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Author Topic: Lonely Christian Man  (Read 777 times)

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Offline Alma1995

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Lonely Christian Man
« on: February 29, 2016, 12:11:10 PM »
Hey guys, sometime ago I wrote on the Christian Only Men forum what I was going through. I was really hurt because of the fact my girlfriend Sam wasn't virgin. And it amazed me how much I emphatized with the fellow man that asked for help on how to overcome her wife sexual past and how it fueled my pain. Given the case I couldn't cope with the fact anymore, I took a leap of faith and broke with Sam, the amazing girl who I spent the last 3 years of my life as my partner . Now I find myself being 20 years old, in a liberal country trying to find a virgin (yes, virgin, I couldn't even get past Sam's sexual past which was, to be honest, the "best" sexual past there could be, one partner, stable relationship)
I am scared, obviously I feel lonely because I ended a "working" relationship. But mostly scared. I'm scared of searching forever. Some friends told me I denied myself the warmest kind of love there could be. Instead I feel I made a bet in which there are two outcomes. The best one, I find the devoted virgin loving girl that I'll spend the rest of my life with. The second, I spend my life alone, becoming the "bitter virgin" that I've swore myself not to be. I've gone through a lot of emotions lately and this virginity subject brougth them all. The scary hatred I had inside my heart just knowing that after rejecting several one night stands and even a threesome (which honestly, it's something I felt like trying but somehow I rejected it) in the end I wouldn't receive my wife virginity. There would be ghosts in my relationship, we wouldn't had been able to discover sex together.
To be shorter, I can't overcome any sexual past and love itself although may sound harsh, instead of solving the problem, just makes it harder. Do you guys think there is a chance I may find what am I looking for? Or do I just focus on my career?

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Lonely Christian Man
« on: February 29, 2016, 12:11:10 PM »

Offline beal_01

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2016, 01:59:45 PM »
We all sin.  You, me, everybody.  If Sam has Jesus in her heart, has repented for what she did, Jesus forgave her. 

Yea.. If your young, and she's allready been with someone, it can be a red flag.

Now you guys aren't married so yea.. You can walk away.  You can keep looking for a virgin. 

Warmest kind of love.. Honestly, it's when two people pray together out of love for each other.  Man, if my girlfriend did that, I'd hang on and not let go. 

Sex is over-rated.  Just another sin.  Forgiveness, compassion, honesty, that's the "warmth" you should be looking for.

And to be honest.. If you can't forgive her for past sins, can you forgive her when she sins in the future.  Maybe she burns the meat-loaf one day.. Or leaves the house a wreck.  Maybe she dent's your car?  Or get's mad at you and tells you off.

Would you forgive her?


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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2016, 01:59:45 PM »

Offline Alma1995

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2016, 04:26:43 PM »
We all sin.  You, me, everybody.  If Sam has Jesus in her heart, has repented for what she did, Jesus forgave her. 

Yea.. If your young, and she's allready been with someone, it can be a red flag.

Now you guys aren't married so yea.. You can walk away.  You can keep looking for a virgin. 

Warmest kind of love.. Honestly, it's when two people pray together out of love for each other.  Man, if my girlfriend did that, I'd hang on and not let go. 

Sex is over-rated.  Just another sin.  Forgiveness, compassion, honesty, that's the "warmth" you should be looking for.

And to be honest.. If you can't forgive her for past sins, can you forgive her when she sins in the future.  Maybe she burns the meat-loaf one day.. Or leaves the house a wreck.  Maybe she dent's your car?  Or get's mad at you and tells you off.

Would you forgive her?
Well, it's not like I haven't forgiven her. I did. I just couldn't overcome the fact she lost something which I've been told, it's almost the same as love. There are some sins that are "easier" to forgive and I'm human, there are some things that I can't do. But well, I have part ways with Sam although we remain in contact and even it took us some time to realise we shouldn't kiss as a way to say "hi"  ::kissing:: I pray for her and I pray for me so we can both reach happiness.

Offline beal_01

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2016, 08:55:59 AM »
"I've been told, it's almost the same as love. "  - Um... NO.

I re-iterate, I don't have enough knowledge about the situation to give any advice.  Nor do I want that much.  And yes, if the Holy Spirit is telling you to run.  Run hard. 

Here's what love is...   Ask yourself, is her virginity the same thing.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.


4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2016, 08:58:28 AM by beal_01 »

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2016, 08:55:59 AM »

Offline sassygrrl32

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2016, 05:56:37 PM »
First, I don't think you had anything to forgive her for. She didn't do anything to you and it's not your job to forgive her for sins.
Second, give it a few years and this virginity issue won't rank up there like other things will. Trust me, I've been where you are, a long time ago. To a big degree what you're asking for unrealistic in modern society. I understand you don't want someone's who's promiscious. But 1 man? When I met my husband at 40 he'd been married 8 times and been with countless other women. Another man I loved very much had been married 3 times and according to him had had about 1000 sexual partners. I let myself get hung up on this virginity when I was young like you and it probably cost me better relationships than I'm having in the latter part of my life. When you get into your 40's your options are much slimmer and what made sense in your 20's no longer makes sense.
My advice, don't ask a woman if she's a virgin. It isn't your business you didn't know her then and it's in her past. TRy measuring her by her current behavior not past behavior. And know even if you do meet a virgin that doesn't mean you're going to want to be with her and it doesn't make her a good person. There's alot more to a person's character than sexual past.
My mother used to tell me that what I was looking for was unrealistic and I didn't want to believe her. I couldn't see the forest for the trees. You'll learn. Good luck....

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2016, 05:56:37 PM »



Offline volleyballjerry

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Compassion
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2016, 04:32:21 PM »
Revelation 21: 5 "Behold, I make all things new again". When you and your bride-to-be make that promise of commitment to each other at the alter before God and family - you start over with a clean slate spiritually. I call it being a "born again virgin". Remember the adulteress who was about to be stoned. You *must* have that level of love and compassion for your future wife that Christ had for her.

Your wife will *never* appreciate being put under that level of scrutiny especially for sins of the past which she is unable to undo. Virginity is waaaayyyyyy overrated. I had dated a few 30 years ago when I was your age now. And several other women who had pasts as well. I would never have disqualified anyone especially someone who shares common values with me who happened to not be perfect.

You need to do a LOT more dating and find out so many of the other important aspects of male-female relationships. Because if you base your choice of a marriage partner on this one end-all be-all requirement, you will be in for a very long and lonely ride.

Priority number 1 should be to address your own issues with loneliness. Talk to your pastor or someone in your church that can give you some guidance. It is with great regret that you may have let the woman God intended you to be with go because of something she cannot take back. She probably loved you. And did not understand why you were unable to forgive her. :( :(
« Last Edit: April 21, 2016, 04:55:07 AM by volleyballjerry »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2016, 05:55:32 PM »
First, I don't think you had anything to forgive her for. She didn't do anything to you and it's not your job to forgive her for sins.
Second, give it a few years and this virginity issue won't rank up there like other things will. Trust me, I've been where you are, a long time ago. To a big degree what you're asking for unrealistic in modern society. I understand you don't want someone's who's promiscious. But 1 man? When I met my husband at 40 he'd been married 8 times and been with countless other women. Another man I loved very much had been married 3 times and according to him had had about 1000 sexual partners. I let myself get hung up on this virginity when I was young like you and it probably cost me better relationships than I'm having in the latter part of my life. When you get into your 40's your options are much slimmer and what made sense in your 20's no longer makes sense.
My advice, don't ask a woman if she's a virgin. It isn't your business you didn't know her then and it's in her past. TRy measuring her by her current behavior not past behavior. And know even if you do meet a virgin that doesn't mean you're going to want to be with her and it doesn't make her a good person. There's alot more to a person's character than sexual past.
My mother used to tell me that what I was looking for was unrealistic and I didn't want to believe her. I couldn't see the forest for the trees. You'll learn. Good luck....

Sorry but I am stunned here sassygirl. Didnt you see red flags and flashing warning lights with a man who has been married 8 times by 40????? And another who had been married 3 times and had had sex with 1000's of women???? I have never met anyone who has been married more than twice.
« Last Edit: April 20, 2016, 05:59:38 PM by chosenone »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2016, 05:58:27 PM »
Hey guys, sometime ago I wrote on the Christian Only Men forum what I was going through. I was really hurt because of the fact my girlfriend Sam wasn't virgin. And it amazed me how much I emphatized with the fellow man that asked for help on how to overcome her wife sexual past and how it fueled my pain. Given the case I couldn't cope with the fact anymore, I took a leap of faith and broke with Sam, the amazing girl who I spent the last 3 years of my life as my partner . Now I find myself being 20 years old, in a liberal country trying to find a virgin (yes, virgin, I couldn't even get past Sam's sexual past which was, to be honest, the "best" sexual past there could be, one partner, stable relationship)
I am scared, obviously I feel lonely because I ended a "working" relationship. But mostly scared. I'm scared of searching forever. Some friends told me I denied myself the warmest kind of love there could be. Instead I feel I made a bet in which there are two outcomes. The best one, I find the devoted virgin loving girl that I'll spend the rest of my life with. The second, I spend my life alone, becoming the "bitter virgin" that I've swore myself not to be. I've gone through a lot of emotions lately and this virginity subject brougth them all. The scary hatred I had inside my heart just knowing that after rejecting several one night stands and even a threesome (which honestly, it's something I felt like trying but somehow I rejected it) in the end I wouldn't receive my wife virginity. There would be ghosts in my relationship, we wouldn't had been able to discover sex together.
To be shorter, I can't overcome any sexual past and love itself although may sound harsh, instead of solving the problem, just makes it harder. Do you guys think there is a chance I may find what am I looking for? Or do I just focus on my career?
 

So you dont think that Gods forgiveness is enough? 

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2016, 05:37:03 AM »
The OP is unrealistic but also young and naive.  Some of the replies were horrible.

Virginity isn't overrated.  It is unrealistic to find in today's culture.  However, running to the opposite extreme is even worse.  It is asking for trouble, and is quite frankly, stupidity because of loneliness.

Offline Enoch

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2016, 03:46:19 PM »
The OP is unrealistic but also young and naive.  Some of the replies were horrible.

Virginity isn't overrated.  It is unrealistic to find in today's culture.  However, running to the opposite extreme is even worse.  It is asking for trouble, and is quite frankly, stupidity because of loneliness.
It is something to strive for, however, and can be an indication of somebody strong in their conviction and it can happen. I mean a lot of kids these days get the pass because "they're just sewing wild oats" but  there are virgins  on their marriage night.

Here's a better standard - if they're not virgins but still Christians who accept that fornication is wrong then if they're repentant about their past sins then go ahead. People with promiscuous or hedonistic pasts have a high burden of prove, I may add, to demonstrate they are repentant.

Offline alwaysme

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Re: Lonely Christian Man
« Reply #10 on: November 13, 2016, 09:01:26 AM »
@sassy

The good thing at your post is the bottom: measure the current behavior and not the past behavior.

Some Christians or many are too "holier-than-thou". Remember,  no one will be reached out if no one dared to reach out. If all not virgins will be outcasts and dumped, we're just like the one who wanted to stone a prostitute during Jesus' time.