Hey guys, sometime ago I wrote on the Christian Only Men forum what I was going through. I was really hurt because of the fact my girlfriend Sam wasn't virgin. And it amazed me how much I emphatized with the fellow man that asked for help on how to overcome her wife sexual past and how it fueled my pain. Given the case I couldn't cope with the fact anymore, I took a leap of faith and broke with Sam, the amazing girl who I spent the last 3 years of my life as my partner . Now I find myself being 20 years old, in a liberal country trying to find a virgin (yes, virgin, I couldn't even get past Sam's sexual past which was, to be honest, the "best" sexual past there could be, one partner, stable relationship)
I am scared, obviously I feel lonely because I ended a "working" relationship. But mostly scared. I'm scared of searching forever. Some friends told me I denied myself the warmest kind of love there could be. Instead I feel I made a bet in which there are two outcomes. The best one, I find the devoted virgin loving girl that I'll spend the rest of my life with. The second, I spend my life alone, becoming the "bitter virgin" that I've swore myself not to be. I've gone through a lot of emotions lately and this virginity subject brougth them all. The scary hatred I had inside my heart just knowing that after rejecting several one night stands and even a threesome (which honestly, it's something I felt like trying but somehow I rejected it) in the end I wouldn't receive my wife virginity. There would be ghosts in my relationship, we wouldn't had been able to discover sex together.
To be shorter, I can't overcome any sexual past and love itself although may sound harsh, instead of solving the problem, just makes it harder. Do you guys think there is a chance I may find what am I looking for? Or do I just focus on my career?