Long Distance Christian Relationship in trouble

[Dre Hopeful]

My girlfriend and I have been together almost four years, but we've been long distance for almost a year and a half. Anyway, she's starting to feel as though the relationship is in a bad place and wants to know should she hold on to it. I'm a struggling artist, I can't visit her like I would want but, she could see me pretty much anytime she wants to. Anyway, her Pastor told her that she and I should take a 30 day non communication fast from each other. Is that right?

[fanuvmxpx]

You've been dating 4 years, are you ready to marry this woman (you should know by now). If you are unsure if you want to marry her, then I think a 30-day non communication is a great idea...you can think about where you want your life to go and if it includes her.

If you want her in your life, make the necessary life changes in your own so you two can be together. Whats holding you two back from getting married so you can see each other every day?

[Howdyboyalan]

Er...

I think a 30 day non communication thing is the stupidist thing I have ever heard.

I am in a long distance relationship and it doesn't help in not talking. Talking is what makes the relationship.


I would recommend not talking to each other until you miss each other. If it takes 30 days to get to that stage, then it is probably time to move on. But if 5 days into this 'fast' you really want to talk to her and vice versa, go for it.


Another stupid thing about this idea is that at the end you will both be like 'well when did you want to talk to me' and guilt etc will set in.

If you both want to make a relationship work it takes work, and there has to be light at the end of the tunnel.

My girlfriend did once think about moving on from me. But we had been together a long time and we sat down and said look, this is going to have to change, we do this this and this. (this was 6 months into our long distance relationship) Within 1 month, we were stronger than ever, and still are just as strong. In reality, she didnt want to move on, she wanted to improve things WITH me.

You need to set guidelines, promise to write to each other. you are an artist, you could be making her things. Telephone conversations, atleast 4 times a week etc. 

Sit down together, decide on whether or not you want to save the relationship, and if you do, don't do something stupid like not talking for 30 days.

Humans are built to move on, and you will do so unwillingly if you cut people out of your life.


And don't worry about marriage. What stage are you in your life? If you are only 15-25, then don't think about marriage, you don't need to, its unnesccesarry pressure. The last thing an unsure relationship needs is the spectre of marriage. One of the main reasons people propose is because they are scared the relationship is in trouble, believe it or not.

[mandalee65]

My husband and I had a long-distance relationship for almost the entire time we dated. We went through one breakup period (about 8 months), and that was all it took for both of us to decide that what we really wanted was each other. He had decided it wasn't working out, and I was devastated. A few months later, he changed his mind, but by that time he was headed for basic training and I was headed to Scotland. It was about five months later before we finally got to see each other again. Within three months, we were engaged.

It's easy when you're not together all the time to get used to not seeing each other. When all communication suddenly drops, it hits you pretty hard. It makes it clear pretty quickly, imho, if the relationship is right or not.

It really isn't a bad idea.

[chosenone]

I do think that your girlfreind is having doubts about whether she wants this relationship to carry on. If, as you say, she could easily see you more often and she isnt, that isnt a good sign. Unless you are very young ie late teens, or very early 20's I really think that you would definately know after all this time whether you both want to marry or not, so the fact that you havent is quite significant I feel.

My son is in a long distance relationship but even though they are both studying full time and have little money they still manage to see each other every other weekend. He goes to see her one time and she comes to see him the next time.if she really wanted to see you more she would I think.

Not sure about the pastors idea, except that I think that he thinks that she will find out after this 30 days if she really wants it to carry on or not, and if she doesnt its better that you find out now rather than later.
You say that you are a struggling artist. Could you get another  job as well as doing that for a while until you are earning more money as an artist so that you could go and see her more often?

[Howdyboyalan]

Chosen, there is a big difference between a studying long distance relationship in the Us and the UK. For us, visiting each other is like 100 miles. In the US it could be 1000's

[chosenone]

Chosen, there is a big difference between a studying long distance relationship in the Us and the UK. For us, visiting each other is like 100 miles. In the US it could be 1000's

 

you are right, but they arent living so far away just through studying, her home town is  5 hours travelling time away. She livso in the North and we live in the South.
This man did say that his girlfriend could visit him more if she wanted to so I was guessing that that maybe they werent Too far away. I wonder why one of them moved away in the first place after 3 1/2 years togather unless that was for studying also.

[wolflet7]

If I were you, I wouldn't doubt the pastor's word.  Sometimes it's not the pastor that wants these things to happen, but it is God that wants them to.  God was probably speaking to the pastor when he said those things.  I would recommend the 30 day fast and see how it goes.  Maybe during the "fast" you can focus more on what you are doing and become better at it. 

[yesult]

If your relationship can't take a 30 day break after 4 years - then is it really going to last the distance for a lifetime? Your girlfriend obviously needs to resolve some issues or she wouldn't have been talking to her pastor about it in the first place.

Space can be a great thing when you have serious things to work through. And marriage is really serious.

I'd say just respect her wishes and pray about it that it all gets settled really quickly. If she goes into marriage with deep, unresolved doubts, they can surface later in a much more serious manner.