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Author Topic: Dating girl...friend's sister  (Read 1675 times)

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Offline Black0301

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Dating girl...friend's sister
« on: April 11, 2010, 03:50:12 PM »
So right off the top, I need to make mention that all three of us are christian.

Now then. I'm having a hard time trying to understand how this would work. I'm 17, male, and in grade 11. My best friend is also 17, male but grade 12. My friend's sister is one year younger than I am. I have a good standing with my friend, his parents, and his sister. We're all good friends. But do you think it would be weird if I were to take it one step further with his sister asking if she might possibly want to go grab some pop corn and a movie sometime? One step further doesn't mean having sex. As Christians, we are to wait until marriage, so sex is definitely out of the question.

I ask this because I have known both of them for basically my whole life.  Their family goes to my church and they both attend our weekly youth bible studies and youth events.  The only thing I'm worried about is the possibility that my friend wouldn't like the idea of me dating her.  I see so much potential with her and I.  She sings, is smart, cute, funny, AND CHRISTIAN and is in my opinion the only girl that I have feelings for.  But it'd suck if this wouldn't work out because of either my friend or his sister feeling uncomfortable with the fact that her brother has been good friends with me for so long.

I hope this makes sense.  Any comments on how I should go about this?  I'm at a dead end, and I honestly don't know what to do.  I've asked God for guidance, but I honestly don't feel anything after so many months.  I understand that I'm young, but I'd at least like a chance, and I'm not sure if that chance is a chance that should be taken in a situation like this.

Thank you.

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Dating girl...friend's sister
« on: April 11, 2010, 03:50:12 PM »

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2010, 04:01:10 PM »
I've been in that situation, and I didn't try it because I thought it would be tioo weird.  Now, I wish I had.
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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2010, 04:01:10 PM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2010, 07:18:31 PM »
Could you have a word with your friend, and maybe their parents? She is still very young so it maybe be an idea to ask her parents anyway because if they are against it, they could forbid it or make life very hard for her if she said yes.
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My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2010, 07:23:42 PM »
Lets put it this way.

You and your friend are friends.  
I am going to assume that this girl also gets along with you as well...and likes you.

If this is the case....there really isn't going to be an issue.

Here is the thing though...you have to treat her with the utmost respect. Don't do anything that your friend would disapprove of. Even if she for some reason decides that she wants to break up ugly one day....you still be a respectable gentleman and all will be just fine.

No reason not to...

Like someone said above...never live life with a bunch of "I woulda...shoulda..."

makes for a sad life of sorts...one where fear ruled the day instead of taking chances upon relationships.

The worst case scenario is only if one day the two of you get married...then the real tortuous life begins. rofl
I wanna die like grandpa, peacefully and in my sleep; not like the passengers in his car...they were all screaming and panicking.

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2010, 07:23:42 PM »
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Offline chosenone

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2010, 07:38:01 PM »
Lets put it this way.

You and your friend are friends. 
I am going to assume that this girl also gets along with you as well...and likes you.

If this is the case....there really isn't going to be an issue.

Here is the thing though...you have to treat her with the utmost respect. Don't do anything that your friend would disapprove of. Even if she for some reason decides that she wants to break up ugly one day....you still be a respectable gentleman and all will be just fine.

No reason not to...

Like someone said above...never live life with a bunch of "I woulda...shoulda..."

makes for a sad life of sorts...one where fear ruled the day instead of taking chances upon relationships.

The worst case scenario is only if one day the two of you get married...then the real tortuous life begins. rofl
 

Or the best life depending on the marriage. lol
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

It is by Grace we have been saved though Faith and not by works so that no one can boast.

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2010, 07:38:01 PM »



Offline comfy

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2010, 09:41:00 PM »
 First, I would say enjoy what you *do* have. For this kind of thing in my relationships, I feed on, "be content with such things as you have," in Hebrews 13:5. And for things like this, I have ways of evaluating, that I use for myself; but I am not you. So, below, I just offer, for you to test.

I think Christians need to be accountable to each other. She is young; people who care for her should be included in the know about what is going on.

You have feelings for her. She is a young Christian. You do not know how she will become, later, as she grows in Jesus. So, she won't be the person you have feelings for, now. Plus, often enough, ones do not know who they marry . . . until after they have been married, for a while. Who you see her to be is who you now are able to see, as a person who needs to grow much more so you with God have much more reliable perception (Philippians 1:9, John 7:24). So, if you are capable of being guided by God, and He has not given you feedback that you know is from Him, trust Him on this. And if you have not become very good at knowing God's communication and guiding, this is what you really need to deal with.

And a friend, I'd say, is someone you can trust, by talking with him or her about this. So, if you are not comfortable sharing this with her, your friend, or her parents, or his parents, I'd say you need to grow more in your general relating with Christian people, so you can be more in communication and trusting accountability with others, in general, who are Christians.

But I have a prejudice behind this: if I get interested, for sure, in a lady, I intend to share this with my whole church, because we are Family. And if I get put off or out, by her, I also intend to share this, because we love each other and have trust. This is partly because I consider marriage in Jesus to be a Family blessing, and not just me isolated with one other person, but we all feed each other so we do well in our marriages. And we need our seniors and much more mature couples to feed us and guide us and help us learn how to relate in love, so we do well in marriage. So, I say isolating yourself, pretty much, with her would not be doing this. We need to feed on the examples of ones much more real in love than we are.

Plus, I think we can have our way of making too big of a deal out of one person we want to marry. We need to *humble* ourselves, not make such a big deal of ourselves and each other. And our more mature couples and seniors in Christ are more like Jesus than we are; so I'd suppose that, if we really do appreciate Jesus more than ourselves and each other, then we would appreciate our more mature Christian couples because they are more like Jesus, than we are ::idea:: Your love with Jesus and more mature Christians can be so much more fulfilling, than what you can have with someone more your own level, even though you have much in common and are compatible. Jesus and more mature Christians can relate with you better, in love ::smile:: helping you find out how to relate better with each other. So, I would not put too many emotional eggs into one basket, but invest in learning how to love with various brothers and sisters, and see how this effects your choice.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2010, 09:51:25 PM by comfy »
Be patient, "with all lowliness and gentleness,
                       with longsuffering,
          bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

Offline tennman

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Re: Dating girl...friend's sister
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2010, 12:58:49 PM »
Yeah, I gotta say go for it. Maybe even talk to your friend up front and tell him your concerns. It's actually a good situation!
Don't spread my wealth, spread my work ethic!

"To take from one, because it is thought his own industry and that of his fathers has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers, have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association, the guarantee to everyone the free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it."  - Thomas Jefferson

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