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Author Topic: Onward Christian dating...or not!  (Read 4005 times)

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Offline fassopony

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Onward Christian dating...or not!
« on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 12:02:46 »
Well......I had TWO, count'em TWO guys I was all set to go out with.

One let's call George.  George and I have talked, texted, and made plans to go out last Sunday after church.  Well, time went byyyy and he finally sent me a text around 8 or so on Sunday saying he was on Mercer Island (an hour away) and had been riding his bike and was just getting back.  I said no worries, I had a cold and didn't want to go anywhere.  Haven't heard from him since.  I wake up this morning with a text from 2 am asking if I want to hang out today.  I am going to respond "no thanks".

The other let's call Frank.  We have enjoyed talking on the phone, laughing and goofing off on Facebook.  We were going to go out this weekend and he was going to decide time and place and let me know.  I have heard not a peep since Thursday.  This one I am just going to delete off Facebook, unless he is in a hospital but whatever.  Most likely he is in truth married or cheating on a girlfriend doing the online dating thing *shrug*  Good to know ahead of time!

So glad horse show season is here, no time to date anyway ;)

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Onward Christian dating...or not!
« on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 12:02:46 »

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #1 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 12:32:07 »
Awwwww.  So sorry to hear its been rough. I remember those days well. Try to focus on hanging out with friends and being a friend to as many as possible. It keeps them hopes from getting dashed.

Funny thing is the 2AM text message. I remember when it was a 2AM phone call while in a drunken stupor.

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #1 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 12:32:07 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #2 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 12:37:56 »
yes I was on dating sites for 2 years, you have to learn to take the rough with the smooth and the good with the bad. I got my prince in the end after 2 years, and I pray that you do too. Remember that Christian man have more choice then us ladies do, and they are sometimes getting to know several ladies all at the same time, and also remember that some men are committment phobic and are ok till they actually have to MEET someone.
God Bless

Offline fassopony

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #3 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 12:48:17 »
Oh yeah John, love hanging with my pals :)

Chosen, well, these two fellas have one less choice on their plate now, don't they?   ::smile::

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #3 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 12:48:17 »

happypromises

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #4 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 16:23:35 »
I think you have a great attitude about it!   ::applause::

And one of the best tips I ever got on dating, was that never, ever accept a same-day date....you want at least 3 days' notice.  Same-day dates often mean the guy's 'first choice' blew him off....either that or he just doesn't respect women enough to actually make proper plans.  I kinda think we all deserve a first date with a guy who's given it some thought?!   ::amen!::

And 2am texts....oh yeah....we all know what THAT means.... ::smile::

Hang in there....a good one will come along soon!

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #4 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 16:23:35 »



Offline fassopony

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #5 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 16:48:31 »
Thanks Happy :)

Offline Lavender

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #6 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 20:56:34 »
What a breath of fresh air ----- a woman who isn't desperate.   ::cheerleader::

Offline fassopony

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #7 on: Sun Jan 15, 2012 - 21:12:04 »
Desperation is never good (with the exception of desperation for God!).

Offline eaglemustfly

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #8 on: Mon Jan 16, 2012 - 10:59:26 »
Well. the best advice is: Date! Only when you don't need it. Save you from heart breaks and disappointments.
God bless you  ::smile::

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Offline chosenone

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #9 on: Mon Jan 16, 2012 - 11:55:01 »
I wonder when the line is crossed between wanting something and being desperate for it? When I became single again after 23 years of marriage, I knew that as a 40 something Christian lady, the chances of me meeting a similar age Christisn available guy was very small. I accepted that(what choice did I have?) but after recovering for 3 or 4 years, I just I REALLY wanted to marry again, but it had to be the right man, not just any old man and definitely not a non believer.
Was I desperate? I don't think so. I wouldn't have settled for any old guy.  Did I really desire to meet a good Christian guy? Yes. Was I happy to meet him? Wow yes! Am I happy to be married again? yes. Would I have been happy if I was still alone? Well I love being married I have to say, and I don't like being single.
I have met ladies who seem very content being single and that's brilliant. I am pleased for them, and I suppose that we are all different aren't we.

I have to say though, that I don't believe the old, 'when you stop looking and are happy and content as a single person you will find someone'. I was being proactive when I found my husband, on a Christian dating site, as were about 7 or 8 couples that I know who also met this way.  Being totally desperate must show though, and must be a turn off.

Offline fassopony

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #10 on: Mon Jan 16, 2012 - 12:48:21 »
I think desperation is more like the gals who are so desperate they take any ole thing.  Like the kind of gal who say yes to a 2 am text invite to hang out.  Or willing to compromise her beliefs/morals to live with some guy.

Proactively going after what you want isn't desperate at all.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #11 on: Mon Jan 16, 2012 - 12:56:58 »
yes I agree, and also desperation is staying with an awful boyfriend just because you are afraid to be alone. 

Offline Lavender

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #12 on: Mon Jan 16, 2012 - 20:31:10 »
I think you are right on, ladies.    ::thumbup::

Offline Lavender

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #13 on: Mon Jan 16, 2012 - 20:48:02 »
Well. the best advice is: Date! Only when you don't need it. Save you from heart breaks and disappointments.
God bless you  ::smile::

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Like that site, Successful Christians.com.   Much wisdom there.  Thanks for sharing that.

Offline Gallon

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #14 on: Wed Jan 18, 2012 - 20:36:15 »
I prefer not to date myself. I don't want to have to deal with excessive attachment or entering into that phase where "we're a thing, but there's no guarantee she will stay with me." I'd rather just stay friends and let that one friend that will get closer get closer, until one of us brings up that there seems to be a deeper connection and that we should consider whether we want to take it to the next level or not (next level being seriously examining whether or not we would want to marry each other- reflective and discussion phase). Anywho, sorry you were having guy trouble.

Though I will say, sometimes I might ask a girl if she wants to hang out that night. I didn't learn about the "3 day rule" until I read it on the internet somewhere.

Offline divabylaw

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #15 on: Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 08:35:00 »
You know the old saying, "Everything happens for a reason." Love your tenacity to move forward rather than brood over it. 

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #16 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 12:21:34 »
I'm very proud of you for now wasting your time with these men.  ::clappingoverhead::

I agree with the board. Desperation is not being very selective or staying with someone just to have someone.

Anyway, I'm (gulp) in my mid 40's, active, attractive and never married. Although I would like to have someone to share my life with, I'm a little gun shy about marriage for no good reason other than I don't' want to make a mistake. It's FOREVER.

Truth be told, I don't enjoy dating. I'd prefer to just find the right one and be done with it. Unfortunately, that requires me to date. If anyone knows of a loophole, let me know.

Anyway, I stopped dating 2 years ago. Prior to that I spent a summer dating and was consistently finding men to be, well, no offense to the men here, lazy. (Men, I don't know how women behave but since I only date men, I can only speak from my experience with dating men.) Then there are those with their walls, rules & restrictions (emotional issues). No thank you.

Dating was so much easier back in the day. Ah, the good ol days. Today there just seem to be an inordinate amount of toads and a lot of nonsense. Frankly, I don't have the desire to wade through the toads to find my special guy. Maybe I'll get lucky one day and have an outcome like Paula Deen (the cook). She prayed for someone and God had him move in right next door! She met and married her neighbor. I like that story. 

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Offline fassopony

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #17 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 12:39:48 »
I love Paula Deen too!!!  LOL!!!  Good for her!

I am getting to the time of year that I don't have time to date so no wading through toads much for me :)  Thanks for sharing, I so agree with you on marriage.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #18 on: Sat Feb 25, 2012 - 18:13:03 »
Sometimes we do need to be patient though. I was on dating sites for 2 years and got to know several guys before I met 'the one'. In fact I had just given up and was giving it one more week till I came off, when he appeared. A friend of mine was on dating site for 7 YEARS, and now she is very happily married to a man she met there. We were both in our 40's at the time. It would be nice if God bought the right man to our door, but sadly that is very very rare.
Like you ladies I would never have settled for second best just to be married again. Being in a bad marriage can be very lonely.

Offline XtnDating

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #19 on: Thu Mar 01, 2012 - 06:01:04 »
Dating is a tough 'game' - As I said in my blog today:

Issues of sex before marriage, living together, divorce, children, family, church, money, debt, drinking and much more, all come up when a Christian has a relationship with a non-Christian.

They come up to in Christian relationships, but if both partners believe in the truth of the Bible, pray and seek God, then these issues can be worked through with His help.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “A cord of three strands is not easily broken

happypromises

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Re: Onward Christian dating...or not!
« Reply #20 on: Sun Mar 04, 2012 - 04:14:47 »
Well, other half and I met at work!

Up until him, I had never had a serious relationship before.  I have always struggled with my weight and even though I never got excessively overweight (no more than about 20lbs), it really messed with my self esteem and I never thought myself 'worthy'.   I always tried to glam up, to hide what was inside my head...but if a guy got close, I ran away because I thought he wouldn't like the 'real' me.   Crazy, but true.

So, one day, my boss tells me that he's hired a new guy and he wants me to call him, so that I can write his bio for the company website.  I had no idea who this guy was, but I rang, introduced myself and I remember disticntly, feeling so 'at home' with him.  I didn't even know if he was married or anything at that point.  He must have felt it too because the following day, he wrote me an email and there was definitely a touch of flirting in it!  

Because I didn't know his status (and yup, I've been burned before by 'Christian' men who flirt outrageously...draw you in...and then weeks later, suddenly mention 'the wife'), I kept my distance but I did find myself looking forward to meeting him.  The day we actually met - I was caught off guard.   I was off work, but had just run into the office to pick up some paperwork for a conference the next day.   We're a family-run company so I headed in, in old jeans and a sweater and hadn't any makeup on.   He was there...looking really suave in his suit (And whew...no sign of a ring, either!).  I didn't think he was 'my type' (he was tall and thin!) but wow, he had rather stunning blue eyes and I could see them following me around the room.   The next day, I had a Facebook request from him - I learned that way that he was definitely unattached and we began the process of being friends.

We were both VERY wary of the idea of a work relationship - there were too many unknowns and if it went wrong, it could get really unpleasant...so we actually spent a year just being pals.  We had SO much fun - went out for meals in groups of friends, a drink after work, traded silly emails and just had a big pile of fun.  There was NO pressure (even though by this point, I was DYING to kiss him!) but I just got on with life and tried to view him just as my really good buddy.    One night, we were at a work conference together at a hotel.  Afterwards, we went to the hotel lounge to have a coffee before heading home and he came and sat next to me on the hotel sofa.   We were both tired after a long day and had our heads back and I turned to look at him and I saw it in those eyes - I was 100% sure he wanted me too.   I could feel him getting just a little bit closer - till, had we not been in a public place, I am sure he would have kissed me.   The following evebing he texted me (after a WHOLE YEAR!) and finally admitted he really liked me and although it was fraught with risks because of the work situation, would I goo out for dinner with him sometime....and the rest is history.    So, we're currently in the middle of a not great situation....but I still firmly believe that God brought us together and is working this out...

And my point is that being proactive IS good, but then sometimes, God lets us walk into situations just like this one.  My friend pointed out that in the year before we got together, we WERE dating already, we just didn't realise it.   I kinda like that idea, because it's true - dating is essentially just getting to know a person, learning their values, beliefs and habits and seeing if you could be a good fit or not.  You can do that just as easily through friendship - and then sometimes, something mysterious happens, where the friendship turns to a relationship.  They are probably the best kind...because the sexual desire is rooted in a deep friendship and respect for each other, rather than it being the world's way....which can often be 'sex first....friendship later'.  A bad move!

Sorry....long story there....but yes, dating is a TOUGH game, fraught with lots of expectations and disappointments...but it is worth doing!  You learn a lot about yourself and others, through the process.  ::smile::