Author Topic: Not sure what to think of this  (Read 1279 times)

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Offline Tyzum

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Not sure what to think of this
« on: Tue Apr 05, 2016 - 14:11:43 »
Hi
I know there are some people who think sex is just for making babies, and never pleasure. And i know some people think anything done in the bedroom is ok between a married couple. if you fall into either of these categories i will dismiss your response. For anyone else who is balanced, here's my question...

As a Christian couple, what are peoples views of degrading speech during sex? For example, a Christian woman that want's to be called 'whore', 'slut', etc... Says she wants to 'be used', and similar things, but Only during sex. Calling her those words outside of sex would get you into a lot of trouble. If the woman Wants this does it take away the derogatory aspect of saying it?

I personally have a problem with it. I can't help but feel it's more of a reflection on how the woman views herself, than a genuine turn on. So if it's requested of me i feel as though i'm feeding the negative view of herself. And since i love her, i want to build her up, not tear her down. But then if you want to please her, it almost feels like you have to give in to it. So it's a catch 22.

Anyone else have an insight into this?

Offline Alan

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #1 on: Tue Apr 05, 2016 - 14:54:58 »
Myself, I don't condone role-playing, my wife is whom I'm married to and it is her that I desire to be with, I would expect to be treated the same in return.

Those crude names are not who she is, I would have to ask why the need to add that extra element to your sex life. 

Offline Catholica

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #2 on: Tue Apr 05, 2016 - 15:30:43 »
I believe that these words are degrading and reduce the dignity of a person to that which is below what God intends.  I am with you, I believe that doing such things is wrong, and sin.

Jesus Christ wants us to allow Him to mold us into himself, and that is, He wants to raise our dignity up to what it was in the beginning.  One should no more say these things about Jesus than he should say these things about any person, no matter how bad a sinner they may be.

What we say will affect a person's mindset and how they think of themselves. 

k-pappy

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #3 on: Tue Apr 05, 2016 - 16:23:57 »
This is a Romans 14 issue...a disputable matter...a matter of conscience.

It is up to each married couple what is and is not appropriate in their physical relationship.  It is not for anyone else to comment or judge.

Online AVZ

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #4 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 04:40:03 »
For me this is not a very disputable issue. Scripture tells us that God does not condone prostitution or loose morals.
I don't understand how any Christian woman could find satisfaction in being called names God clearly considers rejectable.

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #4 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 04:40:03 »



k-pappy

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #5 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 06:58:29 »
For me this is not a very disputable issue. Scripture tells us that God does not condone prostitution or loose morals.
I don't understand how any Christian woman could find satisfaction in being called names God clearly considers rejectable.

We are not talking about prostitution or loose morals.  We are talking about what a married couple does in the privacy of their own bedroom.

You find it objectionable, and that is fine, but you have no right to judge anyone who does not.

Online AVZ

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #6 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 07:09:20 »
For me this is not a very disputable issue. Scripture tells us that God does not condone prostitution or loose morals.
I don't understand how any Christian woman could find satisfaction in being called names God clearly considers rejectable.

We are not talking about prostitution or loose morals.  We are talking about what a married couple does in the privacy of their own bedroom.

You find it objectionable, and that is fine, but you have no right to judge anyone who does not.

So when in the bedroom we are no longer Christians?
Imagine husband likes it if his wife calls him Satan or Judas.

Offline Alan

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #7 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 08:43:38 »
Part of the problem I see here that may not be directly related to this specific post, but to others that may have recently wed is that one of the partners may not be aware this hidden sexual desire even exists prior to marriage, after all this isn't the kind of discussion people would have prior to marriage, or at least I wouldn't think so. That said if this issue was to come out in the open after marriage it could certainly leave one of the partners quite confused and reaching out for help.

Offline Catholica

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #8 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 09:16:38 »
For me this is not a very disputable issue. Scripture tells us that God does not condone prostitution or loose morals.
I don't understand how any Christian woman could find satisfaction in being called names God clearly considers rejectable.

We are not talking about prostitution or loose morals.  We are talking about what a married couple does in the privacy of their own bedroom.

You find it objectionable, and that is fine, but you have no right to judge anyone who does not.

Wanting to be called a 'whore' or a 'slut' places a name upon one of God's beloved children which takes pleasure in being treated as a prostitute or someone with loose morals.

We have the right to judge whether an act is moral and immoral, and it appears that this act is immoral.

k-pappy

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #9 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 10:58:53 »
Part of the problem I see here that may not be directly related to this specific post, but to others that may have recently wed is that one of the partners may not be aware this hidden sexual desire even exists prior to marriage, after all this isn't the kind of discussion people would have prior to marriage, or at least I wouldn't think so. That said if this issue was to come out in the open after marriage it could certainly leave one of the partners quite confused and reaching out for help.

If one partner is uncomfortable, then the other partner should leave it be and not push the issue.  Neither partner should ever be made to feel uncomfortable or confused.

This applies to any aspect, really. If one one partner is uncomfortable about something, then the other partner should respect that and not bring it up again.

Offline Alan

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #10 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 11:42:37 »
Part of the problem I see here that may not be directly related to this specific post, but to others that may have recently wed is that one of the partners may not be aware this hidden sexual desire even exists prior to marriage, after all this isn't the kind of discussion people would have prior to marriage, or at least I wouldn't think so. That said if this issue was to come out in the open after marriage it could certainly leave one of the partners quite confused and reaching out for help.

If one partner is uncomfortable, then the other partner should leave it be and not push the issue.  Neither partner should ever be made to feel uncomfortable or confused.

This applies to any aspect, really. If one one partner is uncomfortable about something, then the other partner should respect that and not bring it up again.
That would certainly temporarily solve the issue, but it's quite obvious that there exists an underlying emotional feeling in this woman that will likely resurface at one point or another unless the issue is dealt with.

Offline Alma1995

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #11 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 16:19:59 »
I'll add my two cents: In my case with my ex-girlfriend as I was called as "Wolf" by my friends (because I look like the wolf from Twilight) she found it funny she would be "she-wolf" which in Spanish is an inmoral way to call a very sexual woman. However, taking the fun out of the matter and getting into the serious one I have mixed feelings about this. If one partner likes it and the other doesn't really mind it I don't see anything wrong with it. It's roleplaying. If you are an actor and someone calls you a "good for nothing piece of  ::giggle:: ::giggle:: ::giggle:: " It's not they really mean it, they are playing a character the same applies to this. But if one partner has issues with this, it should explain why they have an issue and expect the other to understand.

Offline Tyzum

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #12 on: Wed Apr 06, 2016 - 20:53:15 »
Wow, this got a lot more responses than i expected. Thanks to all who voiced their feelings on it.

I spoke with my counselor about this today, and while she was also of that mind that if one person is not comfortable with it, then it should not be done, but that a woman would desire that would not be wrong.
My counselor is a Christian (and after two years with her i'm satisfied she is a genuine Christian with right beliefs spiritually, so please no questioning or accusing her spiritual maturity). But according to her this way to speaking has nothing at all to do with how a woman feels about herself, but is instead a way to give the man permission to ... go outside their norm. Not into anything overboard, but perhaps if sex becomes stale from a lack of variation. That this is her attempt to try an spark things back up.

I'm still not comfortable with it, but perhaps with that knowledge it can open up some conversation, or give a clue into what the woman is trying to Really say.

Offline RB

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #13 on: Thu Apr 07, 2016 - 04:47:34 »
Wanting to be called a 'whore' or a 'slut' places a name upon one of God's beloved children which takes pleasure in being treated as a prostitute or someone with loose morals. We have the right to judge whether an act is moral and immoral, and it appears that this act is immoral.
I do not think we should step inside of others bedroom and decide what is appropriate, and what is not, for that is between a man and his wife. But, since the question was asked concerning a particular question concerning moral issues that could be addressed inside, or outside a bedroom, of professed believers in Jesus Christ, I would say no such communication should never proceed out of our mouths regardless of the situation
Quote
Ephesians 4:29~"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
There are many ways to spruce up one's sexual pleasure in the bedroom, than using corrupt words that we condemn as godly believers from others. 
« Last Edit: Thu Apr 07, 2016 - 04:51:20 by RB »

Online AVZ

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #14 on: Thu Apr 07, 2016 - 08:23:51 »
I'll add my two cents: In my case with my ex-girlfriend as I was called as "Wolf" by my friends (because I look like the wolf from Twilight) she found it funny she would be "she-wolf" which in Spanish is an inmoral way to call a very sexual woman. However, taking the fun out of the matter and getting into the serious one I have mixed feelings about this. If one partner likes it and the other doesn't really mind it I don't see anything wrong with it. It's roleplaying. If you are an actor and someone calls you a "good for nothing piece of  ::giggle:: ::giggle:: ::giggle:: " It's not they really mean it, they are playing a character the same applies to this. But if one partner has issues with this, it should explain why they have an issue and expect the other to understand.

No its not role play. If your wife wants you to call her a whore she wants it because it turns her on.
There is a very real emotional response, there is a desire.
It is exactly the same if a husband would ask his wife to play an under aged girl and call him Mr. Pedophile, or if a wife would play a victim so the husband can get all turned on by playing the rapist.
What we are talking about is Christians getting excited and turned on by immoral fantasies.

Even if we were talking about role play, imagine husband dressing up as a cap and wife as a criminal. The thought behind it is not "I am Mr. Cop and you are my wife who is under arrest" the thought is "I am a cop and you are a stranger criminal who I place under arrest and then we have sex".
How about a doctor and patient, or doctor and nurse...we are not talking about getting off on being Mrs Doctor...the exciting part is imagining to be strangers who have sex.

Realisticly, the same thing we Christians reject in real life, the thing we preach to the world...not have immoral sexual relations, we now suddenly condone as a fantasy in the bedroom?
So instead of fighting against immoral thoughts and desires, its now OK to have them, play them out and get turned on by them as long as it happens within a Christian setting?

Offline Texas Conservative

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #15 on: Thu Apr 07, 2016 - 09:51:09 »
Only missionary position for the purpose of procreation is allowed.

Offline Catholica

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #16 on: Thu Apr 07, 2016 - 12:06:17 »
Wanting to be called a 'whore' or a 'slut' places a name upon one of God's beloved children which takes pleasure in being treated as a prostitute or someone with loose morals. We have the right to judge whether an act is moral and immoral, and it appears that this act is immoral.
I do not think we should step inside of others bedroom and decide what is appropriate, and what is not, for that is between a man and his wife. But, since the question was asked concerning a particular question concerning moral issues that could be addressed inside, or outside a bedroom, of professed believers in Jesus Christ, I would say no such communication should never proceed out of our mouths regardless of the situation
Quote
Ephesians 4:29~"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
There are many ways to spruce up one's sexual pleasure in the bedroom, than using corrupt words that we condemn as godly believers from others.

For the Christian, I think you and I are in agreement Christianity is not dropped off at the door when a couple enters the bedroom.  I'm not judging any person, only what the act is.  The marital act between husband and wife is a sacred one, such that it is intimately tied to marriage between a man and a woman, and that same union is likened to the relationship between Christ and the bride of Christ (which is His people, the Church).

Bottom line is, if the intimate relationship between Christ and his Church is somehow pointed to by the intimate relationship in a marriage, then we are called as a people to let every aspect of that marriage point to Christ.  Judgment of a person's private conduct will be judged by God, just like every act is judged by God.  If what a person does (even a Christian) is a sin, an account will have to be rendered to God, if that act is not repented of.

Forming consciences is what the faith does for people.  God will take into some account a conscience that has been ill-formed when performing His judgment as He is just.  But we to one degree or another are without excuse because of what has been revealed to us by God.

Ephesians 5
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The Christian Household

21 Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the church; 33 however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Offline Alma1995

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Re: Not sure what to think of this
« Reply #17 on: Fri Apr 08, 2016 - 09:20:11 »
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the exciting part is imagining to be strangers who have sex.
No, the exciting part is having another role than the usual one.

Quote
Realisticly, the same thing we Christians reject in real life, the thing we preach to the world...not have immoral sexual relations, we now suddenly condone as a fantasy in the bedroom?
So instead of fighting against immoral thoughts and desires, its now OK to have them, play them out and get turned on by them as long as it happens within a Christian setting?
How can you relate sexual inmoral relations to the sexual relation that is done within a commited marriage?. Do you really think that playing a role really does completely makes you invisible to your partner? The next day you wake up next to your spouse and you keep on being commited to them.  Is lusting after your WIFE dressed as a nurse an inmoral thought? Or with a kitty outfit? Using your way of thinking things, you can't get turned on by your wife wearing lycra pants because in a way you are lusting after all those yoga women in her yoga classes.