Praying for love

[christ2lead]

Hey Guys,

I really like this girl a lot and I've committed myself 2 her (were both college students at 21yrs old). what we have is something special and we've been best friends for over a year and  now we've gotten close and she's calling what we have a relationship (but not quite a dating relationship) but we've gotten close to the point that she wants to take a step back and focus on school and God. The thing is we both want to be with each other, but is it wrong to pray to be with someone I care about and want to spend the rest of my life with? and I think that its ok for me to do what i can and put myself in a position that will show her that I'm the right one for her. but she's been taught to approach this thing differently, meaning that she don't pray to be with someone but instead prays that God gives her someone of his choice.

so is it wrong to ask God to be with someone? I'm not asking to marry Halle Berry or anything like that because we both like eachother, and we keep God close too.

[comfy]

Prayer is good. I have a lady, in a pretty good friendship, I would say. But she says she has somebody; so I have been praying about this, and it came to me that if it is God's will for her to marry him, then it is Your will, LORD; and because I do want what is Your will, I am satisfied if it is Your will that she and he get married.

Should you talk with her and ask her? The Bible does say, "Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21) I'd say it is not wrong to test, by asking her; but be ready to be good about whatever answer you get. Is she an honest lady? Do you trust her? If she is someone you would marry, I would think you trust her and appreciate her and admire her and consider her to be a sensible and honest person; so if such a good friend says no, then trust God and her about that.

And if she connects with someone else, pray that God makes it good for them, if He really wants them together, or have things not work to marriage if He knows better. Trust God about it. I love others as myself; so I can pray for God to bless him with her, howsoever You please, LORD, if I love him as myself.

In my case, I now can see that I have been more effected by her charm and attractiveness. But now I am getting more into peace and pleasantness of the Holy Spirit's love with her, and this has me more in unity with all our other Christians in our church, and not just with her. So, I'm getting more by growing and getting corrected in God's love that has me sharing and caring in better and better relationships with different people in our church and with others, too.

So, God bless you to grow more with Jesus Family people, and be ready to get an honest answer and make good of it.

[christ2lead]

Ok, I kinda understand what you mean. The thing is we really like each other and were super close friends. were to the point where we can take it to the next level(dating/courtship) but the thing is she wants to back off for a bit because God haven't told her that I'm the one for her. I understand where she's coming from but from my side God already spoken to me and everything seems to be pointing in her direction but I just need to wait.

Now here's what I want to know, should I pray to God to be with her and to guide me to her? because she's telling me that she's been raised differently whereas she don't pray to be with a specific person even though she has feelings for me but instead to ask God to give her that special someone who she's been waiting for.

I understand that it may/may not be me so I'm well aware of that, Its just should I pray to be with her or should I pray that God give me someone that fits me.

PS
we've been great friends for a long time and have gotten really close, but we can't continue since God haven't spoken to her yet. I also want to know if my method of praying for her is wrong or right?

[comfy]

The Bible does say, "Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21) So, she does need to test.

And we all need how You, God, alone, are able to make us honest so we are testing reliably with You.

So, you have a very good relationship. I'd say be appreciative of this, and enjoy what you do have, and see how you grow, together, to more and better, whether you marry or not. The best of all we can have is in God's love, and this is not limited to being married.

I have someone I have been quite in love with; but as I get more with a group in my church, I am finding the Spirit of love with us does me more good than just sharing with her has done. I consider that we have people in the group who are more mature Christians than she and I are; so our love in Jesus with more mature people will do us more good than we can do each other.

So, make sure you are not isolating yourself with her and being in your own independence, but get more into sharing with more mature Christians who do you more love good than you can do each other. Then you will be very deeply satisfied.

But first we are here to please You, God our Father; so may we be more sincere about this. Whatever is Your will is what we want, if Your will means the most to us; so may we be preparing in prayer for being satisfied with whatever turns out to be Your choice.

My opinion would be, you may ask God for what you want, but I would not try to steer Him. And in Jesus we can get into better and deeper love sharing, whether we marry or not; so you and she can grow on to better, either way, but you especially need more sharing with more mature people who are emotionally sound and humble, so you can get into love which has you clear and not depending only on one person.

[islanddogs]

You cannot know everything about a person, I would agree, and you seem to,like this person.

However what about adversity, what about if she gets a job which takes her away, or you. Can you live with that seperation.

I would keep praying and just being the best christian you can be in every situation, she will see this.

Going to watch the good old bbc news. I have managed to  avoid it so far. I would never do it to a computer, a TV maybe. Goodnight, although its still early  over there enjoy your meal,

[Miss Pen and Paper]

It's definitely good to pray about who you marry, and ask for God's guidance. But he doesn't promise us that he will always give us an answer by verbally speaking to us or giving us a supernatural sign. The book of Proverbs talks a lot about getting wisdom and seeking wise counsel to help us make life decisions. I think marriage is an area where we tend to expect a supernatural sign from God as a result of our prayers, and then we refuse to act until we get a sign. Unfortunately, this causes us to miss opportunities in life. I think if two believers desire to be married, they're mature, and they've asked the important questions to evaluate whether or not someone is a good partner, and they get along and want to be with each other, then I think they should pursue marriage. I say that not knowing all the specifics of your situation of course. You know what's in your life, and where you are maturity wise. But generally speaking, I say, seek wisdom, and make a decision. I realize you already know how you feel about this girl, but she's the one who's more hesitant. So I guess that would more be my advice for her. Even though she's not reading this. If you'd like to marry her, I don't see anything wrong with asking God for exactly what you want. Even if you don't ask, he knows that's what's in your heart anyway right? You can't hide it from him, so you might as well be honest. I actually wrote more in depth about this on my blog if you're interested. The link is in my signature. It's a post called Is He/She "The One": Why You Don't Need a Sign From God. I hope this helps. And wish you all the best :)

[comfy]

and I think that its ok for me to do what i can and put myself in a position that will show her that I'm the right one for her.

What you think makes you right for her might not be what God thinks.

If she gets interested in you *because of you*, this can get problematic, if she finds out things about you, later (c:

It would be better if she gets interested in you because of God.

Hmm . . . this is going to be an adventurous thing for me to do with ladies I like! (c:

[Little Lamb]

Let me start with this; It's never wrong to ask God about something. He will answer each and every prayer, although it might take years for you to figure what the answer was. Next thing I would like to say is; ask her on a date, only then you will get an honest answer! If the answer is yes, it means you have a chance. If the answer is no, you'll probably never know the real reason, but it will be better to withdraw and let her go.

I once had a relationship with a girl and we both were serious about our relationship and about God. Until one day she told me she wanted to spend more time with God and focus on school. I thought nothing of it and told her that we could just take back on our time together. All of a sudden that didn't seem to be enough, she wanted to stop having contact for a certain period. She would contact me when this period would be over. After a few very difficult weeks I couldn't wait any longer and I contacted her. Instead of talking to the person I thought I loved, I spoke to a complete stranger, who was screaming and shouting at me for not respecting her choices. Confused as I was I asked her what was going on. I think I got 5 or 6 different explanations of which I none believed because they all were quite vague. That very same day we broke up and we have never spoken or seen each other after. A few weeks later a friend of mine showed me pictures of that very girl spending vacation with another guy.

I am not saying that your situation is the same, but what I try to tell you is that you should be very careful and not just believe anything your 'lover' tells you. The more reasons and excuses a person has not to ask God, the more you shouldn't believe him/her. If anyone discourages you to pray and ask God, walk away from that person and never look back. People doing that try to hide their real intentions behind a nice looking Christian wallpaper.

That's why you shouldn't hesitate asking her on a date. If you are afraid you'll get a 'NO', then you'd better ask her today then tomorrow. If you don't ask, you won't get an answer. Be prepared to receive a 'NO' and to have peace with it.

Maybe it just me being paranoid, because of my personal bad experience, but please be careful. Hearts are easier broken than healed.

[Seva]

It's never wrong to talk to your Father. But there is no magic to it. Pray if she is the one that God will hold her for you, easier said then done.

My advice would be not to analyze why she is doing this because you really don't know. She is backing away. Let her go. You go on with normal life. if she comes back you should again date for a while and observe her as she you. It needs to be sure decision for both of you. Waiting for her is not persuing her or trying to convince her. Being married to someone who feels like you cheated her out of real love is not very blissful.

don't ignore the warning signs. weigh everything carefully and see if it is something you can live with later on. fickleness now probably means strange things later on. The undying love and committment part will come later, after the engagement.

blessings

[comfy]

I would say that if I belong with someone, we can communicate and get things clear together.

A basic rule for how to relate in love is, "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) To me, this means we can be willing to communicate clearly with any other Christian and talk sense together. If we don't or "can't", to me this means we are not living in basic love that is Christian.

If she doesn't trust me enough to share basic things with me, I think I have to consider that this lack of trust means we are not becoming prepared for marriage Is this too simplistic? . . . maybe So, I need to pray for You, LORD, to direct me, and always be there for a lady I like, in prayer for her to have Jesus Christ's "rest for your souls," (Matthew 11:29), no matter how she treats me, etc.

"Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14) > a basic of how to relate in love.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) To me, this means I must not ever lord myself over any other person; so if a woman does not want to answer my question, I need to not try to force or push her, but be humble. I offer, but do not push. God can open her up to me, if He pleases, while I honor Him by being gentle and humbly *offering*.