There are some wonderful men out there, but they arn't the ones with porn problems or control issues.
Men are brought up by and large to help themselves to women and then find one to 'fall in love' with later to marry and live happily ever after.
Problem is it doesn't work like that.
And in my opinion, women on the other hand are taught by and large that they're a failure if they don't go along with it and 'enjoy life' in however many relationships until they find 'the one' (who they'd be foolish to rely on longterm anyway because he's a man, and because of that, can't really be trusted.) So they're educated to not respect men too much (through the media and their own experiences from different partners) because they can't be trusted and you're giving them space to let you down.
And the guys get their capacity to 'love' women burned out through using them. But they're encouraged to from pubity on by women in the media, and how so many dress and behave all around them. It's like handing them a shotgun as a young teenager with ducks flying all around and saying 'open season'. Have fun. And btw somethings wrong with your masculinity if you don't.
Recipe for disaster. But it's preached at us from televison screens and media sources from childhood on.
To find a guy who's beaten his demons regarding lust is pretty rare in my opinion, these days particularly. And if he hasn't, then don't expect to be cherished as his wife. And to find a woman who is willing to lay down her own agendas to sacrifice for the good of the relationship and emotional wellbeing of the family is rare nowdays in my opinion as well.
Integrity has to come from both directions. No control. No trying to use the other partner to make yourself happy, and no shortcuts regarding respect bothways. But that's a lifestyle, not a picked up behaviour once you actually tie the knot, to make it work.
Who gets it right all the time
Mess up peoples capacity for healthy relationships through twisting their worldviews and you end up with a lot of normal people doing a lot of suffering that God never intended them to have to go through.
Was just thinking about this today.
No wonder our societies are falling apart.
You know to be honest, I can count on the fingers of one hand, guys I've met in my life who really seemed to not have any problem with lust. Because I've had so must distrust regarding men, it's one of the first things I've always tended to look for in them. Not to judge them but just for my own safety and awareness. I'd just wait and watch until I felt I'd gotten a reasonably fair idea of where they were at in this area. That indicated to me how safe they were. Even as friends. I think most females do to some extent, but I've probably been less trusting and more careful then most.
Those guys were worth their weight (I was about to say in gold - but that's way underestimating it.) Like a woman who fears the lord has worth far above rubies, so is a man who's gotten his hormones under control. David feared the Lord and he sure failed miserably in this area. Abrahem wasn't a great role model either, or Solomon.
If a woman isn't going to be cherished, why should she respect her husbands leadership? That's basically saying that he should have the rights of respect without having to earn it.
Lust is probably the most damaging thing a person can let into their relationship. (Although control is pretty bad too.)
I used to think the same way Elaine, but the key is to let God choose your mate. Then you don't end up unequally yoked. Means you might have to wait for a while, but at least it takes the pressure off.
(Chosenone I always get encouraged hearing about your marriage. I'm so pleased God led you to such a godly man and you're both so happy. I've seen it so rarely that it's such a breath of fresh air when someone else you know has it.) Thanks for sharing.
I remember sitting in church once as a child and the pastor had done a random survey for interests sake. This was a really solid, family church overall full of pretty respectable and dedicated people, and the no. one decision that people regretted the most in their lives (over half the congregation) was who they had married. Over half wished they'd married someone else. Another broad survey across marriages in general that was read out (from the world) indicated that of the half that survived divorce, only a small percentage, around 5% said that they had a genuinely happy marriage.
I never forgot that.
I've seen the church used as an excuse for the domination of women and I've seen the world throw away the things that make marriage safe.
Depressing
Growing up, I figured that if I couldn't have a happy marriage then I didn't want one at all. And I figure that God can make it happen, but I honestly think that the odds are too much against me for me to try and find the right person myself.
(and I know that I would have given the kind of guy I want too much stress in the past anyway from my own issues,
so His timing is perfect too.)
wow, long post.
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