Advice please

[NIV]

I'm divorced for 3 years and in my mid 40s. There is this woman who is interested in me. I'm not into her, but I don't want to miss out if God is the one who brought her into my path.
I however, am thinking about asking someone different to date. I'm testing the waters at the moment.

This woman, whom I don't want, would make someone a great wife, just not me. She is a strong Christian. She seems a little dominant to me. I could do a whole lot worse. I haven't had many options and don't want to pass up a good thing.

My question is:
Do you think God knows my heart better than I know my own desires. Do you think He is placing this person in my life and I am just not seeing correctly?

I think she is going to ask me on a date and I am not sure what to tell her.

I hate this. I feel like I am back in highschool. I have not dated at all and need some wisdom from my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Thanks

[chosenone]

If you dont find her appealing or attractive, or you dont feel any sort of chemistry or a feelng of being on the same wavelength then she probably isnt the one.
yes God can change the way we see people but there does need to be some basic connection I would have thought.

Men like you are actually so blessed. I was divorced in my 40's and believe me there just werent ANY available Christian guys around that age, and you have at least 2 women to choose from.lol
( I found my lovely husband on the internet).  When I was praying for my husband God told me clearly. "dont settle for second best" in other words He doesnt want us to just settle for a person who we really arent that connected to just in case they are all that we can find. A bad or unhappy marriage is far worse then no marriage.
If He wants you to marry again, He will bring the right lady along at the right time.

[NIV]

Thank you so much for your response.

I was hoping you'd show up. Your posts are encouraging.

That is what I kinda thought, but was not sure.

Whew!! That's a load off of my mind. It's not that she is a bad person, I just don't think we would mesh. And, I really don't want to hurt her feelings.

If you don't mind me asking, How did you know your husband was the one? Did you know right away?

[wolflet7]

If God created you, wouldn't He know all of your desires and thoughts?  God knows the very thoughts of man NIV.  Don't doubt God's power, He has somebody good for you, whether it's this girl that is interested in you or another one.  Maybe you don't know the girl well enough so you don't like her.  Maybe God will change her to your liking.  Maybe God will change YOU to her liking.  Who knows.  God bless.

[chosenone]

Thank you so much for your response.

I was hoping you'd show up. Your posts are encouraging.

That is what I kinda thought, but was not sure.

Whew!! That's a load off of my mind. It's not that she is a bad person, I just don't think we would mesh. And, I really don't want to hurt her feelings.

If you don't mind me asking, How did you know your husband was the one? Did you know right away?

 NIV Thank you for your kind words.
Well actually I did know very quickly. On reading his profile I knew that there was something special about him. After only 2 days of first email contact we spoke on the phone and that just confirmed what I felt. Only 2 days after that we met in person and I knew then that he was the man for me. It was as if we had known each other for years and we just connected straight away. It was as if we were already married from the start (apart from the sex bit.lol)That sense of being totally comfortable with that person even though you haven't long met.
We married 9 months later.
Maybe it was God who gave me that absolute assurance that he was the man for me I don't know.

However, that isn't to say that this happens this way all the time, everyone is different. Some relationships seem to take much longer to develop, and that's fine also.

By the way if you feel relieved to think that the first women isn't Gods choice for you, then she almost certainly isn't. God will not force us to be with a person who just isn't right for us no matter how nice they may be. I know many nice Christian men at church, but none who I would want to be married to.

 Of course you don't want to hurt her feelings, so just be honest if she does ask you out. Say that she is a nice person but you just don't  see her in that way. It is hard  for us christian women of that age who want to meet someone, but if God wants her to marry then he will sort that out also.  We have about a dozen divorced women in our church who are middle aged and no divorced men as far as I know, so thank God you aren't female lol.

I pray that if you meet the right lady,you will have a marriage that is as happy and blessed as mine is. God is the God of second chances, believe me.

[yesult]

I second the above. I went through this exact same dilema years ago with a really nice guy who just wasn't he right one for me. The longer we were together the unhappier I became but I was convinced (mainly because of what others had said) that God had chosen him for me and I was just being too picky.

I wasn't. He just wasn't the right one. We split and it was messy and I regret making the decision to go out with him. I should have listened to my gut feelings. However that being said, he really was a great, christian guy. Outstandingly so.

Just because someone is a really good christian doesn't mean that they're the really good christian that God wants you to spend the rest of your life with. He's for us not against us and wants someone who'll be right for us, not someone almost right who we need to just learn to live with and be grateful.

[JohnDB]

It seems most of us guys have that little robot in our head (you know...the one from "Lost in Space" saying, "Danger will robinson Danger")

And when we listen to it we usually do right.


You can play this one of several ways.
avoidance is usually a good one. (don't be in a position where she can corner you to ask you out)

You can always be busy and pre-occupied with other tasks when she wants to go out.

You can play the role of prude and not understand her intentions...being friendly the whole time.

There are of course the direct approaches...the truth isn't wrong...but sometimes even sugar coating it won't keep someone's feelings from being hurt...and hell hath no fury like a woman spurned.

You are going to find that a real Christian male is a rare commodity at our ages...and something many women do want. So...hold out for what exactly you want. Do NOT settle for something less...there are more of them than there are of us. They will be willing to entice you with all kinds of things as well...such as sex and money. Us real Christian men though can't be enticed with those things as our priorities are a lot different. (tempted yes...enticed no) And when one is trying to entice you...walk away.  There is always one waiting for her chance as soon as your current "special friend" is out of the way.

[Charles Sloan]

There's nothing wrong with dating for awhile before getting serious.

[NIV]

yesult,
That's what I'm talking about. I figured I am being picky. Like maybe she would be good for me like eating my spinach. I don't want this to go any further to where there is more entanglements. Unless, I was absolutely sure. It doesn't sound like it is. thanks for sharing that with me.

chosenone,
thanks so much for the prayer, your godly counsel and sharing your experience. I know no one person's experience is going to be the exact same, but it does help hearing how God moves in other people's lives. encouraging as usual.

wolflet,
thanks, you are right God does know everything about me. My fear is making another wrong decision. I know I got the green light from God to marry my first wife. It did not turn out so well, it was mostly my fault. I asked God to make her really attractive if she is the one. Not so far. I do want to trust God, but right now, I don't trust my discernment.

JohnDB,
thanks for your insight. I have noticed that women that I would have never thought about are being nicer than usual to me. I'm not blaming them. I think that they are testing the waters like I am. I pray that they find a compatible mate. However the difference is, I think I am maturing enough to know that I would rather be single the rest of my life than get involved with a high maintainance relationship. There seems to be a few women(not just women i'm sure) that just want to be married period.

edit: ugh! that last sentence is judgemental. I'm sure I too could reach the point of desperation.

Charles,
thanks, your right. We've known each other for a few years now working on ministry teams together. I think I have gotten to know her more that way than if we did date.


God is good.
Thanks one and all for your input and experiences. You all have been a great help.

[chosenone]

NIV
if you have known her for as few years now, then thats even more reason to believe that she isnt the one. I am sure after all that time you would know if she was.
Sometimes women in their 40's and above can sometimes seem a bit desperate, but that is becuase there are so few men around of that age in the churches who arent married. As you say though you dont want a relationshio that you see as 'high maintenance'. they are hard work.
If we believe that God wants the best for us then that is what he will do.He will have a lady who is just right for you.
Maybe if you ask that other lady out who you are interested in, the first lady will realise that you are not free and wont ask you.
It may well be a disaster for both if you if you asked her out in case she was Gods choice when you know inside that she isnt.

[JohnDB]

NIV,
You aren't being Judgmental...just accurate. We are to judge someone's fruits and when all of a woman's actions speak to their desire for one thing regardless of who it is...well...it is an accurate assessment of their behavior. I met many women who fit the description you gave. They really didn't want me...they simply wanted to be married and have a man.

Take your time and be very careful in selecting a wife...see if they want to join you in your endeavors and aren't just looking for a guy to take care of them. That is the tale of the tape...

[NIV]

Thanks again