Need help with lust issues

[annieanonymous]

thank you everyone!

[blackstyle]

Welcome to the forum annie. I'm glad you've found somewhere that you feel able to share some of your issues.

First and foremost, do not feel condemned by these feelings.

Romans 8:1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. KJV

I know that you don't want to walk after the flesh, but after the Spirit, that came across in your post, so the Bible says that there is no condemnation.

We all struggle with different things. This was something that I stuggled with for the longest time (and do still have issues with it every now and again). You are not alone. I'm assuming by your name that you're female, and I believe that sometimes advice and information about lust are targeted at men, and women are sometimes overlooked. But plenty of women struggle with what you're going through.

I had to deal with the lust thing, but mine was also attached to "desperately" wanting to get married, so I was "burning in my lust" so to speak, with no prospects of a christian husband.  And as you said, you don't want just anybody, you want the man that God has appointed for you to be with. (I really hope this is making sense)

Anyway, practical ways to deal with the issue of lust:

Prayer. Sometimes you may feel like it's not working, or God isn't hearing you, but He is, He knows your needs and what you're going through, so keep praying and asking Him for the strength to get through each test. You CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

The Word of God. Get into the Word. Let it constantly renew your mind and cover your mind. Capture any lustful thoughts as soon as you can and cast them out in the name of Jesus. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Believe me, if you leave them to fester or meditate on them too long, they'll try to overpower you. But knowing the Word and using it against thoughts of lust works.

Try to avoid sexual images on tv, books and the internet. I know how difficult this can be because we live in a society where sex is everywhere and you're completely and totally bombarded with these images. But try to avoid them as much as you can. Don't watch tv after a certain time, if this isn't possible, avoid certain channels. Take care when watching movies, if you're watching a DVD, forward any inappropriate scenes, if watching on tv, change the channel when something inappropriate comes on. This isn't always easy as things can catch you unawares, but you have a responsibility to yourself and God to do your best to avoid certain things.

I've tried to give practical advice, remembering that we do live in this world and we can't completely and totally shut ourselves off from it, but we can protect ourselves as best we can. Your feelings are natural, intimacy is what most people crave, but God set it up and put restrictions on it, but He doesn't give you more than you can handle, so this is something that you can get through. You're not alone, we love you here, there's plenty of people who have been through/who are going through the same thing you're going through. Be as patient as you can (that's for me as much as it is for you) Wait on the Lord, and He'll give you what you need when you need it!

Blessings

P.s. You can message me or PM me any time.

[annieanonymous]

:)

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.

Seriously though.  Been there.  Still there.

Best advice I have is just an observation about the Bible:

It says "flee temptation" not "fight temptation."

So there is no battle to wage, nothing to fight against.  Doing so will only focus you on what you're trying not to focus on.

Jarrod

[wolflet7]

I don't know if a guy's perspective will help, but I'll do my best.

I used to think about women all the time in Jr. High.  I used to lust over how I would spend a night with them.  My Jr. High Youth Group leader gave each of us 8th graders (now sophomores) a book that teaches us how to resist sexual temptation.  It was called Every Young Man's Battle.  I followed the steps throughout my freshman year and my faith with God was stronger than ever.  But, unfortunately, I put my barrier down this past summer and I am still struggling with it.  I will tell you this though.  If you have a sexual relationship with a guy outside of marriage, he will only want you for your sexual parts.  I'm sure you've heard that many times, but when I lust over women, I don't bother thinking what they would do with my body, just me with theirs.  

Maybe you didn't find the response you were looking for, but that's just from a male's point of view.  You won't find too many guys out there that are Christians that want to have sex and won't abuse you and won't treat you like you should be treated.  In the book mentioned above, the steps are for males AND females alike, even though the book is also from a male's perspective.  I will pray that you will resist the temptation that Satan is putting on you.  

[annieanonymous]

Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.

lol what.

[annieanonymous]

wolflet thank you

you too jarrod, I just was distracted by your joke statement  :)

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.

lol what.

Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

[annieanonymous]

Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.

lol what.

Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

Oh man! Okay I would have never thought of that lol. 

[Howdyboyalan]

Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.

lol what.

Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

Oh man! Okay I would have never thought of that lol. 

I guessed he was going to say something all those lines, I didn't want to say it though unless he wasn't, and i lookedd like a sicko

[Archibald]

I agree with Blackstyle. God wired us to want it so there is no way to dismiss it. The only real defense we have against it is to refocus. I use to think I was some kind of pervert because everything use to turn into some kind of porn video in my head. But after I learned it was normal, and started refocusing on God when these thoughts aroused, they started to become less and less of what I thought about. Not to say I still don't think about them, just not nearly as much. When I do now im quick to refocus and drive on. It's not a sin to think about it, but it is to dwell on it.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.

lol what.

Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

Oh man! Okay I would have never thought of that lol. 

I guessed he was going to say something all those lines, I didn't want to say it though unless he wasn't, and i lookedd like a sicko

I guess I'm the sicko.  At least I have you for company Howdy.

[annieanonymous]

thanks Archibald. I have to remember to turn my attention elsewhere

And you two? You help me to remember how much more difficult it is for men on this issue. Its a struggle for me, but I think its much worse for men!

[wolflet7]

thanks Archibald. I have to remember to turn my attention elsewhere

And you two? You help me to remember how much more difficult it is for men on this issue. Its a struggle for me, but I think its much worse for men!

It is extremely difficult even when I can master where my eyes go and what my mind thinks.

[kristinaf]

The Bible talks alot about lust, but it doesn't really mention how to deal with it...so we have to rely on other Christians and ourselves for answers to these "burning" questions.  Ha ha get it?  Anyways. 

Here are some great scriptures on lust, and here is a link to a super-awesome website that offers a possible solution to the lust problem: a free online course in sexual purity.  Here it is: www.settingcaptivesfree. com

Here are the scriptures:
"As obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct" (1st Peter 1:14-15)
"Abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (1st Peter 2:11)
"For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles - when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (1st Peter 4:3)
"Then the Lord knows how to deliver the godly out of temptations...And especially those who walk according to the flesh in the lust of uncleanness and despise authority" (2nd Peter 2:9-10)
"Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that ais in the world- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world.  And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (1st John 2:15-17)
"These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts..." (Jude 1:16)
"How they told you that there would be mockers in the last time who would walk according to their own ungodly lusts.  These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit." (Jude 1:19)
"Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have..." (James 4:1-2)
"But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed" (James 1:14)

And some more on lust:
Titus 1:15, 2:12, 3:3
2nd Timothy 2:22, 3:4,6
1st Timothy 5:6
1st Thessalonians 4:3-8
Colossians 2:11
Ephesians 4:22

And finally, a good book on lust, for women, Every Woman's Battle. (can't remember the author)  Secondly, another good book on lust, written by Josh Harris, called: Sex is not the Problem: Lust is.

And also, my thoughts on the matter.  Geez.  I hate lust sometimes, if not all the time!  This is the singlemost biggest problem in my Christian walk, as a single person.  God has hard-wired the need and desire for sex into our minds and bodies, and then He tells us that we can't have it unless we are married.  But that's okay, I can wait.  I think!  Just last night I had a dream about a gorgeous guy who I was dating (in the dream) and he did not understand that I am not having sex until I am married.  Not that that stopped me before I was saved.  (ugh) Anyhow, I totally sympathize with un-married Christians trying to walk this walk.  It is hard!  So, I am looking to get married as soon as God has that person for me.  I know it is hard sometimes to want to hurry God along, as I did, when I explored internet dating sites (Christian ones).  I think I tried to manufacture my blessing, and it didn't work.  I only ended up with this guy who is slightly annoying who is not at all attractive.  He is interested in me, but sorry, it's not there, buddy. 

I think this topic of lust should be talked about and re-talked about, because it is such a difficult issue. 

I personally have a hard time controlling it.  I don't want to go into details because it is embarrassing.  But I do tell my "accountability partner" about it.  I just don't want to go into too many details, unless someone else is willing to.  Ugh.  Tough topic!