Mistakes

[ForIHaveWings]

Alright, so I have made some mistakes. I'll admit. But I'm trying to live my life as a good little christian girl (as much as I possibly can)! What I'm getting at, I want to eventually marry a man who has the same belief as I do, and I want to save myself for marriage but its to late for that. I have asked for forgiveness but it doesn't change the fact that its gone and I wont get it back. Do you think its something that should be mentioned to the person I end up marrying, I mean I don't want to put up this heir of being pure when I'm not. But I don't want to sleep with someone until I'm married to them either.

Any suggestions, I'm kinda embarrassed to ask.

Blessings
    Nicole

[wolflet7]

Hi, I see you're new and I'd just like to say welcome to the forums!  I'm kind of new too.  I'm sure God has a good partner in mind for you and you just have to be patient.  God has already told me that I have a future wife and I must admit that it is REALLY hard to wait for everything; dating, marriage night (and bed), child, future job, etc.  Do you mind if I ask what age/grade you are in?  I'm in high school, just trying to get through lol. 

Well, if you are struggling with anything or need a blessing, then you know where you can turn to 

[chosenone]

You will have to be honest with the person that you marry, but if he loves you then it wont matter to him and he may have slipped up just as you have. You cant keep something like this from him, it is too important.
God has forgiven you, so let it go and look forward to what God has in store for you future.
I have heard that isnt actually very common for most Christians to wait until they are married anyway sadly, so you arent alone.

[Pokhara]

God tells us to forgive one another.

If you meet a man you think is right for you, then don't be afraid to tell him about your past errors.  If he really is the right man for you, then he will not make a big deal out of it.

[ForIHaveWings]

Thanx everyone!! And to the question about my age and grade. I know the post made me sound young lol but I'm I've already graduated highschool! No more clues, I think I'm going to be a little more careful about what I post on the internet. I really scared myself yesterday!

[wolflet7]

Lol, good idea about the posts.  I'm not trying to get into your personal life and everything.  Also, don't feel obligated to answer somebody's questions online.  You can just say, "No!" and then if they keep asking, keep saying no.  I've read this book called Every Young Man's Battle and the authors are teaching us guys how to save sex for marriage and be sexually pure.  In the book, they mentioned a few of their stories and they've had sex from high school to college and a little after, and they found wonderful wives who understand their mistakes and now they are sexually pure.  There is still hope for you, so don't give up. 

[kristinaf]

Alright, so I have made some mistakes. I'll admit. But I'm trying to live my life as a good little christian girl (as much as I possibly can)! What I'm getting at, I want to eventually marry a man who has the same belief as I do, and I want to save myself for marriage but its to late for that. I have asked for forgiveness but it doesn't change the fact that its gone and I wont get it back. Do you think its something that should be mentioned to the person I end up marrying, I mean I don't want to put up this heir of being pure when I'm not. But I don't want to sleep with someone until I'm married to them either.

Any suggestions, I'm kinda embarrassed to ask.

Blessings
    Nicole

I am in the same boat, girlfriend!  As a Christian, I am also saving myself for marriage (now) although I have made mistakes in my past, and am not a virgin. 

I think it is more difficult to find someone who wants to wait for marriage, but not impossible, and it's not going to stop me from trying.  I have been perfectly up-front with guys, and told them of my intentions, that I intend to remain celibate.  It has been met with some disbelief and some guys thinking it is simply too difficult to do.  I have also had (one guy) say that he respects my decision, but then said to me in the next breath, that I "give you two weeks" (to cave in).  I promptly decided not to see this guy again.  I think it is too difficult for "normal guys" (non-Christians) to understand the seriousness of our vow.  So, my personally, I am seeking out other Christian guys.  With limited success, although my search is rather new.  I have started to check out internet Christian dating sites, with little success so far, except to find one guy at my local church who is also on the site.  I got a kick out of that (no one that I am interested in ). 

I would suggest trying to meet guys at your church, or if there are no guys that you find appealing, consider also attending another church, or mix it up a little bit, by going to a church service here, a church service there.  I go to my regular (small) church, but I also started going to a much larger church, with the hopes of meeting someone there possibly.  Ask your Pastor if you can have a singles dance or get-together.  Someone's gotta start one.  People who are married simply don't understand how hard it is to be single.  Especially if you really want to get married. 

Anyone else have suggestions? 

By the way!  Congratulations on your decision to remain celibate, despite your past.  I think that is a really good decision.  I support you totally! 

[Mere Nick]

I'm kinda embarrassed to ask.

Nicole,

Thanks for asking, because you have encouraged me to think about the most important of things.  You say you're embarrassed to ask.  Well, being embarrassed about something means there is something you'd rather not be known by everyone.  Most all the time, what that means is that there is something bad you don't want to be known.  It causes you a bit of guilt, and you know what it is called.  In short, you are like all the other people who have come to Christ for forgiveness.  You need to ask yourself what you believe about that.  Does the blood of Jesus wash your soul absolutely clean, or does it just get off most of the dirt but still leaves stains?  If it leaves stains, what good is it?  If you are forgiven by God, who is your boyfriend, or even yourself, to continue to hold things over your own head or someone else's as though you were a higher authority?

Of all the things you can do, you can only do them from this moment forward.  It may be a good idea for the two of you to have a conversation about what the two of you believe about the power of God to clean someone.

Here's a good tune by Michael Kelly Blanchard that helps to remind us how it really is between us and God, and how it should be between one another.

PS - Everytime you see the word "you", you can change it to "me" or "I" and know you just read a note I wrote to myself.  Thanks for giving us this to think about, because I know there are things I've done I'm not proud of.

In short, there's no need to bring it up just like there's no need to bring up anything about him.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Frankly, in today's world, it's probably expected.  I doubt you're going to find that this is a deal-breaker for anyone.

Sorry if that sounds worldly.  Just going for the truth, even if it isn't so pretty sometimes.

[chosenone]

Alright, so I have made some mistakes. I'll admit. But I'm trying to live my life as a good little christian girl (as much as I possibly can)! What I'm getting at, I want to eventually marry a man who has the same belief as I do, and I want to save myself for marriage but its to late for that. I have asked for forgiveness but it doesn't change the fact that its gone and I wont get it back. Do you think its something that should be mentioned to the person I end up marrying, I mean I don't want to put up this heir of being pure when I'm not. But I don't want to sleep with someone until I'm married to them either.

Any suggestions, I'm kinda embarrassed to ask.

Blessings
    Nicole

I am in the same boat, girlfriend!  As a Christian, I am also saving myself for marriage (now) although I have made mistakes in my past, and am not a virgin. 

I think it is more difficult to find someone who wants to wait for marriage, but not impossible, and it's not going to stop me from trying.  I have been perfectly up-front with guys, and told them of my intentions, that I intend to remain celibate.  It has been met with some disbelief and some guys thinking it is simply too difficult to do.  I have also had (one guy) say that he respects my decision, but then said to me in the next breath, that I "give you two weeks" (to cave in).  I promptly decided not to see this guy again.  I think it is too difficult for "normal guys" (non-Christians) to understand the seriousness of our vow.  So, my personally, I am seeking out other Christian guys.  With limited success, although my search is rather new.  I have started to check out internet Christian dating sites, with little success so far, except to find one guy at my local church who is also on the site.  I got a kick out of that (no one that I am interested in ). 

I would suggest trying to meet guys at your church, or if there are no guys that you find appealing, consider also attending another church, or mix it up a little bit, by going to a church service here, a church service there.  I go to my regular (small) church, but I also started going to a much larger church, with the hopes of meeting someone there possibly.  Ask your Pastor if you can have a singles dance or get-together.  Someone's gotta start one.  People who are married simply don't understand how hard it is to be single.  Especially if you really want to get married. 

Anyone else have suggestions? 

By the way!  Congratulations on your decision to remain celibate, despite your past.  I think that is a really good decision.  I support you totally! 

My son and his girlfriend are waiting for marriage before sex. It isnt easy either as they may not be able to marry for another 18 months as they are presently both studying full time but they both want very much to wait, and believe it is what God tells us in the Bible.
My second husband and I also waited till we were married as he is a very moral guy and we both knew that it was what God wanted also. he did actually live in the same house as me for 2 months before we married as he had to leave the place that he was living and I desperately needed some rent money being a single parent,but it worked for us and of course we had seperate bedrooms.
Its worth waiting for as otherwise you may regret it.

[wolflet7]

My Jr. High Youth Group Leader married a great girl for him a couple years ago (I think when I was going from 7th to 8th grade) and they have a son, another baby coming, and are aiming for a family of 4 children.  He is a great guy, but when he told us guys about his past, I never looked at him the same way again.  He used to look at porn ever since he was around Jr. High age and he even masturbated all throughout high school and part of college.  He even told us that he has done possibly every sexual thing that you can think of to a girl besides having sex.  Well, when he asked his girlfriend (current wife) to marry him and she said yes, he knew he was going to have to confess EVERYTHING.  So, a couple weeks or months later, he says to her, "Could I talk to you for awhile?".  So, they find a quiet place, alone, and he confesses everything and told her about the pornography and the sexual touching with the girl and everything and he starts crying cause the confession is so powerful and she holds him in her arms.  When he told us about his confession, he said that it is definitely something all to-be-married couples should do.  So, when you find a guy you like and you've been dating him for awhile and he asks you to marry him and you say, "Yes", then sometime before you get married is the time to confess.  To me, if I had a girlfriend for even 2 years and she confessed all of that to me, I'd be kind of weirded out.  Here's something to help with all of this "confession" stuff.  You start dating this guy that is "the one" and you know all about each other, besides all the stuff in the past (sexual stuff) and you eventually get married, with him still not knowing, then this scenario might happen. 

Your husband: "Hey, can I ask you a question" (of course this is when you are alone)
You: "Sure"
Your husband: "Have you ever had sex besides ours?"
You: "Well, I...yes"
Your husband: "Why didn't you tell me this before we got married?!  We've only been married for a few weeks, I mean, you could have an STD or something.  Why didn't you tell me this?!"

Well, it might not end THAT way, but you might get a "pop-quiz" question sometime in your marriage.

[Mere Nick]

If someone has messed around before marriage, it may be a good idea to get tested.  If there is something that can be spread, then the other would probably need to know.  It seems a real bad idea, though, for each other to list out all the wrong in their past to each other unless there would be some legal matters that could put one in jail instead of the home.  When my wife and I got married, we knew we were each marrying a sinner.  How did we know that?  Because we are both Christians.  Folks get married to have a future together, not a resurrection of the past.

A preacher we had a good while back told me of a couple he counseled before moving here who had done the very thing some here are suggesting.  They even wrote it down.  Whenever the couple had a serious disagreement about something, the supposedly good Christian husband would pull it out and start reading things off.

I know folks mean well, but to expect this from someone strikes me as very cruel.  If any man, or woman, is in Christ, they are a new creation.  We should look upon each other in the reality of the now, which is the "after" picture of a sould washed clean by Jesus's blood.  Should we really demand from each other the "before" picture?

[yesult]

Being forgiven doesn't take away the consequences of an action. If you murder someone and God forgives you - does that bring them back to life?

Your future husband could have been a homosexual before becoming a christian (or a child abuser) (or a rapist.) He could also have a serious porn problem.

If you're going to lie to your future husband to get him - then you're moving in deceit. That's sin. When two become one they have to know who they're becoming one with, which includes past mistakes and present battles.

If your husband doesn't want to know about your sexual history then he can choose to just ignore it - but he has to be given that choice, not a lie.

Fornication is sex before marriage. Under the new covenant, jesus said that the only allowable reason for divorce was 'pornea' which means serious sexual sin including fornication. So if you lie to your husband, he has every biblical right to divorce you later on if he finds out. And God won't bless a lie. So don't expect it to stay hidden.

Basically God expects us to be honest. If we messed up, we messed up. But we have no right to hide that from a future marriage parter. The whole concept is actually just straight out cowardness. Not trying to insult you (or other posters claiming it's ok) but it is.

Hope that helps.
God bless

[Archibald]

Of course your partner has a right to know, if they even inquire. The fact is most people were of the world before they were Christians and they have probably made decisions they are now not proud of. If they are a true Christian ,man or woman, they will be quick to forgive any faults of your past, just as Jesus did. I hope when I find my "to be" I won't have any problems telling her about my past and/or current problems.

[WashedClean20]

I'm in the same boat too ... I've made mistakes but have turned my life over to God and taken a vow to remain celibate until marriage. I've recently met an amazing, godly man. I believe him to be a virgin and struggle with whether or not, and how, to tell him of my past. Do I just come out with it? And when's the right time to do that? Do I wait until he brings it up?

On the one hand, I'm not trying to deceive him, and feel like he has the right to know. If he's the one God has meant for me to be with, and he's a true Christian, he will find it in his heart to forgive me and we can move forward. On the other hand, I know God forgets, and wants me to forget, about my past once I have come to Him for forgiveness. And I cringe at the thought of having to tell this wonderful person I've been with another; people who care about each other don't exactly want that visual ...

Are there any virgin, Christian men reading this thread who can shed some light on how they feel about it or what their expectations would be in this situation?

Thank you and God bless.