Author Topic: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer  (Read 4882 times)

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Offline markstillman5

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Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« on: Mon Dec 05, 2016 - 02:04:15 »
I have been struggling with this for quite some time.  Probably last six or seven years.  Pornography and masturbation have been a huge problem for me.  I'm 20 years old now and live at home but take college classes online.  I see very few people and no girls.  See I've always been very shy and that's why I didn't go to college physically.  I've never had a girlfriend and never had sex with a girl.  I believe that's it's wrong to do so before marriage but I also know that what I do isn't any better than that.  I don't take it as an excuse I know what I do is wrong but I believe my shyness has contributed to my problem.  I've never been able to talk to girls so I just do this evil deed instead.  I always thought I was a Christian but didn't really become one until just over a year ago.  Before then I believed in God but had no understanding of the gospel or of Jesus.  At that point when I first became a Christian I quit for maybe two months.  Totally quit.  I felt amazing.  But then it started up again and I do it multiple times a week sometimes even daily.  I hate it but I can't stop it.  I confess my sins in prayer and ask for help to quit.  I just can't.  I've noticed many prayers answered since I became a Christian but not this one.  I honestly don't understand why this prayer hasn't been answered but I'm not angry at God or anything I'm just frustrated.  He may be trying to answer it but I'm pushing his help away somehow I dont know.  I believe fully in The Bible and trust Jesus alone to save me.  But sometimes due to this sin I doubt my salvation.  Am I right to do this?  I know what I do is wrong but I keep doing it.  Am I not saved?  That thought really scares me but apparently not enough to be able to quit.  How can I be set free?  I can't stand it any longer it has to quit.  Jesus died for me and I can't even quit this for Him.  PLEASE HELP.  PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.  Thank you.  God bless.

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Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« on: Mon Dec 05, 2016 - 02:04:15 »

Online RB

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #1 on: Mon Dec 05, 2016 - 05:32:59 »
I have been struggling with this for quite some time.  Probably last six or seven years.  Pornography and masturbation have been a huge problem for me.
Young man I do not think that you are abnormal, and would think that most young men have problems in this area.
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I'm 20 years old now and live at home but take college classes online.  I see very few people and no girls.  See I've always been very shy and that's why I didn't go to college physically.  I've never had a girlfriend and never had sex with a girl.
I understand some what, having a grandson your age and shy.
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I believe that's it's wrong to do so before marriage but I also know that what I do isn't any better than that.
Good for you and I agree.
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but I believe my shyness has contributed to my problem.
Without a question it has. I have nine grandsons, two your age, and one is out going and one is not~ One has a steady girl friend, one does not. So, I agree with your assessment.
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I've never been able to talk to girls so I just do this evil deed instead.  I always thought I was a Christian but didn't really become one until just over a year ago.  Before then I believed in God but had no understanding of the gospel or of Jesus.  At that point when I first became a Christian I quit for maybe two months.  Totally quit.  I felt amazing.  But then it started up again and I do it multiple times a week sometimes even daily.  I hate it but I can't stop it.
Well you cannot keep going like this. You need to go where there are girls and seek God to direct you and to be merciful to you to find you a wife. SO, in other words, get your house in order, do whatever you need to do to get this process going.
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I'm just frustrated
Read the book of Ruth, she did not sit idling by and did nothing. Get going.
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I believe fully in The Bible and trust Jesus alone to save me.
Good for you, keep doing so.
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But sometimes due to this sin I doubt my salvation.  Am I right to do this?
It comes with your life being out order at this point in your life. CHange your life and the way you are doing things, SEEK A WIFE, since you are burning out of control.
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How can I be set free?  I can't stand it any longer it has to quit.  Jesus died for me and I can't even quit this for Him
Get your house/life in order with a direction that would save you from being so frustrated. RULE YOUR SPIRT IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE. That's the secret to contentment and happiness.
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PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.
We shall, but you MUST DO WHAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER that's the spirit that lives within you. God will not do for you what he has asked you to do for yourself in order to have that victorious life. Are you going to let Ruth out do you? 

Offline Jason_NC

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #2 on: Tue Dec 06, 2016 - 17:08:41 »
I have been struggling with this for quite some time.  Probably last six or seven years.  Pornography and masturbation have been a huge problem for me.  I'm 20 years old now and live at home but take college classes online.  I see very few people and no girls.  See I've always been very shy and that's why I didn't go to college physically.  I've never had a girlfriend and never had sex with a girl.  I believe that's it's wrong to do so before marriage but I also know that what I do isn't any better than that.  I don't take it as an excuse I know what I do is wrong but I believe my shyness has contributed to my problem.  I've never been able to talk to girls so I just do this evil deed instead.  I always thought I was a Christian but didn't really become one until just over a year ago.  Before then I believed in God but had no understanding of the gospel or of Jesus.  At that point when I first became a Christian I quit for maybe two months.  Totally quit.  I felt amazing.  But then it started up again and I do it multiple times a week sometimes even daily.  I hate it but I can't stop it.  I confess my sins in prayer and ask for help to quit.  I just can't.  I've noticed many prayers answered since I became a Christian but not this one.  I honestly don't understand why this prayer hasn't been answered but I'm not angry at God or anything I'm just frustrated.  He may be trying to answer it but I'm pushing his help away somehow I dont know.  I believe fully in The Bible and trust Jesus alone to save me.  But sometimes due to this sin I doubt my salvation.  Am I right to do this?  I know what I do is wrong but I keep doing it.  Am I not saved?  That thought really scares me but apparently not enough to be able to quit.  How can I be set free?  I can't stand it any longer it has to quit.  Jesus died for me and I can't even quit this for Him.  PLEASE HELP.  PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.  Thank you.  God bless.

This sin will lead you to doubt your salvation.  That is all too common.  I think assurance is a blessing God withholds from people in deep sin, and make no mistake porn/masturbation is. 

What are you doing to try and quit?  Here are my suggestions:

1. Accountability software.  I use covenant eyes.  It doesn't "block" any websites, but it tracks everything you visit and sends an email log to your chosen accountability partner.  It costs about $100 per year.  I think you can also pay for it monthly.

2. "1." won't help you without an accountability partner.  Find an older Christian man in your church who can hold you accountable.  Someone you trust and feel comfortable talking to.  Ask your pastor to help you with this if you need to.  This may be kind of difficult because statistics show that over 60% of men in church use porn.  This is most likely not something you will successfully overcome alone.  I can not urge you too strongly to get accountability.  Someone who will let you call him at 2am if you are tempted.

3. Another thing to help with this is to get into a men's accountability group or bible study. 

4. There are 2 books I can also suggest, "Finally Free" and "Slaying the Lust Dragon".

5. I would also highly recommend a biblical counselor.  Not a "Christian Counselor", but specifically a biblical counselor.  Go here:
https://biblicalcounseling.com/counselors/
There are other resources you can use to find one, but, again, a BIBLICAL counselor.

6. A couple of tips that can help you until you can find an accountability partner or a counselor:
 - Keep a journal of the times you "fail".  Write down the time it happened, TV shows you watched, things of that nature.  Write down how you felt before and after.
 - Do you live alone?  If not, make sure the computer is in a public location in the residence.
 - Do you have a smart phone?  Don't keep it in your bedroom at night.  Or get a "dumb phone" until you have victory.
 - Read your journal periodically.  Look for common trends at the times you fail.
 - Next time you are tempted, read about how you felt afterwards.
 - If you find any common traits to the times you fail, change them.  If that means you need to stop watching certain TV shows, do that.
 - If there is a time that is common, start reading your bible at that time.
 - Start memorizing scripture.  Lots of it.  Fill your mind with God's word.
 - When tempted: First recite some of your memory verses.  Pray.  And once you have your accountability partner call him.

7. To help with your lack of assurance read the book of 1 John.  Does it describe you?  If it does, then you probably are saved.

8. Get this fixed before you pursue a relationship.  Getting married will not fix enslavement to porn/masturbation/sex.  All it will do is hurt the marriage. 

This may also be part of why you are shy around women.  You lack confidence around a real woman because porn is easy.

I will pray for you.

Offline GODandMAN

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #3 on: Wed Jan 04, 2017 - 01:07:31 »
What the flesh does is of Satan so don't let the guilt and shame get to you because it's of Satan. The flesh perishes during this temporary generation so if God gives you the desire to quit masturbating, then so be it but don't worry about it. It will stop when your flesh dies.

What's more important is what the Holy Spirit is teaching you with the knowledge of Christ which is knowledge that goes on forever even after the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is destroyed.

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #3 on: Wed Jan 04, 2017 - 01:07:31 »
Pinterest: GraceCentered.com

Offline LeviShay

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #4 on: Wed Feb 01, 2017 - 08:40:01 »
GODandMAN is right.

The Apostle Paul warns us of submitting ourselves to these man-made rules. Unless you feel you're jerking off with "unnatural" frequency, I wouldn't worry about it. Focus on becoming more fruitful and getting a wife.

I actually wrote a response to this on my blog: http://levishay.com/trapped-in-sexual-sin/

Also recommended: https://biblicalgenderroles.com/is-masturbation-a-sin/

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #4 on: Wed Feb 01, 2017 - 08:40:01 »



Offline Sinful

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #5 on: Wed Feb 01, 2017 - 15:26:33 »
I have been having the same exact struggle for a very long time. I was doing research last night and came across this great article, I pray it will be a blessing to you as it has been to me..

http://www.covenanteyes.com/2015/10/06/are-you-repenting-the-wrong-way/

Offline jeager

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #6 on: Thu Feb 16, 2017 - 01:22:04 »
O.P.
You are beating yourself up for not much.
Masturbation is pretty normal.
Girls do it also.

Offline Jason_NC

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #7 on: Sun Apr 23, 2017 - 13:54:27 »
O.P.
You are beating yourself up for not much.
Masturbation is pretty normal.
Girls do it also.

Lot's of sins are "normal" and done by a lot of people.  That doesn't make them any less sinful.  And sexual sin is especially dangerous.

Offline Pkbrother

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #8 on: Sun Apr 23, 2017 - 16:24:06 »
Agree ith jason....

The bible is our only guide in these areas........
Lust is adultery........Jesus.  MTthew 5:28

Be strong brother and do as suggested with prayer and acountqbility brothers.........

They ovrcame by the blood of the lamb and the ord of their testimony
Revelation. 12:11

Offline The Barbarian

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #9 on: Thu May 04, 2017 - 22:08:18 »
Quote
I have been struggling with this for quite some time.  Probably last six or seven years.  Pornography and masturbation have been a huge problem for me.

First thing, don't hate yourself.   Masturbation is a sin that 20-something men have a huge problem overcoming.    I once mentioned to a priest that a study showed that men who masturbated regularly did not get prostate cancer.   His response was that he was surprised that there was such a thing as prostate cancer, so I'm guessing he heard a lot about it in confession.

It's a struggle, yes.   Like all humans, you're a sinner and like all Christians, struggling with your particular tendency to sin.   That's how it is.   Hating yourself or letting it get you discouraged is precisely the trap Satan sets for you.    Don't fall into that.   You should aim for perfection while realizing that you will only ever approach perfection.    God knows how difficult it can be.

On the other hand, pornography is a much more dangerous thing, because an addiction to porn can mess up your ability to have a good relationship with a woman.   You should be particularly diligent in fighting that.    My thoughts and prayers are with you.    Remember:

1 Corinthians 10:13 Let no temptation take hold on you, but such as is human. And God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able: but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it.

And remember:
2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. 8As to the rest, there is laid up for me a crown of justice, which the Lord the just judge will render to me in that day: and not only to me, but to them also that love his coming.

It's worth the effort.   And if you fail, don't berate yourself excessively; that breeds more failure.    Ask for God's forgiveness, and redouble your efforts.    The struggle, if you keep it up, glorifies God.    Hang in there.

 

Offline Martins97

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #10 on: Tue Jun 27, 2017 - 17:46:29 »
Hello Friend.Looks like your efforts have been little;have you tried battling this evil with a friend or spouse.

« Last Edit: Wed Jun 28, 2017 - 03:43:17 by Alan »

Offline champoffoos

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #11 on: Fri Jul 14, 2017 - 14:16:34 »
Hi Mark.  If you're still struggling with this, let me know.  I may be able to help.  Look forward to hearing from you.
Michael

Offline Choir Loft

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #12 on: Sun Feb 11, 2018 - 10:48:45 »
I have been struggling with this for quite some time.  Probably last six or seven years.  Pornography and masturbation have been a huge problem for me.  I'm 20 years old now and live at home but take college classes online.  I see very few people and no girls.  See I've always been very shy and that's why I didn't go to college physically.  I've never had a girlfriend and never had sex with a girl.  I believe that's it's wrong to do so before marriage but I also know that what I do isn't any better than that.  I don't take it as an excuse I know what I do is wrong but I believe my shyness has contributed to my problem.  I've never been able to talk to girls so I just do this evil deed instead.  I always thought I was a Christian but didn't really become one until just over a year ago.  Before then I believed in God but had no understanding of the gospel or of Jesus.  At that point when I first became a Christian I quit for maybe two months.  Totally quit.  I felt amazing.  But then it started up again and I do it multiple times a week sometimes even daily.  I hate it but I can't stop it.  I confess my sins in prayer and ask for help to quit.  I just can't.  I've noticed many prayers answered since I became a Christian but not this one.  I honestly don't understand why this prayer hasn't been answered but I'm not angry at God or anything I'm just frustrated.  He may be trying to answer it but I'm pushing his help away somehow I dont know.  I believe fully in The Bible and trust Jesus alone to save me.  But sometimes due to this sin I doubt my salvation.  Am I right to do this?  I know what I do is wrong but I keep doing it.  Am I not saved?  That thought really scares me but apparently not enough to be able to quit.  How can I be set free?  I can't stand it any longer it has to quit.  Jesus died for me and I can't even quit this for Him.  PLEASE HELP.  PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.  Thank you.  God bless.

Do you ask Jesus to give you a hand with your masturbation or do you do it yourself?

If you do it yourself you can stop it yourself.

Someone once said the idle mind is the devil's workshop.   But a heavy workout and a cold shower will help in a pinch.

The evidence of masturbation may be in your hand, but the motivation for it is in the mind.   Therefore, seek those things which occupy mind - those things which obsess in positive directions.

You cannot stop the desire to masturbate, but you CAN create new channels for directing your mind and hands.   The word is redirection.    The result is self-respect.

and that's me, hollering from the choir loft...

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #13 on: Sat May 05, 2018 - 02:38:42 »
Quote from: markstillman5
...when I first became a Christian I quit for maybe two months.  Totally quit.  I felt amazing.  But then it started up again and I do it multiple times a week sometimes even daily.  I hate it but I can't stop it.  I confess my sins in prayer and ask for help to quit.  I just can't.  I've noticed many prayers answered since I became a Christian but not this one.  I honestly don't understand why this prayer hasn't been answered but I'm not angry at God or anything I'm just frustrated...

A very common problem for us chaps sadly - who of us is without sin? "Let he who is without sin, throw the first stone!"

At my ripe old age (82), everything has "dried up"/ceased working properly in the genital department. You know the common saying :"if you don't use a thing - you may lose it"), but unfortunately the wild "feelings" are still there despite that.  My wife is 7 years younger than me but has bowel prolapse problems/bleeding piles (despite several remedial ops) - so for that and other reasons "there's nothing doing on the more intimate front" - and that's been the situation since prostate surgery at age 55 made me impotent (plus the now all-too common slowness in urine flow despite the  remedial "resection" op, and others!).  Can't take any medication for the basic problem because of taking "heart meds" after 5 bypasses (so 27 years of no intimate contact!). Another reason I could not use stuff like Viagra to overcome the E.D. problem, is the risk of increased blood pressure adding to the stress on my eye retinas (have extremely poor sight at present) - so don't want to loose what sight I have still got!  Sorry about this initial "blabbing" - just indicating "where I'm at" - and so you won't think I'm just a wee bit short of being a saint!!!  ::crackup::

 The snag is, the mind is the real battle-ground and you have to find some "diversionary tactics" so that your mind isn't left free to lead you to do as you fancy. Think someone wrote on the subject of Christian meditation (think I saw it in Thomas Keating's "Intimacy with God:An Introduction to Centering Prayer" - it's mainly for R.C.s but all can learn something useful from it and it has some helpful diagrams in the practical section!), that when some "insistent (wrong!) side-thought" keeps on intruding into your mind (e.g. the urge to gratify yourself!), then it is better to practice letting it "pass by" and then return to your main intended (right!) thought - i.e not allowing that intrusive side-thought to "take-over" control!  If I remember correctly the writer's suggestion was that you should visualize yourself in a boat on quiet water - then when a wrong intrusive thought occurs, like something floating on the water's surface - just let it drift by, while you are peacefully resting in the boat and return to your right thought!  Think it's sometimes called "the law of reverse effort" the harder you try to concentrate on something - the more difficult it becomes.  So as the catchphrase says "Don't force it Phoebe!" - relax and let your wrong thought "drift by" not paying it any attention since it is of little real import (regard the wrong side-thought as a bit of a "yawn" and not really helping you - so discard it, i.e. don't act on it!) - then return to the right main thought.

 I would advise taking up some strenuous activity (Squash, or join a competitive swimming club, for instance - then practice to do well in your chosen activity) so as to exhaust yourself when "feelings" become difficult.  Wear yourself out so that you desperately need a snooze to recuperate! (The devil is adept at making use of idle hands or minds - but if you fall asleep through sheer  weariness, that doesnt give him a chance!)  Some of the replies given earlier seem to be more promising than others. I don't like the "Covenant Eyes" idea 'cos it's a bit like "Big Brother is watching you!" making you feel guilty (and most of us are anyway!).  The mind is very strange - sometimes the more you try to fight against something, the more difficult things become -  in fact you might get "swept away" by your emotions, and just "go ahead" and do what you know is wrong!

You probably know the Bible verse that says "If we regard evil in our hearts, then God will not hear us!".  When the "still small voice" of the Lord is silent - that's a sure sign that something is radically wrong in our lives - and there needs to be deep confession and sorrow for our current lapses "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from every kind of wrong.".  After confession/repentance for a current failing - if it was truly meant, you should experience a reconciliation with Him, and the "still small voice" of the Lord will speak, to re-assure you of His amazing love. (See my P.S. at the end!) Let's face it He knows all about us (EVERY failing) - so He is not surprised when we take a "tumble".  Just talk to Him - He wants you to come back and be "cleaned up" - even if He knows we may fail again, later!  The time between "failures" should hopefully become greater. It is vital to have a "tender" conscience about this business - keep a "short account" with the Lord! Those who enjoy doing evil continually with no thought for the Lord, have a seared conscience and are as good as lost. Relax Mark! - Am sure you are not in that category!

The previous paragraph raises an important issue IMO!  We cannot hope to win our personal battles by ourselves - we need the "Paraclete" (aka the Indwelling Holy Spirit, our Advocate and Comforter) to guide/correct us - "Correction is the high road to life - neglect reproof and you miss the way!".  If a person "decides" that they want to become a Christian, possibly because of the example of others etc - that is a fine thing - but only a beginning!  One can go through the various stages (e.g. full immersion baptism, confirmation etc,) - but unless in seeking a closer relationship with the Lord, He has responded to our cry for that closeness by "touching" our lives, drawing us closer to Himself via the Holy Spirit - then we are in my estimation "crippled" until we yield ourselves to Him (or even, at a much deeper level,  "present" ourselves to Him as a living sacrifice, available for His purposes).  Have in mind the verse that comes after Paul's description of the fruit of the Spirit : "And those that belong to Christ have crucified the lower nature with it's passions and desires."  That's strong stuff - we can't do it without your help Lord!!!

The trouble stems from the fact that we so often wrongly think that "our lives are our own", and consequently, we can please ourselves exactly what we do! . Paul sets us right on this issue in 1 Cor 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a shrine of the indwelling Holy Spirit, and the Spirit is God's gift to you.  You do not belong to yourselves; you were bought at a price. Then honour God in your body.".  The Lord has "ownership rights" over us, and by "departing" from His best purposes for us, we must grieve Him terribly - because in His omniscience He knows, in the long run, what is best for us!


Any who claim to have conclusively won the battle between "the flesh" and "the Spirit" while still in this mortal body - frankly astonish me! I wonder how they can possibly deal with the never ending assault on our senses, principally by the media, of what is not holy. (To live the life of a hermit in the desert, cut off from all tempting influences would not be the solution - The Lord wants us to care and live peacefully with one another!)  There are many references in Scripture to "holiness" and this is  God's ideal for us (e.g. Jesus saying "Be ye holy, even as I am holy!") - we however, cannot even approach such a high standard, without the Lord's help (so much "abiding in Him" is required). Jesus said "I am the vine and you are the branches.  He who dwells in me, as I dwell in him, bears much fruit; for apart from me you can do nothing." - and that "abiding" means spending personal/private time with Him - not necessarily telling Him "how things are with us" (He already knows after all!), but sometimes just being quiet with Him - He will speak to us by his indwelling Spirit when He thinks fit.  One of the last chapters in one of my favourite books "The Normal Christian Life" (Watchman Nee) draws on the story of the woman anointing Jesus with a very costly perfume, much to the disciples annoyance at what they consider a a gross waste! Yet Jesus rebukes them for their wrong heart attitude - our most costly gift is unworthy of His wonderful mercy and grace to us!  The Lord is delighted when we come humbly to Him, just waiting quietly on Him - though many others might call that a waste of time!

To enlarge on that idea suggested in the last para - think we can all benefit by going off to our own "quiet space", for a regular daily short time (maybe 10 minutes initially) - to "wait quietly on the Lord".  Think of it as a personal one-to-one session - Jesus and I together for a while!  Maybe you might find some encouraging words come into your mind - respond to them! Checkout the reference in your Bible where Jesus says "I in you, and you in me" - think that will open up to you a whole new vista of understanding - we Christians are never alone - the Lord is really close to us "a heartbeat away".  So let's not "soil" that precious "Together-ness with Him" by wrong thoughts/actions! It's a sobering thought that our every act is noted in heaven - and at our end "books will be opened" (Rev 20:12) and an assessment made of what we have done with our lives.  Will the heavenly records show that we have let Jesus "have His way" with us  ::smile:: - or will they show we always went our own foolish way?  ::frown::  There is also in Heaven, so we understand, a "Book Of Life" and if our names are inscribed in it we shall obtain mercy - "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Rom 8:12 NKJV).  That little word "in" - as "in Adam", and "in Christ" - is of paramount importance IMO, which is why I strongly recommend Watchman Nee's old classic "The Normal Christian Life" - it is "meaty reading" (although it's style is simple), but very rewarding!  In fact I found it difficult to assimilate it's ideas initially, dwelling mainly on the meaning of Paul's Romans epistle  - but over a period of years I have read/reread it many times and it has changed my "mind set" for the better, and that of so many others.


On the matter of looking at porn - we need to remember that the video clips are rehearsed enactments by models, so the photographers can get the angles right etc, and have little connection with reality.  (Coming to a mutual orgasm with a partner needs patience, care and consideration for each other)  In the porn videos "love-making" is photographed (sometimes in close-up detail) to stimulate unhealthy appetites catering for the wide spectrum of the Kinsey sexual scale. Sadly, it has the effect on most of us of "wanting a slice of the action"! It may be helpful to ask oneself some "pointed" questions if viewing such stuff - like "Is this portraying real love for a partner or is it just satisfying the prime mover's lustful desires?", or perhaps a question like "Would I really like to participate in a continual daily routine like that shown in the video - to the almost complete exclusion of my family relationships and hobbies etc?" It might be helpful , as I wrote above, to consider it all a bit of a bore or "yawn", since it's certainly not going to help you live decently "If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, then we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from every sin"!).  The act of "love" just seems to get demoted to a frantic pelvic thrusting of the genitalia - without any thought of responsibility, consideration for the best interests, and respect for one's partner etc,.  Better to avoid being soiled by that "worldly stuff" - so if it's via the internet, then use a "Broadband Shield" set at the PG level (but don't forget to allow access to forums such as this!). "Blessed are the pure in heart - for they shall see God" - sadly, a lot of us may miss out on that!

 I think one of the most touching of Jesus parables is the one of the "Prodigal Son" and portrays what the Father really seeks.  On the errant son's return, the father didn't put his hands on his hips and coldly say "Oh - so you've decided to come back after all!" ::frown:: - No! he rushed towards him and lovingly flung his arms around his son!  Am sure that's how the Father will treat us, foolish though we are! ::clappingoverhead::


Despite my fairly obvious failings - my faith/trust in the Lord "keeps my head just above the water to snatch a breath" so am still alive and kicking - and though I may never qualify for a halo - through it all, I still "hear" Him - or rather His helping/correcting short messages "come into" my mind - i.e. not an audible voice! (BTW am not a "Schizo"!  ::smile::).  One of my major "failings" is to lapse into "wicked imaginings" ("fabricating" scenarios that pander to "base desires") when I am having trouble getting to sleep.  I asked the Lord to help me with that recently, after some bad occurrences of that fault, and "felt" His re-assurance on that matter, that He would help me.  Can happily report that for a long time now, I have slept blissfully like a babe without any of those wrong thoughts, thanks to the Lord's help. That "kindness" reminds me of what Paul wrote in his epistles "If we ask for anything according to His will, He hears us - and if we know that He hears us, then we know that we have the petitions that we ask" (subject to His omniscient knowledge of what is best for us). This is why, although some say "Pray through till the burden lifts" - my experience of the Lord is that, if He tells me "I have heard you!" - that is good enough for me, I know the matter is in His capable hands - all I have to do is trust Him!

I bet a psychiatrist would have a "ball of a time" analyzing some of us!  Of late, I have been trying to delve a bit deeper into the inner reasons for my attitudes, in the hope maybe of finding some remedial solutions, or reaching a peaceful acceptance.  I think the Lord has indicated that my problems stem back to childhood - don't want to get "auto-biographical", but there have been incidents that have probably had a major influence on what/who I now am - "All that we are is the result of what we have thought".  Guess that applies to all of us - you know the  attribution some make to our problems being the result of early "poor potty training"!!!  ::crackup::

In "This was your life" by Rick Howard and Jamie Lash, they write : 'When we sin, we are saying to God "I don't trust you - I trust me.  I want what is best for me. I'm not so sure about you, I am going with my own plan" Thus we exalt ourselves and demean God - a nasty combination.'

Am not sure who said it, but this struck me as helpful at the time (just remember it works either way, according to your choice of thought - upwards  ::smile:: or downwards  ::frown::) : "Sow a thought - reap a deed - sow a deed - reap a habit - sow a habit - reap a life!"  Great things can result from small beginnings  there is a Bible verse that says "Do not despise the day of small beginnings!" So we can all make a fresh start on the right road!

P.S.  My wife often reads aloud to me books that will benefit us both - and we are currently on Bruce Van Natta's testimony in "A Miraculous Life". (a good thought provoking book!) It seems he was called by the Lord into full-time ministry when quite young - but went "off the rails" as many of us do, ignoring the Lord for some 16 years or more, until his "hearing the Lord" ceased.  He described in the book how it took a traumatic accident (almost severed in two when a truck he was repairing slipped off a jack) and his very slow recovery to get back to anything resembling normal life - but he still did not "hear" the Lord, and his efforts to read his Bible became an unenlightened drudge.  To "investigate" this, he went back to the last place where he was in "communication" with the Lord and sought the Lord more deeply about this "road-block" he was encountering.  The lord "spoke" to him about this, and it turned out that such was the Lord's determination that Bruce should obey His plan (for the benefit of others!) that He ceased "communication" until Bruce obeyed His original call.  Bruce gave in, sold his mechanic diesel repair business and started "Sweetbread Ministries".  Life then "opened up" again for Bruce!

 "To obey is better than sacrifice.", Jesus said "if you love me, you will obey my commands.".  We do not belong to ourselves - we have been bought at a price!  If the Lord points to something He wishes to see changed in our lives - it's no good trying to wriggle out of action by offering our own alternative "Plan B" (as a "sacrifice"!) - the Lord will stick to His "Plan A" and we'll hear no more from Him, till we give in - He knows what's best for us.  Furthermore, I think there is a verse in the O.T. that says  "Obedience delayed is a kin to witchcraft", and we will reap the consequences of our delayed action!




« Last Edit: Sat Sep 21, 2019 - 01:47:25 by Dave_UK »

Offline Ohan

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #14 on: Thu Feb 21, 2019 - 12:00:32 »
You know a thing like this is, ~ I think ~ between you and the Lord ~ the world doesn't need to know ~ it's bothering you ~ so, talk it over with Him, just like you do when you want something really badly ~ if you are truly bothered ~ you're the one that can fix it ~ with His help ```

Offline Choir Loft

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #15 on: Wed Sep 18, 2019 - 13:55:06 »
I notice there isn't much valuable information being offered here......and not much detailed writing in response either.

One may surmise from this lack of participation that sexual dysfunction isn't that common.....or that it's so off-the-scale-great that nobody wants to stop it.

So what's the answer?   Apart from the commission of suicide there isn't an answer.   Not from Christians anyway.

You won't hear one freaking word on repentance in church because even the priests have problems with the operation of their zippers.  I know because I knew a priest who resorted to abusing young mentally challenged teens.  He did this because his bishop had an affair with his wife and ran off with her.  Talk about dysfunction....

In mega churches parents of teens often leave their kids for a couple hours of religious exposure.   But the only thing that's getting exposed is the teen's boiling hormones in the adjacent "work rooms" or "project centers" which even have lounge chairs and couches to make the communal experience more of a comfort.  The modern church has become a house of harlots both figurative and literal.   

You will most emphatically NOT get an answer for your sexual problems in a church.  They're so into the flesh they can't even define the problem.

that's me, hollering from the choir loft...
« Last Edit: Wed Sep 18, 2019 - 13:58:35 by Choir Loft »

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #16 on: Thu Sep 19, 2019 - 04:03:30 »
@Choir Loft!

Hi! - did you notice the date of the O.P.'s post - over 3 years ago, so "a lot of water has passed under the bridge" for him since then.  It's nice when one see's some sort of feedback from the O.P. over what one thinks may be helpful suggestions, when someone groans over their problems.  Whether it be a positive comment or not !

/ Dave

Offline Choir Loft

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #17 on: Thu Sep 19, 2019 - 06:30:58 »
@Choir Loft!

Hi! - did you notice the date of the O.P.'s post - over 3 years ago, so "a lot of water has passed under the bridge" for him since then.  It's nice when one see's some sort of feedback from the O.P. over what one thinks may be helpful suggestions, when someone groans over their problems.  Whether it be a positive comment or not !

/ Dave

My remark wasn't completely addressed to the original poster.  It was addressed to you as well.

that's me, hollering from the choir loft...

Offline Dave_UK

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #18 on: Thu Sep 19, 2019 - 07:36:27 »
My remark wasn't completely addressed to the original poster.  It was addressed to you as well.

that's me, hollering from the choir loft...

Oooh Er! Thank you for your concern - am not doing too badly - in fact "walking after the Spirit" instead of letting the "flesh" lead one astray, makes a world of difference. The vital thing is to keep the mind busy with innocent ideas (e.g. in my case, Swimming technique and how to do better at it, learning Teeline Shorthand etc ) and not expose oneself to anything that could arouse wrong thoughts.  The "avenues" for that to occur in my case are extremely limited.  On the telly (*) I only watch the BBC news and Sid Roth's show (do you need to fetch a "sick-bag" on reading that? ::smile::) on DAYSTAR as a source of getting interesting Christian books that my wife can read aloud for our mutual benefit. Have little interest in watching other TV stuff soaps/crime series etc, now.  I was quite keen on Joseph Prince's programs but haven't played any of his recorded stuff for quite a while now. The pages of our "news-rag" (Daily Mail) occasionally have some lurid articles - so those pages get flipped over quickly.  All in all, you must probably wonder what sort of a life we lead - very different from most others! To be honest, my sister (12 years younger than me who died riddled with cancer not long ago)  said to me in a phone conversation last year,  that I had led a relatively "holy" life! I nearly died choking with embarrassment in remembrance of my many past "secret sins" - no one but the Lord truly knows each one of us! Help me Lord, to always take the lower place, and to "walk" humbly with You!  As the words of "Come down O Love Divine" say of those of us seeking a closer "walk" with the Lord  : -

"Let Holy Charity mine outward vesture be;
and lowliness become mine inner clothing.
True lowliness of heart, that takes the humbler part;
and o'er it's own shortcomings, weeps with loathing."



( *  One of the reasons I watch very little telly, is due to having poor sight  -16 dioptre lenses required in specs. Even when wearing my "distance" specs I still find it difficult to read a car number plate if it is more than about 10 foot away.   So obviously cannot see sufficiently well to drive safely.  And that means gaping at a telly across the room from an armchair or sofa is still a bit out-of-focus.  I "get by" just listening to what's going on, rather than watching - and I certainly don't want to sit too close to the screen.  Reading also isn't the pleasure it used to be - sometimes, although it may look awful to others, I remove my "reading" specs and hold print up about 2" from the eyes - I can in fact make out amazingly small print in that way!)
« Last Edit: Fri Sep 20, 2019 - 05:48:39 by Dave_UK »

Offline Sinner

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #19 on: Tue Oct 08, 2019 - 09:30:20 »
I was once in the same boat as you.  I was very shy and took care of my bodily needs by self-gratification.  One day, while driving home and feeling a bit horny, I prayed to GOD, "You did not mean for man to be alone GOD.  Seeing that Adam was lonely, you gave hime Eve.  I believe you have an "Eve" out their for me, Lord.  I have tried to find her but have been unsucessful.  I leave it all in your hands, dear Lord."

Not too long afterward, a lady from church called and said the company her husband and son-in-law worked for was having a company picnic.  She had invited her son-in-law's sister who had no date.  Would I keep her son-in-law's sister company at the company picnic.  To make a long story short, I did go to the company picnic and, after dating for approx. 10 months, married that lady.  We had nearly 31 years of marriage before she passed away earlier this year.

I have to admit that I am beginning to return to the self-gratification, thinking it is better than finding a "Lady of the Evening". 

Maybe, after about a year, I should pray to GOD again about companionship.

Offline nblinks

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #20 on: Mon Nov 18, 2019 - 17:46:39 »
My brother, you are totally normal.
Most men of you age go through the same thing. This is not because you are studying from home, neither is it because you see less of boys or girls.
Try to focus on your study, pray to God to deliver you and I am pretty sure that God will do it.
You may listing to this wonderful gospel song anytime you feel the urge
The lyrics is just too good.
Jesus is a miracle worker and I am sure he will do it for you.
« Last Edit: Sun Dec 01, 2019 - 12:18:00 by Alan »

Offline Humbleone

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #21 on: Sat Nov 30, 2019 - 18:49:28 »
I know exactly what you mean. It can be hard to resist the temptation of masturbating to something arousing. I have had problems with it myself. I pray for the stimulation to go away, but it keeps on.

It is natural to feel stimulated and sexually aroused, and I remind myself I’m only human.

Offline Home At Last

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Re: Trapped in sexual sin - I can't stand it any longer
« Reply #22 on: Wed Apr 01, 2020 - 20:02:57 »
Please consider reading John Owen's "The Mortification of Sin."It's a 17th century classic, about 140 long.  I have read it twice on Kindle.

It is tedious and repetitive--which is exactly what you need.  The truths of scripture are clear and unmistakable, but not always obvious.  When it comes to lust or any other sin, we need to hear the same truth expressed in a number of ways.  Owen fulfills that.

You will find that you cannot deal with lust or any other sin as if it is in  a vacuum.  All sin is inter-connected through our gross negligence about the holiness of God.  Picture a jellyfish or a portuguese man-of-war.  The bulbous body displays numerous tentacles, connected and flowing in parallel, all with dangerous or deadly  power.  Such is sin.  Satan often uses one sin to lead us to another.  We cannot simply cut off one tentacle, and hope the mass simply float away, leaving us alone.

Owen will help you deal with sin as a whole, and in the particular.  His writing is methodical, and highly insightful.  Most of all, he is biblical and Christ-centered, which means you learn to allow the Spirit of God to put to death evil in your members.