. I started reading articles in the magazines. I started then playing with myself. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a day and almost everyday.

I got caught a couple of times doing this in a foster home with 5 other boys near my age. A few of them was catching me that I was doing this. . But as embarrassed as I was I was being teased. I still never stopped doing this.

Things got worse for me in that I started doing this even in public bathrooms. I was also homeless and could not do that around everyone at the shelter.

Then in the late 90's I got into triple x movies. The most perverse movies anyone can see. Some of this is special effects such as size enhancing etc. but that is what fantasy is about. Sex you imagine you could have but usually do not..

I knew that God did not like or approve my life style of adult movie addiction and playing with myself too often. .I kept telling God I'm going to quit. So I would cut up the vcr tape.

However just weeks later my temptations still got me to go back to adult movie stores. . Even though I was watching tbn and other church programs on a couple of other stations did not get me to stop my addiction.

kosie. You can see I can relate what you  have been going through. You felt you were the only one in this great mess. Because this is one topic we don't tell to most people. We do these things behind doors  because we don't want others to know what we are doing. .

One girlfriend did not like that she caught me watching an adult movie. While some years later when I was with another girlfriend she allowed me to watch these movies our sex life was still good though. But sometimes I would fantasize more about these movies than doing things with her. .I was filled with regret lust and much temptation. I was convinced I was going to hell literally. . Because now I told God I don't think I can get out of this.

I also read a portion of every mans battle. But this was after my girlfriend committed suicide.  Because she lost custody of her son Daniel. She had  gotten depressed of losing him . . even though I mourned for her I still had my addiction of adult movies and playing with myself. .

The one I am with now knows I have this problem. She has been a good influence. She did not judge me. On the other hand she was not supporting me doing this. She has been patient with me. . She helped me to get out of adult movies.

It did not happen overnight. . She kept encouraging me to keep on studying the bible. . She also helped me with my language too. I don't swear as much as I used to. Mostly now when I get mad. But much less then I did before. .

Kosie just use the book Every mans battle. Yes it is a battle of temptation of this difficult sin. The same one I have faced for years . . it may seem impossible to stop. Honesty as you have shown now is the best way to deal with this.

When we are honest about our sins or wrongs God is more willing to help us. It is a plea unto the Lord.  The Lord kosie hears you. . I know he is. I've stood in the same place you have.

Though I seen no hope and felt God would not want me any more he helped me to get out of this. .  it's my now fiancee that I know God put in my life to gradually get me out of this. .

Kosie. You know in God's eyes this is not right to do. So I don't really need to show you scriptures you probably already know and  studied as I have. You see the issue is not learning more scriptures than you knew now. You know this is a sin God does not approve.
But how do you get over it? With each person it can be different. Maybe counselors in an anonymous group. Maybe a good friend that would listen and help you with some bible and good sound advice. .

One thing I can tell you is keep yourself occupied doing other things that get your mind off those kinds of thoughts. Well at least less tempted that is. I have noticed if I am more active in other clean things. (If for example post on these kinds of forums.) This makes me think about good things instead of bad things like masturbation etc. Try to take out the bad and keep replacing it with good things in life. Maybe clean books or clean reading material. Maybe learn to play an instrument. . Maybe playing cards or get online games with friends etc. Have someone hold you accountable. Think of this also..for every time that you do this is one more step away from God and your wife. Is either worth losing?

The scriptures that has always stood out to me is.  Better to lose one hand or also one eye then to be caste into hell. .
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Matthew 5:27-30 New Century Version (NCV)
Jesus Teaches About Sexual Sin
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You must not be guilty of adultery.’[a] 28 But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, take it out and throw it away. It is better to lose one part of your body than to have your whole body thrown into hell. 30 If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

This means to keep your hands away from sin such as this. Stay out of environments that your eyes will not see or imagine so much. Remember koisie the devil is real also. He can play images first in your head. Once he planted these images that will get you started. He is behind some of these kinds of temptations. That is how it happened in the Garden of Eden. His same old lies over and or again. We are weak fall into his traps. .

I encourage you to keep on reading your bible. Keep occupied in good things to benefit you. . Remember what God said to Cain.
Genesis 4:7 New King James Version (NKJV)
7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is [a]for you, but you should rule over it.”


Notice sin is near us. It is tempting. But even as God offered Cain a chance it is  just as true with us. Let us not depart from God and go to Nod east of Eden.  . but let us strive to be more like Abel his brother, Abraham, Lot or Joseph as a role model for us. . They made wrong and sins at one time. They are not perfect. But over all the good lives we need to study and live by their good examples to follow the Lord resisting our sins and temptations. .

You can do it kosie. I know you can. Jesus says
1 John 4:4 New King James Version (NKJV)
4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
Kosie keep Jesus in your heart. . Let Jesus work in you. With his help you can overcome all things. Not just some things. . . you have not sinned beyond Gods' grace. It's all about listening. Also by our actions and our faith unto the Lord God.  . The Lord understands your plight kosie. Keep on holding onto God with all your heart strength and spirit. . Crucify the selfish way of your heart. . . keep on fighting kosie. This is every mans  battle. . Stick with Jesus and you will win.
« Last Edit: Sat Jun 08, 2019 - 16:17:04 by VisionQwest »

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #15 on: Sun Jun 09, 2019 - 01:57:29 »
Great stuff "VisionQwest"!  Especially your bit : -

"One thing I can tell you is keep yourself occupied doing other things that get your mind off those kinds of thoughts. Well at least less tempted that is."

If one can find some really decent/healthy activity (and get involved in it - in the sense of trying to do it better) - then go for it!  ::clappingoverhead:: (Muggins "fastened onto" swimming, after a late start in learning to swim at 21 - although an "oldie" now - the study of books on swim technique and videos of the elites performance in various strokes - are a consuming interest to me.  Meaning even less idle time for wrong rampant thoughts (also as an "oldie" I get so "dog-tired" now, and need "recuperative snoozes" - can no longer swim like a "young buck" can - but it's good to try!).

Your suggestion of "learning to play an instrument" gave me a wry smile - 'cos from the age of 26, I "went overboard" in learning to play the Spanish Guitar, buying  a superb instrument which I thoroughly enjoyed playing - until the day, as a result of a stupid "get fit" exercise mishap - when my "finger board" hand's thumb got bent back behind the knuckles, and the tendon had to be stitched back in place - then almost a year for full recovery before I could play again.  It was only after another almost 50 years of enjoyment that I had to admit defeat.  Osteo-arthritis in my hands/fingers meant I could no longer hold my left hand's index finger firmly flat across all the strings (in a "Barre" position when playing chords etc,) - resulting in a blurred buzzing sound of strings not being held firmly against the "finger board". So  I auctioned my instrument', and got back about £1500, put aside towards the cost of putting "what's left of me" in a coffin one day ::lookaround:: - so it's back to just my consuming "swim interest" now - 3 sessions of an hour every week, to help keep me mobile!  ::smile::

« Last Edit: Sun Jun 09, 2019 - 03:05:22 by Dave_UK »

Offline Bowman

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Re: Masturbation Problems
« Reply #16 on: Sat Jun 22, 2019 - 20:46:03 »
Masturbation should not be an issue or concern if you are thinking about your wife during this event.  It is the lusting after another which would be a sinful event. 

A man is like a dairy cow, he must have frequent release in order to maintain a healthy body.  Your wife should have an understanding of this.