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Author Topic: A common dilemna  (Read 4704 times)

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Offline IamStefanie

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A common dilemna
« on: November 03, 2011, 09:41:36 AM »
Hello, I was going through the site in the Singles section. I found the first post from 2006, and I thought the topic was interesting. Of course the thread evenutally stopped. But I believe the issue still exists among many Single Christians. We all know right from wrong. But sometimes we wonder:

As a Child of God, it is really difficult for me to not date non christians because that's whom I get the attention from mostly.Why is it that I can't  get a brother (or sister) in Christ for to be interested in me?It's always the non christian male (or female) whom find me attrative and want to pursue a relationship. I wish that the tables were turned. Does anybody go thru the same thing of the lack christian mates in the church? 

So, I'll start: There are about 5,000 members at my church. And I would say about 10-15% are single women between the ages of 25-40. And 2% of the members are single men between the ages of 25-40. Now, knowing that, what type of environment do you think this creates? Well, the first known single man will be approached by at least 1/2 of these single woman. Ooh and don't let him be attractive!!!! That's another can of worms.  ::giggle:: Anyway, for me personally, I find that yes, I am approached more by non-Christian men. Why? I don't know. Maybe because Christian men are looking for a different looking woman? I don't know. Maybe because God simply has not made it possible for me and the man for me to cross paths? I think more like this. Knowing myself, I know that while I want to get married blah blah blah, I don't want to date a bunch of guys at once. I don't want to meet a lot of different men. Been there, done that. And now, living a new life, I have to wait on the Lord. I have to wait for my time.
So, while I do get approached by more non-Christian males, I know that I want to marry a man who is a believer of Christ, who has a personal relationship with God through Him and who lives by the word. I know that now and for that, I will wait.
So, while it is frustrating at times, but more so funny to see that 30 woman go after one guy, I want to by that one woman that the one man of God seeks.

What about you? Have you experienced this? Where is your mentality and heart with this at this point in your life? Let's talk. This forum is too quiet!!!

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A common dilemna
« on: November 03, 2011, 09:41:36 AM »

Offline anx

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2011, 10:52:58 AM »
http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-women-forum/but-how-do-i-know!/

I really liked this post and lively stone's story.

I agree that I would have no interest in dating a non-christian (some people are interested). I think the christian attitude is VERY attractive in a man or woman. People see someone they could get along with and isn't selfish or angry. People who can't forgive, are angry, selfish, egotistical, or a number of other worldly attitudes are simply not attractive.

Someone who is open, joyful, willing to help others, etc is fun to be around.

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2011, 10:52:58 AM »

Offline DaveW

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2011, 11:30:02 AM »
Hi Steph!  An Old Married Geezer here.

I have been on other forums and the exact same thing gets asked.

On my most recent previous internet home, FaithCommunityNetwork, (of blessed memory) there were a lot of threads dealing with why no one of similar belief would ask someone out, or why they kept getting turned down when they asked someone or was it ok to date unbelievers. Check out some of the threads before they get taken off the web:

http://faithcommunitynetwork.com/forumid_45/tt.htm

Offline IamStefanie

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2011, 01:28:06 PM »
http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-women-forum/but-how-do-i-know!/

I really liked this post and lively stone's story.

I agree that I would have no interest in dating a non-christian (some people are interested). I think the christian attitude is VERY attractive in a man or woman. People see someone they could get along with and isn't selfish or angry. People who can't forgive, are angry, selfish, egotistical, or a number of other worldly attitudes are simply not attractive.

Someone who is open, joyful, willing to help others, etc is fun to be around.


Hi anx, I remember Lively Stone's story and I agree! Beautiful testimony from her. I hope to be like her when I grow up (smile).

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2011, 01:28:06 PM »

Offline IamStefanie

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2011, 01:35:19 PM »
Hi Steph!  An Old Married Geezer here.

I have been on other forums and the exact same thing gets asked.

On my most recent previous internet home, FaithCommunityNetwork, (of blessed memory) there were a lot of threads dealing with why no one of similar belief would ask someone out, or why they kept getting turned down when they asked someone or was it ok to date unbelievers. Check out some of the threads before they get taken off the web:

http://faithcommunitynetwork.com/forumid_45/tt.htm


Hi Dave!I wish I would have know about this community before it was closed. I have enjoyed the threads on GCM, but FaithCommunityNetwork seemed to have had a more active Singles forum. Ah well, it is what it is. But thanks for the link. I didn't find the thread (yet) on the topic I presented here, but I get the point though. Thanks for sharing!  ::smile::

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2011, 01:35:19 PM »



Offline Supplanter

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2011, 02:34:04 PM »
Stefanie,

If I don't send you something before December 1, then send me a PM and I share the full story with you of meeting my dear husband. I think it will be encouraging to you. I'm doing NaNaWriMo and only have a week to get my novel done. It ends on November 30th so that's why I can't type it all up right now. :)

Offline spacecapsule

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2011, 10:44:12 AM »
IamStefanie,

I thought I would throw my two cents in on the matter. About a year ago I started attending a church in about equivalent size. I was surprised there is really not community of single adults aged 24 - 30. As a matter of fact the few that do fall in those categories do not seem to be interested in dating or making friends for that matter. I have went to several (okay a lot of) group events over the past year and I can not say I really know any of these people very well.

On the flip side the college age group tends to be closer knit as a group which is really strange to me. I am beginning to think that religion and dating should be mutually exclusive.

Offline IamStefanie

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2011, 11:27:02 AM »

On the flip side the college age group tends to be closer knit as a group which is really strange to me. I am beginning to think that religion and dating should be mutually exclusive.
Spacecapsule, could you elaborate?

Offline spacecapsule

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2011, 01:03:09 PM »

On the flip side the college age group tends to be closer knit as a group which is really strange to me. I am beginning to think that religion and dating should be mutually exclusive.
Spacecapsule, could you elaborate?

Not sure which point you would like me to elaborate on I will touch on both.

1. College age members of the church:
It appears from the outside the group that rose up through the college age ranks together all tend to be real good friends with one another and are somewhat hesitant to allow in outsiders. I mean I was 25 when I started attending this church and could have passed easily for 20 year old but to this date not one of them have even as said as much as a hello to me at services. I did get involved with the now defunct singles 25 - 35 year old Sunday school group and attended a few of their small groups. I felt welcome but I really did not get to know them beyond knowing where they work or went to school.

2. Religion and Dating - Mutually Exclusive:
In all honesty you can worship just as well from the privacy of your own home as you can in a church. A reason you got to church is to obtain the social aspect. So if it is considered taboo for someone to seek a relationship with a fellow church member (as some posters have pointed out) Then I can worship just as well from home, and look for potential dates in more secular realms such as bars and clubs. In other words separated the two entities.

Offline Gallon

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2012, 08:01:52 PM »
With the advent of the internet, I'm not really too worried. I don't have to be concerned about whether my "one" will show up in a tiny country church or some church conference in a different state. I think if I pursue my dreams enough, and she has similar interests, that we will bump into each other while following our dreams. Either that or we will meet on a christian dating site.

I personally think the biggest problem with people not finding their mates is because they haven't found themselves and who they want to be yet. If you aren't different enough to be called an individual, if your likes only include "music, hanging out with friends, and sports," and if you have no idea where you want to go in life, how do expect to find an individual that will be a perfect match for you? Because if you are trying to find a mate that likes "music, hanging out with friends, and sports" and that is what you type into a dating site's search engine, you are going to get a million profiles that pop up and still not have a clue about which one might be a good candidate (and in fact, none of them might). On the flip side, if you find yourself and can list very specific things that are big about you, you are  that much more likely to find or bump into someone who is also into those same things.

And some Christians are simply too impatient or are not searching well enough to find a good match. They sit in a single church and expect God to drop their dream mate into their lap within one year's time. There's a reason the Bible says "(keep on) seeking and you shall find" (Matthew 7:7) and also 'through faith and patience they laid hold of the promises' (Hebrews 6:12). If people believed that their "one" was worth the wait, then they would be willing to wait. And if people would be aggressive in trying to find a possible match, they might bump into one faster (the internet helps, but isn't a guarantee).

And of course there will be more non-Christians checking a person out, because they are the bigger portion of the population, so even statistically speaking they will outnumber the Christian guys. On top of that, a lot of non-Christians don't have the dating standards that Christians do. Some of them only care if your body looks nice, and some of them only want to use you for a night. So it's not surprising that the problems that are common to many Christians are popping up.

Offline eaglemustfly

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Re: A common dilemna
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2012, 05:02:46 AM »
Be an asset first and build up your characters. Soon enough God will bring to you your best soul mate.

There are 4 levels of Christian friendship that you must understand and go through before you decide to date exclusively:

1. Acquaintances.
2. Just Friends.
3. Close Friends.
4. Intimate Friends.

Here are the 4 steps to find and be the best intimate friend yourself:

1. Be ready and willing to be there, both when he is in trial or success.
2. Take a responsibility to protect his reputation and guard him against all critics and attacks.
3. Be open to receive corrections and vice versa.
4. Find out the root cause of his weaknesses, and help him be a better person in the future.

Be an intimate friend, and people with the same intention will start coming to you, including those of the opposite sex.

http://bit.ly/x0zdOc