Deal Breakers

[JohnDB]

OK...both sides have equal weight and value here.

All of you singles get to chime in on this one...

If and when you are dating someone and you find out something about them you don't ever go out with them again...that is a relationship deal breaker.

So...what are your "deal breakers"?

 

[kristinaf]

Hmm.  I would have to say that a big dealbreaker for me is infidelity...even in dating relationships.  If a guy I am with confesses to me that he has been cheating on me, I would be heartbroken and it would probably be a "dealbreaker".  But I'm not 100% sure about this.  I would def. be heartbroken, and it would probably be over for us, but if I really loved the guy, maybe I could look past this.  I don't know ...I guess that's as close to a dealbreaker as I've got -- cheating.

[chosenone]

I know I am not single, but I agree. Cheating is something that I coudn't get past. Also if the guy was divorced and left his wife for another person or had an affair when he was married to her. if he did it to her he could do it to me.
Lying is another. if I cant trust the guy then what is there?I need a man to be honest in all things.
An addiction to porn also. I could never be married to a guy who looked at other naked women.
A man who couldnt be bothered to get a job or work.
Sorry, but a smoker also. I was married to a man who smoked and never again.

[yesult]

ANY kind of porn problem.
The view that a woman was created by God to make a mans life easier. That isn't partnership.
Basically someone who won't pull their weight and expect to use you as a crutch to some degree (And I would hope that guys wouldn't accept that kind of attitude in a girl either.)
Someone who wasn't roughly at the same place spiritually as me. Because if they're behind but catching up really fast then they'll probably overtake me and then I'll drag them back. But if they're behind or ahead they also might just stay that way. That would mean we'd be unequally yoked, and when God is the most important thing in your life that can be a real drag.

[Firewing]

Here are my deal-breakers:

Smoking:  If the girl smokes, I'm out of there, fast.  It's either the smokes or me. 
Cheating:  One instance and the relationship is over.  You need to trust your girlfriend/spouse.  If they cheat on you once, the trust is broken and the relationship is over.
Acceptance:  If someone can't accept me 100%, flaws and all, than how can you really accept someone?  You have to take the whole package..you really can't pick and choose.   Also...one person is trying to change the other to fit into their 'ideal' person.  Trying to force someone to change will end the relationship.  The other person will only change if they want to.  So you have to accept the person 100% upfront.

[Girl for God]

Good topic! I believe that too many singles don't stand by their convictions when finding a mate - myself included once upon a time. :) I have watched my sisters compromise their standards just to be with a man- after living through that I say it would have been better not to compromise.

1. Not a Christian
2. Smokes
3. Has a problem with drinking (I don't drink, but that's what God has called me to)
4. Uses drugs
5. Sexual addictions/Porn problem
6. Unfaithful/lying
7. Abusive in any way - physically/sexually, verbally or emotionally

[dh1746]

Good topic! I believe that too many singles don't stand by their convictions when finding a mate - myself included once upon a time. :) I have watched my sisters compromise their standards just to be with a man- after living through that I say it would have been better not to compromise.

1. Not a Christian
2. Smokes
3. Has a problem with drinking (I don't drink, but that's what God has called me to)
4. Uses drugs
5. Sexual addictions/Porn problem
6. Unfaithful/lying
7. Abusive in any way - physically/sexually, verbally or emotionally

^^^I agree with all of those^^^

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

When her second toe is longer than her big toe.

[Mere Nick]

1. Not a Christian
2. Smokes
3. Has a problem with drinking (I don't drink, but that's what God has called me to)
4. Uses drugs
5. Sexual addictions/Porn problem
6. Unfaithful/lying
7. Abusive in any way - physically/sexually, verbally or emotionally

Those seem ok.  I would also add the following, not in any particular order:

a.  Financial incompetence
b.  political leftist
c.   bossy
d.  uneducated
e.  unwise
f.   considers divorce an option
g.  pro-choice

There may be some more

[JohnDB]

When her second toe is longer than her big toe.

You lost me on that one....

What if she had an accident and lost her big toes or something...

But OK...whatever.

[sola fide]

Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I thought I could get over it, but the relationship was never the same. It took a year to realize this since I'm usually an optimist. Lying and selfishness are other deal breakers, but those take more time to notice.

[UtahDad]

Not necessarily in the right order:

Unfaithfulness
Lying
Being a different person between church and life in general
Mean spirited
Smoking
Drinking problem
Unable to let go of ex's and guy 'friends'
Placing herself in inappropriate situations
Inconsiderate or unable to see someone else's viewpoints
Hiding things/secrets
Bad personal hygiene
Bitterness
If she can't get over/let go of her past

Other than that there isn't a whole lot that bothers me.  Of course finding a girl without those problems seems to be like finding a needle in a haystack too, lol.

[yesult]

Thinking he's superior to me, because he's a male (and attempting to treat me accordingly.)
Someone who would prefer acceptance to truth.
Someone who thinks they're better then anyone else because they're a christian. (overall)
Someone who isn't willing to give everything for God (which doesn't mean we have to agree on everything, although both need to have valid reasons behind their views) but their heart has to be for him.
Someone who thinks it's ok to cruise in their faith.
Someone who will sell out. (Mostly regarding religion.)
Someone who thinks they can use me.
Someone who won't stick up for me to others when they know I'm right. (Doesn't have to be all the time, but just in general.)

Basically I don't want a coward, in life or faith. But that doesn't mean he has to be perfect, just naturally wanting to follow what's right. (Regardless of what I or anyone else is doing at the time.)

I'd have trouble respecting him otherwise.

You can't respect a bad leader and you shouldn't follow bad decisions. That's going to cause trouble in any relationship because it leads to either domination (if the wife is unethical enough to give in) and a woman lowering her own standards if she does. It will also affect the children. For a guy to lead, he has to be allowed to be human, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about lording it over a woman because he thinks God gives him that sort of authority.


So someone I can respect, basically.

[yesult]

PS. Which doesn't mean I don't respect men who arn't like that, I just wouldn't want to marry them.

[UtahDad]

PS. Which doesn't mean I don't respect men who arn't like that, I just wouldn't want to marry them.

Hey, I don't think I would respect any man that fell on that list.  Heck, wouldn't be much of a man if he did!