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Author Topic: Is there a kind way to break up?  (Read 1480 times)

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Offline Carwhisperer

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Is there a kind way to break up?
« on: February 16, 2012, 06:50:51 PM »
I am considering ending my relationship with my girlfriend. She has two small boys and said she had worried she wouldn't find anyone who will put up with that. I find the boys to be a plus. I know there isn't a way to keep from hurting her but is there a way to make it better for her? I hate hurting people.

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Is there a kind way to break up?
« on: February 16, 2012, 06:50:51 PM »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Is there a kind way to break up?
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2012, 09:41:40 AM »
I dont think there is a kind way to do this but do it in person and not by text because that is not kind. Be honest and tell her the truth about why you are ending it. Appologise for persuing a serious relationship with her when your marrige wasnt even definately over.
I know a lady with 2 small daughters who has just got married again, so it cant happen, but you need to get your marriage sorted out before you get serious with any else. I would also suggest to her that she avoids any men who are still married, as this will save her futher heartache.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2012, 12:35:48 PM by chosenone »

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Re: Is there a kind way to break up?
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2012, 09:41:40 AM »

Offline DaveW

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Re: Is there a kind way to break up?
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2012, 10:23:59 AM »
Chosenone has given sound advice.

You need to be VERRRYYYYY apologetic for pursuing a relationship with her when you were still married.  If she is any kind of believer she will (intelectually at least) understand that.  It may make it a bit easier. But realize this, it will be very painful emotionally for both of you.

Pray for God's grace in both your lives. 

Offline fcadcock

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Re: Is there a kind way to break up?
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2012, 10:10:19 PM »
I agree with Chosen's comments other than telling her to stay away from married men.  When you're breaking up with someone, it's not really the time to be giving them advice unless it's the "You don't want to use that tazer honey, you'll just have to buy new leads and I'm not worth all that.  Please put down the tazer," kind. 

Honesty is the best policy here, and kindness.  Sit her down away from her children and tell her how you feel.  I've been in your situation, and I too hate hurting people, and nearly every time it has been the right choice to simply be open and honest. 

Except for the one time.  I tried honesty, she didn't accept it.  I tried just telling her it was over, she didn't accept it.  So I told her I was cheating on her with my ex-wife and she dumped me.  I wasn't cheating, but it was all I could do...  At that point, all I wanted was out and I knew there was nothing I could do to keep that bridge from being burned beyond repair to I told her the one thing I knew she couldn't handle.

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Re: Is there a kind way to break up?
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2012, 10:10:19 PM »

graciemay

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Re: Is there a kind way to break up?
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2012, 10:47:50 AM »
I agree with choosenone except for giving advice.  On that I agree with fcadocock. That is NOT the time to be giving advice.

At the risk of being harsh, you really have no business dating anyone unless your marriage is officially over (emotionally and legally).  It's not fair to your partner.

Back to the question, be honest and kind but leave out details that don't need to be shared. And yes, do it in person. Never over the phone or via text.  



« Last Edit: February 23, 2012, 10:57:33 AM by graciemay »

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Re: Is there a kind way to break up?
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2012, 10:47:50 AM »