Age gaps

[Amy]

Well I am a firm believer that a child, even if they are mentally mature for their age, is still a child. While they are in their fathers house they have to accept the fact he is the head of the household. If their partner deems them their "too be", whats waiting another year? The fact is we live in a brutal world and there are people out there who want to take advantage of age and "worldly immaturity". So there are social laws put into place for protection, and yes we need to follow them.

On the other hand I believe it is preference and maturity level, both spiritual and mind. I perfer people my age, because as silly as it sounds I always dreamed of growing old together. On top of that I do not meet many women 10 years younger than me that can hold a conversation at the same level. Again I am only 28 so yeah an 18 year old isn't gonna be as well...sanded is a good word...as me. I'm not saying its impossible, but its realistic.

Later on in life I doubt my above thinking would apply. For instance I am now 38 and she is 30. We're probably both well rounded or as I put it before well sanded.

I completely agree.

My opinion has always been, "If you live under your parents' roof, you live under their rules." While I don't always agree with everything they say, they are still my parents, and they provide me with my shelter, food, and other survival needs. I at least owe them the respect of doing as they say.

I've found that it's quite difficult for me to hold a conversation with others my own age. It is so much easier to have a conversation flow when two people have more in common than attending the same school, and when people understand the concept of having bills to pay... (a common conflict of interest)

I tend to attract older guys as well for a reason I have yet to understand, lol.

[yesult]

I tend to attract older guys as well for a reason I have yet to understand, lol.

Yeah, when I was a teenager I got that too. Except mine were dirty old guys.  Hope you arn't similarly afflicted 
(They get attracted to vulnerability/naivety) 

First, thank you all for your input.

Second, it sounds to me like most all of you who responded are generally not against age gaps and feel that it's mainly a personal preference.

I want to put a little more focus into what mandalee65 said as well. What is your personal view of age gaps for teenagers or adults in their 20's, 50's, etc...? And why do you feel this way? What are some factors that you think go into a relationship with an age gap? What sort of factors make it okay and what make it not okay in your opinion?

Hmmm, my view is like you guys already stated as children still being too young to date adults.  Also, people can change a lot between the ages of 18-23. So that area can be dicey. The 23-28 age gap is one that can be quite changeable as well (although not as much.) After that I think you tend to settle in to who you are (more or less) from then on. Large age gaps can work, but I think you have to be a lot more careful in making decisions concerning them.

To my thinking - if someone's young enough to be your son or daughter then something is just a bit icky about the whole thing in my opinion. And if you're an adult mid-twenties, dating a teen - then I would on face value, assume the same thing. HOWEVER. Like most rules. You still meet exceptions. I know two couples where he was 26(ish?) and she was 16 and both had a lot of things to work through, but both are happily married, who love God and are called to the ministry.

So yeah. It's like make a mistake........ (just had to use that smiley)  and we can end up very hurt, but I also think it can be hard to put absolutes on it. As a general rule I think it's best to stick to someone closer to our own age.

Another angle that you sometimes see is making the mistake of trying to use youth to 'buy into' a loving relationship the same as trying to use looks or money/success. And it tends to backfire in exactly the same way over time - because love can't be bought.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

My DH is a few years older than me...

sopranette

You have a designated hitter?

I always thought you were a National League sort of girl...

[Amy]

I tend to attract older guys as well for a reason I have yet to understand, lol.

Yeah, when I was a teenager I got that too. Except mine were dirty old guys.  Hope you arn't similarly afflicted 
(They get attracted to vulnerability/naivety) 

Nah, not really either one. But yeah, I've attracted a few creepy old guys before. I get all ages flirting with me. (but then again, I do friendly flirting with any age as well... they might be taking it the wrong way or something)

First, thank you all for your input.

Second, it sounds to me like most all of you who responded are generally not against age gaps and feel that it's mainly a personal preference.

I want to put a little more focus into what mandalee65 said as well. What is your personal view of age gaps for teenagers or adults in their 20's, 50's, etc...? And why do you feel this way? What are some factors that you think go into a relationship with an age gap? What sort of factors make it okay and what make it not okay in your opinion?

Hmmm, my view is like you guys already stated as children still being too young to date adults.  Also, people can change a lot between the ages of 18-23. So that area can be dicey. The 23-28 age gap is one that can be quite changeable as well (although not as much.) After that I think you tend to settle in to who you are (more or less) from then on. Large age gaps can work, but I think you have to be a lot more careful in making decisions concerning them.

To my thinking - if someone's young enough to be your son or daughter then something is just a bit icky about the whole thing in my opinion. And if you're an adult mid-twenties, dating a teen - then I would on face value, assume the same thing. HOWEVER. Like most rules. You still meet exceptions. I know two couples where he was 26(ish?) and she was 16 and both had a lot of things to work through, but both are happily married, who love God and are called to the ministry.

So yeah. It's like make a mistake........ (just had to use that smiley)  and we can end up very hurt, but I also think it can be hard to put absolutes on it. As a general rule I think it's best to stick to someone closer to our own age.

Another angle that you sometimes see is making the mistake of trying to use youth to 'buy into' a loving relationship the same as trying to use looks or money/success. And it tends to backfire in exactly the same way over time - because love can't be bought.

I completely agree on everything you've said. It's really difficult for me though, because I'm really just not interested in anyone my own age. There've only been a couple guys ever that I've liked my own age.

And the friendships I've had with guys have worked out a lot better when they're older than me. I'm able to better develop long term relationships with them.

All of this is why I decided not to date until I'm out of high school and most likely moved out of my parents' house. Not to mention the chances of a high school relationship lasting is like zero. That's not to say that I would refuse to date, I just don't have any plans of it at this time.

But I don't think it's okay for me to be dating older guys right now anyway. And I think freshman and seniors in high school shouldn't even be dating. So my plan is to wait for the time being.

[sopranette]

My DH is a few years older than me...

sopranette

You have a designated hitter?

I always thought you were a National League sort of girl...

You're talking sports to me here, Wycliffes.  I don't know what you just said.

love,

sopranette

[walker starr]

GOD in his wisdom and kindness saw fit to bless me with three wives, (not at the same time).  In each instance there was a serious difference in our ages.  In each instance we were blessed with happiness until they each departed from this world.  I found that compatibility does not depend on the differences, but upon the similarities contained in the hearts and minds of each individual.  The love, guidence and protection of CHRIST will determine the success and happiness of wach union.  or at least  it did in all of mine.

[chosenone]

I often wonder if women who are atracted to men MUCH older than them are subconsciously looking for a father figure. My dad married a lady 25 years younger that him when he was in his early 60's, and her father died when she was about 11.
 I often wondered if she was searching for her father in some way. It would be intersting to do a survey with poeple who mave married much much older partners to see how many either had a bad relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, or that this parent left home or died when they were young.

[OneLung]

I often wonder if women who are atracted to men MUCH older than them are subconsciously looking for a father figure. My dad married a lady 25 years younger that him when he was in his early 60's, and her father died when she was about 11.
 I often wondered if she was searching for her father in some way. It would be intersting to do a survey with poeple who mave married much much older partners to see how many either had a bad relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, or that this parent left home or died when they were young.

I'm pretty sure Jerry Springer has conducted studies on this.

[chosenone]

I often wonder if women who are atracted to men MUCH older than them are subconsciously looking for a father figure. My dad married a lady 25 years younger that him when he was in his early 60's, and her father died when she was about 11.
 I often wondered if she was searching for her father in some way. It would be intersting to do a survey with poeple who mave married much much older partners to see how many either had a bad relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, or that this parent left home or died when they were young.

I'm pretty sure Jerry Springer has conducted studies on this.

 

wow that would be interesting, I will have to look that up.Not that I like him, but if he has done proper studies then I would like to find out.

[kittie]

I don't think actual age makes as much of a difference as maturity does. In my experience, I get along well with men who are 8-10 years older than me. Usually, we have a lot in common such as books we like and experiences we have had or hope to have. Guys my age, well, I consider them boys. Some of them are nice, but most seem like jerks. They act like fools and they can be really obnoxious, especially with pressuring girls and ranking their "attributes". More mature men actually seem interested in me as a person, not what's under my clothes. My family does not support dating so I haven't done much of that but I have made friends with a lot of men because they make me feel special and also because we do seem to have things in common. I think it's the maturity level. If a girl wants a guy who is loud and silly in public, or who worries about her appearance and her sexuality more than her personality, there are plenty of those available, I'm just not into that and it seems like the older someone is the less goofy they are. You do have to be careful not to equate age with maturity, and some older men "troll" for young women because they are perverts, but I've never had a problem with people having relationships whatever the age difference.

[chosenone]

however you do have to think of what happens as you age. A women who marries at 20 to a man of say 40, can very likely have a very long time on their own after he dies, especially as men tend to die sooner than women anyway.
 This was the case with my dad and his wife when he died ast 69 of cancer and she was only 44, and they had a 4 year old son at the time . 11 years later she is still alone, and my half brother is 15 and has had no dad since he was 4.

[Amy]

Yeah, thing with me is that my mom doesn't approve of age gaps (mostly because her first husband was eight years older than her and turned out to be a child molester), even though her parents have a 10 year age gap and we know plenty of couples who have age gaps. So that totally sucks.

I find that some times, when a guy is even just two years older than me or so, we tend to get along better. I have no idea how that works out, lol. My friends always tease me about how I'm always attracted to older guys.

[chosenone]

There are also at least two marriages that I can think of where the wife is several years older than the man.They seem to work also. Derek Princes first wife was a lot older than him (I think about 15 or 20 years) and God told Him to marry her, so it works both ways.

[Amy]

Yeah, I think it works both ways as well.

My only issue is when the person is 18 years older than me. Even if I'm totally attracted to them, I would never in my life be with them, because it's just too awkward when they're old enough to be your dad, lol.

[chosenone]

Yeah, I think it works both ways as well.

My only issue is when the person is 18 years older than me. Even if I'm totally attracted to them, I would never in my life be with them, because it's just too awkward when they're old enough to be your dad, lol.

 

yes I know what you mean. There is a guy here in the UK from the rolling stones who has broken up with his wife and is going out with a twenty year old. He is 61( ) and is pretty ugly and is really a sad old aging rock star. I suspect that she is more influenced by his money and rich life style than any attraction to him. It makes me feel like puking, he is old enough to be her grandfather let alone her father.

I have a toy boy however, hubby  is 1 year younger than me. hehe.