It's simply because of what God is giving me right now. I'd rather accept it now so I can plan my life alone than hope for another endless years and wake up still alone.
I'm done hoping. It will just disappoint me again.
There are people who kept hoping till their 50s and 60s and wake up alone. That's the only time they started to accept the fate they have. I don't want to waste my time hoping for nothing. I did it already.
And yes I used to be proactive but only during my late 20s. I was a breadwinner and had to focus on working for my family for most of my 20ish years. Back then that I didn't have time for myself I relied on God to work it out for me. But well His plan is different. This is what he is giving me---a life alone. So no choice but to accept it.
At 32 you have a very negative attitude. There is NOTHING to stop you from being proactive now. Have you tried internet dating and persisted at it? You have another 10 years or so when you could have children.
I have been though terrible times in my past, I could easily have given up hope for things to ever change or getting better. Thank God I didn't.
Have you heard that phrase 'you are what you say?' Thats got a lot of truth in it. If your attitude is that things will never improve, or you will never be happy, then guess what, you are right. If you have a more thankful and positive attitude, if you trust God that He does have good plans for you as He promises, then the world is your oyster.
God isnt going to bring a man knocking on your door. In the end its up to you whether you make the effort or not.