Author Topic: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.  (Read 1219 times)

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Ginger Rella

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Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« on: Fri Jan 11, 2019 - 18:49:35 »
I am sure that this is only applying to me but curiosity has me wondering.

For those of you who are single, widowed/widowered, and even divorced if you have given any thought to this....

We read in Jeremiah

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

Now there has been many a speculation and debate among folks saying this was applying to Jeremiah only as God had a specific commission and those who feel it could also apply to them as God knowing them/all before they are born.

I tend to be in this later belief group, especially in light of this Psalm of David....

Psalm 139:13-16 (NKJV)

13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

15  My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.


OR

Ephesians 2:10 New King James Version (NKJV)

10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.


So, believing that we each have a purpose...

Is it wrong to feel as if you are missing something in your life, even if it is just a short while missing or perhaps a lifetime as those who never married often will?

Is it wrong to get those feeling of want when a song will be heard reminding you of being alone, and wondering about
that shared love with another.?

Paul tells us in 1 Cor 7

7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

and

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.

When I was 8 years old I knew i would never marry. As it turned out, my life was arranged without opportunity.

I just wonder how wrong I am to still feel as if I have been denied that part of life that most, if not all, considers to be normal?

And if thoughts and feeling things like this is actually a sin I need desperately to repent of?

Thoughts?

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Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« on: Fri Jan 11, 2019 - 18:49:35 »

Offline chosenone

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #1 on: Sat Jan 12, 2019 - 06:19:30 »
Not sure there are many singles here, so I hope you will accept my reply even though I am not now single.

Well as you may know I was divorced after a 25 year marriage first time, and single mum for several years and am now remarried, but I would say to you that its perfectly normal to feel you have missed out on being married and having a family. In my teens my one passion was to be married and have children. After my first marriage ended in my early 40's I did have to accept that I would probably never marry again as there weren't any available men around of that sort of age. As it happens after 6 years I met and married my now husband, I think that God knew he needed a good supportive wife and he knew that my children needed a good step dad as they didn't see their own dad, and so he bought us together.
I think there are very few single people who feel called to be single, most single people I know would love to get married, and what you feel is not in anyway sinful. Its part of being human, God has put that desire in us.

MY aunt actually married the love of her life when she was 60 and he 70. They had 10 very happy years till he died age 80.
 
« Last Edit: Sat Jan 12, 2019 - 06:23:38 by chosenone »

Ginger Rella

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #2 on: Sat Jan 12, 2019 - 07:16:38 »
Not sure there are many singles here, so I hope you will accept my reply even though I am not now single.

Well as you may know I was divorced after a 25 year marriage first time, and single mum for several years and am now remarried, but I would say to you that its perfectly normal to feel you have missed out on being married and having a family. In my teens my one passion was to be married and have children. After my first marriage ended in my early 40's I did have to accept that I would probably never marry again as there weren't any available men around of that sort of age. As it happens after 6 years I met and married my now husband, I think that God knew he needed a good supportive wife and he knew that my children needed a good step dad as they didn't see their own dad, and so he bought us together.
I think there are very few single people who feel called to be single, most single people I know would love to get married, and what you feel is not in anyway sinful. Its part of being human, God has put that desire in us.

MY aunt actually married the love of her life when she was 60 and he 70. They had 10 very happy years till he died age 80.



Thank you Chosen,

It would take too long to explain in detail why I firmly believe I was to remain single all my life.

I did finally figure out that the reason for my life is so that I could have helped care for and then be caregiver to many old and sick people starting in my teens with my birth mother.

And it continues today ......

This in addition to the actual paying work I did.

I just was concerned that knowing I was and am doing what I was put here to do that it was wrong to feel left out, as I so often do, especially in light of having prayed most of my life for my mate and wanting children.

Thanks again


Offline chosenone

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #3 on: Sat Jan 12, 2019 - 10:17:00 »
Thank you Chosen,

It would take too long to explain in detail why I firmly believe I was to remain single all my life.

I did finally figure out that the reason for my life is so that I could have helped care for and then be caregiver to many old and sick people starting in my teens with my birth mother.

And it continues today ......

This in addition to the actual paying work I did.

I just was concerned that knowing I was and am doing what I was put here to do that it was wrong to feel left out, as I so often do, especially in light of having prayed most of my life for my mate and wanting children.

Thanks again

Not wrong at all. Now I don't know why you felt so young that you would never marry, whether that was God speaking to you or not, but you clearly weren't 100% happy about it and who can blame you. It made me feel sad when you said that you were put here for that one purpose, as if God just wanted you here to use you and didn't want you to ever have a life of your own and I don't think that sounds like God to me. I hope that you do and will have a life of your own as well, doing things that you enjoy and who knows what the future holds. 

I am sure that most of us have things that we regret or that we wished had happened, I don't see it as being wrong to have those wishes and regrets, we are human after all, AND God completely and totally understands how you feel. 
« Last Edit: Sat Jan 12, 2019 - 10:22:34 by chosenone »

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #3 on: Sat Jan 12, 2019 - 10:17:00 »
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Offline hazel_eyes

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #4 on: Mon Feb 24, 2020 - 08:51:54 »
I've been single for 8 years now...after an almost 13 year (unhealthy) marriage. Even when I was married, I wanted a proper marriage, God's way - not really knowing what that was as I didn't get truly saved until last year.

I do still desire a proper marriage, with the love of my life (don't know who that is) - but I have too much anxiety around dating presently.  Maybe when the right person comes along - if he does - then it won't be such an anxiety-producing situation.


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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #4 on: Mon Feb 24, 2020 - 08:51:54 »



Offline NorrinRadd

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #5 on: Mon Feb 24, 2020 - 22:18:34 »
I totally hate living alone.  The only thing I would hate more is living with the "wrong" someone else.

I took care of my parents their last few years and have been alone since they passed.  That was almost 10 years ago.  I'm gradually getting worse, not better, at living alone.  I am just not someone who functions well alone.

I am frankly puzzled by people who get by on their own, and amazed by the ones who seem to actually thrive.

I am definitely a Gen. 2:18 and Ecc. 6:9-12 person, but I find no reason to expect I'll ever not be alone.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #6 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 03:09:51 »
I totally hate living alone.  The only thing I would hate more is living with the "wrong" someone else.

I took care of my parents their last few years and have been alone since they passed.  That was almost 10 years ago.  I'm gradually getting worse, not better, at living alone.  I am just not someone who functions well alone.

I am frankly puzzled by people who get by on their own, and amazed by the ones who seem to actually thrive.

I am definitely a Gen. 2:18 and Ecc. 6:9-12 person, but I find no reason to expect I'll ever not be alone.

I think it depends on our character and personality and whether we are extrovert or introvert. Two of my aunts who were my mums sisters were totally different in this regard. One hated being alone, and after her husband died always had either someone coming to stay or was going to stay with one of her children or other family members or close friends. She had spent her whole adult life being first a vicars wife and later a bishops wife, and had 5 children so her life was very full and busy. The other aunt lived most of her life alone except for a happy 10 year marriage between the age of 60 and 70 when her husband died. She had no issues with being alone and didn't mind it.

Pets are great also and good company.
« Last Edit: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 03:15:32 by chosenone »

Offline NorrinRadd

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #7 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 05:33:44 »
On the "Big Five" personality test, I'm on the introvert side of the scale.  I'm quiet and generally stay in the background.  I often have to force myself to be around people, even though I function better when I am.

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #8 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 05:34:21 »
Not sure there are many singles here, so I hope you will accept my reply even though I am not now single.

Well as you may know I was divorced after a 25 year marriage first time, and single mum for several years and am now remarried, but I would say to you that its perfectly normal to feel you have missed out on being married and having a family. In my teens my one passion was to be married and have children. After my first marriage ended in my early 40's I did have to accept that I would probably never marry again as there weren't any available men around of that sort of age. As it happens after 6 years I met and married my now husband, I think that God knew he needed a good supportive wife and he knew that my children needed a good step dad as they didn't see their own dad, and so he bought us together.
I think there are very few single people who feel called to be single, most single people I know would love to get married, and what you feel is not in anyway sinful. Its part of being human, God has put that desire in us.

MY aunt actually married the love of her life when she was 60 and he 70. They had 10 very happy years till he died age 80.

In a singles forum, where poster asked singles only to reply, you can't help yourself.  I don't know if this is a rules violation but it should be.

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #9 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 05:36:41 »
I live alone about 45% of the time when I don't have my kids. 

It's been nice too see what it is like to live alone.  Although, I am getting ready to start looking again.

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #10 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 06:47:59 »
I live alone about 45% of the time when I don't have my kids. 

It's been nice too see what it is like to live alone.  Although, I am getting ready to start looking again.

You are young enough to do that.

Not all are.

I certainly am not.

But know that you need to take your time. As Norrin Radd said "The only thing I would hate more is living with the "wrong" someone else."

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #11 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 06:59:49 »
I took care of my parents their last few years and have been alone since they passed. 
God Almighty bless you for doing so! May God grant you the desire of your heart for caring for your parents which is one of if not the greatest act of love one can do for their parents.  ::prayinghard:: for God's blessing on you. RB
« Last Edit: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 07:05:00 by RB »

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #12 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 07:00:38 »
I totally hate living alone.  The only thing I would hate more is living with the "wrong" someone else.

I took care of my parents their last few years and have been alone since they passed.  That was almost 10 years ago.  I'm gradually getting worse, not better, at living alone.  I am just not someone who functions well alone.

I am frankly puzzled by people who get by on their own, and amazed by the ones who seem to actually thrive.

I am definitely a Gen. 2:18 and Ecc. 6:9-12 person, but I find no reason to expect I'll ever not be alone.

I am where you were. I have my mom who when she goes on I will be totally alone.

Not a prospect I look forward to by any stretch. I certainly am not one for the old age home.

I thought , about 10 years ago that perhaps it would be a good time but not to belabor what I have mentioned in many posts... I was created to be a single person to do what it was that I have done all my life.

I have no idea how I will adjust once mom is gone. Prayerfully that will not be for a very long time.

I only know I will need to get out of this house and into a small apartment or condo.

Not sure how it is for men, but single women are fairly avoided by married women friends. Oh the pleasantries are there but that is as far as it goes. (Must be the idea we would be out for their husbands?) So stupid.

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #13 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 07:09:22 »
I am where you were. I have my mom who when she goes on I will be totally alone.
Dear soul, may God bless you for caring for your mother and HE WILL. Most likely a long life for both you and NorrinRadd per the ONLY commandment that had a promise given with it.


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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #14 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 07:29:34 »
Dear soul, may God bless you for caring for your mother and HE WILL. Most likely a long life for both you and NorrinRadd per the ONLY commandment that had a promise given with it.

LOL... You know Red.

Once mom is gone, I really do not care to life much longer.

Truth be told. Being alone hurts. Emotionally and sometimes physically.

When one is getting the ailments that happens in old age... I am 73 in May... living with discomfort every day truly is not
something I look forward to. I have a 97 year old aunt who is going to see 105, if it kills her. She can barely breath... COPD... and is on oxygen and can barely talk for losing breath, and uses a cane. She lives alone, and one niece helps her.
But she "loves life" and I believe she will see 105.  (NO, she does not believe as we do... you and I belong to respective cults in our churches)

I simply do not want to see that for myself.... old and not well.

But is out of my hands .

I thank you though for your kind words



Offline chosenone

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #15 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 10:55:00 »
I am where you were. I have my mom who when she goes on I will be totally alone.

Not a prospect I look forward to by any stretch. I certainly am not one for the old age home.

I thought , about 10 years ago that perhaps it would be a good time but not to belabor what I have mentioned in many posts... I was created to be a single person to do what it was that I have done all my life.

I have no idea how I will adjust once mom is gone. Prayerfully that will not be for a very long time.

I only know I will need to get out of this house and into a small apartment or condo.

Not sure how it is for men, but single women are fairly avoided by married women friends. Oh the pleasantries are there but that is as far as it goes. (Must be the idea we would be out for their husbands?) So stupid.

In my experience most churches have quite a few ladies who are either single, widowed or divorced. Does yours? In my last church we had a great ladies group where at least half were in that position. Many socialised together.
Also many evening church groups seem to be a good mix of ages and of those who are single, married, widowed etc.

I haven't seen single women being avoided by married ones, I guess it depends on the church. In fact I have known some very good friendships between married women and single ones, even as far as them having holidays together.

Online Rella

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #16 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 11:14:37 »
In my experience most churches have quite a few ladies who are either single, widowed or divorced. Does yours? In my last church we had a great ladies group where at least half were in that position. Many socialised together.
Also many evening church groups seem to be a good mix of ages and of those who are single, married, widowed etc.

I haven't seen single women being avoided by married ones, I guess it depends on the church. In fact I have known some very good friendships between married women and single ones, even as far as them having holidays together.

Well, that's good for you and the UK.... if you end up single you wont be having any troubles.

Over the years

I had one good married friend who "took pity" on me and would invite me to lunch or to the house once to dinner with the hubby. She was always scheming to find me a husband.

I had another who "lived" with her fiance... of 8 years.... who made sure I was never in a room alone with him.

And then there was the one whose hubby walked out on her one year... after a few years of marriage. She met him on
a dating site. ( He is her 3rd) And he was gone 1 year when he came back. During that year I was invaluable to her.
Once he came back she dropped me like a hot potato and would only be around other women who already had husbands.

My married neighbors that are close to my age... there are 3.... will visit from time to time or invite me there from time to time... BUT ONLY if mom comes along.

As to singles in church.

Sure.... the 20 somethings who get together.....

Only know of one about 10 years younger then me. Divorced, but she had had a "boyfriend she travelled with until
he died about 2 1/2 years ago.... and then it was always off to the kids around the country... and then now... recently she has "boyfriend" #2.

Was successful in taking her out to lunch once..... but she is not interested.

Good for you and the UK that you have this blending f the married and singles.

Around here, I just dont


Offline chosenone

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #17 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 11:44:14 »
Well, that's good for you and the UK.... if you end up single you wont be having any troubles.

Over the years

I had one good married friend who "took pity" on me and would invite me to lunch or to the house once to dinner with the hubby. She was always scheming to find me a husband.

I had another who "lived" with her fiance... of 8 years.... who made sure I was never in a room alone with him.

And then there was the one whose hubby walked out on her one year... after a few years of marriage. She met him on
a dating site. ( He is her 3rd) And he was gone 1 year when he came back. During that year I was invaluable to her.
Once he came back she dropped me like a hot potato and would only be around other women who already had husbands.

My married neighbors that are close to my age... there are 3.... will visit from time to time or invite me there from time to time... BUT ONLY if mom comes along.

As to singles in church.

Sure.... the 20 somethings who get together.....

Only know of one about 10 years younger then me. Divorced, but she had had a "boyfriend she travelled with until
he died about 2 1/2 years ago.... and then it was always off to the kids around the country... and then now... recently she has "boyfriend" #2.

Was successful in taking her out to lunch once..... but she is not interested.

Good for you and the UK that you have this blending f the married and singles.

Around here, I just dont


Remember I was a single mum for several years so I do have some experience of both sides. I guess it depends on the church you go to and what they have going on and how involved you want to be.

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #18 on: Tue Feb 25, 2020 - 13:41:36 »

Remember I was a single mum for several years so I do have some experience of both sides. I guess it depends on the church you go to and what they have going on and how involved you want to be.

NO... you were never alone. You had children.

I already said church has for the 20 something singles....and of course the teenagers. Dont you think it would be a bit odd for me at nearly 73 to join with them? Think carefully before you answer that.

The older widows and widowers NO.

And to the chagrin of you and all who are thinking as you do.... there is life beyond that of the church. YIKES!  Yes I did say that.

Spending  an hour or two in the company of others , while very pleasant, only drives home how empty things are when you are all by yourself.

You had children. YOU have never been there. I have when mom has been hospitalized. And every creak or thump in this house  was magnified to the point of nerves taking over.

Well, you need to experience to understand.

Offline BlessedCreator

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #19 on: Sun Apr 26, 2020 - 15:39:00 »
The Bible tells us it is lawful to be married (if God approves only of course). But that they are are married will have more troubles than they who don't. Also you will spend more time caring each other rather than caring for the things of God.

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #20 on: Sun Apr 26, 2020 - 18:23:21 »
The Bible tells us it is lawful to be married (if God approves only of course). But that they are are married will have more troubles than they who don't. Also you will spend more time caring each other rather than caring for the things of God.

Are you alone?

While the bible tells us it is lawful to be married with God's approval of course...

And even Paul said in  1 Cor "  I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I."

In the beginning God obviously understood Adam's loneliness.

Genesis 2: 18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

And he tried to give Adam a helper by beasts of the field and birds of the air....

19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

And then God knew what Adam needed

22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Because Adam needed a mate closer to his equal in stature and appearance to be a help meet. ( As in spouse/partner) that would cover all that position entails.

Paul speaking to the single women and widows then went on to say in 1 Cor 7:
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
KJV interpretation, and needs no explanation...or does it?

While we are instructed in
1 Cor 7:34 “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”

There is no where I read how to offset those feelings that Paul referenced, or those
of loneliness, or wondering why , if it is a lifetime, how one can be contented to not
have a shared love for a mate,when it has been simply denied for whatever reason.
A love, which I will remind you, was given to mankind by God the Creator.

We shall leave troubles out of this mix for unless you walk in another's shoes you have no idea of what they have had to surmount.

Offline chosenone

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Re: Please only singles reply. Thoughts on being alone.
« Reply #21 on: Sat May 23, 2020 - 17:17:08 »
NO... you were never alone. You had children.

I already said church has for the 20 something singles....and of course the teenagers. Dont you think it would be a bit odd for me at nearly 73 to join with them? Think carefully before you answer that.

The older widows and widowers NO.

And to the chagrin of you and all who are thinking as you do.... there is life beyond that of the church. YIKES!  Yes I did say that.

Spending  an hour or two in the company of others , while very pleasant, only drives home how empty things are when you are all by yourself.

You had children. YOU have never been there. I have when mom has been hospitalized. And every creak or thump in this house  was magnified to the point of nerves taking over.

Well, you need to experience to understand.


Being a full time single parent with no support and no respite can be the loneliest thing. 

Yes I have actually lived alone for periods of time, I actually don't mind it. I have had dogs for 30 years or so and they are great company too. We are all different. I had one aunt who liked living alone and one of her sisters who hated it. 

 

     
anything