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Author Topic: Can My Fiance and I Marry?  (Read 3349 times)

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Offline Rachel

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Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 13:21:31 »
Hello

New to this forum but I have a lot of questions.  This being one of them.

My fiance was married in Church and later divorced.  His wife had an affair during their separation.  They had separated because she was standing in the way of him trying to provide well for his family.  Also, it was a mixed-marriage and she would make racist comments towards his race.

I was married, by a judge.  I left my ex-husband and initiated our divorce.  His behavior to my son was intolerable.  We tried marriage counseling, family counseling, single counseling. None of these things worked and I wasn't a practicing Christian at the time.  I couldn't see my son suffer any longer and so I left.

We want to get married in our church, of which I am a new member.  Our pastor has no objections and would like us to get married as soon as possible.  What does the board think?  Can you refer me to chapters and verses that may help?  Fact, fiction or opinion, I welcome it all  ::amen!::

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Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 13:21:31 »

Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #1 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 14:38:35 »
Marry the man.

While God prefers reconciliation if possible you have two things going:

1) His ex had an affair - Biblical grounds for a divorce
2) I'm not sure what you mean by practicing Chrisitan but if he was a non-believer and you were - even if you weren't 'active' at the time - while God would have wanted you to reconcile it, you say you tried and it didn't work - we could argue all day and night about how much you fought for it, but we are at a time where it is now kind of a moot point.

and....as an after thought....

3) your pastor is approving it - (kind of a shake off the past and do right with your present thought probably)....and if you are living together (you didn't say) but that might be why the pastor is saying the sooner the better....

Congrats!




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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #1 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 14:38:35 »

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #2 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 14:49:47 »
Marry the man.


LOL..thank you for the stern response.  That made me smile.

While God prefers reconciliation if possible you have two things going:

Quote
1) His ex had an affair - Biblical grounds for a divorce
2) I'm not sure what you mean by practicing Chrisitan but if he was a non-believer and you were - even if you weren't 'active' at the time - while God would have wanted you to reconcile it, you say you tried and it didn't work - we could argue all day and night about how much you fought for it, but we are at a time where it is now kind of a moot point.

and....as an after thought....

3) your pastor is approving it - (kind of a shake off the past and do right with your present thought probably)....and if you are living together (you didn't say) but that might be why the pastor is saying the sooner the better....

Congrats!





Hello ForgivenDaughter.  Thanks so much for your response.  Yes, we are living together.  And yes that is why the pastor is saying sooner.  He's ready and waiting whenever we are.

Does it make a difference that I was married by a judge in a civil ceremony?

Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #3 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 15:01:33 »
It doesn't make a difference who married you - you were married in the eyes of God....

The same book you quoted in your other post deals with that too...so I think you are fine on that end - just get yourself Baptised and get yourself married and then you can stop living in sin.

 ::smile::

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #3 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 15:01:33 »
Pinterest: GraceCentered.com

Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #4 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 15:02:18 »
Lol - and I didn't mean to be stern - it was more - duh, just do it  ::smile::  but I'm glad it made you smile.

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #4 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 15:02:18 »



Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #5 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 16:24:30 »
It doesn't make a difference who married you - you were married in the eyes of God....

The same book you quoted in your other post deals with that too...so I think you are fine on that end - just get yourself Baptised and get yourself married and then you can stop living in sin.

 ::smile::

Thanks ForgivenDaughter.  I'm originally from the UK and some churches won't marry divorcees unless it was a civil ceremony.

With regard to Baptism.  I was christened as a child.  I do want to get Baptized but do I need to do that before we marry or can I do afterwards?

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #6 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 16:25:14 »
Lol - and I didn't mean to be stern - it was more - duh, just do it  ::smile::  but I'm glad it made you smile.

LOL..that's how I read it.   ::amen!::

Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #7 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 16:28:43 »
Lol - no, sorry - I did seem to imply that you had to be baptised first, didn't I?!  No, I just said that cuz it sounded like that was this coming weekend....but hey - if your pastor will do it all in one fell swoop - go for it - then you'll always remember your baptism day too  ::smile::

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #8 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 16:44:43 »
Lol - no, sorry - I did seem to imply that you had to be baptised first, didn't I?!  No, I just said that cuz it sounded like that was this coming weekend....but hey - if your pastor will do it all in one fell swoop - go for it - then you'll always remember your baptism day too  ::smile::

Yes.  It did.  I would rather get married this Sunday and Baptized next Sunday.  This Sunday is also my fiances birthday so it will be pretty memorable!  His daughters will be with him this weekend too.  So my son and his daughters will be there.  We are going to ask my Dad to be there.  It's a long story but he doesn't approve of my relationship with my fiance because of prior misdeeds.  And although we have known each other for 7 months, we only started dating 5 weeks ago.  It's a short time I know.  But we have have had counsel with our pastor and he agrees that we are a good match. 

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #9 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 16:49:29 »
Btw, I am so excited.  My first marriage was a HUGE affair.  I wouldn't know where to start describing it.  And it was all for the wrong reasons.  

This time we are having a small ceremony.  I already have a suit, a pretty blouse and a nice pair of shoes that I already own.  We will have to go and get our wedding rings and they will be just plain, simple and affordable.  I will be getting my nails done and my eyebrows waxed.  Besides that, it's just me, my future husband, and God!  How more perfect could it be?  ::disco::

Offline ForgivenDaughter

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #10 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 16:59:07 »
Sounds absolutely perfect - and memorable!

May you have a blessed, perfect day and congrats!

Offline Eagle

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #11 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 17:10:44 »
Praying you have a wonderfull life!

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #12 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 18:15:25 »
Presuming that you aren't 1st cousins, or still married to someone else, yes you can.

Offline yesult

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #13 on: Wed Mar 03, 2010 - 23:34:01 »
Pastors can say all kinds of things. Have you prayed about it and do you feel that God himself has given you the go ahead on it?

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #14 on: Thu Mar 04, 2010 - 07:50:55 »
Presuming that you aren't 1st cousins, or still married to someone else, yes you can.

LOL, definitely not first cousins and we are both divorced.    ::amen!::

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #15 on: Thu Mar 04, 2010 - 07:57:30 »
Pastors can say all kinds of things. Have you prayed about it and do you feel that God himself has given you the go ahead on it?

True.  I just meant that it wasn't just us getting carried away.  But you are right others opinions aren't important.  But sometimes someone else sees something that you yourself don't see.  I took it as positive since he has seen so many couples and maybe he does have an idea about whether or not they are right for each other.

I've prayed about it but not enough.  Sunday will be impossible.  Mainly because we can't get a license in time.  I had thought God was telling us that Sunday was the day.  But, obviously not.   ::crackup:: Maybe God is telling us to wait?  

I'm just so confused right now.  I don't know what God's plan is for us.  

Offline THEway29

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #16 on: Thu Mar 04, 2010 - 08:05:54 »
Maybe Gods telling you to wait another week or a few more days. I wouldnt look at it as worse case scenario. Just because its not going to be on the sunday you want doesnt mean that it wont ever happen. Just be patient about it. If you both are really in love with each other then there isnt anything to worry about.

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #17 on: Thu Mar 04, 2010 - 13:52:48 »
Maybe Gods telling you to wait another week or a few more days. I wouldnt look at it as worse case scenario. Just because its not going to be on the sunday you want doesnt mean that it wont ever happen. Just be patient about it. If you both are really in love with each other then there isnt anything to worry about.

Fiance and I went to get our marriage license today.  We didn't realize that we needed to have a witness to get the license and that the witness has to know both of us (no dragging someone off the street..lol).  We got our parts notarized then we have someone from our church that we would like to witness.  Just means taking her with us to my bank to get her signature notarized.  Then it's back to the County Recorder's office to get the license issued.  Then a 3 day wait period before it's valid.

And I've been getting the impression from my fiance that he would like me to have a nice, new dress and just generally add a little bit of 'decoration' to the day.  I understand that and I will probably look back and be glad I had at least a bouquet! And I'm sure his daughters would like to bridesmaids so we will need to get dresses for them.  And maybe there are a few people I would like to be there.   ::juggle:: But I really am going to keep an eye on this to make sure it doesn't go beyond what we wanted.  ::pray::

We are also getting a prenup.  After much discussion we decided that we should have them.  The Bible does allow for divorce in the event of adultery and if that were to happen I couldn't continue with the marriage and neither could he.  And we both have children from prior marriages to consider.  The prenup won't be ready until Monday at the earliest.

He still has to ask my Dad.  Not an easy task.  I'm 39 and he is 38 but we still want to do that.  Considering my Father hasn't met him and knows only about his past (which isn't to bad but not great either) that might not be plain sailing.  But we have decided that he will sit and listen to everything that my Father has to say and try to answer his concerns.  But, ultimately it's our decision, we have made up our minds and we are really only seeking his blessing.

We don't have rings yet!  I'm hoping that doesn't become an issue.  I'm not looking for anything expensive.  It's a symbol of our love and commitment and not of our wealth. 

Oh Gosh.  Sounds like God knows me better than I know myself.  ::clappingoverhead::

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #18 on: Thu Mar 04, 2010 - 14:27:48 »
Congratulations.  I wish you happiness.

Offline Louise

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #19 on: Sat Mar 27, 2010 - 05:16:56 »
then of course you can marry! 

if god was to deny you of such a beautiful relationship, who would want to follow such a god? 

as long as you accept him into your relationship and there is no moral reason why you cant marry, go for it.

good luck

Offline Rachel

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Re: Can My Fiance and I Marry?
« Reply #20 on: Sat Mar 27, 2010 - 11:16:05 »
then of course you can marry! 

if god was to deny you of such a beautiful relationship, who would want to follow such a god? 

as long as you accept him into your relationship and there is no moral reason why you cant marry, go for it.

good luck

Hi Louise.  Thank you for bringing this thread back up.  Reading back over my post gives me a chance to see more of God's work. 

We are married now.  God has truly blessed us with our union and we give all thanks to God for our marriage.  I had a beautiful dress, my husband and son wore matching suits, my husband's daughters were bridesmaid and flower girl. 

We didn't do the prenup.  Our Brothers and Sisters in Christ can understand why we didn't  ::smile::  Jerry asked my Dad.  He wished us all the best, said he loved me, but that that he wouldn't be there. 

We had something that came up that allowed us to get two beautiful rings.  They are just material things but it's still nice.  My dress in my first wedding cost twice what this whole wedding cost. 

I thank God for giving this to me.  A day where I made a covenant with God, my husband and myself.