Author Topic: Preparing to live on own for first time?  (Read 1783 times)

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Offline tryingdad

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Preparing to live on own for first time?
« on: Sun Oct 30, 2016 - 10:33:40 »
Can anyone provide me with information for a man thinking about living on his own for the first time in his life? He's thinking about leaving his marriage due to many years of being in a sexless marriage.
Thanks

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Preparing to live on own for first time?
« on: Sun Oct 30, 2016 - 10:33:40 »

Offline Jason_NC

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #1 on: Sun Oct 30, 2016 - 18:33:30 »
Before you divorce your wife, just ask yourself this.  And I'm not implying anything by this question.  This is for you to seriously consider before making that decision.

Have you loved your wife as Christ loved the church?

Offline Tertullian

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #2 on: Sun Oct 30, 2016 - 19:03:02 »
Better to be in a sexless marriage than divorce, IMO.  Simply because I don't believe in remarriage. 

Offline RB

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #3 on: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 04:11:20 »
Can anyone provide me with information for a man thinking about living on his own for the first time in his life? He's thinking about leaving his marriage due to many years of being in a sexless marriage.
First WHY have you waited so long (you said many years))? It really is almost impossible for me as a man to relate to your case, for marriage and sexless, would almost be like a body without a spirit, it does not exist. Personally, I would have dealt with this the first week that I had to go without my wife be an willing participant. Sex is marriage, and marriage is all about enjoying each other's body, especially is this so for a man toward his wife. You must address the reason WHY, and see if it is possible to correct it, maybe it's not since years have passed. You really did not give enough information for us to give you any solid and helpful counsel. It seems to me, that some of this could be your fault for allowing this to happen and not correcting the problem early on. It's not always the other person's fault, it could have been your fault, not hers. MOST women can be courted into a desirable wanted sexual relationship and men JUST DO NOT DO IT. Some men treat their wives as an object to relieve themselves, instead of women that desires and needs a loving relationship from her man. Women want to be loved not used. Running from your bad situation may just land you right back where you are now~an sexless relationship.   I have found out that most people always blame the other person more than looking at themselves. It is amazing how quickly some of our problems are solved by looking WITHIN instead of blaming others. AMAZING INDEED!
« Last Edit: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 08:08:10 by RB »

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #3 on: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 04:11:20 »
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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #4 on: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 10:00:59 »
So, did you utter vows at your wedding- richer, poorer, in sickness or health, for better or worse? Here you seem to rationalize leaving your marriage for lack of sex, so would you leave it if your wife became an invalid from illness or accident? If she was bedridden, unable to speak, required your full time care, would you divorce her?

The two of you are still there, whatever issues there might be can be worked out, and if not, how does any of that change anything? Not meaning to judge anyone, but I just don't get it. My wife divorced me several years ago with the only reason being she was no longer "happy". No explanation, just not happy. Never got that, either. Still don't.

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #4 on: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 10:00:59 »



Offline Tertullian

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #5 on: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 12:38:45 »
A wife who won't provide sex is probably otherwise a very miserable person to live with.   Visions of a fat nag pop into my head. Wedding vows, for better or worse, assume reciprocity.   It would be another thing if she had medical condition.

I still believe that a Christian is obligated to stay in the marriage and make the most of it.  Life is short, so nothing bad will lost long.  And, happiness is mostly attitude, not circumstances.  Work in turning around the marriage and showing love, even though it may not be deserved.

But, a man with such a woman probably would be wise to plan a separate life, for when his wife decides to leave him (which I expect her to do if she can afford to, given that she's showing a lack of interest in the marriage).  Start a  separate bank account.  Set up a PO Box for mail.   

Offline Noblemen

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #6 on: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 13:08:32 »
Do you love her?

Offline tryingdad

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #7 on: Mon Oct 31, 2016 - 17:46:03 »
I have done everything possible. Every thing is fine between us just as long as sex doesn't come up. She will never change... never! It's going to go 20 year of this in several years. She simply does not care! Could YOU live like this?

Offline RB

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #8 on: Tue Nov 01, 2016 - 04:13:49 »
I have done everything possible. Every thing is fine between us just as long as sex doesn't come up. She will never change... never! It's going to go 20 year of this in several years. She simply does not care! Could YOU live like this?
You said not one thing about some very good advice given to you~why? That tells me, that you are not seeking a way to change things, only to justify your desire to leave.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A wise man would prepare before hand when he is about to enter into an fifty-year relantionship, which marriage is, and more in many cases. There should have been warnings signs to tell you that sex was not on her list of being very important.  You have no biblical grounds for divorce, in this case, none whatsoever~as a matter of truth, the bible gives us very little legitimate grounds for divorce and then remarriage. But, who cares about what God said is the attitude of those filling the temples of God in our day.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A wise person who have nipped this in bud early on.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A wise man would learn to court his wife into a willing partner.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A man who truly loves his wife would seek to look at all options as to why she is the way she is.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A man that is a true love maker would know how to make his wife want sex~trust me, most women can kill the average man when she knows that is WANTED and DESIRED. Btw, I'm not just putting my armour on, I'm soon to take it off, I know a little about what I'm speaking about.  ::tippinghat::
« Last Edit: Tue Nov 01, 2016 - 04:21:41 by RB »

Offline Tertullian

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #9 on: Tue Nov 01, 2016 - 09:34:44 »
I have done everything possible. Every thing is fine between us just as long as sex doesn't come up. She will never change... never! It's going to go 20 year of this in several years. She simply does not care! Could YOU live like this?

There's no such thing as "everything is fine" aside from sex.   It's not sex she doesn't care about.  It's the marriage she doesn't care about.  Staying in the marriage is just a matter of convenience, and she'll eventually leave when it's convenient.

A couple in such a situation is likely stuck in a downward spiral with each partner's discontent causing the discontent of the other partner to grow.

Offline tryingdad

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #10 on: Tue Nov 01, 2016 - 18:50:17 »
I have done everything possible. Every thing is fine between us just as long as sex doesn't come up. She will never change... never! It's going to go 20 year of this in several years. She simply does not care! Could YOU live like this?
You said not one thing about some very good advice given to you~why? That tells me, that you are not seeking a way to change things, only to justify your desire to leave.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A wise man would prepare before hand when he is about to enter into an fifty-year relantionship, which marriage is, and more in many cases. There should have been warnings signs to tell you that sex was not on her list of being very important.  You have no biblical grounds for divorce, in this case, none whatsoever~as a matter of truth, the bible gives us very little legitimate grounds for divorce and then remarriage. But, who cares about what God said is the attitude of those filling the temples of God in our day.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A wise person who have nipped this in bud early on.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A wise man would learn to court his wife into a willing partner.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A man who truly loves his wife would seek to look at all options as to why she is the way she is.
Quote
Could YOU live like this?
A man that is a true love maker would know how to make his wife want sex~trust me, most women can kill the average man when she knows that is WANTED and DESIRED. Btw, I'm not just putting my armour on, I'm soon to take it off, I know a little about what I'm speaking about.  ::tippinghat::

RB I know you're type. You have all the "spiritual" answers. Until something like this happens to someone like you. Then it's a different story. Sorry, but you come across as very self righteous and I do not appreciate it. I have tried everything to show love and respect in this marriage. And I don't need someone who comes across as self righteous as you to patronize me. You don't know me or what I am about or what I have been through. There's always one in a crowd... one self righteous one who has allll the answers.

Offline tryingdad

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #11 on: Tue Nov 01, 2016 - 18:51:55 »
I have done everything possible. Every thing is fine between us just as long as sex doesn't come up. She will never change... never! It's going to go 20 year of this in several years. She simply does not care! Could YOU live like this?

There's no such thing as "everything is fine" aside from sex.   It's not sex she doesn't care about.  It's the marriage she doesn't care about.  Staying in the marriage is just a matter of convenience, and she'll eventually leave when it's convenient.

A couple in such a situation is likely stuck in a downward spiral with each partner's discontent causing the discontent of the other partner to grow.

Yes, she does NOT care about this marriage. It's convenient for her.

Offline Texas Conservative

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #12 on: Tue Nov 01, 2016 - 18:57:22 »
I have done everything possible. Every thing is fine between us just as long as sex doesn't come up. She will never change... never! It's going to go 20 year of this in several years. She simply does not care! Could YOU live like this?

There's no such thing as "everything is fine" aside from sex.   It's not sex she doesn't care about.  It's the marriage she doesn't care about.  Staying in the marriage is just a matter of convenience, and she'll eventually leave when it's convenient.

A couple in such a situation is likely stuck in a downward spiral with each partner's discontent causing the discontent of the other partner to grow.

Yes, she does NOT care about this marriage. It's convenient for her.

Start hiding money.  If you have any joint credit cards, cancel them.  Get your house in order.

Offline tryingdad

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #13 on: Tue Nov 01, 2016 - 21:57:56 »
I have done everything possible. Every thing is fine between us just as long as sex doesn't come up. She will never change... never! It's going to go 20 year of this in several years. She simply does not care! Could YOU live like this?

There's no such thing as "everything is fine" aside from sex.   It's not sex she doesn't care about.  It's the marriage she doesn't care about.  Staying in the marriage is just a matter of convenience, and she'll eventually leave when it's convenient.

A couple in such a situation is likely stuck in a downward spiral with each partner's discontent causing the discontent of the other partner to grow.

Yes, she does NOT care about this marriage. It's convenient for her.

Start hiding money.  If you have any joint credit cards, cancel them.  Get your house in order.

Wouldn't canceling joint credit card accounts be kind of obvious? I admit it's a good idea though.

Offline RB

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #14 on: Wed Nov 02, 2016 - 04:42:40 »
RB I know you're type. You have all the "spiritual" answers. Until something like this happens to someone like you. Then it's a different story. Sorry, but you come across as very self righteous and I do not appreciate it. I have tried everything to show love and respect in this marriage. And I don't need someone who comes across as self righteous as you to patronize me. You don't know me or what I am about or what I have been through. There's always one in a crowd... one self righteous one who has allll the answers.
Well now, your true colors are coming out. You do not want any spiritual advice which is what you should get from a Christian forum. Go to the world who have the same problems that you do, and get advice from them. Do not get upset at God's children for doing it God's way and having success doing it. All you are doing is seeking ways to justify your failures and blame it on others. So~I'm self-righteous because my marriage has been wonderful for almost fifty years BECAUSE I followed God's rules for a person to have a marriage blessed by God. I loved my wife AS MY OWN BODY and refuse to allow myself to be bitter against her JUST AS GOD commands, etc. etc. God has blessed our life together BECAUSE we love and care for each others needs AS WE ARE COMMANDED by God to do. You failed and you are looking to blame your wife so that you can walk away feeling sorry for yourself.  Why do you not man up and accept your failures and labor to correct them, instead of running from your problems?  You will just be a problem for another woman.
« Last Edit: Wed Nov 02, 2016 - 04:47:35 by RB »

Offline Ben83

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Re: Preparing to live on own for first time?
« Reply #15 on: Thu Nov 10, 2016 - 13:55:46 »
It comes across a little judgemental bc we don't know the circumstances.
« Last Edit: Thu Nov 10, 2016 - 15:30:29 by Ben83 »

 

     
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