Author Topic: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive  (Read 9142 times)

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Offline kamikaze

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Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« on: May 23, 2011, 07:36:16 AM »
I know i seem to post on here a lot, but here is my absolute truth and my question for you guys.

I have had a girlfriend for over a year now. I used to masturbate to orgasm before i met her, but since i started dating her i did not masturbate to orgasm. I would relieve a bit of tension and 'play with myself' so to speak, but i would never orgasm. Sometimes i would get very close, and then have to calm myself down.

So this went on for about 6 months, until i was sitting in my car at work, and i started to think about us having sex(by the way we are both virgins, waiting till marriage), i started to get an erection, but didn't touch myself. I became so aroused that i actually thought i was going to climax. I calmed myself down and my erection went away, but that feeling of going to climax stayed around. It wasn't all the time but it felt like i needed to have an orgasm. I had to go through the rest of the day at work feeling like that. I got that feeling occasionally in the next few days until finally i just knew i had to ejaculate. So i did, and it felt a bit better and free-er.

Long story short, it has now been about 7 months since that incident. I feel very sensitive sexually to many things now. I worry that i will get aroused by something, get an erection, and then ejaculate - without me doing anything. I feel like that day in the car i went through a trauma, and now i can't get back to normal sexually.

I spend large portions of my day scared and trying to 'control' that feeling, to make sure i don't ejaculate, and because of that i over think it all, but i feel very sensitive sexually and am terrified that if i look at something mildly sexual, or kiss my girlfriend, or heck, even cross my legs, like 'adjusting yourself', i will just ejaculate. I worry that i am so sexually sensitive that i will ejaculate without even trying.

I need help. I spend every day in fear and worry. I love my girlfriend so much but i'm scared about this happening - especially when we spend time together. I want to marry her so much(she is not ready for marriage yet but i think i am - despite this thing) but i'm scared that this all won't go away.

I don't need advice like "make sure you guys don't kiss or hug until marriage", because i assume i'm like most guys and it doesn't have to be physical touch that can get me aroused. Just talking about marriage, or saying i love you to her can cause me to get aroused.

I am probably overthinking all of this. This is probably why it's happening to me, but i don't know how to not overthink it.

Has this happened to anybody else? Has anybody else either, felt very sexually sensitive? Or does anybody masturbate but not actually ejaculate.
What happens if you DO masturbate, but never ejaculate? Does the sperm build up and need a release? Is that what i felt in the car? Did i go 'too far' and the sperm needed that release?
How do you guys go so long with no sexual release at all? Or even touching yourself? I find it difficult to go a few days without at least touching myself.

This also happened to me 2 years ago. I had gone 6 months without ejaculating, but still masturbated - i just didn't climax. Then one day i was masturbating, almost climaxed, but held back and the feeling didn't subside. I lasted about half a day before i realised i had to ejaculate. So i did that, and actually kept masturbating and ejaculating for a few months after that, but that fear and feeling went away.
Not so much this time.

So does anybody have any advice for me? This is a very personal and tough subject to talk about, and has been an incredibly mentally and emotionally painful experience for me. I would apprecate sincerity and no mocking, or ridicule or condemnation.
Thankyou.



larry2

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2011, 08:05:29 AM »

So does anybody have any advice for me?


Go to a doctor; there are medicines available to help you last I heard.

Offline Chip

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2011, 03:39:54 PM »
Takes a lot of courage to ask a question like this. The real question is: Is there a man this has never happened to.

I am going to give the physiological answer. You body is going to take care of it in you sleep.

Some OT research on why masturbation is considered bad may help you too. Research Onan. Paul says that if you can't control it to get married, I understand that may not be an option though. The thing is some studies have shown that masturbation can be addictive, so be careful there.

The internet is not the place to seek answers though. You need to speak to a pastor, or counselor (one who shares your belief system) about this.

Online JohnDB

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2011, 04:56:09 PM »
This sounds just like the guy from the show "Sons of Anarchy"
I wanna die like grandpa, peacefully and in my sleep; not like the passengers in his car...they were all screaming and panicking.

Offline TJW

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2011, 01:41:37 PM »
Quote
I am probably overthinking all of this. This is probably why it's happening to me, but i don't know how to not overthink it.

Yes, I think you are overthinking it.  And, it is likely to be your "belief system" that is causing you to overthink it.  You didn't state why you don't want to ejaculate through masturbation now that you have a girlfriend.  So, I really can't help you with that.

However, I can tell you this.  The bible does not mention masturbation.  The previous poster suggested that you study Onan (Genesis 38).  Onan was killed by God because he refused to "become seed" for his brother.  His brother, Er, had been previously found evil by God and killed.  It was the law under the Levitical priesthood that a deceased man's brother should sire children with the brother's widow to give his brother heirs.  The narrative states that Onan "spilled his seed on the ground" instead of ejaculating inside Tamar so as to prevent her pregnancy, because he "knew that the seed should not be his". Just a simple reading of the passage and what it says indicates that this is why God was angry with Onan, and why God killed him.

The story of Onan is used, in a manner that I believe erroneous, to create doctrines regarding masturbation, when masturbation is not at all the act being described in the story.  It is used to create doctrine of "desecration of seed" which doesn't seem very relevant to the story, either.

Quote
How do you guys go so long with no sexual release at all? Or even touching yourself?

Personally, I don't.  I don't even try.  I'm married, and 59 years old, and masturbate to ejaculation nearly every day when my wife and I don't have sex.  Our sex is somewhat less frequent than it used to be, maybe on the order of once per week now.    If I don't masturbate, a couple days goes by, and I start to have a "wicked, wandering eye" which looks at ladies.  Being faithful to my wife is a #1 priority to me, in my life.  I don't like having to endure
temptation, and masturbation, is for me, a mode of avoidance.

I don't believe that masturbation is sin.  The reason for this, is that virtually every conceivable sexual perversion is discussed in the bible, and condemned by it.  But not masturbation.  I can either think that nobody masturbated in those days (rediculous) or I can think that God just doesn't care about it.
Personally, I believe that God would have said so if He did not want us to do it.  He has no problem telling us other things which He doesn't want, the bible is not at all "prudish" about how it describes sexual behaviour.  It is explicit and straightforward.

Quote
i'm scared that this all won't go away.

I am, too.

My brother, Jesus said "my yoke is easy, and my burden is light".  This does not sound either "easy" nor "light", to  me.  And I've somewhat learned (not that I've attained to it)  that when something is not both "easy" and "light", I'm shouldering somebody else's yoke.


« Last Edit: May 25, 2011, 01:50:09 PM by TJW »

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2011, 01:41:37 PM »



Offline tomcatf14g

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2011, 06:30:27 PM »
ok i have a question concerning this.  Im a married man going thru a divorce i am trying to desperatly stop. I want to save my marriage.  I am remaining faithful to my wife even though she is having affairs.  but i still have sexual needs.  i have felt that when things get to much to bare i look at pictures of my wife and imagine us being together again making love and then do the deed.  Is that wrong for me to do.  I refuse to have an affair or look at porn trash to help me get thru these times i find myself in.  If i cant hve my wife sexually now because she wants a divorce but still wanna be faithful is it wrong for me to masturbate to pis of my wife.  would really like to know your thoughts on this.

Offline TJW

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2011, 06:46:04 AM »
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If i cant hve my wife sexually now because she wants a divorce but still wanna be faithful is it wrong for me to masturbate to pis of my wife. 

My opinion is no. I believe you are meeting a proper standard of purity.  In fact, this practice may actually work in favor of your marriage, if you limit your involvement to pictures and thoughts of your wife.

God has given us marriage as a place of free sexual activity, He has blessed it and created it for us.  And His word contains no instruction for us to avoid this.  In fact, the
Apostle Paul warns us not to stop having regular sex except for "prayer and fasting",
because we will be tempted more vigorously if we do.

In my opinion, during this time when your wife is defrauding you and God, for you to remain steadfastly attracted to her in this way seems, to me, right and proper.



Offline INJ

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2011, 04:00:17 PM »
ok i have a question concerning this.  Im a married man going thru a divorce i am trying to desperatly stop. I want to save my marriage.  I am remaining faithful to my wife even though she is having affairs.  but i still have sexual needs.  i have felt that when things get to much to bare i look at pictures of my wife and imagine us being together again making love and then do the deed.  Is that wrong for me to do.  I refuse to have an affair or look at porn trash to help me get thru these times i find myself in.  If i cant hve my wife sexually now because she wants a divorce but still wanna be faithful is it wrong for me to masturbate to pis of my wife.  would really like to know your thoughts on this.

This is a difficult question. But I believe God knows your difficulty and he has grace for you. Whatever you think about the most will control you. If you think about a woman you sexually find attractive you will feel sexual feelings. If you stir up sexual feelings you will masturbate or feel sexual all the time. So whatever you focus on will control you. But there is another issue and that is pain. You are in pain and men when they are in emotional pain often turn to sex to make themselves feel better. Whilst this is completely understandable and God does not condemn you there is a better way. Being in the presence of God and worshipping will change your patterns incredibly. I am not being unreal here and it all depends on your resolve, I am not putting anything on you.

Do not let the enemy rob you any longer. Guilt is of the devil. But I believe you can find God in a deeper way than you have ever know if you press into God.
Whatever you do, do it all *Link Removed*. Debating makes you think, arguing makes you stink, don't do it.

cs80918

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2011, 11:31:55 AM »
I was a sex addict, I engaged in many sinful acts for many years.

Masturbation is sinful, because there is lack of self-control.  The devil or my flesh, I do not which one use to tell me that masturbation kept me from having an "evil eye" towards women.  However; that was a lie because while I was masturbating I certainly was having very lustful thoughts toward women.

Some men can put their lustful thoughts in a cage and just masturbate, but for many men we fornicate and for even some men with even less control they attack women.  Do not give the devil a foot hold, for we don't know how far it will take us.

I never thought a man could be free of masturbation, I use to masturbate several times a day to the point were it hurt.  I am free, I am free,  I am free and so can you!

Look people I was sick in my past, all forms of sexual immorality, multiple partners, one night stands, orgies and all kinds of sexual immorality, don't give the devil a foot hold, you never no where it can lead.

The more difficult my life was, the more I leaned on sexual immorality.  This is wrong and this is ignorant.  Maturity in Christ has little to do with age, it has to do with our maturity in Christ.

anon900

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2011, 05:45:03 AM »
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« Last Edit: October 26, 2011, 04:16:06 AM by anon900 »

Online DaveW

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2011, 01:09:03 PM »
current research (www.themarriagebed.com) says that only about 40% of men ever have nocturnal releases.  It does not seem to matter if you M or not. If you have never done that (nocturnal) it is unlikely that you will now. 

What usually happens to the rest of us is this: you have a wild dream that takes you right to the edge and then you wake up so close that if you breathe you will go over the top.

Not a good place to be.

Offline Dave H.

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Re: Masturbating, but no climax/sexually sensitive
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2013, 01:29:54 PM »
I read most of the posts and while most of them seemed "right", nobody called it for what it is. In laymen terms, what you experienced was simply a "wet dream". The male body is going to ejaculate one way or the other. If it builds up too long, it's going to happen. Don't worry, you are "sinnig" when this happens. It's just the bodies natural way to respond to long periods without ejaculation. Relax.
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