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Offline annieanonymous

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Need help with lust issues
« on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 17:03:12 »
thank you everyone!
« Last Edit: Wed May 06, 2009 - 00:43:01 by annieanonymous »

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Need help with lust issues
« on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 17:03:12 »

Offline blackstyle

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #1 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 17:57:01 »
Welcome to the forum annie. I'm glad you've found somewhere that you feel able to share some of your issues.

First and foremost, do not feel condemned by these feelings.

Romans 8:1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. KJV

I know that you don't want to walk after the flesh, but after the Spirit, that came across in your post, so the Bible says that there is no condemnation.

We all struggle with different things. This was something that I stuggled with for the longest time (and do still have issues with it every now and again). You are not alone. I'm assuming by your name that you're female, and I believe that sometimes advice and information about lust are targeted at men, and women are sometimes overlooked. But plenty of women struggle with what you're going through.

I had to deal with the lust thing, but mine was also attached to "desperately" wanting to get married, so I was "burning in my lust" so to speak, with no prospects of a christian husband.  And as you said, you don't want just anybody, you want the man that God has appointed for you to be with. (I really hope this is making sense)

Anyway, practical ways to deal with the issue of lust:

Prayer. Sometimes you may feel like it's not working, or God isn't hearing you, but He is, He knows your needs and what you're going through, so keep praying and asking Him for the strength to get through each test. You CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

The Word of God. Get into the Word. Let it constantly renew your mind and cover your mind. Capture any lustful thoughts as soon as you can and cast them out in the name of Jesus. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Believe me, if you leave them to fester or meditate on them too long, they'll try to overpower you. But knowing the Word and using it against thoughts of lust works.

Try to avoid sexual images on tv, books and the internet. I know how difficult this can be because we live in a society where sex is everywhere and you're completely and totally bombarded with these images. But try to avoid them as much as you can. Don't watch tv after a certain time, if this isn't possible, avoid certain channels. Take care when watching movies, if you're watching a DVD, forward any inappropriate scenes, if watching on tv, change the channel when something inappropriate comes on. This isn't always easy as things can catch you unawares, but you have a responsibility to yourself and God to do your best to avoid certain things.

I've tried to give practical advice, remembering that we do live in this world and we can't completely and totally shut ourselves off from it, but we can protect ourselves as best we can. Your feelings are natural, intimacy is what most people crave, but God set it up and put restrictions on it, but He doesn't give you more than you can handle, so this is something that you can get through. You're not alone, we love you here, there's plenty of people who have been through/who are going through the same thing you're going through. Be as patient as you can (that's for me as much as it is for you) Wait on the Lord, and He'll give you what you need when you need it!

Blessings

P.s. You can message me or PM me any time.

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #1 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 17:57:01 »

Offline annieanonymous

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #2 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 18:33:54 »
:)
« Last Edit: Wed May 06, 2009 - 00:43:19 by annieanonymous »

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #3 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 19:17:36 »
Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.

Seriously though.  Been there.  Still there.

Best advice I have is just an observation about the Bible:

It says "flee temptation" not "fight temptation."

So there is no battle to wage, nothing to fight against.  Doing so will only focus you on what you're trying not to focus on.

Jarrod

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #3 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 19:17:36 »

Offline wolflet7

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #4 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 19:24:47 »
I don't know if a guy's perspective will help, but I'll do my best.

I used to think about women all the time in Jr. High.  I used to lust over how I would spend a night with them.  My Jr. High Youth Group leader gave each of us 8th graders (now sophomores) a book that teaches us how to resist sexual temptation.  It was called Every Young Man's Battle.  I followed the steps throughout my freshman year and my faith with God was stronger than ever.  But, unfortunately, I put my barrier down this past summer and I am still struggling with it.  I will tell you this though.  If you have a sexual relationship with a guy outside of marriage, he will only want you for your sexual parts.  I'm sure you've heard that many times, but when I lust over women, I don't bother thinking what they would do with my body, just me with theirs.  

Maybe you didn't find the response you were looking for, but that's just from a male's point of view.  You won't find too many guys out there that are Christians that want to have sex and won't abuse you and won't treat you like you should be treated.  In the book mentioned above, the steps are for males AND females alike, even though the book is also from a male's perspective.  I will pray that you will resist the temptation that Satan is putting on you.  

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #4 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 19:24:47 »



Offline annieanonymous

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #5 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 19:52:38 »
Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.


lol what.

Offline annieanonymous

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #6 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 19:56:30 »
wolflet thank you

you too jarrod, I just was distracted by your joke statement  :)

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #7 on: Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 21:46:44 »
Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.


lol what.
Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

Offline annieanonymous

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #8 on: Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 00:01:27 »
Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.


lol what.
Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

Oh man! Okay I would have never thought of that lol.  ::blushing::

Offline Howdyboyalan

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #9 on: Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 06:56:30 »
Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.


lol what.
Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

Oh man! Okay I would have never thought of that lol.  ::blushing::

I guessed he was going to say something all those lines, I didn't want to say it though unless he wasn't, and i lookedd like a sicko

Offline Archibald

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #10 on: Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 09:29:29 »
I agree with Blackstyle. God wired us to want it so there is no way to dismiss it. The only real defense we have against it is to refocus. I use to think I was some kind of pervert because everything use to turn into some kind of porn video in my head. But after I learned it was normal, and started refocusing on God when these thoughts aroused, they started to become less and less of what I thought about. Not to say I still don't think about them, just not nearly as much. When I do now im quick to refocus and drive on. It's not a sin to think about it, but it is to dwell on it.

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #11 on: Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 19:52:17 »
Must....refrain....from making....obvious joke.


lol what.
Let's just say that when a lady says she needs help with lust...Deuteronomy isn't the first thing that jumps into a guy's head.

Oh man! Okay I would have never thought of that lol.  ::blushing::

I guessed he was going to say something all those lines, I didn't want to say it though unless he wasn't, and i lookedd like a sicko
I guess I'm the sicko.  At least I have you for company Howdy.

Offline annieanonymous

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #12 on: Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 23:01:07 »
thanks Archibald. I have to remember to turn my attention elsewhere

And you two? You help me to remember how much more difficult it is for men on this issue. Its a struggle for me, but I think its much worse for men!

Offline wolflet7

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #13 on: Wed Apr 22, 2009 - 17:53:12 »
thanks Archibald. I have to remember to turn my attention elsewhere

And you two? You help me to remember how much more difficult it is for men on this issue. Its a struggle for me, but I think its much worse for men!

It is extremely difficult even when I can master where my eyes go and what my mind thinks.

Offline kristinaf

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #14 on: Sat Apr 25, 2009 - 14:49:27 »
The Bible talks alot about lust, but it doesn't really mention how to deal with it...so we have to rely on other Christians and ourselves for answers to these "burning" questions.  Ha ha get it?  Anyways. 

Here are some great scriptures on lust, and here is a link to a super-awesome website that offers a possible solution to the lust problem: a free online course in sexual purity.  Here it is: www.settingcaptivesfree.com

Here are the scriptures:
"As obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct" (1st Peter 1:14-15)
"Abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (1st Peter 2:11)
"For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles - when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (1st Peter 4:3)
"Then the Lord knows how to deliver the godly out of temptations...And especially those who walk according to the flesh in the lust of uncleanness and despise authority" (2nd Peter 2:9-10)
"Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that ais in the world- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world.  And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (1st John 2:15-17)
"These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts..." (Jude 1:16)
"How they told you that there would be mockers in the last time who would walk according to their own ungodly lusts.  These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit." (Jude 1:19)
"Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have..." (James 4:1-2)
"But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed" (James 1:14)

And some more on lust:
Titus 1:15, 2:12, 3:3
2nd Timothy 2:22, 3:4,6
1st Timothy 5:6
1st Thessalonians 4:3-8
Colossians 2:11
Ephesians 4:22

And finally, a good book on lust, for women, Every Woman's Battle. (can't remember the author)  Secondly, another good book on lust, written by Josh Harris, called: Sex is not the Problem: Lust is.

And also, my thoughts on the matter.  Geez.  I hate lust sometimes, if not all the time!  This is the singlemost biggest problem in my Christian walk, as a single person.  God has hard-wired the need and desire for sex into our minds and bodies, and then He tells us that we can't have it unless we are married.  But that's okay, I can wait.  I think!  Just last night I had a dream about a gorgeous guy who I was dating (in the dream) and he did not understand that I am not having sex until I am married.  Not that that stopped me before I was saved.  (ugh) Anyhow, I totally sympathize with un-married Christians trying to walk this walk.  It is hard!  So, I am looking to get married as soon as God has that person for me.  I know it is hard sometimes to want to hurry God along, as I did, when I explored internet dating sites (Christian ones).  I think I tried to manufacture my blessing, and it didn't work.  I only ended up with this guy who is slightly annoying who is not at all attractive.  He is interested in me, but sorry, it's not there, buddy. 

I think this topic of lust should be talked about and re-talked about, because it is such a difficult issue. 

I personally have a hard time controlling it.  I don't want to go into details because it is embarrassing.  But I do tell my "accountability partner" about it.  I just don't want to go into too many details, unless someone else is willing to.  Ugh.  Tough topic!

Offline blackstyle

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #15 on: Sat Apr 25, 2009 - 15:43:50 »
Dear Kristina! Thanks for being so honest, it's a horrible issue that a lot of us struggle with, and that's why these christian message boards are so helpful, because we can encourage each other!! And I completely understand what you mean about trying to manufacture your blessing! I do this ALL THE TIME!!! You actually were able to explain it better than I did cos I knew that I was doin it, but couldn't really explain it! I too did the christian dating site thing, found a christian guy, got engaged and thought I was gonna have everything I ever dreamed of... and then unfortunately he died. So all of a sudden, I was left single again facing the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life. But, obviously that guy wasn't the one that God intended for me to marry. As hard as it was for me to acknowledge and admit to, I had to. So I'm still waiting, and working on crucifying my flesh!

rppearso

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #16 on: Sun Apr 26, 2009 - 01:22:58 »
Masterbation is not a sin as long as it is not done lusting after someone (I will not acnolage anyones retort on this issue unless you can provide concret scriptral proof that its a sin for EVERYONE not just Er lol).  The bible states that if you burn with passion you should marry.  Im not saying just marry anyone but a sex drive like that ought to motivate you to get on some christian dating sites, find christian dating singles groups, etc.  Finding a mate is not some magical experience, it takes work just like getting a degree or finding a job.  I feel there is very little guidance in chruch as to how to go about finding a mate (or even facilitation of dating in chruch) but there is plenty of condemnation if you act out, shame on the church for setting people up for failure.  I believe in providing real solutions people can work with (as I am an engineer lol) and my clients dont appreciate "well pray about it and Jesus will guide the way" lol.  If you are talking to christians and they are not offering you clear consise usefull information then they are just taking the easy way out.  Im not saying not to pray, but prayer is most useful when your hand is already on the wrench and you just need a little (or alot lol) help to turn it, if you are sitting on the couch and you have not even gone to the store to buy the wrench you are dead in the water.  You can also set up a profile on craigslist.  I will issue one word of warning, most guys want to test drive before they buy, this is because feminism has very deep roots in the church, men have alot to loose and not much to gain by getting married.  The feminism in church has drasticly set men up for failure and then when they do fail the church beats them over the head for it eventually causing them to leave (this is the story of my life lol, luckily it only cost me a year and a half alot of guys suffer for years with a sexually neglectful wife before they pull the ejection seat), the days of the submissive wife are long gone so its like a mine field for us guys to even attempt to be godly in the area of sex.  Women are trying to take on the role of the male and want the men to be submissive and that is a sick twisted evil perversion.

Offline OneLung

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #17 on: Sun Apr 26, 2009 - 08:25:06 »
Masterbation is not a sin as long as it is not done lusting after someone...

So masturbation is OK as long as you're thinking about NASCAR instead of Jennifer Love Hewitt? ???

If that works, you've got issues that can't be discussed on this forum.  rofl

Offline chosenone

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #18 on: Sun Apr 26, 2009 - 08:39:53 »
Masterbation is not a sin as long as it is not done lusting after someone (I will not acnolage anyones retort on this issue unless you can provide concret scriptral proof that its a sin for EVERYONE not just Er lol).  The bible states that if you burn with passion you should marry.  Im not saying just marry anyone but a sex drive like that ought to motivate you to get on some christian dating sites, find christian dating singles groups, etc.  Finding a mate is not some magical experience, it takes work just like getting a degree or finding a job.  I feel there is very little guidance in chruch as to how to go about finding a mate (or even facilitation of dating in chruch) but there is plenty of condemnation if you act out, shame on the church for setting people up for failure.  I believe in providing real solutions people can work with (as I am an engineer lol) and my clients dont appreciate "well pray about it and Jesus will guide the way" lol.  If you are talking to christians and they are not offering you clear consise usefull information then they are just taking the easy way out.  Im not saying not to pray, but prayer is most useful when your hand is already on the wrench and you just need a little (or alot lol) help to turn it, if you are sitting on the couch and you have not even gone to the store to buy the wrench you are dead in the water.  You can also set up a profile on craigslist.  I will issue one word of warning, most guys want to test drive before they buy, this is because feminism has very deep roots in the church, men have alot to loose and not much to gain by getting married.  The feminism in church has drasticly set men up for failure and then when they do fail the church beats them over the head for it eventually causing them to leave (this is the story of my life lol, luckily it only cost me a year and a half alot of guys suffer for years with a sexually neglectful wife before they pull the ejection seat), the days of the submissive wife are long gone so its like a mine field for us guys to even attempt to be godly in the area of sex.  Women are trying to take on the role of the male and want the men to be submissive and that is a sick twisted evil perversion.


You come accross as an angry and bitter man who has a downer on women becuase of what you demanded of your wife that she didnt want to do. You have made some very sweeping statements about marriage and men. If marriage is so awful for men then why do married man live a lot longer than unmarried ones? The married men that I know are very happy with being married and their wives.(inccluding mine) However maybe they know that the only reason for marriage isnt just to get what they want sexually and everything else takes a second place.
You really seem quite messed up.
« Last Edit: Sun Apr 26, 2009 - 11:42:46 by chosenone »

rppearso

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #19 on: Sun Apr 26, 2009 - 14:32:43 »
So because I have different priorities for a relationship im "messed up"?

Masterbation is not a sin as long as it is not done lusting after someone (I will not acnolage anyones retort on this issue unless you can provide concret scriptral proof that its a sin for EVERYONE not just Er lol).  The bible states that if you burn with passion you should marry.  Im not saying just marry anyone but a sex drive like that ought to motivate you to get on some christian dating sites, find christian dating singles groups, etc.  Finding a mate is not some magical experience, it takes work just like getting a degree or finding a job.  I feel there is very little guidance in chruch as to how to go about finding a mate (or even facilitation of dating in chruch) but there is plenty of condemnation if you act out, shame on the church for setting people up for failure.  I believe in providing real solutions people can work with (as I am an engineer lol) and my clients dont appreciate "well pray about it and Jesus will guide the way" lol.  If you are talking to christians and they are not offering you clear consise usefull information then they are just taking the easy way out.  Im not saying not to pray, but prayer is most useful when your hand is already on the wrench and you just need a little (or alot lol) help to turn it, if you are sitting on the couch and you have not even gone to the store to buy the wrench you are dead in the water.  You can also set up a profile on craigslist.  I will issue one word of warning, most guys want to test drive before they buy, this is because feminism has very deep roots in the church, men have alot to loose and not much to gain by getting married.  The feminism in church has drasticly set men up for failure and then when they do fail the church beats them over the head for it eventually causing them to leave (this is the story of my life lol, luckily it only cost me a year and a half alot of guys suffer for years with a sexually neglectful wife before they pull the ejection seat), the days of the submissive wife are long gone so its like a mine field for us guys to even attempt to be godly in the area of sex.  Women are trying to take on the role of the male and want the men to be submissive and that is a sick twisted evil perversion.


You come accross as an angry and bitter man who has a downer on women becuase of what you demanded of your wife that she didnt want to do. You have made some very sweeping statements about marriage and men. If marriage is so awful for men then why do married man live a lot longer than unmarried ones? The married men that I know are very happy with being married and their wives.(inccluding mine) However maybe they know that the only reason for marriage isnt just to get what they want sexually and everything else takes a second place.
You really seem quite messed up.


Offline chosenone

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #20 on: Sun Apr 26, 2009 - 15:45:00 »
So because I have different priorities for a relationship im "messed up"?

Masterbation is not a sin as long as it is not done lusting after someone (I will not acnolage anyones retort on this issue unless you can provide concret scriptral proof that its a sin for EVERYONE not just Er lol).  The bible states that if you burn with passion you should marry.  Im not saying just marry anyone but a sex drive like that ought to motivate you to get on some christian dating sites, find christian dating singles groups, etc.  Finding a mate is not some magical experience, it takes work just like getting a degree or finding a job.  I feel there is very little guidance in chruch as to how to go about finding a mate (or even facilitation of dating in chruch) but there is plenty of condemnation if you act out, shame on the church for setting people up for failure.  I believe in providing real solutions people can work with (as I am an engineer lol) and my clients dont appreciate "well pray about it and Jesus will guide the way" lol.  If you are talking to christians and they are not offering you clear consise usefull information then they are just taking the easy way out.  Im not saying not to pray, but prayer is most useful when your hand is already on the wrench and you just need a little (or alot lol) help to turn it, if you are sitting on the couch and you have not even gone to the store to buy the wrench you are dead in the water.  You can also set up a profile on craigslist.  I will issue one word of warning, most guys want to test drive before they buy, this is because feminism has very deep roots in the church, men have alot to loose and not much to gain by getting married.  The feminism in church has drasticly set men up for failure and then when they do fail the church beats them over the head for it eventually causing them to leave (this is the story of my life lol, luckily it only cost me a year and a half alot of guys suffer for years with a sexually neglectful wife before they pull the ejection seat), the days of the submissive wife are long gone so its like a mine field for us guys to even attempt to be godly in the area of sex.  Women are trying to take on the role of the male and want the men to be submissive and that is a sick twisted evil perversion.


You come accross as an angry and bitter man who has a downer on women becuase of what you demanded of your wife that she didnt want to do. You have made some very sweeping statements about marriage and men. If marriage is so awful for men then why do married man live a lot longer than unmarried ones? The married men that I know are very happy with being married and their wives.(inccluding mine) However maybe they know that the only reason for marriage isnt just to get what they want sexually and everything else takes a second place.
You really seem quite messed up.

 

No not becuase you have different priorities, but becuase it seems that there is nothing else that matters to you except getting the particular sexual  acts that you want. That seems to be the  one and only thing that you aim for. What happens if you marry again and your wife gets ill and cant have sex, or she has an accident and cant have sex or if she refuses to do these particular  acts anymore that you say you have to have. What happens then? Do you find another women? Do you divorce her again?

rppearso

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #21 on: Sun Apr 26, 2009 - 16:30:47 »
Yes it most likely would end up in a divorce, she knows the vivid details of why I am getting divorced and is just as sexual (actually more so) than I am.  If someone just stops doing stuff that is a bait and switch and we talked about that as well because thats what my ex did, we have had very vivid detailed conversations about all of this.  There are still things you can do if you have had an accident and actually oral sex is easier to facilitate if someone is injured long term than intercourse and I would do the same for her, that is how marriage should be, just because I were injured does not mean she should go withtout.  We can start getting into things like what if we were abducted by aliens type scenarios but lets please not go there.

So because I have different priorities for a relationship im "messed up"?

Masterbation is not a sin as long as it is not done lusting after someone (I will not acnolage anyones retort on this issue unless you can provide concret scriptral proof that its a sin for EVERYONE not just Er lol).  The bible states that if you burn with passion you should marry.  Im not saying just marry anyone but a sex drive like that ought to motivate you to get on some christian dating sites, find christian dating singles groups, etc.  Finding a mate is not some magical experience, it takes work just like getting a degree or finding a job.  I feel there is very little guidance in chruch as to how to go about finding a mate (or even facilitation of dating in chruch) but there is plenty of condemnation if you act out, shame on the church for setting people up for failure.  I believe in providing real solutions people can work with (as I am an engineer lol) and my clients dont appreciate "well pray about it and Jesus will guide the way" lol.  If you are talking to christians and they are not offering you clear consise usefull information then they are just taking the easy way out.  Im not saying not to pray, but prayer is most useful when your hand is already on the wrench and you just need a little (or alot lol) help to turn it, if you are sitting on the couch and you have not even gone to the store to buy the wrench you are dead in the water.  You can also set up a profile on craigslist.  I will issue one word of warning, most guys want to test drive before they buy, this is because feminism has very deep roots in the church, men have alot to loose and not much to gain by getting married.  The feminism in church has drasticly set men up for failure and then when they do fail the church beats them over the head for it eventually causing them to leave (this is the story of my life lol, luckily it only cost me a year and a half alot of guys suffer for years with a sexually neglectful wife before they pull the ejection seat), the days of the submissive wife are long gone so its like a mine field for us guys to even attempt to be godly in the area of sex.  Women are trying to take on the role of the male and want the men to be submissive and that is a sick twisted evil perversion.


You come accross as an angry and bitter man who has a downer on women becuase of what you demanded of your wife that she didnt want to do. You have made some very sweeping statements about marriage and men. If marriage is so awful for men then why do married man live a lot longer than unmarried ones? The married men that I know are very happy with being married and their wives.(inccluding mine) However maybe they know that the only reason for marriage isnt just to get what they want sexually and everything else takes a second place.
You really seem quite messed up.

 

No not becuase you have different priorities, but becuase it seems that there is nothing else that matters to you except getting the particular sexual  acts that you want. That seems to be the  one and only thing that you aim for. What happens if you marry again and your wife gets ill and cant have sex, or she has an accident and cant have sex or if she refuses to do these particular  acts anymore that you say you have to have. What happens then? Do you find another women? Do you divorce her again?

Offline yesult

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #22 on: Mon Apr 27, 2009 - 04:48:00 »
Perversion is perversion. If any kind of sexual act lowers your respect for your partner, its sin. Demanding un-natural sexual acts from a woman (or man) is a one way trip into disrespect and bitterness. Also, disastisfaction, and a breaking down of trust. Lust fuels lust and perversion fuels perversion.

If you struggle with knowing if something is perverse or not - picture yourself describing it to God (remembering that you're discussing his daughter) and think about what he'd say.

Also respect what your wife says. No means no. Not maybe. The only allowable reason for divorce and remarriage recorded in the bible is serious sexual sin (pornea) which also covers perversion.

Offline yesult

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #23 on: Mon Apr 27, 2009 - 04:52:41 »
PS. And the best advice I ever heard on this subject, was run to God, not away from him when you're struggling. Because running away from him because of shame, cuts us off from our most imporant source of strength and understanding to fight it.

rppearso

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #24 on: Mon Apr 27, 2009 - 19:05:50 »
Physically leaving the relationship is a valid case for divorce.  If your spouse is willing to walk out on you you dont have much choise.  All the rest of your post is just your opinion.

Perversion is perversion. If any kind of sexual act lowers your respect for your partner, its sin. Demanding un-natural sexual acts from a woman (or man) is a one way trip into disrespect and bitterness. Also, disastisfaction, and a breaking down of trust. Lust fuels lust and perversion fuels perversion.

If you struggle with knowing if something is perverse or not - picture yourself describing it to God (remembering that you're discussing his daughter) and think about what he'd say.

Also respect what your wife says. No means no. Not maybe. The only allowable reason for divorce and remarriage recorded in the bible is serious sexual sin (pornea) which also covers perversion.

Offline fanuvmxpx

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #25 on: Tue Apr 28, 2009 - 12:42:43 »
Physically leaving the relationship is a valid case for divorce.  If your spouse is willing to walk out on you you dont have much choise.  All the rest of your post is just your opinion.

You could be humble before God & your wife and ask her to come back. That's an option too. You could give your stubborness, your pride, your ego....all to God. He'll take it away from you, and you can give your wife only love, forgiveness & comfort.

Ask Him too. Then get your wife back.

rppearso

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #26 on: Tue Apr 28, 2009 - 15:04:51 »
I dont want her back becasue that is just inviting pain and she did not want to be here anyways otherwise she would not have left.  I believe there is a certian level of common sense that has to be applied in situations like this, if we live purely by the law in such situations we are doomed, we can not force another individual who has free will to do anything and out of preservation of our own sanity and faith we have to move on, how much more will I sin when I am with my wife who denys me than I would be to just divorce and remarry someone who loves me and takes care of me as a wife should I will have much less inclination to sin.  We can talk about what you should and shouldent do all day but the bottem line is which path is going to lead me to sin less thats the path I want to take because no path is going to lead to complete absense of sin otherwise we could save our selves and would not need christ.

Physically leaving the relationship is a valid case for divorce.  If your spouse is willing to walk out on you you dont have much choise.  All the rest of your post is just your opinion.

You could be humble before God & your wife and ask her to come back. That's an option too. You could give your stubborness, your pride, your ego....all to God. He'll take it away from you, and you can give your wife only love, forgiveness & comfort.

Ask Him too. Then get your wife back.

Offline Wycliffes_Shillelagh

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #27 on: Tue Apr 28, 2009 - 22:32:14 »
Masterbation is not a sin as long as it is not done lusting after someone...

So masturbation is OK as long as you're thinking about NASCAR instead of Jennifer Love Hewitt? ???

If that works, you've got issues that can't be discussed on this forum.  rofl
rofl rofl rofl rofl

Offline Archibald

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #28 on: Wed Apr 29, 2009 - 11:01:15 »
Wooo NASCAR.....Is it getting warm in here? Well I see we have drifted....grrr adhd!

Offline Rahn

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #29 on: Wed Apr 29, 2009 - 16:00:00 »
Wooo NASCAR.....Is it getting warm in here? Well I see we have drifted....grrr adhd!

I have been in a place recently where a racing car driver is displayed out in the open. It is a place of business. The driver is Danica Patrick. In the photo she is not dressed for racing. On the contrary, she is dressed to set a man's heart racing. It is out in the open for everyone to see. Any man is going to look and I know women as well. She looks great. It does not take long and lust can come to life. It is normal. Where does this lead?

It comes down to a life of prayer and meditation. I have to have a life of worship and connection to my Father. I am surrounded by things that cause lust on a daily basis. What is the greatest longing? My highest aspiration is to be with my Father someday, but now to live in His presence. The world can give me a temporary enticement but it cannot fulfill my greatest longing.

Right now I have no love life. I look around and watch the news as see some who have allowed lust to consume them. They are not happy in relationship. Their focus in relationship is wrong because God is not at the center. If and when I start dating again I do not want a relationship where God is not at the center.  ::prayinghard::

rppearso

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #30 on: Wed Apr 29, 2009 - 19:50:27 »
eh, thoes posters dont really do much for me (or in the case of this audiance) against me.  I think it is possible that we have taken and blown the term lust way out of proportion, how are you suppost to select a wife, is not physical attraction part of that selection process, what do you think physical attraction is?  lol, oh gee her body is a nice piece of art, give me a break.  When you start using terms like "lust" and "sexual immorality" you have to be careful because there is the natural process that God wants us to take and if you dont excersize some common sense your going to cheat yourself out of joy and happyness  being constantly paranoid about thinking about the woman you are courting in a sexual way.  Why do you think you are courting her so that you can be good friends, lol  ::doh::.  Also burning with passion is different than lust, lust is actually wanting a woman that is not your wife or that you are not courting in a sexual way, burning with passion is just wanting sex period which is not sinful.  If you do not agree with this then you have to explain the disconnect in ones thoughts between the time of being single seeing a good looking woman, courting her and getting married.  To often as christians we treat that process as a black box, that we just sort of go into and come out of with out any body really talking about it for fear that they will be persecuted oh well I had a sexual thought about the girl im courting I better go and have a 3 hr prayer intervention and get beat up for doing what God programed me to do becasue I take the bible way out of context, duh if you did not find her sexually attractive why would you court her.  Its like people think you just go from being single to righously married and thats it, wrong, you dont think people are on craigslist or dating sites or whereever meeting people and think hey hes cute or shes hot also sex needs to be talked about before marriage in very vivid detail.

Did anyone stop to think that "sexual immorality" and "depravity" were more in reference to animal sex, homosexual activity, one night stands, temple prostitution (which is actually what the word porneia means), group orgies, etc.  Do you really think God was refering to peoples natural urges to find a mate that they think about in a sexual way, I have a hard time buying that.

Wooo NASCAR.....Is it getting warm in here? Well I see we have drifted....grrr adhd!

I have been in a place recently where a racing car driver is displayed out in the open. It is a place of business. The driver is Danica Patrick. In the photo she is not dressed for racing. On the contrary, she is dressed to set a man's heart racing. It is out in the open for everyone to see. Any man is going to look and I know women as well. She looks great. It does not take long and lust can come to life. It is normal. Where does this lead?

It comes down to a life of prayer and meditation. I have to have a life of worship and connection to my Father. I am surrounded by things that cause lust on a daily basis. What is the greatest longing? My highest aspiration is to be with my Father someday, but now to live in His presence. The world can give me a temporary enticement but it cannot fulfill my greatest longing.

Right now I have no love life. I look around and watch the news as see some who have allowed lust to consume them. They are not happy in relationship. Their focus in relationship is wrong because God is not at the center. If and when I start dating again I do not want a relationship where God is not at the center.  ::prayinghard::

Offline kensington

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #31 on: Wed Apr 29, 2009 - 23:13:41 »
I don't think anyone should listen to or heed the advice of someone who has openly said they are involved in sexual sin they do NOT intend to stop or even to try to stop.   

That is like asking an alcoholic how to stop drinking... 

Offline chosenone

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #32 on: Thu Apr 30, 2009 - 00:07:44 »
Theres no harm in being sexually attracted to someone who we are courting, as long as we dont actually have sex till marriage. Sex is good and godly BUT within Gods boundaries that he has clearly set.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #33 on: Thu Apr 30, 2009 - 00:10:22 »
Wooo NASCAR.....Is it getting warm in here? Well I see we have drifted....grrr adhd!

I have been in a place recently where a racing car driver is displayed out in the open. It is a place of business. The driver is Danica Patrick. In the photo she is not dressed for racing. On the contrary, she is dressed to set a man's heart racing. It is out in the open for everyone to see. Any man is going to look and I know women as well. She looks great. It does not take long and lust can come to life. It is normal. Where does this lead?

It comes down to a life of prayer and meditation. I have to have a life of worship and connection to my Father. I am surrounded by things that cause lust on a daily basis. What is the greatest longing? My highest aspiration is to be with my Father someday, but now to live in His presence. The world can give me a temporary enticement but it cannot fulfill my greatest longing.

Right now I have no love life. I look around and watch the news as see some who have allowed lust to consume them. They are not happy in relationship. Their focus in relationship is wrong because God is not at the center. If and when I start dating again I do not want a relationship where God is not at the center.  ::prayinghard::


 you have your priorities right rahn, GOd should always come first  in any relationship and it will be so much the stronger for it.

rppearso

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Re: Need help with lust issues
« Reply #34 on: Thu Apr 30, 2009 - 18:40:25 »
yea except not really, sex is a red herring becuase unlike alcohal in excess which is always wrong, sex is right in some contexts and not right in other contexts.  Regardless of the context the advice is still valid.  You have already proven you can not answer questions in a direct manner and are constantly deflecting issues so it really is impossible to discuss matters with you in a point counter point logical way.

I don't think anyone should listen to or heed the advice of someone who has openly said they are involved in sexual sin they do NOT intend to stop or even to try to stop.   

That is like asking an alcoholic how to stop drinking...