*This may be long, and I apologize. If you have time and could give input I'd greatly appreciate it*Hello GC community. I haven't been on here lately (I have been straying from God lately too
). Some of you may remember most my posts only being issues/concerns. I apologize for this, and I hope I am not sounding selfish.
I'd like to focus this topic on an issue with a girl I am having. I may share a lot of "personal" stuff, which I do not feel the most comfortable doing here, but I am going to trust these forums to the best I can.
First off, who I am I am "naturally" a pessimist, which causes excess worrying, which causes a lot of stress, which has caused my mis-direction. When it comes to girls though, I haven't been too serious about it. I know how to talk and socialize with girls quite well actually, and not to sound arrogant, but most girls think I am good looking. The reason I haven't dated much though is because I feel like our society now and days is a corrupt corruption... Meaning it seems most girls now smoke/drink which can lead to worse things. And I felt if I ever had a "serious relationship" (if teens are capable of that even), I'd be tempted to do other things, gray area things, which could lead to, lets face it: Sex. Although my life is very rough lately, I try to be faithful and I want to wait til marriage. I also may be seen as an ignorant immature teenager so it's just small high school relationships I'm talking about.
So normally me and my friends just hang out with girls and meet new girls and so on, but I've never really wanted things to escalate for reasons I said above. Then things changed.
This girl found me. She is very pretty, and I guess I would have considered her "out of my league" in a way. But anyway I found out she liked me so I broke the ice one night. We started texting (sure may sound lame...) and things were going very well, then we hung out. We kept in good contact and I saw/see her at school and whatnot. We became "very open" and we have alot of things in common. The best is that we are both Christians and that is very important for me.
As I said we have talked alot, and things seemed very comfortable. We have hugged/cuddled/etc... It came to the point though were I should probably ask her out or whatever right? But we had talked before and just wanted to be "friends with benefits" (obviously not purely PHYSICAL benefits, because I dont see women as objects, I respect them so my goal is not just physical pleasures/lusts. And she knows this) for a bit (this may not be good right?). But from how I have interpreted things she REALLY LIKES/liked me.
But the past week or so things seem different. We've had various little conflicts throughout, and I told her we need to talk things out and rather than let these small things ruin things, lets learn from them. But alot of little things upset her and she likes stuff "perfect" but doesnt like that shes like that. We've managed to work most stuff out though.
She used to always text me first, and usually call at night and sometimes I couldnt and shed get mad but I made compromises.
Heres where I am confused though: Lately she used to always compliment me and when I would back shed put herself down (typical I guess). She was obviously interested. But lately she wasnt texting or calling me so I'd text and call her and compliment her and she just like accepts it now. Things seem rough, but we hung out the past two nights and I kissed her for the first time (big deal I suppose). Due to not getting very serious in my past, Im not the best at this :P But she understands this
Anyway though she texted me both nights after and the conversation was bland so I called her up and she was barely talking and fell asleep. I've tried to talk to her about this but I cant really get her to, or get a straight answer. She seems different from how she was in the begining, and from phone/texting vs. in person.
I know I've shown a lot of "desperation" and "sucking up"/being TOO NICE, and this is not like me normally. But due to my pessimistic attitude like I said above, I am very worried about losing her, although I might not "have" her but you know what I mean. I dont think "teenage love" really exist because we still have much more to learn and experience in our lives. As a young adult/teen I want to date though at some point just to learn things and whatnot for later on in life. And right now she seems like a great option because she understands my view on things...
And she is a Christian, not the type that is forced by her parents. We are both in the same boat where at the age we are, we are starting to build our own REAL FAITH and PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS with God. So its not like shes a Christian on Sundays and then the rest of the week not, if that makes sense. She doesnt put on a mask. <<< And that is so important to me :(
I've come to the conclusion she has started to lose interest? Although its like she still wants to hang out, I have to keep coming to her. She has told me a lot of good things, but I don't know if she meant it all.
I know I may be making to big of a deal about this, and I highly dislike drama- its not my thing. Lately thats all I've been consumed by. My friends have given me great advice though, like things arent as bad as they seem.
I do realize God always has bigger and better plans for us so this may not work out and He has something better in store. But its hard for me to see this and stop worrying.
So I want to talk to her about it once and for all and find out how she truly feels and if she wants things to work out because I want them too. But if she doesnt then I would like to know that and be able to move on, though it'll be hard.
But right now I am kind of waiting to see if she'll call or text me, and show her that I am willing to "walk away" instead of desperation. Then when I see her at school regain her interest.
But like I said I am very confused and I realize I cannot make her like me.
I've talked to God about it too. Although I'd like to pray "God please make things work out and let it all be okay, and I pray things will get sorted out and we can date for a long time and live happily ever after", that is not appropriate. So rather "work out" may not be for what I see as the "better" right now. Maybe God does have bigger and better plans, but if I am going to date her (I know it may not last forever and its not like were destined to get married but...) I'd like to know that rather than being so confused.
So again sorry for how long this is and thanks for reading if you do and for the input.
I am really worried because I care about her and I dont know what to do...
Thanks.
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