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Author Topic: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian  (Read 927 times)

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Offline kool_kid_86

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Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 08:20:05 »
My girlfriend and I started dating about two months ago. We are both 28, just graduated from college and started working in our dream careers, still living with our parents, have strong Asian values, and respect our parents a great deal. We were great friends for about a year before that. While we were friends, her parents warned her not to get close to me. Shortly after we started dating, she told her parents that we were dating and they did not like that idea at all. They lectured her saying that I am not the right person for her because of two reasons:

1) I am not a Christian. Ever since we have started dating, I have regularly been attending church every Sunday. In my heart, I know that I will devote myself to the church in time. Both of my parents are Christians, but are not active (they pray when needed, but do not attend church nor do they try to push religion onto me).

2) My past. I have had two previous that both lasted for five years but I messed up both of them. I cheated on the first girlfriend with my second girlfriend. I really cared about my second girlfriend but after six years I was feeling too guilty about cheating that I had to break it off. A year later, my current girlfriend and I started dating. Due to this past history, her parents think that I will not be a devoted boyfriend and will most likely cheat again. I know I will not cheat again as we both love each other dearly and I vowed to communicate all of my emotions to my girlfriend.

Whenever my girlfriend and I are out together, we tell our parents (it is a respect thing). We don't work in the same company but we often (almost every work day) pick each other up after work and take transit together to get home (we live fairly close to one another). I spend Saturday and Sunday with her too. During these times that we are together, her parents would call her cell every hour asking her when she would come home. When we talk on the phone at night, her parents would come into her room and tell her to go sleep. I have met her parents a few times when we were friends and they are very great and beautiful people. It is just that they think their daughter can find someone who is much more compatible in the sense that they grew up as a Christian and has never cheated before.

I don't know what to do about this. I wanted to confront my girlfriend's parents about this and have a conversation about this, but they refuse to speak to me. They even said that they will not attend the wedding! I am planning to speak with various pastors regarding this issue to get some spiritual guidance. In the back of my mind, I did think of breaking up with my girlfriend because of the amount of strain I am putting on her family, but this would be a waste as we connect extremely well together (even as casual friends people thought we were dating). I am fully committed to this girl and willing to do anything to prove to her parents that I am right for her daughter. My parents have no idea what to do, and neither do I. Can anyone offer some advice?

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Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 08:20:05 »

Offline DaveW

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #1 on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 10:11:05 »
First off Kool Kid - Welcome to the forums.

Second - and remember you are on a christian website here - Your gf is NOT ALLOWED as a christian to marry a non-christian.  As our scriptures say:

2 Corinthians 6:14   Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

My suggestion is that you start exploring (with a truly open mind) the claims of Christianity.  If you can come on board with us you will find something beyond your imagination: true life.

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #1 on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 10:11:05 »

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #2 on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 10:17:39 »
Its because of the various definitions you two have.  Your concept of love and commitment is different than hers.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #3 on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 10:33:24 »
I can understand her parents views, because I wouldnt want my Christian children dating or marrying a non believer either, and also you have had 2 very long relationships neither of which ended in marriage, and of course you did cheat.

Having said that, my children had long left home at you age,(they had all left to be independent by 24) and I would never have told them who they could or couldnt go out with at that age. Maybe its the different cultures?

Your girlfriend really needs to decide what she wants. A non Christian boyfriend and angering her parents, or obeying God and pleasing her parents.
It may be wise to stay just friends till you have decided what you will do about the christian faith. Many partners pretend they have converted just to get the girl/guy, and that's a big mistake. If you do covert and they still dont like you, she will then need to choose being with you or doing what they want. At some point she will need to make her own decisions whether her parents like it or not.

IT may also be a good idea for you to move out and away from parents to get some independence. After all you are both in your late 20's now. 

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #3 on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 10:33:24 »

Offline kool_kid_86

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #4 on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 21:28:05 »
Thank you for the responses. I understand how important it is for my girlfriend to be dating a Christian. I am slowly working hard at becoming a Christian. At the moment, I am regularly attending church every Sunday. I am not sure what the next steps should be though.

I was wondering if there is a way to accelerate my relationship with God other then just regularly attending church? I would like to read the bible with my girlfriend, but as my girlfriend and I do not have much time together, I honestly rather spend that time doing other things with her and read the bible on my own time.

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #4 on: Sun Jul 06, 2014 - 21:28:05 »



Offline chosenone

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #5 on: Mon Jul 07, 2014 - 01:57:38 »
Thank you for the responses. I understand how important it is for my girlfriend to be dating a Christian. I am slowly working hard at becoming a Christian. At the moment, I am regularly attending church every Sunday. I am not sure what the next steps should be though.

I was wondering if there is a way to accelerate my relationship with God other then just regularly attending church? I would like to read the bible with my girlfriend, but as my girlfriend and I do not have much time together, I honestly rather spend that time doing other things with her and read the bible on my own time.

Does your church run something like an alpha course? Its a course for people who are seeking to find out more about Jesus and the Christian faith, or for new believers and I think it would help you a lot. What sort of church do you go to?
AS for accelerating things, that's not what its all about. Its merely a matter of you chatting to God, of believing that Jesus died for your sins, and giving your life to Him. Just talk to him as if He is there in the room with you, because He is, in spirit. Get a good modern Bible translation and read it yourself, and ask your girlfriend if you can pray together.
OH and sex is out for the Christian, its for marriage only.

Offline MeMyself

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #6 on: Mon Jul 07, 2014 - 08:42:49 »
Thank you for the responses. I understand how important it is for my girlfriend to be dating a Christian. I am slowly working hard at becoming a Christian. At the moment, I am regularly attending church every Sunday. I am not sure what the next steps should be though.

I was wondering if there is a way to accelerate my relationship with God other then just regularly attending church? I would like to read the bible with my girlfriend, but as my girlfriend and I do not have much time together, I honestly rather spend that time doing other things with her and read the bible on my own time.

Becoming a Christian is about Christ and what He has done to save us.

The bible promises that when we search for Him with all of our hearts, we will find God.  Pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a real way...do not ask for signs and wonders as proof, but that He would open your eyes to understand that you are a sinner (we all are:  For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23), and need Christ to cleans you from your sin (If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  1 John 1:9)
To be saved, one must (confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  Romans 10:9) because  (for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.  Romans 10:10).  Without that, you will never be a Christian.  Being a Christian is about accepting Christ's offer to cleans us of your sin, and following Him.  Reading and understanding the bible is a must to do so.  I would recommend a study bible for you, as a seeker, and begin in the new testament, reading about what Christ came and did for the world so that we might be reconciled to God.

Even if it doesn't win over the girlfriend's parents, turning your life over to God will be the best thing you ever do for yourself!

God bless!

Offline kool_kid_86

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #7 on: Tue Jul 08, 2014 - 22:35:25 »
Thank you again for the advice. I have been doing some thinking and have another question.

I know the only reason I am going to church is so I can spend eternity with my girlfriend. If my girlfriend's parents become the road block and am preventing or making it difficult for my girlfriend and myself to be together, would this be considered God's doing (ie - God doesn't want my girlfriend and myself to be together)? In that case, that would mean I would not go to church anymore therefore I will not believe in God. I don't mean to take an aggressive stance,  but I am trying to understand the intentions of why my girlfriend's parents do not want us to be together.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #8 on: Wed Jul 09, 2014 - 04:04:06 »
Thank you again for the advice. I have been doing some thinking and have another question.

I know the only reason I am going to church is so I can spend eternity with my girlfriend. If my girlfriend's parents become the road block and am preventing or making it difficult for my girlfriend and myself to be together, would this be considered God's doing (ie - God doesn't want my girlfriend and myself to be together)? In that case, that would mean I would not go to church anymore therefore I will not believe in God. I don't mean to take an aggressive stance,  but I am trying to understand the intentions of why my girlfriend's parents do not want us to be together.

 

So you are only bothering with God because you want this girl, and if you dont get her you will reject Him. That is not a good reason to be searching for the truth. You wont be with her for eternity just because you go to church.  You need Jesus regardless of what happens with this lady.  Your eternal destination is at stake. Whatever God wants for you and her is what is best for you. Your relationship with her is very new, seek God and leave the rest to Him. 
 Did you find out if the church has a group such as alpha for those who are searching? It would be good for you to go to such a group.

Offline MeMyself

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #9 on: Wed Jul 09, 2014 - 08:33:26 »
Thank you again for the advice. I have been doing some thinking and have another question.

I know the only reason I am going to church is so I can spend eternity with my girlfriend. If my girlfriend's parents become the road block and am preventing or making it difficult for my girlfriend and myself to be together, would this be considered God's doing (ie - God doesn't want my girlfriend and myself to be together)? In that case, that would mean I would not go to church anymore therefore I will not believe in God. I don't mean to take an aggressive stance,  but I am trying to understand the intentions of why my girlfriend's parents do not want us to be together.


Going to church does not "win" you eternity.

It sounds like you are only going to appease her parents, and if it does not appease them and make them give in to your desires, you will no longer go to church.  That is not desiring to know God in any real way.

You need to decide if you even want God at all.  He wants you, sent His Son to die for you, waits on high to have compassion on you, but will not force Himself on you.

If you truly want to know about HIM, go to a different church.  Attend a bible study where you can learn about Him.  Discover Christ, confess Him as Lord, love Him with your whole heart and life, learn to obey and read the Word, and how to pray.  THAT will make eternity possible for you...but does not promise that you will get your way in your relationship.

Offline DaveW

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Re: Her Parents Dislike Me Mainly Because I Am Not Christian
« Reply #10 on: Wed Jul 09, 2014 - 08:39:27 »
Friend - you need to decide to follow the Lord for yourself, regardless if your gf or her parents accept you or not.  You will never be sad you made that decision. ::smile::