Author Topic: Online "dating"  (Read 725 times)

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Offline hazel_eyes

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Online "dating"
« on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 08:46:15 »
I chatted a few times with a guy on a Christian dating site. He seems a genuine Christian and someone I would like to know. Recently - on Valentine's! - I saw him online again and dropped him a message.  He said his membership was expiring but if I wanted I could e-mail him.  I did and we exchanged a long thread of e-mails that first night. We talked about singing and he sang in the choir. I was in choir for a year but wasn't my thing. I told him singing in front of others made me nervous and he suggested we sing together sometime. I thought that was cool. At the very beginning I admitted to being a bit nerve-wracked about chatting - maybe that means I'm not quite ready to date - but I am interested in this guy and would like to know him. We emailed a very tiny bit last night but only a few messages and nothing of great substance. I wonder if he's backed off because of my comment? Should I let him him know I would be interested in getting to know him or just back off and wait for him to reach out? It seems like there could be potential chemistry there.  What should I do, if anything?

PS   A while back he also asked for my e-mail but I wasn't ready!!  And after that his messages cooled.  It sort of seems the same thing is happening again.  He was still friendly enough and did respond to my messages last night but did I mess up by saying I was nerve-wracked.  (Less so once we did exchange a number of messages.)
« Last Edit: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 08:48:24 by hazel_eyes »

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Online "dating"
« on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 08:46:15 »

Offline Alan

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #1 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 08:54:49 »
Before anyone responds, are you sure you wanted this thread in the "Christian Men Forum"?

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #2 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 08:58:04 »
I thought having a man's perspective on the situation would be helpful. :)

Offline Alan

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #3 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 09:48:25 »
Okay.


Sounds to me like he's a little more aggressive than you are with the on-line dating scene, most men typically are and I wouldn't let that deter you. Of course you would like to retain your anonymity until you feel you're ready to share a bit more. My suggestion would be to create a new email account, do not share that account with anyone other than the fellow you wish to chat with, and make a very strong password, then you can chat as much as you like and share as much as you like, when you are ready.  I wouldn't trust anyone until I felt comfortable making the next step, you should be able to get a good feel for this guy in due time, if he's overly aggressive then that's a red flag to let it go. He should be patient and fully understanding when it comes to sharing personal information, accept no less.


Admitting to him that you are nervous is perfectly fine, you should be nervous and he should be fine with that also.

Al
« Last Edit: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 09:50:45 by Alan »

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #3 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 09:48:25 »
Pinterest: GraceCentered.com

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #4 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 09:55:52 »
Thank you!  I didn't find him as aggressive as some to be sure, and it does seem there is potential - possibly. I did create a new account - doesn't have my last name on it - and that's where we e-mailed Valentine's Day. He seemed "warmer" starting out though we did e-mail quite a bit that first day. Again, he did respond yesterday to my e-mail and I think he was visiting with his parents so probably why there weren't as many messages. I just wish I knew if he was still interested.  Some of this process is making me think that maybe it's better to be single...less complicated!  But his encouragement that we sing together - probably just me and him - to help me get over singing-anxiety was pretty cool. Made me think I am missing out by not having an "iron sharpens iron" kind of person in my life.  I don't want to sound desperate for sure but should I reiterate that I do want to get to know him? He suggested initially that if I was up to it we could even have a phone conversation... not pushy there... but after that his emails were mostly one-liners...

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #4 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 09:55:52 »



Offline Alan

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #5 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 10:14:04 »
If the potential for relationship is there then stay in contact with him, but as I've said, the only way to make the online relationship work is to take it slow and exercise patience. Many of us guys are not great conversationalists until we feel comfortable with a person. One day we may feel inspired to share and the next day we may not have much to say. Again, you'll need to take the time to find these things out. In the meantime, try not to assume too much.
Al

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #6 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 10:22:50 »
Thanks for the thoughts. :)

Offline Alan

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #7 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 10:51:26 »
Good luck to you and please be safe.  ::smile::

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #8 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 10:53:39 »
Thank you so much for your concern. I will.  And I must remember to be patient. And this is also making me truly wonder if it isn't easier being single!! 

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating"
« Reply #9 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 10:07:26 »
Update.  I did a google search of the guy this morning - had tried previously and found nothing.  I discovered he is using his middle name.  I don't blame him as I'm not crazy about his first name. Haha.  BUT everything matched, where he lived and had lived previously according to his profile, his age and birthdate. All that matched exactly BUT it also said he was MARRIED! His profiled said single-never-married.  I promptly deleted the gmail account I'd created to contact him. Glad I never shared my last name.  I was honestly having too much anxiety over the whole thing anyway. We tried to voice chat on google last night and I couldn't figure out how to pick up the call. Now, I'm glad. Again, maybe the MARRIED thing wasn't right but everything else was so surely he was married at some point!  I am often shocked how many 'separated' individuals have a profile on a dating site.