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Author Topic: How to find a spouse God's Way?  (Read 12957 times)

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Offline wwjdn2007

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How to find a spouse God's Way?
« on: November 19, 2006, 08:27:44 PM »
The question: "How to find a spouse God's Way?"

I would love to hear some advice on courtship and the way it should be.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2006, 08:35:33 PM by janine »

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How to find a spouse God's Way?
« on: November 19, 2006, 08:27:44 PM »

Offline janine

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2006, 08:33:55 PM »
Have you got in mind that God has only One True Way to find a spouse?

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2006, 08:33:55 PM »

Offline wwjdn2007

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2006, 08:41:58 PM »
Well back when I was 16yrs old in bible study, the teacher was telling us the godly way to courtship. Her and her husband didn't Kiss until their wedding day. They got to know each other without involving the physical.

Offline janine

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2006, 04:05:38 AM »
Random thoughts here --

There has been some attention to the whole courtship idea in recent years -- as opposed to dating, you know?

I've always told my children "You have no need (no right!) to date until it's time to find a mate."  That is, even before courtship started gaining popularity again, I was against the tying-of-hearts-together that happens with "going steady" or any variant thereof.

I'm not talking about avoiding the opposite sex, I'm not talking about not going to a movie or a  party or some other event with "a date" --

What I mean is, the way the kids want to pair up, that's a recipe for disaster.  Either you're "breaking up" and breaking your heart over some boy or girl and you think your life is over at 14 -- or you've "successfully" managed a string of boyfriends or girlfriends by the time you're an adult.  It's like divorce practice!

I don't think it's too much to ask for my sons to handle social contact with women the same way their father does.  One of my sons is married and one is only 14, but they both should pay attention to the reputation of girls and ladies, not letting it appear that there's something going on between them. 

Yes, it's a free country, and yes, you can't help it if other people think evil where there is none.  Still, within reason, insofar as our singles can control it, attempts ought to be made to avoid "the appearance of evil" thing.  And that's not even to avoid offending "the world".  "The World" out there could care less if two people live together.  It's more for the benefit of the effort to remain chaste that needs to go on between you and your loved one and God.  And of course for the possibilities of Christian witness.

It might be a good thing if marriages could be put together between people who come to know and admire and love their partners for a period of time before they ever do so much as kiss.  That would be lovely.  It's not always going to work out that way, of course, but it's nice to have a target to shoot for.

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2006, 04:05:38 AM »
Pinterest: GraceCentered.com

Offline msbradley

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2006, 04:42:10 AM »
I agree Janine. When I was young, I went through more guys than I use paper towels. I wasn't a Christian. I was promiscuous in the heart, but not in sex. I didn't give every guy a chance, but I sure gave quite a few guys chances. Some I would date just a few times, others a few months, others longer. Now, the interests come very far and few between. I remember having someone unexpectedly ringing my doorbell and me pretending I wasn't at home. Now, no one rings my doorbell!!
Sometimes, I wonder how broken I must have been. The ones I chose to spend time with were the bad boys. I was super shy, such a wallflower, but I sure got attention. I remember going out with my friends a couple times and getting tired of getting hit on, so while my friends were all dressed up, I was in jeans and a flannel shirt to not be noticed and I ended up being the only one of us who met someone.
I see where revolving dating can be an intro to the divorce factor. You end up not cherishing relationships and find them so easy to be disposable. That is what I think I experienced. Even though I am alone and have been for over 16 years, I do believe my past experiences of dating and my experiences of being alone have given me quite a lot of wisdom on the honor and cherishing and commitment a relationship is to hold. Mine will, if I ever get the chance again.

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2006, 04:42:10 AM »



Offline spurly

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2006, 06:56:23 AM »
The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)

Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

A wife? ...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Offline admin

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2006, 08:15:02 AM »
Well back when I was 16yrs old in bible study, the teacher was telling us the godly way to courtship. Her and her husband didn't Kiss until their wedding day. They got to know each other without involving the physical.

Well, that might be fine for them, but I couldn't do that. I wouldn't be able to marry a person who had never kissed me. Physical affection is part of a relationship and I wouldn't feel loved without it. And if I didn't feel loved, I couldn't marry her. I'm married to a wonderful woman and part of the reason we got married is because we no longer could hold back. I think that is normal and natural. You want to marry someone you can't resist. If those two could go a year or more without kissing....well, I've got to wonder just how much passion they had for each other.

But before anyone tells me that they had SO MUCH passion that they waited....spare me.

The Bible tells us not to have sex before we get married. It doesn't say we can't kiss, hold hands, hug, etc. Those things are natural and HUMAN. Plus, it builds a relationship. And in order to get married, the relationship has to GROW.

Offline phoebe

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2006, 01:33:14 PM »
rofl   Loved it, Spurly!

I prayed for mine. God brought him to me, and I almost missed him because he is.... height challenged.

Offline starla

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2006, 10:01:42 PM »
I've been single single 2001.Was with my ex boyfriend for five years before that.Had to break up with him because he was slick and dishonest. He was a Christian in the Lords church. It was like in the beginning he was sweet but then later on in the relationship, I was the one that always asked him would he like to go out or would he mind taking me to such and such a place.He never invited me to his aunt house nor invited me to meet his family.I always begged him to take me to see his house and his aunt.To this day,I regret having a relationship with the guy.Anyway after him I talked to a couple of guys and gave them my phone number but it never went anywhere.The last guy I talked to he was kind of arrogant.He kind of liked me because he asked me out one time.I told him no and that I would like to get to know him a bit more.Since that night he asked me out on the phone, his attitude was like he didn't know me .What made it so bad is when I would see him in church he would act like that he was not interested in me like he wouldn't sit with me or would not make an effort to stop and talk to me.So now I am dateless and waiting on the Lord to send me that good and perfect mate from above.I almost had the possibility of meeting Mr.Right, one or two times. Unfortunately that did not happen because I was with Mr.Wilson,the ex i was with for 5 years.Is it possible that you could have the possibility of meeting Mr.or Miss. Right in the past and unfortunately end up missing that blessing because of some hindrance in your life?Maybe somehow I missed my blessing and there is not another chance,I don't know.

Offline Trinity

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2006, 09:04:30 PM »
Even though I am married, I would venture to say that you should just pray.  I think that if you tell God what you are looking for, He will send you a mate.  I believe that God will provide for you according to His will, so just keep praying and keep your eyes peeled.  One day, it will happen.  When you least expect it.  Just be persistant in prayer, and in His time, He will answer.  Until then, I will pray for you. ::nodding:: ::prayinghard::

Offline angeleyes

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #10 on: December 05, 2006, 09:05:52 PM »
Well I've been praying for a special someone whom I have been in love with for about 10 years to be saved and for him to be the one that God has for me. We have so much in common that it is scary. I met him in high school and we started dating after I transferred to another high school and I've been in love with him ever since. We broke up after only dating for a  few months but we shared such a deep and profound connection that I have never had with anyone ever before. At that time I wasn't a Christian and neither was he.

When I turned 19 I gave my heart to the Lord and became a Christian. I was a newborn Babe in Christ and still struggled with fornication. Needless to say, we reunited and became even closer for two years.

I finally overcame my battle with fornication and he of course still wasn't a Christian so he moved on. Deep in my heart I still believe that if God is willing, when he saves him that he will definitely be the one for me.

Then I also think that maybe because I had a relationship with him in sin that I blew my chances of God blessing me with him as a husband or maybe God does have someone else for me.

Who knows maybe I am destined to be a great Christian by myself and to stay single.

Only God knows the answer to that , meanwhile I'll just wait patiently and pray. ::prayinghard::

Offline janine

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2006, 08:38:35 PM »
I don't think that God necessarily keeps people apart based on sin in their past life together.

Look at David and Bathsheba.

Or rather, consider them.  You don't want to look at them.  He liked to dance around naked and she liked to take baths on the roof.

Offline angeleyes

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2006, 09:05:18 PM »
JAQ Do you think that the man is supposed to find the woman or is the woman supposed to find the man? ::shrug:: Does it really matter and which one if either is God's way?

Offline msbradley

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #13 on: December 17, 2006, 04:46:46 AM »
I don't think it matters who does what first. It's if the other reciprocates that determines what happens next.
I don't mess around with the niceties in the beginning of a "might could be relationship". I almost point-blank ask their moral standards when we first get together. I let them know up front that we are never going to have any kind of sex not being married. Even at my age (50) I still have some who think I just "challenged" them.
I so want to be married. I do find interests, just not many. I've had one that was DETERMINED he was going to get me to change my mind and be with him. I tried, almost as many times as he tried. There was just something missing.
Just after Thanksgiving, I was pouring out my heart to one of my friends and she came back at me with such shocking truth that I was dumbfounded. She griped at me that she knows of 4 people in the past year that I have told her about that showed interest in me and I turned them away or ignored them or just acted like I was clueless of their actions. She has put me to a challenge and after a bunch of negotiating, we came to an agreement. For 90 days, I cannot turn down anyone unless I have concrete evidence they are not right for me. I agreed, because if I do this, she has agreed to stop smoking and start a healthy diet and to exercise.
She wanted me to let people know I am doing this, but I'm not. So far, I have said yes to one and I have a problem with him because he smokes. He doesn't smoke around me, but sometimes I smell it and can't stand it. I wanted to turn him down, but my friend said that wasn't a big enough moral issue for me to say no. He says he'll "go along" with the no sex rule. I know he's not a "keeper" like his grandma said she hopes we are. He's nice. He goes to church, he works for the electric company, he's 41, has a 20 year old son who lives in another state, going to college. This guy loves to indulge and that's just not me. In 2 weeks time, we have been out to eat 4 times, gone to the movies twice, ice cream places 3 times, to a small town to see their Christmas lights display and to see the Nutcracker. I have met many of his family members as we went to his Grandma's for her 80th birthday. We talk and talk, we laugh and laugh. We have a lot of things in common. He wants to meet my kids and I haven't even told my kids of him or my challenge. I don't want them to expect anything, or pressure me into something I don't want. I have told him my heart just isn't in this and he just says "well, we're havin' fun, aren't we darlin". I met him by opening the door for his sister who had her hands full and I was just walking past the building downtown that she was heading for. The very next day, I was walking to the post office downtown and she noticed me. She stopped me and told me she couldn't get me off her mind. That my opening the door for her was the nicest thing she can recall a stranger doing for her and that I must have a "heart for God". About 2 minutes into our conversation, she asked me if I was married or in a relationship because she had a brother she'd like to see with someone with "substance". (Fat on their bones???) I was in the process of telling her I wouldn't do that and wouldn't even feel comfortable doing that when my friend who gave me the challenge called me right then. No joke!!! I stepped away and laughing through my "right then" situation, my friend said "you don't believe in coincidence and you can't say no". So, I spent the next 10 minutes nervously talking to Rachel about me and her brother, David. 6 hours later I'm sitting in Outback with a nice, but complete stranger.
So, in my opinion, like I stated 8000 words ago, to me it doesn't matter who does what first, it's what happens next that counts.

Offline angeleyes

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Re: How to find a spouse God's Way?
« Reply #14 on: December 17, 2006, 05:29:49 AM »
Well I hope that all goes well for you and your challenge msbradley. From what I'm hearing from you, he sounds like a nice guy but you don't think that there is any chemistry there. As for the smoking, I'll be praying for him that he quits smoking because I believe it to be a type of addiction and it is really hard to quit but we both know that God is able.

I know that your friend has given you a challenge, but have you asked God if this is what he wants and do you think that there is no chemistry because of David's smoking problem?