Author Topic: Sex frequency  (Read 1896 times)

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Offline Michael298

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Sex frequency
« on: Wed Mar 18, 2015 - 18:18:22 »
My exwife and I are considering remarrying.  For the most part, our relationship is very good.  We have 2 young children, and this summer would have been our 15 year anniversary.  But, she says that if we remarry, she wants to limit sex to once a week.  I'm not sure that I'd want to remarry her with that limitation... and I'm not sure for how long she wants to carry on with her "once a week" rule.  I have such a much stronger desire for sex than she does, and I would like her to be willing to satisfy my desire more frequently than just once a week.  Is once a week normal?  Is she being unreasonable by limiting sex when she knows that I want it more than that?

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Sex frequency
« on: Wed Mar 18, 2015 - 18:18:22 »

His_will_i_am

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #1 on: Wed Mar 18, 2015 - 18:58:34 »
Once a week!? I guess that's normal for some. But that'd be a game ender for me.

Offline Alan

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #2 on: Wed Mar 18, 2015 - 19:17:06 »
Sounds far too clinical for my liking. If the mood arose more that once a week it would need to be suppressed due to inappropriate timing?

Just wait until she has reached her mid-life and see where the limitations are then  ::giggle:: 

Offline Michael298

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #3 on: Wed Mar 18, 2015 - 20:23:47 »
If she's in the mood, then yes, she's okay with more than once a week.  But, if it's my mood - and she's not in the mood, then she's gonna refuse and put the limit on it.

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #3 on: Wed Mar 18, 2015 - 20:23:47 »
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Offline Red Baker

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #4 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 03:45:32 »
But, she says that if we remarry, she wants to limit sex to once a week. 

She does not have the right to say that~and neither can a husband say that to his wife. 

Quote
1 Corinthians 7:4~ The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

The husband has power over his wife's body.  But, who should we blame?  I blame some men for not taking the authority that God gave to the man to be the head over his wife.  Not only in such area as this, but in all area's.  I am not telling men to treat their wives as sex objects ONLY, for a good man will labor to make his wife willing, and if treated like women should be treated, she most likely would be more than willing, and maybe even more so than the man. 

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #4 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 03:45:32 »



Offline johndoo

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #5 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 05:23:24 »
In the book "Sheet Music", he makes a bold statement to the effect that no one should enter marriage with the expectation of less than twice a week.
People have criticized this specificity of course.
It is in line with averages, but who is "average"?
Have you considered pre-marriage counseling?

Offline DaveW

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #6 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 05:24:30 »
Quote from: Red Baker
I blame some men for not taking the authority that God gave to the man to be the head over his wife.  Not only in such area as this, but in all area's.

So you are saying men should be like my dad, who insisted that his wives (he was married and divorced 4x) wait on him hand and foot?

Offline DaveW

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #7 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 05:27:33 »
In the book "Sheet Music", he makes a bold statement to the effect that no one should enter marriage with the expectation of less than twice a week.
People have criticized this specificity of course.
It is in line with averages, but who is "average"?
Have you considered pre-marriage counseling?

The Lord and His apostles grew up in a very different culture, and in that culture the amount of sex a wife was to expect from her husband was spelled out in the Ketubah or marriage contract.  In cases where the husband was not involved in heavy physical labor or traveled a lot (sailor, traveling merchant) it was DAILY.  And she had the right to take him to court to change professions if he was not giving her enough. 

Offline Red Baker

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #8 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 05:37:13 »
So you are saying men should be like my dad, who insisted that his wives (he was married and divorced 4x) wait on him hand and foot?

Well, I have been married only once, so I guess I am different than you father.  But, to your other question~You are adding a little to what I said, did I ever say that?  I serve my wife, as much as she does me.  BUT, I do have the rule in my own house, just as Abraham did, and my wife is much like Sara, to her credit.  If you are jealous, than do it God's way.  It does work.   ::tippinghat::

Offline DaveW

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #9 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 06:18:21 »
Well, for one example, my kid sister and her husband were visiting dad and his 3rd wife. Linda (my sister) and Chris (3rd wife) were busy in the middle of making a big dinner.  Tom (bro in law) and dad were watching a game on tv when Tom says he is thirsty and asks if dad wants a pepsi from the fridge.  Tom gets up to go to the kitchen when dad stops him, sits him back down and orders Chris and Linda to break off what they are doing to bring them 2 pepsis.  "The women are supposed to serve the men."

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #10 on: Thu Mar 19, 2015 - 06:39:58 »
My exwife and I are considering remarrying.  For the most part, our relationship is very good.  We have 2 young children, and this summer would have been our 15 year anniversary.  But, she says that if we remarry, she wants to limit sex to once a week.  I'm not sure that I'd want to remarry her with that limitation... and I'm not sure for how long she wants to carry on with her "once a week" rule.  I have such a much stronger desire for sex than she does, and I would like her to be willing to satisfy my desire more frequently than just once a week.  Is once a week normal?  Is she being unreasonable by limiting sex when she knows that I want it more than that?

Wow! Once a week.
Lucky guy :)

Offline Healingsong

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #11 on: Fri Mar 20, 2015 - 20:28:44 »
The fact that you and your ex-wife want to remarry is a good thing.  In everything prayer is the key.  Pray about it and ask for the Lords assistance and guidance and wait on the Lord.  He knows all things and is willing to aid you, Jesus will carry you through.

LInk deleted

God Bless
« Last Edit: Sat Mar 21, 2015 - 00:31:37 by chosenone »

Offline JGPS100

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #12 on: Sun Mar 22, 2015 - 11:26:30 »
My exwife and I are considering remarrying.  For the most part, our relationship is very good.  We have 2 young children, and this summer would have been our 15 year anniversary.  But, she says that if we remarry, she wants to limit sex to once a week.  I'm not sure that I'd want to remarry her with that limitation... and I'm not sure for how long she wants to carry on with her "once a week" rule.  I have such a much stronger desire for sex than she does, and I would like her to be willing to satisfy my desire more frequently than just once a week.  Is once a week normal?  Is she being unreasonable by limiting sex when she knows that I want it more than that?

Her terms are bad, and Red is right that she's not in the right with this request.

That said you ought to acquiesce to these terms for now in light of mending the relationship. Once things are amicable put a real effort into getting proper control of the relationship, find out how to build her respect for you and pay close attention to what stimulates her.  The more she respects you and the more you can push her buttons the less she's going to want any limits at all.

Study her like you would any other thing you're passionate about, how she thinks, small behaviour patterns. Know her more and use it to have more of her, body mind and spirit.

Nice history BTW Dave

Offline Adamski

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #13 on: Wed Mar 25, 2015 - 09:21:49 »
Remember you aren't remarrying in the eyes of God according to the bible you are still married.

Secondly she shouldn't or you shouldn't be putting limitations on your lelationship. 

I have a much stronger sex drive than my wife but twice she has been very sick and once because of her illness we couldn't have sex for 9 months.  So life with her shouldn't be what you are getting or what she is getting

What is the goal of marriage
1- bring both of you closer to Jesus as your savior
2-the conceiving and raising of godly children

Offline DaveW

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #14 on: Wed Mar 25, 2015 - 09:30:30 »
You indicated you had not remarried in the interim.  Has your ex-wife?  If either of you had remarried, getting back together is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN in scripture.

Offline JGPS100

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #15 on: Wed Mar 25, 2015 - 18:28:09 »
You indicated you had not remarried in the interim.  Has your ex-wife?  If either of you had remarried, getting back together is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN in scripture.

Oh, good question, and true point.

Offline Link

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #16 on: Sun May 24, 2015 - 16:25:55 »
This is an old thread and I'm looking at the OP, but it sounds like the wife is trying to use reconciliation as a way of gaining control.  If I were in that situation, I'd tell my wife that we were reconciling, but there wasn't going to be a once-a-week limit, and tell read to her about 'due benevolence.' 

But it sounds like some work needs to be done to change the dynamics of the relationship. On the spiritual/devotional side of things, if you are both believers, start taking the lead by praying with her every day or night and reading the Bible with her.  And try to get on the same page about responsibilities in marriage, so that at least in theory that she agrees that she needs to submit to her husband and respect her husband.  If she embraces that, then, emotionally, I believe she may be more receptive to a better sexual relationship with her husband.  If she's respectful and submissive toward him rather than critical and controlling, that's a good first step.

You definitely don't want to have a rule on you that she's not going to do her responsibilities in the marriage, or only do the parts she wants.

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Re: Sex frequency
« Reply #17 on: Sun May 24, 2015 - 16:42:57 »
It is a zombie thread from March of this year. The member posted twice in March and hasn't returned. Why revive what is no longer relevant as a personal matter to that member?