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Author Topic: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum  (Read 985 times)

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Offline hazel_eyes

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Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 10:30:43 »
I chatted a few times with a guy on a Christian dating site. He seems a genuine Christian and someone I would like to know. Recently - on Valentine's! - I saw him online again and dropped him a message.  He said his membership was expiring but if I wanted I could e-mail him.  I did and we exchanged a long thread of e-mails that first night. We talked about singing and he sang in the choir. I was in choir for a year but wasn't my thing. I told him singing in front of others made me nervous and he suggested we sing together sometime. I thought that was cool. At the very beginning I admitted to being a bit nerve-wracked about chatting - maybe that means I'm not quite ready to date - but I am interested in this guy and would like to know him. We emailed a very tiny bit last night but only a few messages and nothing of great substance. I wonder if he's backed off because of my comment? Should I let him him know I would be interested in getting to know him or just back off and wait for him to reach out? It seems like there could be potential chemistry there.  What should I do, if anything?

PS   A while back he also asked for my e-mail but I wasn't ready!!  And after that his messages cooled.  It sort of seems the same thing is happening again.  He was still friendly enough and did respond to my messages last night but did I mess up by saying I was nerve-wracked?  (Less so once we did exchange a number of messages.)

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Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 10:30:43 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #1 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 16:10:31 »
A lot depends on how far you are from each other. I am all for meeting sooner rather than later because until you meet in person you can't tell if there is any chemistry. 
Otherwise you may spend weeks or months emailing and then when you meet there is no spark at all so you have wasted all that time. 
I met up with my now husband after only 4 days but we only lived 40 min's drive away from each other and we had emailed loads of times in those 4 days and spoken on the phone after 2 days as well. 

If you do meet, make sure its somewhere in public(say a coffee shop) and drive yourself there and back yourself.

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #1 on: Fri Feb 16, 2018 - 16:10:31 »

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #2 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 10:13:31 »

Update.  I did a google search of the guy this morning - had tried previously and found nothing.  I discovered he is using his middle name.  I don't blame him as I'm not crazy about his first name. Haha.  BUT everything matched, where he lived and had lived previously according to his profile, his age and birthdate. All that matched exactly BUT it also said he was MARRIED! His profiled said single-never-married.  I promptly deleted the gmail account I'd created to contact him. Glad I never shared my last name.  I was honestly having too much anxiety over the whole thing anyway. We tried to voice chat on google last night and I couldn't figure out how to pick up the call. Now, I'm glad. Again, maybe the MARRIED thing wasn't right but everything else was so surely he was married at some point!  I am often shocked how many 'separated' individuals have a profile on a dating site.

Offline mommydi

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #3 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 10:39:29 »
Update.  I did a google search of the guy this morning - had tried previously and found nothing.  I discovered he is using his middle name.  I don't blame him as I'm not crazy about his first name. Haha.  BUT everything matched, where he lived and had lived previously according to his profile, his age and birthdate. All that matched exactly BUT it also said he was MARRIED! His profiled said single-never-married.  I promptly deleted the gmail account I'd created to contact him. Glad I never shared my last name.  I was honestly having too much anxiety over the whole thing anyway. We tried to voice chat on google last night and I couldn't figure out how to pick up the call. Now, I'm glad. Again, maybe the MARRIED thing wasn't right but everything else was so surely he was married at some point!  I am often shocked how many 'separated' individuals have a profile on a dating site.

Close call, hazel! Glad you did the google search on him. More than likely, he's married or has been in the past and is lying. I was going to mention that maybe the name you pulled up was actually his father, but if the DOB, and other identifying info lined up, it's most likely him.
If you feel something isn't right when you're communicating with someone - listen to that gut feeling.


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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #3 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 10:39:29 »
Pinterest: GraceCentered.com

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #4 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 11:39:29 »
His wife is MUCH older than him, maybe old enough to be his mom? -  and that part didn't make sense but the age and date of birth was exactly like his profile.  I experienced much anxiety over this situation truthfully so maybe I'm not reading for dating just yet. Besides, as we chatted, I was thinking, why isn't he asking more questions to get to know me? And he DID give me he is contact information as a trial member which you are not supposed to do. I broke the rule on that front by emailing him back. Glad I created that new email!

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #4 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 11:39:29 »



Offline chosenone

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #5 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 16:02:15 »
Maybe he has just got divorced?

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #6 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 16:33:40 »
Maybe but his profile said "single never married". Regardless, I just realized I am not ready for this. I had way too much anxiety about it.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #7 on: Sat Feb 17, 2018 - 23:27:46 »
Maybe but his profile said "single never married". Regardless, I just realized I am not ready for this. I had way too much anxiety about it.

Do you think that you will be ready in time?
On line dating can be hard, but for Christian women especially its not easy because there are so many less men in the church. It was 2 years for me before I met my husband. However I knew that God had led me to do it so I persisted. You have to be prepared to take lots of knocks and rejection thought, that's life.
Having said all that I know so many Christian couples who met on line. In a country like mine where only 5% go to church, its almost impossible to meet people of the opposite sex who are single just in one local church.   

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #8 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 06:07:37 »
I think I'll be ready in time.  This is the closest I've gotten to anything so it was a good test!
I have the sense that if God does have a future husband for me he doesn't live where I do.
But part of my jitters is I was in an unhealthy marriage before and I'm closer to being over it. When I read this new guy was married, I felt I had to run. And even if we HAD google chatted, and it didn't feel right, I was fully prepared to hang up. Plus, I did find it strange he didn't ask many questions about me.  I gave him lots of openings without giving away any specifics. But he had a very Christian profile and sounded good.

Offline Ginger Rella

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #9 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 08:30:09 »
Hazel

Feel free to bring any of your concerns with this here.

Often times having an outside view is helpful. Especially when emotions are involved, and others may see road blocks you dont.

You did good for yourself with this one.

Don't give up. It will get easier as time goes on and you will see those roadblocks long before you get tangled in them.

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #10 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 08:32:50 »
Thank you, Ginger.  I am doing much better at respecting myself and setting boundaries. It helped to vent here. 

Offline chosenone

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #11 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 13:03:05 »
We do need His wisdom in these things don't we, you did well. We do need time to begin to heal after a marriage breakup. For me it was 4 years before I felt ready to think of dating again, and 2 more years before I met my husband.
« Last Edit: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 13:05:12 by chosenone »

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #12 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 15:17:56 »
It's been a few years longer for me, Chosenone! I'm sure I'll know when the time is right, just like I know that now isn't!

Offline chosenone

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #13 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 16:04:21 »
It's been a few years longer for me, Chosenone! I'm sure I'll know when the time is right, just like I know that now isn't!

I do think that a lot of people(especially men) jump too quickly into another relationship, so its better to wait if you still don't feel that peace about it. 
Jim Smoke who started the divorce recovery workshops recommends 2-5 years after a divorce before getting into a new relationship. Mind you I think it partly depends on the length of the marriage, whether it was a sudden ending or a gradual falling apart, what caused it to end, whether there are children etc etc etc.

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #14 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 17:18:42 »
I'm definitely well past the "agreed upon" number of years suggested by professionals, and I'm still not ready. If I never remarry I'm okay with that. With my "test drive" this past week, I had the thought it might be less complicated staying single.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #15 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 18:37:11 »
I'm definitely well past the "agreed upon" number of years suggested by professionals, and I'm still not ready. If I never remarry I'm okay with that. With my "test drive" this past week, I had the thought it might be less complicated staying single.


Yes if you have had many years since the divorce then maybe you will never be ready for another marriage and will remain single and be happy with that.  I always wanted to marry again but for those 4-6 years I was in no emotional state to date again. I also knew that I may well not meet a guy as there are so very few single middle aged Christian men around, and the decent ones get snapped up, as I did with my husband. He had only been on the dating site for a few days when I messaged him.

Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #16 on: Sun Feb 18, 2018 - 19:09:27 »
I have very mixed feelings about remarriage. My ex was unfaithful/led a double life so until (if) I meet the right person at the right time, I'm happy as is.

Offline Waere

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Re: Online "dating" - also posted in men's forum
« Reply #17 on: Thu Aug 09, 2018 - 09:55:36 »
People are different and so they react different. I must say I made very good experiences with free online dating sites. I just stayed genuine. Never played any games. And I was always fine with that.

 

     
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