Author Topic: Why me?  (Read 844 times)

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Offline Alma1995

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Why me?
« on: Sat Feb 27, 2016 - 10:18:27 »
Hello everyone, I registered here to express some of the feelings I've been battling for sometime, especially after last Valentine Day. Me and my girlfriend Sam we both suffer from the fact she isn't virgin. She gets stung by guilt and remorse and I get stung by dissapointment and envy. When I studied the bible in my local church we were uneven numbers, so I had to search for a girl outside church, I became the "odd one" that had to search outside. Eventually by chance I met my girlfriend Sam. And since then I became the "odd one" whose girlfriend isn't virgin. I never confronted her or belittled her about the choices she made but as my social circle is religious she may heard things from my female friends (who were my classmates). I really, really hate being the odd one. Even though I may tell Sam that I don't really mind that when she tells me she is sorry, deep down inside I'm devastated by that. I never reached the same level of happiness I had within my relationship since she confessed to me she wasn't. And I have my friends, my classmates. I see what they have. They devote themselves to their girlfriends, they know their girlfriends are keeping their purity to them and eventually may finally get it. I try to place myself in the same situation with Sam and I just feel absurd. Sam does no longer have her purity and hatred towards fate just gets the best of me. There are a lot of longlasting marriages in family, they married virgins and they lasted 50+ years together. My friends are virgins and waiting untill marriage. Why can't I have that as well?  In the end I just started questioning myself why did I reject all those one night stands in the past if in the end the woman I'll marry didn't refrain herself? Why did I always have to be the "odd one"? Could it be my relationship with Sam isn't just a ramification of the mistake my classmates made years ago? Could it be I wasn't supposed to search outside and I was supposed to date a classmate? I'm thinking about taking a leap of faith, breaking my heart and Sam's just in order to see if I'm able to find the virgin girl, my soulmate, that may be out there waiting for me.

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Why me?
« on: Sat Feb 27, 2016 - 10:18:27 »

Offline geronimo

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Re: Why me?
« Reply #1 on: Sun Feb 28, 2016 - 12:13:36 »
I think with most circumstances there is some kind of message or lesson that applies and can be learned. The tricky part is knowing which person the lesson or message is for. I believe in most cases our first assumption is the experience being about ourselves, when there is a fair chance it may be for the other person/s. Sometimes maybe it means nothing, but sometimes it means more than we think.
 If that makes any sense.
 Blessings

Offline Aeix8791

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Re: Why me?
« Reply #2 on: Mon Mar 14, 2016 - 11:31:10 »
I was in very much the same situation as you describe. Now after 15 years of marriage to my wife, I can tell you that I don't regret keeping my purity and that I don't care about the state of hers while we were dating. In the grand scheme of things, it really didn't matter (and no, that's not permission/excuse to keep doing anything wrong). We are very happy and the "other guy" that took her purity is so unimportant that she says it often seems like a dream from another life.

I used to focus on the past a lot. I mean A LOT! And I then learned something. If I'm always focused on what happened in the past (the rear view mirror), I can't fully pay attention and enjoy whats happening right now and what is coming. Try driving a car while you only look in the rear view mirror.

The way I see it, if my redeemer (and the creator and redeemer of the world) can forgive me for the things I've done, and has forgiven her for the things she's done, who am I to still hold it against her, even if I never vocalize it. Keeping it internal still builds resentment, and THAT is the real relationship killer.

I know, easier said than done... Pray, pray a lot, read the Bible, especially the stories of redemption and forgiveness. And even be honest with her about it, focusing on the fact that you don't want to feel that way. By not telling her, you set up the behavior of withholding how you feel, which becomes an easy way to keep the temporary peace, but takes away from your relational peace a little bit at a time.

I hope this helps.

Offline Mere Nick

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Re: Why me?
« Reply #3 on: Mon Mar 14, 2016 - 18:03:11 »
What's done is done and, if you truly love her, you will get off her back about it.  Am I correct to assume you are not without sin that has been forgiven?  Is there someone that the blood of Christ can not make clean?  How old are you?
 

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Re: Why me?
« Reply #3 on: Mon Mar 14, 2016 - 18:03:11 »
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Offline Alma1995

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Re: Why me?
« Reply #4 on: Mon Mar 14, 2016 - 20:48:43 »

I know, easier said than done... Pray, pray a lot, read the Bible, especially the stories of redemption and forgiveness. And even be honest with her about it, focusing on the fact that you don't want to feel that way. By not telling her, you set up the behavior of withholding how you feel, which becomes an easy way to keep the temporary peace, but takes away from your relational peace a little bit at a time.

I hope this helps.
I already ended my relationship with her. She was shocked because it was so sudden and it came from nowhere. She thought I was joking at the beginning. I told her what I was feeling, she didn't take it so well she spent weeks trying to make me change my mind  or comforting me and we went separate ways in the end.

Quote
What's done is done and, if you truly love her, you will get off her back about it.  Am I correct to assume you are not without sin that has been forgiven?  Is there someone that the blood of Christ can not make clean?  How old are you?
I loved her (and still do) but the way I am didn't allow me to get past the fact she wasn't virgin. I never confronted or mistreated her for not being one and I don't know why after so much time dating the fact got me. It may be because it was going to turn serious any moment. Yes you are correct if I understood your question correctly and I'm 20 years old. 

I've read the Bible, not a single day goes by without me praying. I pray for her well being, I pray for me. I pray so I can find the virgin girl that I desire. Sometimes I miss her. The worst days are when I see a couple. I get so angry to the extent my teeth hurts and suddenly when I believe I can't be angrier, all the hatred turns into sadness. So praying has been my way out, it helps me to deal with anxiety. But there are some days that simply I just don't want to deal with anyone. I've been focusing on my college studies but god knows how much I want to find my lifelong partner (or to know if I have let her go)

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Re: Why me?
« Reply #4 on: Mon Mar 14, 2016 - 20:48:43 »