I don't think I will ever trust men

[godismyjudge3690]

It's simple guys! Unregenerated man, male and female alike, don't happen to be  the most trustworthy or selfless individuals. In our fallen states, we aren't too far above animals who mate because they are fulfilling a primal urge and because it "feels good". A man or woman that has not been transformed by Christ on the inside think it completely natural to do whatever satisfies the flesh. They don't understand why it means so much to the transformed, spiritually-minded Christian to save sex for a monogamous and fulfilling relationship, nor do they care if their gratification hurts anyone else. The Bible warns us not to be unequally yoked and for this reason....and being equally yoked doesn't simply mean dating only self-profession "Christians". From experience, some of them are Christian in name only. We need to wait for the man or woman that is completely sold out to God...who talk the talk and walk the walk...who are filled with the selfless agape love of God that cares for the feelings and needs of others above that of our fleshly urges. How do we find that person? Through prayer.  And I mean...some serious prayer! It's not always easy, having to wait on God as matchmaker, but it sure is worth it. If God is who He says He is, after all, would His plan be anything short of perfect?

[yesult]

^Indeed, sharpening the antlers with the men is good! Friendly competition in whatever form, to sharpen us, but with women such a thing is invariably personal, and God meant a man to come home from that into respite, not into more of it!

(sounds like a reference to Proverbs' contentious wife)

So as iron sharpens iron is only a male thing because a woman should just submit.

Sorry cally, but you're still supporting male domination. Iron sharpening iron is a positive thing, and if that isn't happening in a relationship then the relationship is unhealthy. Equality means equality. Domination means domination.
Domination occurs when the roles are unequal. A woman being considered unworthy of sharpening her husband and expected to always just be nice to him regardless is exactly that. Domination.

Iron sharpening iron is a positive thing, but the phrase "sharpen a man" sounds like female domination.  

I just explained that. Saying that a woman can't 'sharpen' a man when a man can sharpen a woman and his friend, is domination.

[yesult]

I've listened to some wonderful women with wise words of faith in their counsels on marriage, particularly from the woman's angle, who discussed a lot of very vexing problems and how when women place it in the Lord's hands, and just love their husbands faithfully, the husband has been blessed in such a way he decided he too wanted to love his wife unconditionally and with faith in God.  Something about the power of prayer . . . . and faith.

I see. So a woman ignoring her husbands sin (regardless) and just 'loving them anyway' will cause a man to decide to love his wife unconditionally.

Actually that's called abuse and the enablement of it. Who respects a doormat? God doesn't expect it of women or men.

[yesult]

and I firstly said this in faith and then came to realize--that it is actually the one (oftentimes women) who stare at what the word says to women, sticks their noses up at it, and accuses God's design are the ones who actually "disrespect women"

Actually I find women sticking their noses up at scripture taken out of context and mistranslated to dominate and abuse them.

Not suprising really.

[yesult]

By the way yesult what does 1 Peter 3 tell a woman to do even when a man is harsh and even an UNBELIEVER? It says to try and win him over with submissive behavior.

The problem with your intrepation is that you use it in the context of abuse. As already shown in previous posts.

What does that mean to you, exactly? Because I picture that a woman's strategy even when a man is in the wrong is to "rebuke" in the gentle sense and approach, not going at him head-on the way men tend to do with each other more ably (of course, when they are actually aiming to be constructive, which the "contentious wife"--Proverbs--is not).

Well if you take 'iron sharpening iron' out of context to mean going head to head, then you'd have a point. But since you have to twist scripture to do that, you don't.

(Remember what happened when Sarah told Abraham to try Hagar, and then contended with him saying "the Lord judge between us!" for doing something she told him to do? Not one of Sarah's more flattering moments all the way around)

Yes, and neither was Abrahem sleeping with Hagar at the cost of family peace and an illigetimate son according to God. And neither was his decision to take concubines and wives after sarahs death.

Interestingly, that scripture in context:
Gen 16:5 Then Sarai said to Abram, "You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me."

[babe]

I've listened to some wonderful women with wise words of faith in their counsels on marriage, particularly from the woman's angle, who discussed a lot of very vexing problems and how when women place it in the Lord's hands, and just love their husbands faithfully, the husband has been blessed in such a way he decided he too wanted to love his wife unconditionally and with faith in God.  Something about the power of prayer . . . . and faith.

I see. So a woman ignoring her husbands sin (regardless) and just 'loving them anyway' will cause a man to decide to love his wife unconditionally.

Actually that's called abuse and the enablement of it. Who respects a doormat? God doesn't expect it of women or men.

Please don't mistake my meaning.  A true  principle applied to the intended case in the right way is one thing.  Giving up on principle and "falling on your sword" is the wrong way to use a sword.  Or a principle. 

I don't mean a passive submission, or  a "there's nothing I can do but pray" attitude.

When things are that bad, first you need to clearly see just what the problems are.  In some applications you might actually benefit from getting help from others, maybe even professional help such as counselling.

But you cannot force the spouse to change against his/her will.  If you plead your case you might be mistaken for a nag or worse, but generally you do need to speak the truth in love.  But don't think you or even your friends, support group or professional counsellors can turn a man to God without asking God to direct it all.  And in so asking, it might be good for a little season to "take it under advisement" while God works in you. 

If you set yourself right before God first there is an immediate example of how to fix things which your spouse might see and follow as well.  That is the most desireable outcome.  But I do recognise there are cases where you need to remove yourself from danger and abuse, and cases where you will not really have a choce but accept the loss or divorce.   Happened to me, for all I know or could do.

In a bad situation usually both persons are full of complaints about the other, and that is all that either sees.  You take care of your own end of things in a positive and decided matter, and you essentially end his/her side of the argument.  unless he/she wants to end the marriage.

No it's not easy, but I certainly don't want anyone being abused.  Still there is such a thing as charity and longsuffering and meekness.  I wouldn't look at Jesus throwing the money changers out of the Temple as abandoning any of those principles.  Just doing the right thing at the right time.

Put it in God's hands and be willing to stand for what is right, but not in a contentious or bitter way.

I'm looking at another example from the scriptures, the thing about turning the other cheek.  I wouldn't see that as a weak stand, but a strong one.  Aside from the observation that by turning the other cheek the abuser can no long strike you with the same efficiency or force.    The important thing is to stand up to it, without resorting to the same evil principle in response.

All right, I hope that helps you understand how principles all have good or bad applications, and any good idea can just be used wrongly.  Or ineffectively.

Here's my story.   As a child I was in a situation of being abused, and powerless to do anything about it.  I considered just disappearing into the desert and making my own way.  But I said a prayer, and got a distinct answer, in the form of an entirely new (to me) notion coming into my mind.  "If you can endure this you can endure anything".

I was no longer weak and unable.  I  was strong and able.  And that change in me was all it took.  Seeing that in me, the abuset just stopped.  I was no longer a suitable pathetic person for tormenting.

All right that shoe won't fit every situation.  But God will answer your prayers too, and direct you.  And don't let my little dogmatic preachment keep you from finding the right way in your path.

[babe]

I can't trust girls!!!!!

Just a few weeks ago the girl I was seeing cheated on me...not with 1, not with 2, not with 3....but with 4 freakn guys!!!

Girls....shmerls!!! meh..

Refer to the post where the sinfulness of unredeemed human nature was noted.

So what were all the clues you missed in picking that girl?  Betcha ya didn't see her pray much. . . . . or spend an afternoon just reading or studying the Bible.

Now if I was in your place I'd be glad to be on my way, too.  But reconsidering my ways too.  Maybe praying for forgiveness of my sins, and asking Jesus to come into my heart and make a new man of me. . . . . .

And it occurs to me this is a common thing where women and men fail alike.

But to get it right, it is a commandment to marry, and it is urged in the scriptures to marry in the fear of God, or in a very concerned faith.

[chosenone]

I can't trust girls!!!!!

Just a few weeks ago the girl I was seeing cheated on me...not with 1, not with 2, not with 3....but with 4 freakn guys!!!

Girls....shmerls!!! meh..

 so you think that all girls are like that? They arent believe me.

[chosenone]

I actually think it is quite sad that we can allow one or two bad experiences with the opposite sex to make us think that all men, or all women are the same way.
My sister in law is just now breaking up with a man she  has been with for 4 years because he refuses to marry her just because he has been through one divorce and says  "I am not going through that again" She needs that security and also is coming back to God so wants be to be married.
She is very sad as she loves him and he will now loose her because of his wrong attitude. His choice I guess.

Many of us have been deeply hurt and let down by people but we need to make sure that we don't get bitter or angry with all men or all women just because one or two have hurt us.

[Hehealedme]

chosenone,

My dear friend that is 59 and has been married many times --has finally found a keeper.
She has been treated so badly by so many mean men ---she finally found a nice Jewish guy ---before they got together she said ---it's like having a girlfriend he asks me about my feelings - he's such a nice, gentle, good man.
And then bingo - they are in love.
She has met all his friends and 2 ex-wives and they all confirm he is really that nice always.
Whew, I'm so happy for her.

This sentence you have said that I italicized seems odd to me, Elaine...if this man's 2 ex-wives have both said that he is a really nice guy, then why isn't he still with either one of them?...the fact that the man has two ex-wives (divorced?) would be a huge red flat to me...unless the reason why he isn't with either one of those two women is because they have both died and their marriage with him was good while it lasted...

[chosenone]

chosenone,

My dear friend that is 59 and has been married many times --has finally found a keeper.
She has been treated so badly by so many mean men ---she finally found a nice Jewish guy ---before they got together she said ---it's like having a girlfriend he asks me about my feelings - he's such a nice, gentle, good man.
And then bingo - they are in love.
She has met all his friends and 2 ex-wives and they all confirm he is really that nice always.
Whew, I'm so happy for her.

This sentence you have said that I italicized seems odd to me, Elaine...if this man's 2 ex-wives have both said that he is a really nice guy, then why isn't he still with either one of them?...the fact that the man has two ex-wives (divorced?) would be a huge red flat to me...unless the reason why he isn't with either one of those two women is because they have both died and their marriage with him was good while it lasted...

  I did wonder that myself hehealedme but my brother is also divorced twice, both because neither of his wives could be faithful (one had 4 affairs) and he is the nicest man ever.He is nice, kind and was always faithful to both of them . I guess some people are just never satisfied. Also my husband is a brillant husband and dad yet his wife had an affair and divorced him so it can and does happen to the nicest people.

[Hehealedme]

chosenone,

My dear friend that is 59 and has been married many times --has finally found a keeper.
She has been treated so badly by so many mean men ---she finally found a nice Jewish guy ---before they got together she said ---it's like having a girlfriend he asks me about my feelings - he's such a nice, gentle, good man.
And then bingo - they are in love.
She has met all his friends and 2 ex-wives and they all confirm he is really that nice always.
Whew, I'm so happy for her.

This sentence you have said that I italicized seems odd to me, Elaine...if this man's 2 ex-wives have both said that he is a really nice guy, then why isn't he still with either one of them?...the fact that the man has two ex-wives (divorced?) would be a huge red flat to me...unless the reason why he isn't with either one of those two women is because they have both died and their marriage with him was good while it lasted...

  I did wonder that myself hehealedme but my brother is also divorced twice, both because neither of his wives could be faithful (one had 4 affairs) and he is the nicest man ever.He is nice, kind and was always faithful to both of them . I guess some people are just never satisfied. Also my husband is a brillant husband and dad yet his wife had an affair and divorced him so it can and does happen to the nicest people.

chosenone...I will ask you the same question too...if your brother is the nicest man and faithful too, then why would both of his ex-wives cheat on him in the first place ? ? ?...there had to be something that he wasn't providing to them if they both cheated on him otherwise it would make absolutely no sense!...I am Really puzzled about this!...

I used to be soooo upset at my husband because of his lack of interest in me in many many regards...I used to ask him all the time if he really loved me or if I was just there to cook clean and have sex with just so he could fill his needs!...never would he show or tell me that he loved me...I always felt like he treated me as if we were ennemies and that I was just a mere begger!...I was nothing to him!...and I couldn't stand that...  


I have to leave for work, as usual...I am sooooo physically and emotionally tired....have to go...:(

[Thankfulldad]

That's also why wherever I go I try to pay for myself -because "nothing is for free" in a man's mind I have found.

Not true?   Well, discuss...

(Also, I am extremely happy - when you get my age and are so into God - men, schmen. LOL)
 

Personally, I believe a man should always pay for the dinner or whatever; and should open her car door, respect her body...and protect her while together.

And...do this with a pure heart; wanting only the best for her.

Now...this can only be done with the Spirit of Jesus in a man; because, the flesh will always want the prize now.  The prize should come after they know each other completely, and through the will of God.  The man should know the women, and the women should know the man...in the Bible; he always "knew her" first (if you know what I mean)!

We all know what the prize is (smile)!!!  But...God willing; worth the wait!!!

[Lifesaver]

If we choose not to trust all men(or all women in a mans case) we are missing out on so much in life. We can attempt ot protect oursleves from pain, but we will only live a sort of half life.
I have been deeply and badly hurt by men, but if I had decided not to trust any man ever again, I wouldnt have the most amazing husband and marriage now. Not all men are the same.Was it scary to trust again? yes of course it was.There are some excellent and godly man out there, but of course we have to realise that we are all human and will hurt people sometimes even if we dont intend to.

Chosenone you are quite right, in otherwords in no one trusted in men, civilisation would not continue.

Elain, just one piece of advice for you and the sooner you act on it the happier you will be - yes, even though you say you are happy now.

The advice is - put a greater trust in God and He will extract from any part of the world, a man you can trust. Your perfect match.

I believe God will have pleasure in doing this for you because He said in His own words "It is not good that man/woman should live alone"

For those who approve of gays, note - True men/women of God are not gay, because he/she  does not lay with one of the same sex.  

And yes, homosexuality can be healed, whatever the psychologists say. All that is needed is for the 'afflicted' person to truely accept God inside of himself/herserself.  Once inside of you God will do the rest by simply taking away the desire you have for the same sex.  Any gays reading this, just try it out - I mean really accept God into your heart.  Soon after that your same sex partner will repulse you!!!

Any psychologist or other   who tells you that you was born to be gay is himself possessed with an evil spirit!!

Lifesaver  

[chosenone]

chosenone,

My dear friend that is 59 and has been married many times --has finally found a keeper.
She has been treated so badly by so many mean men ---she finally found a nice Jewish guy ---before they got together she said ---it's like having a girlfriend he asks me about my feelings - he's such a nice, gentle, good man.
And then bingo - they are in love.
She has met all his friends and 2 ex-wives and they all confirm he is really that nice always.
Whew, I'm so happy for her.

This sentence you have said that I italicized seems odd to me, Elaine...if this man's 2 ex-wives have both said that he is a really nice guy, then why isn't he still with either one of them?...the fact that the man has two ex-wives (divorced?) would be a huge red flat to me...unless the reason why he isn't with either one of those two women is because they have both died and their marriage with him was good while it lasted...

  I did wonder that myself hehealedme but my brother is also divorced twice, both because neither of his wives could be faithful (one had 4 affairs) and he is the nicest man ever.He is nice, kind and was always faithful to both of them . I guess some people are just never satisfied. Also my husband is a brillant husband and dad yet his wife had an affair and divorced him so it can and does happen to the nicest people.

chosenone...I will ask you the same question too...if your brother is the nicest man and faithful too, then why would both of his ex-wives cheat on him in the first place ? ? ?...there had to be something that he wasn't providing to them if they both cheated on him otherwise it would make absolutely no sense!...I am Really puzzled about this!...

I used to be soooo upset at my husband because of his lack of interest in me in many many regards...I used to ask him all the time if he really loved me or if I was just there to cook clean and have sex with just so he could fill his needs!...never would he show or tell me that he loved me...I always felt like he treated me as if we were ennemies and that I was just a mere begger!...I was nothing to him!...and I couldn't stand that...  


I have to leave for work, as usual...I am sooooo physically and emotionally tired....have to go...:(

 
hehealedme

some people just cannot be faithful even if they have a nice spouse.I have a couple of female friends whose husbands had affairs and they are the nicest ladies you could ever meet.
 My husbands ex had an affair with a man she met at work and he is the nicest, kindest, most wondeful man I have ever known. I feel like the most blessed women alive to be married to him. I suppose the grass is always greener etc no matter who you are married to.Some people are just never happy or content no matter what.
MY brother has had a lovely lady friend now for 2 years who adores him and hopefully will be able to be faithful(unlike the others).