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Offline 777

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Personal dating question...help needed
« on: April 03, 2010, 03:21:16 PM »
OK......so I've been chatting up this girl on a Christian dating website for 2 weeks straight.  We IM for sometimes 2 hours at night.  Emails back and forth.........and then Tuesday she calls me & leaves a message saying basically "sorry I missed you, let me know when a good time to call is".  I haven't heard from her since!  I mean......this girl is one in a million Christ centered goodness and she's gone............poof.  Like a fart in the wind.  I've gone back over every email I sent, seeing if something might have rubbed her the wrong way, but I have no idea what it could have been.  Never said she was going out of town.  Don't know if she's playing the cat & mouse game either which is a little "high schoolish" considering we are both approaching 40.

Need desperate help & any suggestions.  Females strongly encouraged to respond.  :)

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Personal dating question...help needed
« on: April 03, 2010, 03:21:16 PM »

Offline JohnDB

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2010, 07:59:07 PM »
Well...did you answer her message of when a good time to call would be?

Might be something simple like that...

dunno...

People are strange at times.

I wanna die like grandpa, peacefully and in my sleep; not like the passengers in his car...they were all screaming and panicking.

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2010, 07:59:07 PM »

Offline comfy

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2010, 08:29:51 PM »
Where is she? Flooding etc. can cancel people right out.

In case she can read your messages, you can send her things. If she is really Christian, I doubt very much she would stop without giving you a reason, if she has the Net capability to contact you. But her Net service could have stopped, for some reason. Her computer could be down. If you really know she is Christian, maybe you are likely to have happen to you what keeps happening to me: I underestimate the real ladies of Jesus, then discover I was being paranoid and so fast to self-righteously criticize them.

Two times, I was sure I had written to two ladies, but they had not written back. I was going to just drop them like ones who before had dropped me. But I prayed and sensed to offer each one a note saying I was going to stop if they really didn't want to write; and *both* of them came right on to tell me they had thought it was my time to write to them. And I think each one said she would not drop someone without saying anything. So, now I trust each on that, and keep writing when she doesn't, and then each one has gotten with me, at times after a while that she was busy.

Be patient, "with all lowliness and gentleness,
                       with longsuffering,
          bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

Offline chosenone

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2010, 10:32:55 PM »
Did you answer her about a good time for her to contact you again?
maybe she is waiting for that information. Maybe she was a bit offended that she tried to get you when you said you would be there, and you werent.

Otherwise maybe she has decided that you aren't for her.Maybe she has all sorts of complications in her life that she hasnt told you about.As she is 40, does she have kids, an ex?

 I was on Christian dating sites for 2 years and believe me. anything can happen, and you have to get used to rejection and sometimes we never know why. Have you tried to contact her again to ask her what is happening? If you have then you may have to let go.If she has your phone number and e-mail then she could contact you if she wanted. Maybe try one last time to contact her and then leave it.

Also people can seem to be what they aren't on line. You need to meet in person to really see then as they are and get to know the real person. People can say anything on line, and frequently do. People can claim to be the most godly wonderful people when in reality they are not.
How can you possibly say that she is "one in a  million Christ centred goodness" after only 2 weeks when you havent even met?
I met a guy on line who seemed very nice, kind and godly and knew the Bible back to front. Turned out he was a scammer after womens money.

Eventually I did meet my husband on line so there are some good ones out there, but you may have some knock backs first. Thats life.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2010, 10:42:47 PM by chosenone »
In Him I live and move and have my being.

My determined purpose is that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly."

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2010, 10:32:55 PM »
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Offline tennman

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2010, 03:00:28 PM »
Yeah, we're totally needing to know if you told her when a good time to call would be.

Other than that, chill. If you've been sending her lots of messages, stop. Don't overwhelm her or look desperate. Maybe she's just busy. People do get busy and forget about their "online life" sometimes.

And by the way, how long ago did she leave the message?
Don't spread my wealth, spread my work ethic!

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2010, 03:00:28 PM »



Offline blackstyle

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2010, 01:41:57 PM »
Personally speaking, I have been through this situation quite a few times, and I have been the one to not return the message. This could have been for various reasons. One that stands out is that we were getting on really well, but it just didn't seem to be going anywhere. We'd been talking for a few weeks, but had never spoken on the phone, regardless of how many times I'd suggested it. Emailing back and forth is fine, but after a while, you need to move it to the next step... we're all getting older and sometimes we don't have time to wait around for guys that are dragging their heals (I'm not in any way suggesting this is you!!  ::frown::)

I will say though, leave her a message and ask her if you've done anything wrong, because that's what most of the guys do to me when I "disappear", and then, if she's anything like me, she'll be straight up as to the reason she doesn't wanna talk anymore.

Or... she could sincerely be busy... something may have happened and she may not have been able to get to a computer. She may be really busy at work. The only way you're gonna find out is if you ask.
The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing. Ps 34:10

You open Your hand,
And satisfy the desire of every living thing. Ps 145:16

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2010, 12:15:10 AM »
I am going throught this very thing with several women, on an online Christian dating site.  I believe that all of the well-meaning people that are suggesting you don't know because you haven't asked are really not giving you complete advice, at all. 

I have asked SEVERAL women about why they suddenly stopped writing me, and have gotten several excuses about busy-ness.  what they forgot is that the wwebsite shows when each member last logged in.  Claiming that they haven't written because of work, ill sister, etc. but they log in every single day is just garbage.  It points to the fact that many of these well-meaning brothers and sisters are missing (or choosing to leave out):  DISHONESTY on the part of of the "others" is just as likely a reason for not hearing from them

There has not been one, out of the hundreds of women that I've emailed on that site, that have been as forthcoming as blackstyle just presented herself as being.  It DOES happen, even if you do what you're supposed to do. 

So, I believe you are doing a great thing by asking if you have CONTRIBUTED to her not writing back--just don't quickly assume it's you:  There is no way for anyone to know that.

Offline blackstyle

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2010, 12:31:46 AM »
Everyone is different, and unfortunately men as well as women are not always honest on these sites. I guess I never saw any reason to lie about what was going on with me, altho there have been instances where I've logged into the site just to checky messages but have not replied to any of them because I was too busy at the time or I just didn't feel like it at that moment and wanted to do it at a later date. I would be irritated if as soon as I'd read the message, the guy emailed me asking why I hadn't got back to him or why I'd logged on without sending him a message. People have different ways of handling things, maybe she's just not the lady for you and God has taken this opportunity to move her away so you can meet the right lady. That's what I tell myself when situations like this happen! All the best!

B.Style! x
The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing. Ps 34:10

You open Your hand,
And satisfy the desire of every living thing. Ps 145:16

Offline Hot Ice

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2010, 01:24:51 AM »
Everyone is different, and unfortunately men as well as women are not always honest on these sites. I guess I never saw any reason to lie about what was going on with me, altho there have been instances where I've logged into the site just to checky messages but have not replied to any of them because I was too busy at the time or I just didn't feel like it at that moment and wanted to do it at a later date. I would be irritated if as soon as I'd read the message, the guy emailed me asking why I hadn't got back to him or why I'd logged on without sending him a message. People have different ways of handling things, maybe she's just not the lady for you and God has taken this opportunity to move her away so you can meet the right lady. That's what I tell myself when situations like this happen! All the best!

B.Style! x
I agree that to be questioned right after reading a message would be irritating.  Not sure how that applies to what I was talking about.............


Offline 4Jesus

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Re: Personal dating question...help needed
« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2010, 03:04:46 PM »
Well, I note that 777 posted this on April 3, and it is now April 25.  Where is he?  Just like this girl, he is not getting back in touch with us, either.

Not sure what was up with this girl...but I know I used to go on eharmony just to check messages as well.  I was praying to God as I used that website, that the "right one" would be made evident to me if he existed in any of my contacts.  eharmony would send me messages to converse with everyone...but I didn't.  I am not going to be that involved in trying to find a mate.  My mate choice is more up to God and less up to me.  I had one particular criteria I was looking for in their survey answers, and none of them were answering in what I considered a Christ centered way.  So, I hardly contacted any of them.  Some of us do not live life as though the goal for a single is to get married.  Some of us work on enjoying our singleness, and we try to keep our focus off "God, where is he/she?"  I admit, I have met very few Christian singles with this attitude.  But who we marry is totally God's choice (or should be).  Adam was single and doing as God had comissioned him...then, God brought him his mate.  It was God who said "It's not good for man to be alone," and who decided when it was time for Adam to have a wife.  So, I was not trying to avoid any of those guys for any other reason than God did not tell me to get involved with them.  I was upfront with one of them as soon as I saw the negative trend in things...and just told him why I could not continue.

Men and women need to get over the game playing mentality.  As Christians aren't we just looking for the one God has chosen us to be with to fufill our life's purpose with?  If I meet a guy and get to know him a little and then it comes plain to me he is not God's choice for me, I will find some way to tell him this plainly.  I told one guy very honestly that I knew what I was looking for and wouldn't stop until I found it (right to his face), and we are still friends and talk all the time.  Honestly IS the best policy![/font]

4Jesus